Dear dillon, so break is over. Tomorrow I have to go back to school. Greatt. My break was somewhat okay. I hung out with some pretty good friends of mine so that was good. I wish you could have been one of them. And a matter of fact, I would trade spending time with all my friends for you dill. I hate that part of me realizes you were gone, but the other part of me doesn’t like, sometimes I’ll think of you and know that you’re gone, and other times I’ll just be sitting there and thinking about you and saying to myself I haven’t talked to dillon in a while I should call him, then I realize you’re gone. It feels like I can’t help it though. I just don’t know why I do that. I am trying to take things slow though. I don’t want to set myself up to get hurt, so i’m trying to pick and choose who I talk to, because I realize that people’s moods affect my mood. I’m really trying hard dillon, to smile more, and to be happy. All for you. I know you would kill me for being so upset about something, but if you were here you would fix everything as usual. But you’re not here, that’s just something I have to deal with. I love you.
Dillon, I’m so tired, I tried to go to sleep last night but I couldn’t. I layed there all night without falling asleep at all. I just layed there, it sucked and I was dying to call you. That would have been my first move. I’m kinda overwhelmed right now, with everything that has been going on with my friends and my family, it kinda sucks. I hate how everything is the way it is. I want things to change for the better this time, sometimes it feels like it is never going to get better, I just hope it is. It’s hard. Sometimes I feel like I just need to get away somewhere, like go stay somewhere else for a while, I mean I know I can’t run away from things because I’m going to have to face it sooner or later but I just want a break. I want to go to the beach, with a big huge forest behind it just like we planeeed.
Dillon, for what I’m about to say is completely contradictory to my beliefs. However, tough times cause for measures of a different sort I suppose. Well, here goes nothing. This will do nothing but provide me with a temporary satisfaction of relief. If I fall asleep I’ll wake up to the same thing. Somehow, someway, you need to let her know that you want her, and need her to live long and live well. You know perfectly what I’m talking about. Well, I guess you don’t have to be the one to tell her, I’m going to try. Any who, she needs to learn that you want her to live life truly and happily. She needs to know that with you looking over her, you want her to experience all there is to experience in life. Because everyone only lives once, and people should explore the great things that life offers. Not to solely hoard grudges in the past that life has disastrously put on the table. She needs to know the pain you’d feel if she cut things short, or didn’t live to what she should. She needs to know the sorrow, burden, and guilt you’d feel if she doesn’t live life to the fullest. Someway, somehow, she needs to learn to live for herself. Not to live in a depressive manner just for the sake of other people. That in itself is suicide. I don’t know why I’m talking on here. This makes no sense to me. Some people have told me that suicide is not selfish, but living in itself is selfish, for the satisfaction for others. You can view life and death in a million and one ways. However, suicide, selfish or not, everyone needs to hold life dearly, for you only have one. Yes, life for your family, friends, and all of that. However, if you don’t live happily, it does no one any good. For the sake of yourself, and for the sake of people around you, make life what it’s suppose to be; fun, happy, enjoyable, and memorable. Living life to the fullest is the most selfish and most selfless thing you can do. And by selfish I mean luxurious to ones’ self, a satisfying feeling. I’m sure if the person this is directed to reads this, I’m sure she’ll know who’s writing this. Or will limit it down to 2 people. So if you’re reading this, I love you so much. And I want you to be happy. For me, for your family, but most importantly, for you. Because it aches my heart to constantly see you in this abysmal pain, and I want to see you happy. But I can’t even imagine the pain you’re going through. So for your own well being, I want you to get well. So my wishes, you see, for you to live, can be viewed as selfish, or selfless, it all depends on how you look at things. But if you want my opinion, wanted you to live, and doing all in my power to help you along this path is the most selfless thing I’ve ever done in my life. I don’t want to sound religious or anything because that’s just disgusting haha. But, if there somehow is a God of some sort, I’ve been given the gift of life to help yours grow. I’ve been granted the seed of existence to be by your side and love you and support you. I was hoping to have a serious talk today, but we had an extra person chilling with us today. But, as a warning, you may hate me for a while because of this, but I am upping my status to the “big brother” so to speak because I am sick and tired of you feeling like crap. I feel helpless, and I know for a fact that I can’t fix anything. But you have to WANT things to get better. You have to strive for it, work for it. And it will be no easy road, oh it won’t. But as your best friend, and as your official new “big brother” I am here for you. I want you to talk to me. I want you to come to me. I know I’ve given you this speech before, but I will say it again. I’m here for you NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!! My phone is always next to me, waiting for your call or your text. Wow, this comment was at first directed towards Dillon, and has shifted completely. But you get the point. And you know what the funny thing is….. We are best friends, and I love you dearly as my best friend. But sometimes, I have dreams of us being married and stuff. Kind of funny, but creepy. But its me so creepy is nothing new haha. But I love you oh so much, and I’m going to be keeping a close eye on you, and having serious talks with you more. I might piss you off often but I hope in the long run this will do good. I love you, and hopefully you’ll remember to text me about your dream haha. Love you,
i love you. dont worry. im not going anywhere. i want to live and i will. i just need time. sorry its taking so long. but im a little better everyday. no serious talks though. just good times and lots of laughs. i dont need words of wisdom. i just need my friend. stay strong and hold on… cuz GOD knows i am. lol yes i said god.
Well anyways, I’ve been so tired. I haven’t gotten hardly any sleep at all the past couple nights, and when I say hardly any I mean like none.
I think I’m going to try to look for some sleepy tea stuff, haha. I’m cool. I miss you dillon. I know you would laugh at me for that, and you would tell me well you can just talk to me on the phone till’ you fall asleep in a little baby voice that you would always do, I’m definitely going to miss that. I know that you are gone dillon, and I’m always going to miss you. I wrote a poem for you last night.
I don’t want to write it on here just yet.
I’ve been thinking alot, and really I’ve had a pretty hard time recently.
First Katelyn moved aaway, and went to a different school.
Then Travis moved to freaking Idaho.
My parents got a divorce, and I don’t get to see my dogs.
And to top it all of I lost you.
It’s been really tough. And I’m trying. babyy steps is what I’m doing right now.
I talk to you all the time, and I hope you’re around me.
I lovee you muchhhooo.
Dillly.
I miss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Majorly. Ugh, haven’t been sleeping very well as always. I hate it. I went to the gym yesterday after school so I stayed homee today, but I was so boredd. So I’m going to the gym tomorrow. I still think about you so much. I want to let you know that I’m not going to be like one of those people who act like there sad to get attention and then completely forget about you. I truly did love you dillon. I know we had a good time together, hardly ever fought and when we did, we most likely made up instantly. It’s hard to live without you. But maybe I don’t have to, because I always have a piece of you with me dill. You’ll always be a major part of my life, here or in heaven.
dilllonnbabyyy,
i feeel like i havent written on heree for awhile.
well, its probably because i have alot going on; as usual. storyy of maah life. but things are gettting better and i’m starting to work my way up to really enjoying life. its surprising, i know, but yeah. its not like i forgot about you or i just dont care. you were my number one in my life. you were most important out of anyonee. the day you left me, my world collapsed. literally.
So i got a new puppyy a few days after christmas named Nike and the first thing it did to me was he jumped on my lap, start kissing me & nibbling on my ear. it completelyy reminded me of you & onlyy you know why. hahaha/. insidee jokeee.
I wanna think that i’m doing so much better because you’re with me & helping me through this but iddkk. i feel like you really are though. i think twicee about everything. & even though i hate school; you’re getting me through it & giving me motivation.
I see life completely different now. I never used to think about it but now it’s all i think about. overthinking is what i do best and most often. i always think about what it would be like if you were here and all those other millon “what if” questions i have.
anyways, honestly, from thinking about this for over three months now; i’ve come to realize everyone that came into life at one point , made an impact me, i learned from them and shaped me into the person i am. if we never would’ve met i wouldnt of learned so much from you and i would most likely be doing worse thann i am.
honestly; as cheesy as it sounds, i really do learn something new erryday. and you’re the only person who keeps me living erryday.
even though you left before you could go to winterballll with mee, & now i dont havee a winterballlll date yet, im suure you’ll be there withh me(:
iloveeeyou<3
always & alwayss.
Dillon, I’m so tired. I hate not being able to sleep,
I’m going to try and get more sleep tonight, but not matter how much I try I can’t. I want to talk to you so bad. There was a reason you were in my life. But the reason you left it was so stupid.
I love you dillon, but I don’t understand how you could leave like this. I miss you soo much.
Dillon, I want to talk to you so bad, it is like killing me. When you were alive, I wouldn’t want to imagine you out of my life, it would hurt to much to think about loosing you or any other important person in my life. So I kinda just shut it out and not think about it. I would have never imagined that I would have to loose someone who I shared so many things with, and pretty much shared my whole life with. I miss you so much. I wish I had you back, I wish I wish I wish that’s all i can manage to stay. I hate having to wish to have you back, I want to be able to say that I have you back, I miss you so much you dillon.
I have a whole bunch of pictures in my room of you. I look at them all the time.
I hope you’re doing okay in heaven, I’m sure you’re having a amazing time.
Hey theree dilly.
I had a pretty boring day todayy. I woke up, went to the gym, came homee
and dyedd my hair. It’s darker noww.
I’m sooo tiredd. I want to sleep, but I have a feeling I won’t be able to for a while, that sucks. I want to go to the places that we always talked about, because I would tell you that I wanted to get away and we would always talk about our dream places to live, and We would always talk about the most random things, you leftt way to soon dill.
I’m never ever going to forget what we had, I can’t.
It’s all I have left.
Heyy dillon.
I miss you.
Today wasn’t a good day.
I went to school and then the gym,
And my mom came home, her and my brother had a fight so we left.
It was pretty gay:/
Blahh when will things get better.
I needdd youuu to talk to.
Iloveyouu.
-Meggybooo.
dillon; i love you.
i know i’ve told you that so many times
but i really do. i love you more than
anything and anyone. there was just something
about you that i likedd so much. i wish i had that back.
i wish i had you back. i wish you were here.
i would be so happy. more than words can explain.
but i always wonder what it’s like in heaven.
i put two pictures of you in a frame so i can look at you
whenevaa i want. but i wish i could physically see you in person.
everyday i come across things that remind me of you.
maybe that means you’re watching over me or looking out for me guiding me to make the right decisions.
stay with me. i need you. forever&ever.
i need your motiviation to
pass my finals next week.
don’t ever give up on me.
<3
Dillon, I would love to get one of your phone calls right now.
I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever. I really haven’t. It’s been so long, but the pain is still there. I feeel like I’m always going to have some pain there. And sometimes when I think I’m doing okay something will happen, like with my mom and my brother fighting, with my dad, or at school the other day I was with my friend, and he’s like joking around and saying he’d kill himself is something happened but I don’t remember what, and I looked at him. I didn’t make a big scene or cry or anything, as bad as I wanted too. I know he didn’t mean to hurt me, it’s just a sensitive subject. He said sorry though. Then I got a text on my phone, and my phone was like a foot away from me and since the writing is so smaill I couldn’t really see the name on the text message, all I saw was the d.
I swore it was you and immediately checked my phone, turns out it wasn’t you. Ughh. I don’t know how I thought it would be you. Maybe there is still hope insidde of me that you are still alive, and that you will still talk to me everyday as usual. But it has changed, as much as I hate it, it has changed. As cheesy as this sounds you still and always will have a Big place in my heart that is irreplaceable. You will always have your name on that spot and no one can ever take that away from you. Never could then, and won’t ever be able to now.
I love you dillon.
You’re my angel from above.
Goodnight, sweet dreams.
Meggybooo<3.
Find me here,
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That’s leading me
to the place
Where I’ll find peace.
You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You’re everything
You calm the storms
And you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won’t let me fall
You steal my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in
Take me deeper, now
Cause you’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want
You’re all I need
Everything, everything
i LOVE you dillonchiullli<3
dilly,
I was trying to go to sleep. But
I couldn’t so I grabbed my laptop and came on here to write to you.
I realize that so many things in my life are easy to understand, some on the other hand are a little bit harder. But the hardest thing in my life that I am being forced to comprhend is you being gone. You leaving didn’t do any good dillon, so why did it happen?. It’s not fair that something so terrible like this could happen, it doesn’t make sense and it sure as hell doesn’t help anyone one whatsoever. So what’s the point.
Why did you have to leave. It shouldn’t have happened.
I still and always will need you.
I pray everyday that you could talk to me somehow.
I wish that could happen.
“dont fret man trust me youll find one eventually she’ll just pop up I promise but whatever happens in your life you’ll still have your best friends the whole way man, i’m here til the end. peace.” – Dillon Chiulli, 1/25/09
Dillon,
My best friend. I look at your myspace and read your about me, and it just sounds like how you talk, I listen to your voicmails, and read old messages. I just miss you dillon. You can come back anytime now? Please. Right now would be best. I don’t want to wait to see you again. I don’t know what to do dill. I need to talk to you. You are the only one who has ever truly gave me your honest opinion which I valued so deeply, even if I didn’t agree. I knoww you cared. But it’s like if you cared that much how could you do this to me. I love you dillon. You said you loved me too but this is a hurt that I would have never of expected you to put me through. Something I never wanted to be put through. Please talk to me dillon. I need you like I need a heartbeat.
I miss youu more than words can explain.
<3Meggyboo
Hey Dillon,
Just thinking about you :/
im glad you, bubba, and hayden came over that one day.
i still have all the chip bags you ate.
just wanted you to know that i still love you breh
love, fatass (kevin ton)
Well dillon, I’m telling you know that this just isn’t working for me. I’m literally going insane not talking to you. Like seriously, you thought you couldn’t bare not to talk to me, well I don’t think you know how hard it is not talking to you. You might have thought that you were nothing special, but you were special to me. You still are special to me. you mean a lot me, and not talking to you hurts so bad. I hope you know how I feel about you dillon. I hope you now see all that you were worth too so many people. You brought smiles to so many faces, and I hate that you are gone. I love you dillon. please visit me.
Dilll, I have finals all this week. I think I’m doing alright so far,
Today was an okay day. It was kinda rainy and cold though. I want to talk to you so bad right now. I hate that the conversation is now one way. I still talk to you all the time. But it isn’t the same. I am just stressed right now, being at home doesn’t help. I really need you. You were just like an escape to me. I could come to you with so many different things and It might sound like I’m just saying this but honestly I really did feel better after talking to you. The connection we had was insane. I miss you so much, and I would love for you to visit me. Help me be happy dill.
everysingleday i say “i wish this never ever happened”
everysingleday i tell myself i live my life for you
everysingleday you are my motivation to be happy
everysingleday i find myself wanting you so bad
everysingleday i wish i could talk to you
everysingleday you effect my decisions and my choices
everysingleday i tell myself you’re in a better place now
& that’s what keeps me going everysingleday.
i hope you lovee it up there in heaven.
iloveyouuuuuuuuu<3
Dear dillon, I misss youuuuuuu. Today, yesterday, and till I die, and get to be with you again. Things have been so hard with my family right now. I don’t know what to do. I really wish you were here to talk to. Not just because you were there for me, it’s because I really liked talking to you. You were like everything I could have hoped for. You helped me with problems, you listened to me talk about my day, you told me about your day, and funny stories that happened or that you made up for me. The great things about those stories was that they always ended with a happy ever after. Well dillon, this wasn’t the happy ending I wanted. There is absolutely nothing happy about this ending. I want you back so bad. I hope you are watching over your family and friends, send everyone signs dillon, remind them that you are there. I know how much you cared about people. & I know how much people cared about you. I know how much I care about you.
babbbyy,
even though i want you back so bad & i wish you were here, maybe you’re meant to be in heaven. maybe thats where you’re supposed to be. heaven is amazing & i’m sure you’re having a great time there.
lovingggg you & missssing you erryday;
<3
Hey dill. I misssss youuu.
I went to churchh today with Katelyn and yeah. It’s all so hard.
I wish you were here to talk to and I miss you tons. I’m still planning on you being apart of my life because you are always with me in my heart and I get reminded of you everyday. I’m truly blessed to have had such a great friend like you in my life. And as sad and hurt as this makes me for you to leave, I’m glad you’re in heaven now. I love you more then words can explain. I think of you all day. You might have left this world, but you will never leave my heart<3
Iloveeyouu.
Well, today wasn’t so good. I didn’t feel to well today.
I went to school, came home and then went and helped out one of my old neighbors, then had to walk to my dad’s house :/
Then finally came home. To find out that an imposter made a myspace for me. Great. What a lovely way to end the day.
I missyou dillon.
I love youu with all my heart times a billion.
Lovee meggybooo
dillon
all i can say is; i love you.
you WILL be the only guy who will truely and definitely be here for me forever & ever & ever & ever. you’re still here, i know.
visittttt me in my dreams
<3
Dillon Chiulli
I miss the way
we would talk everyday
either myspace, texting, or on the phone
you never made it possible to feel alone
but now that you’re gone
that is how I feel
you were my rock, my wall, my shield
you kept me from the hurt,
and the crying too
the only person I could count on,
that was you.
You left me unexpected
I never got to say
That I love you so much
And I want you to stay.
If I had once chance
To go back to the past,
I’d make sure you knew
That our frienship will forever last.
I miss you dillon chiulli
and I miss the way
we would say those three words
“I love you” everyday.
Dillon,
Too long.
Four months too long.
I miss you so much.
I had a pretty hard day today.
I wish I had you back four months ago, and I wish I had you back today, and all the time in between,
Things are just so complicated for me, and I don’t know when things are going to get better, and I’m making a list of all the things that remind me of you an I got all the way up to 67 so far.
I miss our conversations, I miss your myspace comments.
I miss everything about you.
I miss the way you are.
I miss how I would wake up to your texts.
Somedays are better then others.
But I want all the days to be better,
and that involves you, so come back please.
ilove you
Dillon,
I miss yu.
I’v seen yur dad driving around at least 4 times this week and everytime i feel like someone punched me in the stomach. It makes me think about you the rest of the day. Not to mention i was goin through my phonebook seein who i shld text and yur name poped up and i couldnt help but cry. Dillon yu cld always make me laugh and smile, yu wre such a great guy. When i see somethin that reminds me of yu i cant help but think and miss yu.
RIP Dillon.
<3 Jess
Dillon, I miss you so much
I swear I’ve been on this computer for the past half an hour or so and your name has popped up about three times.
Iloveyou,
My dad had this laptop at his house and he turned it on today and it works and he wiped it outt, and now I have it at my house, it’s like brand new,
It works really well.
So now I don’t have to wait for my mom to get off her facebook that she spends dayss on.
I wish I could talk to you. I miss everyting about you.
I’m happy to go see your mom this weekend.
At least that is one thing to look forward too,
I am, idk, just so lost.
fake smiles seem to be the majority of my day and the only time I say exactly what i’m feeling is with a pen and paper.
Hey dillon,
I miss you mucho mucho.
I think about you all the time, and get asked about you alot.
It’s hard,
people never fully understand.
I wish I could call you right now like usual.
I love youu.
Love
Meggy
dillonnn,
i havee alot to say but you already know what im thinking and doing because you’re still here. i know. i can feeel you here. i talk to you all the time. i just wish you were physicallly here.
i completely broke down last night. i heard this song that always reminds me of you and i cried myself to sleep. every feeeling i had came back and i couldnt go back to sleep.
i know it probably sounds really weird but before every decision i make, i look up at the sky and talk to you. also, whenever it’s a nice night, i look up at the sky and just smile. i know you’re up there. thankyou for allll you did for me. you changed my whole life.
i’ve learned that everything will work out in the end. some bad things may happen, but you have to have the bad things happen for the good things to work out. but it takes time. im determined to change but i cant do it without you.
i literally live day by day.
& you willll always be my motivation.
ilooveyoubabbeey.<3
Dillly, I miss youuuuuuuuu,
Today some girl was sitting next to mee, and randomly at lunch she’s like I don’t think I could go to one of my friends funerals like it would be so sad I couldn’t go to someone I loves funeral.
I looked at tessa, and she told the girl to shut up, and she looked at me and she was like omg I’m so sorry. ughh.
I looked at her and I was like please just don’t say anything to me.
I just wanted to go lie down and cry.
I miss you so much.
Where are you and why!
Why would god take you from me,
Theree seems liike there is no good out of this.
I need you now.
I love you dilll<3.
Dillon, I’m at your house right now, It just feels like you are going to pop oout of nowhere and say surprise, ! Then I would be like Dillon why did you joke around like that you scaredd me! and you would be like i’m sorry, and I wouldn’t ever let you go. I jjust wish that could happen, I wish I could change things and I wish I could have you bach right now. It shouldn’t be the case that me your friends and your family, have to live without out you. It’s not fair. I miss you soo much dillon. Just looking at all of your stuff and seeing all these pictures of you, and your yearbooks.
Ugh just come back please.
Iloveyou.
Rest in peace dill.
Meggy,your fianceee’
Dilly,
I held you’re neice today.
I miss you so much it hurts dill.
I really enjoyed this weekend at your house, and my
mom is picking me up tommorrow morning,
It was nice to get to know your family better and see your
room and your stuff, and get to know you better tooo,
I wish you could be here though.
Ily dilllon.
i miss you so much.
you’ve been a part from me for so long.
my great grandpa passed away on friday and its
so hard seeeing my family like this because they felt
pretty much the same way i did about you. loosing you & never seeing
you again and stuff. but honestly im moving on and becoming stronger
only because i know you would want me to. literally everything i do and learn from makes me stronger and a better person.
i know you’re stilll here. and i have the confidence in that ill see you again in heaven onee day. it will be the best day of my life.
i wearr your sweatshirtt alll the timee to bed and i wear my rememberance bracelet of you like erryday just to show how much i loveee you<3 everytime i forget to put it on or after i get outta the shower; i feel empty like something is missing. you being around my wrist makes me feeel complete.
Dillon,
I misssss youu.
I love youu
I neeed youuuu.
Ughh I want to talk to you so badd
allot of stuff happens, and I just misss my best friend
to talk to toooo:/
I hope you’re doing okayy,
I hope you are watching over me and your friends and family and heaven
I hope I am making you proud. I hope that I can dream of you.
Please come in my dreams,
So, i’m thinking about you Dillon. im glad you’re finally happy. you probably were watching the superbowl too 😛
well, haydens dating bekah; thats good.
ehren was talking to vanessa gunter, but he decided he didnt want a gf
we miss youu with all our hearts.
Dilly, I’m sick,
Whenever I was sick I’d call you and you’d be like
I’ll make you somme chicken noodle soup,
And then you’d be like guess what,,
And I would always say what?
And you’d be like chicken butt,!
You’d always say that to make me feel better because I’d laugh at how
dumb I am thinking you were going to say something important and you’d trick me by saying chicken butt and you even know that no matter how many times you pulled that trick you got me every single time!, And then I’d be like dillon ! I thought you were going to say something important haha, and you’re like but I got you to laugh,
awee dilly, I miss you. I miss my bestfriend making me laugh all the time, And I was talking to your momm about this and she is right, I didn’t just loose my bestfriend, I lost the person I could call,,
The person to tell me stories, the person to tell me jokes,
The person who I got along with best, The person who understood what I said, The person who I could say anything too, The person who would make me smile, the person who would tell me things even If I got mad, The person I honestly trusted.
I love you dillon,
but don’t you realize,
You took all of that away from me.
Dillon,
I miss you.
I want to talk to you right now,
I want to talk to you all the time,
and it kills me that I can’t.
They’re so many things that i’d like to say to you
So many things on my mind, and so many questions that I have.
I wish I could go back in time and change that day,
I wish I wouldn’t of lost you.
I wonder all the time what you’re doing and who you are with
and if you’re happy, and I can’t just pick up the phone and call you anymore, I wish I had once chance, one wish, because I would choose for you to be back in a heartbeat.
Maybe you wanted to go, That is what I’m unsure of.
I don’t think you would have wanted to leave like this,
Maybe just a cry for help, but didn’t actually think of the terrible outcome it came to be.
I wish you would of chose more wisely,
because now I’m lost.
babbbe,
today is february 14th; also known as valentine’s day.
right before i went to sleep lastnight; i looked up at the sky and begged you to come back and show up right next to me when i woke up the next morning. my wish didnt come true. you’re still not here.
you would of made day, my month, my year, and my entire life. i have so much to tell you. so much has happened in the past 5 months. im so different but honestly; everyday i tell myself “maybbe this is the way its supposed to be”
iloveyoudillonchiulli.
you will always be my love. always. no one will ever have that name to me. to me, you are MY love. forever and ever.
i get teary everyday missing you so much. i’ve never missed someone soo much before. i will do anything to bring you back even if i have to sacrifice my own life. we were so close but i wish we could be so much closer. i liked you so much. i miss our laughs and our long ass phone conversations in the middle of the night. but more than that; i miss our life talks. you gave me confidence to never give up. especially with school, friends, family and boys. you are my motivation to do welllll and i will make you proud.
just stay with me forever.
happy valentines day, my loove. <3
Dillon,
I miss youu soo.
Today was valentine’s day.
Wasn’t anything special.
I miss you dill.
I would absolutely love for you to call me right now
and talk to me all night like you used to do.
but until then I’m just going to listen to my voicemails until I can
actually hear your voice again,
Sometimes I try to be positive and think that you are happier
now, and that you are in a better place, and yeah that’s a good way to look at it, but in reality, I bet you miss us tooo.
I love you dill.
Happy Valentine’s day<3
Love Meggyboo
A lot of stuff is happening lately, so much stuff that I need to tell you. Baseball started, and your ass isn’t out there. Every time I play brother, it’s for you. The last baseball game I played, you were there, playing with me, ballin’ it up. You had a chance this year too. I know you did. You told me you were excited for baseball season, I knew you were going to bust your ass to play baseball with me. The three amigos, me you and bubba, would have been together, but this happened. Hope you’re having a good time up there man
My heart for you aches.
And I’m talking about you right now.
And I’m crying.
I love how people say they understand when they
really don’t. They don’t understand how I feel
and this never ending battle that takes place every single day.
I miss you so much.
please come to me,
I need you.<3
dillon,
i think about you all day long and just little things remind me of youu. like for example; i went to the mall the other day and this guy sitting at the table next to me in the food court literally looked EXACTLY like you and he had his arm around another girl. right when i saw him; it gave me second thoughts that maybe you’re not gone. but thenn again why would you be in san jose? idkk. also, me and my newly boyfriend were walking around campbell on valentines day, and right in front of us there was a sign that said “dillon avenue”.
& some other little things remind me of you.
i miss you so much.
i just wish i had one more chance to talk to you. but i guess it’s my punishment for not believing you in the first place. i’m sorry and i regret it more than anything in my life. i didnt believe you and for that i lost you. september 30th was the worst day of my life ontop of it being suicide awareness day.
& everyday i regret not talking to you and fighting with you for the 2 weeeks before your passing. i regret letting you go. i regret not talking to you. i wasted that time. i could of changed your mind or done something to make you last a little longer. i regret it everyday and i should of never let you go or given up on you because i would never do that. i was stupid i should of realized how special you were to me and cherished the time i had with you.
this song explains it:
what do you say
when you can’t even look the one you love in the face
all you can think about is
what price are you’re gonna pay
everything i worked so hard for
i blew it away
just for a moment
so how do i explain the tears you cry
trading in your love for just one night
sorry baby i apologize
hoping that’s enough to get me by
you ain’t never know me to be like this
i was so weak could not resist
that it never happened would be my wish
i can’t believe what i did
why did i let go
knowing you’d never do me the same
i should of just came home
but i didn’t know how to leave
i left you alone
i did not mean to play with your heart
should of never let go
i dealt with the pain
of the mess i made
and watching you walk away
like it’s crazy here without you
but you’re not to blame, no
after finding you maybe i thought i could change
it lasted a moment
now i can’t even stop the tears i cry
don’t want to deal with this another night
what i did before i don’t know why
when you’re the one i needed in my life
you ain’t never know me to be like this
i was so weak could not resist
i don’t think i’m gonna get over this, no
i can’t believe what i did
why did i let go
knowing you’d never do me the same
i should of just came home
but i didn’t know how to leave
i left you alone
i did not mean to play with your heart
should of never let go
please i have control
cause i.. baby i can’t let go
just don’t wanna believe that it’s over
cause every night and every day
i’m hoping that you’re okay
ohhh
you know it’s hard to let go
i wrote an essay scholarship about you. sad thing because the topic was “what was the most difficult part of your life and how you overcame it”. But i haven’t overcame it yet. i miss you more than i could tell you. i’m still mad and bitter. i always look down your street on my way home and to school expecting to see you out. did you know how many people you were going to affect like really? i love you and all but wtf. that’s it for now
Hey, havent been on here for awhile just saying i miss you man. I was going through my Xbox games the other day and found LOTR lol. I remember borrowing and was gonna keep it for as long as i could till you forgot. I know it was a dick thing to do but its a BA game. So this is the first time i have been on this site in 2 months and still seems like the same 2 people are writing everyday. I swear this weekend im gonna go to your house i havent been to your house since i ATTEMPTED to stay the night there. Also i guess our marine biology class is going to go to Monterey sometime. Guess ill have to find another buddy to ride up with. Also i decided where im gonna go to college im gonna Apply to Mesa JC and Hayden is gonna go to the University and were gonna rent a appartment. Ya just telling you whats been up and this is gonna be my last time coming to this site.
Love you man, Ehren
I’m missing you alot dillon, Things have been okay for me right now,
but that’s all my day ever is, I can never say I have a good day anymore because I don’t, I have okay days, but never anything amazing. Something amazing would be if you were still apart of my day, I don’t even know when I’m going to be able to say I had an amazing day. I love you dillon. But how could you do this. Sometimes I wonder if it ever crossed your mind that we would have to live without you for the rest of our entire life. Spending our days missing you and wishing you were in the moment to cherish the memories with us. I hate the decision you made dillon. Hate is a strong word but this is the one thing I can ever say I honestly hate.
i miss you soo much dillon. its been tooo long since we’ve talked buut you were in my dream last night. you called me and i was sitting in my living room watching a movie and you kept making these weird noises and i kept telling you to stop!& just talk with words not noisess. and yet you kept doing it because it made me laugh. it gave me hope that maybe when i woke up; you’d call me and say “everything is okay” just like youu alwayss would when i was down on myself. but i woke up and callled your phone and it was off. this is terrible dillon.
i took a tripp to carmel, monterey and capitola yesterday to spendd the day there with my friend and her parents. it was reallly fun but i spend the whole ride there and back listening to my ipod and thinking about you. the subject came up about why i didnt do anything for my 16th birthday. i told them this guy dillon i was really close with passsed away two days before. and of course they asked 7654567654 questions. it was a really good conversation actually. everytime i used to talk about you, i would just start crying. now i feeel i can actually talk about it and not cry. and be proud that i met you, got to know you, and i learned so much from you. its an improvement. but since we talked about life and everything the whole 2 hour drive there, my friends dad gained soo much respect for me and said i was an amazing genuine person because of how i handled everything and how i’m a really strong person.
also; my boyfriend and I broke up two days ago. for some reasons it was for the better, but i really do thank him for helping me get through this. my choice of breaking up with him, i think you had an impact in my decision in some way shape or form. maybe you gave me the vibes to just end it. i dont know, but thankk you because honestly, i don’t need a guy like him in my life.
i love you dilllon. with all my heart. i wish you were that guy that i could always be physically here with me for my entire life and never ever leave me.
i’m wearing your jerseyy to bed tonight, i love youu<3
Dillly,
I hate this so much.
I want to talk to you know,
and I don’t want to wait forever to talk to you again.
I want you back now. Why did this have to happen.
It’s not fair. I wish I could yell at you right now,
but if I did see you I probably would hug you and not let you go and cry till’ you promise to stay, because I couldn’t bare to loose you again. I hate that I don’t have someone to talk to. Yes, I ditalk to you about my problems, but mainly that was the first five mintues of our conversation. It was always a routine. First we would talk about our day, second talk about what we ate and third talk about any other things we wanted to talk aboutt. I miss hearing you sing those songs that I thought were absolutely retarted and I miss hearing you talk about your neighbors house, and I remember the little kid would listen to me but not youu, cause he thought I was pretty hah. I miss hearing you baby talk to your dog, and when you talked with your mouth full. I miss hearing your jokes, and I miss your text messages. I miss every little detail about you.
I miss you dill.
Hey dilll.
I’m veryy tired,
Hopefully I can sleep in tommorrow, That would be nice,
I listened to my voicemail again last night, And i have memorized every word you said because of how many times I have listened to it.
I want things to change dillon, I don’t want to deal with not having you anymore, because I miss you, and I hate that you’re gone.
I want things to change so that they are easier, and more simpler, I’m sick of complicated stuff that I can’t do anything about.
I Need You Now.
dillon,
its been a long road. i tried to cut it short, but im glad i didnt. i love you dillon. i honestly do. but someone taught me something. something i didnt believe at first and didnt understand. until last night. they told me that love is something that stays in your heart forever. but that you can love more then one person. not at the same time but throughout your life time. and last night i realized that i love you and always will, but i can love somebody else. and i am in love with someone. but that doesnt mean i have to let you go. your in my heart forever. and your still my bf4l. im telling you this before any1 else so feel special. you still have my heart and i trust you. i miss you dillon. and i think about you every day. please dont ever leave me. help me live and love because im scared. and whenever im scared you were there. i still need you dillon.
with all my love
-Anna
Ugh I wish you were here,
I need to talk to you so bad,
I went to church today and they’re were talking about God doing miracles,
You were my miracle dillon,
You were always there for me and you were so special.
Why did I have to loose my miracle.
Dillon,
I found out that i have a stalker at my school.
Greatt. I miss talking to you about the guys who would hit on me, cause you would get so protective
and i remember this
“idc what your relationship is with her, but im just saying dont fuck with
her heart alright? or ill fuck with you, cause honestly theres no one
closer to me than her, so im just letting you know, idc if your…”
You had a fight with this guy i liked cause he hurt me, ughh
dilllon,
allday everyday i’m constantly missing you. i always think to myself what life would be like if you were here. liike if you never left. i literallly wrote on a piece of paper all our inside jokes and gooodtimes we had. i miss it so much.
along with megan; you were so protective over me too. we would have like three hour conversations at midnight on the phone of me just venting to you and you wouldnt hang up the phone tilll i stopped crying. i talked to you about literallly everything. you were my liife. i depended on you more than anything. we used to talk about guy problems like guys playing me like jared and other peopple and we used to talk about my family being reallllllly annoying. everytime you asked what i was doing and i said something like i was gonnna hang out with people or going to a party, you would always talk to me and ask me 7654765 questions just to make sure i would be safe. you would get so mad at me if i made the wrong decision but it always showed you cared. you were the only guy in my entire life that i never gave up on & cared soo much about. i miss it more than anything in the entire world just knowing you’re not coming back. its probably the worst feeeling in the world and i have to live with it.
i hopee you’re happy there in heaven,
i wish you were here so i couldd ask you to sadies on friday 🙁
visit me in my dreams please,
you honestly keeep me going every single day.
kaylaababyy<3
Dillon,
Let me start off this by saying I love you so much,
and I miss you dearly.
Like I usually do,
But I really want too know why,
Why did you make this decision.
Why did you make that stupid mistake that would separate us.
Why did you leave me,
Why did you not tell me.
Why do I have to live with missing you everyday,
It hurts dillon.
It hurts to know that you aren’t here anymore.
It makes me think that you are going to disappear from my memory.
It makes me pray to God that you don’t.
Because the memories that I have of you are all I have left.
And I’m holding on to the ever so tightly.
I won’t let them go dillon.
I won’t ever let you go.
You’re in my heart,
Forever & always
I love youu.
<3meggyboo.
Hey dillon,
I’m trying hard, so hard to be better.
I know that I have gotten better, I can smile now, and I can laugh.
But this is something that has affected me so drastically,
I mean of course it would, loosing someone you were so extremely close with. I have to admit, yes I have gotten better. Not a whole lot better but I have made progress. I still think this everyday, That I want to call you and tell you something, but then I think damnit, what the hell.
I hate it. I hate that I can’t talk to you anymore. I hate that I can’t tell you I love you anymore. I miss you so much dillon, I’m sick of this feeling. I was looking through my phone, And i saw a picture of me last year that I sent to you on you’re birthday holding a sign that said happy birthday dill! (:
I have pictures of you in my room, and when I look at them it makes me smile, but it makes me miss you so much.
It’s like how could you do that.
I wish you could of came to realize that I cared about you so much,
And I hope you now know that you were so important to me.
Why does life have to work this way.
Why did it have to be that you are now out of my life,
Was there anything I could have done?
Could I have stopped this.
I wish I could have.
Because I miss you so much, and I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and miss you, and miss you the next day and miss you the next day after that. It just isn’t fair.
I remember talking till’ five in the morning and you would tell me I couldn’t go to bed even though I was already falling asleep on the phone,
Why can’t that still be going on today,
&& now I can’t even call anyone try cry to when I’m breaking down like right now, because who was the one I called when I was crying,
It was you dillon,
It was you.
Heyy Dill[:
i havent wrote on here so im gonna. i thought about you today in Marine Bio. we were watching finding Nemo and i was thinking man only if Dillon was here it would be SOO much funnier[: i miss you love. visit me in my dreams.
i love you
-Kayla.
I was going through my comments today on myspace, I ended up sitting there reading through all of your comments and trying to remember all of our conversationss. It was cute how you always called me kid and tay babyy. Even though I’m not a kidd. I wish I could talk to you again. 🙁
Heyy dill.
Today was a better day than the past couple.
I just miss you so much, and dying to talk to you.
I’m like so worn out and tired and I just want to hear from you.
I’m thinking back to when youu used to tell me a goodnight story,
And it would always start once upon a time, there was this amazingly beautiful girl named megan and… Then you would talk about she met a pretty cool kid and then…. and it would always end in a “they lived happily ever after” but where is my happily ever after in this story.
You left, and now I have no happily ever after.
I want to re-write my story, The whole day of September,30,2009 and erase 5th period woodshop, where I would find out the worst news of my life.
I miss you so much.
but yoou always were my happy ending:/
Now what do i do,
Hey dillon,
I miss youu:/ soo freaking muchh.
I want to talk to youu, right noww.
I wishh youu were heree.
I miss your laughhh,
I miss when I would say stupidd stuff and you
would be likee meggyy your so cute. The funnyy thing is no matter how dumb something I said was, I never felt dumb, Like You always made me feel special. I <3 you dillon,
Please come back to mee.
everynight before i go to sleep, i look up at my ceiling, say “goodnightt my love” and blow you a kisss. its routine for me now. me telling you “i love you”; i feel it’s never enough because i more than love you. i just wish you would of known but you knew how much you meant to me. i miss you everyday and i completely zone out in class thinking about you and how you made me feel so important and special. it’s probably the worst feeeling in the entire world knowing you’re not coming back but you’ll stilll be here in my dreams right.? you’re still with me. i know you are. stay with me forever.
iloveyoudillonchiulli.
Dipppy. I miss you so much. so guess what? I finally got my license about 2 months ago and for my birthday my parents bought me a mercedes. Not as nice as a camaro (i know because i really wanted to buy this like 83′ camaro burlinetta from my aunt, you would have appreciated it, everyone else thought it was ugly 🙁 ) But anyways, about a week ago i got in a car accident, my mercedes is totaled 🙁 Of course it was the topic to talk about in Art, and i missed you so much because i know you would have totally offered me a ride home like you used to, but i always said no because i didn’t want to make you drive all the way out there, but then again you loved having girls ride in that T-top huh? Well life is just shitty and i really miss you and Marissa and i miss my car 🙁 Love you dillon
Oh my dillon, i’ve been so busy this weeekend.
I had a dream about you the other night andd you called me to warn me about something, but it didn’t make sense and i’m so confused I want to talk to you again, Like I got to talk to you in my dream and I actually got a response, and it hurts that if I say something right now, I won’t get one:/ I miss you so much and I want to talk to you so bad, please come to me in another dream. I want to talk to you so bad. I miss you too much I lovee youu dillll.
Dear Dillon,
I missss youu,
I love you so much.
I wish I could have you back more than anything.
I just still can’t believe its been this long.
I still feel like you and I are as close as we were before you left.
Then in first period today i realized that todays date is 030910. if you switch the first numbers its 0930. Ugh, That just reminded me of you more.
Why did it have to be you. why ?
I hate this.
I love you so much.
<3 Meggybooo.
hey dillon:) i was goin through my inbox today on myspace and i know you hated how i never delete my messages, i had 207 of them, but as i was goin through them i found some messages from you, and wen i was reading them i just wanted to cry because we were talking about how we where supposed to wear our matching t shirts, and we never did it. I wish we could have,especially since it took us about 2 hours to find shirts in the mall that would fit both of us lol i really miss you. but im saving those messages just so i can read em everyonce and while so i know your always here:) i love you dillon:)
p.s. i deleted my inbox by the way, well besides your messages.. love you
Dear dillon, I miss you so muchh, I think about you all the time.
I just wish I could talk to you right now, I miss talking to. I miss getting your phone calls. & your voicemails, which I still have.
I hope I never loose them, I even recorded them on my computer just in case anything happened to my phone. & then some dumb girl, I went on her myspace today and she totally took what I wrote about you on my profile. word for word. I just wish you were here. </3.
I miss you.
Dillon, i cannot its been almost a year since you’ve been gone. We all think about u everyday. Many people are still recovering from your death. WE LOVE YOU DILLON. Forever in my heart and prayers. Cannot wait to see you in heaven. <3 Maddison
i miss you so much dillon; more than i could ever put into words. i still write to you on paper then just throw it away to put all my feeelings onto paper. its almost been 6 months. thats so long dillon.
i was in a really bad mood last night. you know how much my family irriated me and last night i just blew up at them. now im to the point where i just want to leave. i want to leave my house. i dont know anymore. and im just so done with my stupid friends, my stupid school, and myself. then i realized i wasnt wearing that bracelet in rememberance of you. maybe thats why i had badluck. or maybe your punishing me for something. i just wish my questions were answered.
i want to be with you so bad. i wish i could just see you or call you or something. i need you.
I miss you so much it hurts. I have dreams about you all the time. You were like a brother to me. I don’t think of much but you, it’s hard to get you out of my mind. I know we weren’t close the last year and a half or so but you were my best guy friend I’ve ever had and it just sucks knowing that I’ll never see you again alive. That’s why it sucks so much to have you in my dreams because you’re always there and you’re not supposed to be. It hurts. I love you.
Dillon, I’m sorry I haven’t been on here for a few days, I’ve been so busy. I usually just talk to you in my head, but I look forward to typing it out to you sometimes. I miss you so much. I went to san fransico on Saturday. I walked into this shop. There were elmos everywhere dillon, Then I walked out of the shop and a little while later there was a balloon animal that was in the shape of emlo. Ugh. I miss you so much and I just want you back, I almost lost my friend the other night to suicide, and It brought back so many things with you. So much hurt that I’m still trying to deal with. I hate that I have to deal with this. I should have never lost you. Ever. You mean so much to me dillon, and I’d give anything for one last phone call with you. I love you so much. <3
Dillon, I can’t even begin to describe how much a miss you. Everytime i go through my drawers, i see your shirt and have to stop myself from breaking down. It’s been over 5 months and i must admit, I still can not accept that your really gone. I would love more than anything to sit by you at the tables at lunch or turn around and see you throwing gummy bears at someone. Seemed like you ALWAYS had gummy bears. Haha. I ditched track practice today and it made me think of last year when i used to say i was getting help from a teacher and just go sit and talk to you. All my crazy questions most people would find strange, that you just calmly explained to me until i understood. I miss your voice, your swagger, haha! your laugh, your hugs, everything about you i miss. I hope your having fun up there with Marissa. I love you so much! RIP Dilly. Can’t wait to see you(:
DillonChewlee,
i’ve never thought about someone more than i’ve thought about you. i think about you all day long. im not exagerating either. it’s been almost 6 months and its the hardest 6 months ive ever been through. so much has happened. i didnt just loose you. but i also lost my great grandpa and sooon to be my great grandma too. i’m going through a lot and i need you here. i just need you to talk to. i dont want anyone else except you.
today at lunch with my aunt and my mom, they brought up the subject about my greatgrandpa passing away and how my great grandma is pretty much on the verge. they were talking about how my greatgrandpa is most likely in hawaii right now because that was his favorite place but i wanna know where you are. they also brought up the subject about god. my aunt said something like what if when you passed away and you went to heaven, if god gave you like a book of your life and in it said everything that happened and why it happened. it got me thinking alot.
my aunt; being a therpist; talked about ffeeling selfish and why we cry. straight up; we cry because were selfish and we dont want to loose you because we feel completely lost and we dont know what were gonnna doo. honestly dillon; yeah thats why im crying but im also crying because i hate to think of you being in that state of actually doing this. it breaks me heart. literally. so many people have asked me why im not happy and some people just know im not happy. i havent been happy for so long and i feel like you were the only one making me happpy.
you knew me inside and out. i’d say 98%. yeah i didnt see you as many times as i wanted to; but we always texted or talked on the phone. i swear; our conversations on the phone were soo funny. you would make me laugh for the most random reasons and i miss it so much.
sorry that im selfish and i want you back.
its just so hard thinking that you think everything is gonna move on and nobody will care or notice you’re gone. its so not true. if i knew for a fact that you were happy whereever you are, then i would feel a little better but im so clueless. beyond clueless.
i need your help dillon.
im constantly getting pushed around by so many people. is it that im easy to get along with, too much of an easy going person, im too nice and i care too much? im trying so hard to just not care about some people and somethings but its so hard because that’s who i am. you know that. no guys ever care about me because im always getting used or played but you were the only one who truely cared and i knew that from day one. i dont want anyone else except you.
its been so long and i need to accept the fact you’re not coming back but you’re here as a spirit and you’re always gonna be with me everywhere i go and everything i do.
guide me to being a happier person. please.
iloveyoudillon.
Heyy Dillon.
I miss you soo much.
Alot has happened that I wish I could talk to you about.
For example This one guy has been sending me perverted texts and saying he wants to get me so my mom called the cops:/.
& she won’t let me go to school.
Ugh I wish I could talk to you about this.
I know you would say something like megan I swear if any guy ever touched you I’d kill himm, you’ve said that many times for you, and I guess I’m just waiting for you to say it :/
i miss you dillon alot! i cant wait to see you again, thats all i think about is just seeing ur face again someday, and just talking to you again, all i want is to see your face just one more time, i still have ur shirt that u let me borrow wen i spilled crap all over my shirt its in my closet, sometimes i wear it around the house just for fun:)i love you alot dillon! i miss u soo much. i miss ur advice, i finally found a realy good boy, hes super sweet and very cute i wish u were here to meet him and approve of him like u always did, well its late im having a movie nite, with some friends love u again dillon!
<3 darian
dillon,
everrrrrrrrrryday i miss youu. i cant even explain it. but it’ll be six months this month. thats soooooo long 🙁
i got my bracessssss off on wednesday 🙂 i wishh i could show youu. i remember always complaining about my braces and how you usedd to always want pictures of me smiling and stuff but i hated my smile. but the one picture that i was smiling; you put it as your wallpaper on your phonee. oh andd i remember you wanting me to bite your lip at the movies but i was afraid to because i didnt want to hurt youu. and you used to always say “you’re beautiful no matter what” but maybee you can see me from heavenn? heres a picturee, http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r51/ilovsnickers00/0318001643a-1.jpg
iloveloveloveloveloveloveloveyou
Dillon,,
I just had an aniexty attack.
I said that I miss you on my myspace status
Some little asshole just posted “he did it to himself Fuck!!!”
WTF. Then he took the time to im me saying all this shit about you
Omg dillon, I couldn’t breathe I ran into my moms room and she got so freaked out and I almost fainted.
I miss you so much and my mind went blank and I just wanted to call you,
Like without even think I was like I need to talk to dillon, not even realizing that you are gone.
I hate that people don’t get it.
He told me that you would be ashamed of me because I didn’t argue with him, all i said was fuck you, and he said”that’s all you got”
wtf. Dillon
I need youu soo bad.
Dillon,
Not too long ago i was thinking of last summer and about Abbies party when it got busted by he parents. All i could think of was you and Marcus saying names of sex positions and me and Alex looking at you too like you guys were crazy! That was the last time we hung out and im sorry and sad about that because you are a great person and truly do miss you alot! And I no that at graduation im going to cry because you arent going to walk. I miss you. and i will never forget you!
Cant wait to see you again!
<3 Neibeth.
I left you a post the other day, but I guess it didn’t post.
I miss you so much dillon, it hurts.
I wish I could talk to you so bad,
I wrote another poem for you today, but I’ll put it up tommoorow.
I’m constantly thinking about you.
I’ll always have you in my heart.
I’ll never forget you, there is no way I could.
I had another dream about you last night. Again, you weren’t supposed to be there and I was the only one that knew the truth. I kept trying to talk to you and wrote everything you said down so that I could prove you were still alive. I miss you so much. Wish you were still with us. Love you.
Dillon,
I miss you,
I keep writing poems to you,
and I always start crying when I right them
I like writing to you, because It feels like I’m remembering you more
and like You’re not just slipping away.
I hate the fact that people can go about living their normal lives
not having to deal with this,
I know it’s selfish of me, but I can’t help it,
I hate that I can’t see you anymore cause’ I miss you soo badd.
It’s driving me insane not being able to talk to you.
I’m so hurt by so many things and I just need you to come back.
Things would be so much better if you were here.
I don’t want to miss you.
I want to have you back, now. So can’t you just call me and say you’re okay and here,
That there was this big, HUGE misunderstanding?
please dillon:/
dillon i cant explain to you how much you meant and still mean to me. you are my everything. i feel like you control me. you tell me where to go and what to say. i was talking to my grandma last night and she was saying how she misses her dad soo much but hes giving her strength to move on and everything she does is for him. you are my motivation dillon. you really are. everything i do is for you. i feel like whenver im in a tough situation deciding some things, you tell me the right thing to do and it always works out in the end because i know you want me to be happy. just like my grandma said last night; i dont care what people say about you, death, or an after life. i have my own beliefs and people call me crazy and whatever but honestly i dont care. in my mind you’re still here as a ghost. you told me you would never leave me. dont ever leave me.
it’s been almost 6 months and i miss you more every single day that goes by. i love you dillon, more than anyone will ever understand and my love for you will last forever.
you are one amazing guy. the most amazing; loving; caring guy i’ve ever met.
Dillon,
Please I beg of you,
Come back,
Why did you have to leave,
Why did you make that stupid decision.
Why, Why, Why !
I need you.
I’m sick of all the days going by not talking to you
I don’t think you understood how much you mean to me.
How much you helped me, How much I need you.
But most of all, how much i love and miss you.
The pain I feel of losing you, is a pain Ive never felt before,
I wish I didn’t have to feel this way.
&I wish I was talking to you this very minute.
Sometimes I’ll just sit here and think of all the times of us talking about the craziest things, and It makes me think of how did this happen, I know I’m never going to have anyone in my life that amazes me as much as you did,
You were my fiance’ dill,
No matter what.
Dillon, It was 6 months ago today that my world changed completely. My world and so many others. Your Dad & I have cried more tears in the past 6 months then we have in our entire lives. I know in my heart that you didn’t mean for it to end the way it did and that brings me a small bit of comfort. But it doesn’t bring me you. I’m not sure who wrote this but it sums it all up ~
Thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, with which I’ll never part. God has you in His keeping, I have you in my heart.
I Love You & I Miss You. Mom
Dillon, Today is 6 months from your death,
Half a year without you.
Yesterday I was crying all day at school, I can’t begin to explain how much I think of you, it’s probably because we had so many memories,
I just wish we could have made more. I know we are separated right now, but not forever. You mean the world to me, I remember conversations that we had, and our long phone calls, And I wish they never would have ended. I miss you so much and I wrote this poem for you,
I want to leave and never return
This empty hole, will always burn
I hate that you are gone, Why aren’t you here
six months is already,half a year
I wish I could have, just let you know
That I never would have wanted, you to go
You left me asking, wondering why
You left me here, without a goodbye
I am still lost, and still confused
I am still sad, Without you.
You always made me laugh, not once did you make me cry
Until I realized that day, you were no longer alive
Dillon please, this is something I can’t stand
To be here without you, It wasn’t part of our plan
Why did you leave, this isn’t fair
Please come back, I need my teddybear
I miss all your stories, in the middle of the night
and not hearing your voice, is an everday fight
But I promise to call, and write to you too,
And I promise forever, I’ll always love you.
i had a complete break down last night and the night before that. i was really quiet at school yesterday and cried alot. its horrible dillon. i look up at the sky and talk to you every morning, during the day, and everynight. i wear my bracelet everyday. you dont know how hard it is for people who love you so much; to live without you. 6 months is so long. longer than ive ever not talked to someone. honestly dillon; knowing that you did this and knowing that you’re not coming back is the worst feeling in the entire world.
i just want to be in heaven with you so ill be happy because you were the only one who made me happy. i think about everytime you made me laugh, everytime we hugged, everytime we hung out, everytime we kissed, and everytime you made me smile.
this is my biggest regret dillon and i would do anything to take it back. you mean the entire world to me dillon.
what happened to our phone calls and talking about random stuff? likee my cats and how we were gonna get married because you called me kayla chiulli and how evertime we got off the phone you would say “byeee kayla chiulli” or “gooodnightt kayla chiulli; i love youu” and how you were gonnna come pick me up so we could watch moviess & cuddle and how we hadd so manny inside jokes. all of that are memories now. memories that will stay with me forever.
you really completely changed my life. i dont think anyone will ever understand how much of an impact you made in my life. you changed me into a better person. really thinking about everything that has happened in the past 6 months and all the emotions, its still so hard to believe for me. or maybe because i just dont wanna believe it. everytime i asked you what you considered me, you always said “my love, what do you consider me?” and i would alwayss say myy baby or my love” i will never call anybody else that. you ARE my love.
RIP i love you babeey.
Heyy dilly,
I miss youu,
Today was an okay day, I’m just glad I get to be on spring break.
It’s definetely a plus. I wish I could talk to you and tell you all that’s going on. I always think of you. I love you, Rest in Peace<3
Heyy dill,
Today was easter
I still miss you soo much,
I mainly hung out with ffam,
I had to wake up early and go to see my dad,
then I got dropped off at tessas house because jake is leaving for the navy:/
I’m going to miss him.
After that I came home to a house full of people so it’s been kind
of a hectic day,
I wish I could talk tooo you
Heyy Dillon.
I hungg out with your mom yesterday,
we went to thee movies:D
I really miss youu dill.
I wish I could have you backk,
I wishh I could still tell you things
But i guess I can, just i won’t get a reply
that’s okay,
I will someday,
I love youu soo muchh dill<3
Heyy dilly,
I’m still on spring breakk, I go back on monday :/
I don’t want to go backk, I hate school,
Too many fake people, and fake smiles throughout the day,
I can’t wait to get through highschool, I want to get the hell out of here, and do my own thing.
I wish I could talk to you, I talked to you about so many things,
I want to hear you laugh agaain, I miss when I could hear you smiling about somethin I said, or whenn I was confused about something you would laugh at me and then explain it too me, And I would be like don’t laugh haha
I miss all those times:/
I wish we could of had more.
I love you so muchh dill.
dilllon my love;
the past 2 days were hard for me. we had this assembly at school about drunk driving called “every 15 minutes” they even demonstrated it and we had a mock funeral for the people who “died in the crash”. when we had the mock funeral on thursday; i cried the entire day. during it; friends wrote letters to them saying what they wished they could’ve said to them; parents writing letters to them; and the kids who “died” writing lettters to their friends and family. it was so hard listening to it. every single one of the letters reminded me of you and they were exactly how i felt. all of my emotions came back.
i thought about you allllday yesterday. i’m officially on spring break now. i havee alllll of next week off. and the first thing that i thought of was visiting you. but i want you to come back so we can hang out. you left waaaay too early. i stilll remember everything we talked about and everything we said we were gonnna do and now we can’t. since i have the next 10 days off; karena wanted me to go upp to ripon to visit. right when she asked me; i thought “i can see dillon too!” oh wait; no i can’t.
dilllllllllllllllllllon whyyyyyyy did you leave me.?!
everytime i really think about alllll that has happened; its so hard for me to believe its really true.
why can’t this allll be onee huge misunderstanding?
if i had one wish; it would be for you to come back to me.
Dillon, I’m at home right now,
I wish I could be talking to you,
but I can’t i wish I could tell you everythin and I wish I could talk to you again
I remember when we would talk on the phone every night and one night your mom was like are you talking to antioch,
i miss those nights,
especially when you would sing songs and I’d be like dilly hush!
Haha I miss youu bestfriend:(
Dillon, today was my first day back to school
since spring break, soooo freakingg lame.
Ugh, my teachers don’t care, at all.
SO idkk. I hope heaven is alot better than here,
and i know you are looking down on me and I can’t help
but miss you every single day, I would give anything to have
you back in my life. I thought you’d be here for a much longer time than you were. It’s not fair you were taken from me so young,
Iloveyou
dillon;
i think about you every single dayy; but thats nothing new.
actually i’ve thought about you everyday for the past 2 years so its definitely not anything new.
junior prom is next month and honestly i really really wanna go but idk who to go with. i dont likee anyone. i remember when this guy Andre asked me last year; you got kinda jealous that he asked me and that you wished you went to my school so you could ask me. i need a date this year. i want you to be my date. you would be my dream date and myy dream come true.
i wanted to take you to my winterball last december but that didn’t work out :/
i loved you in every single way possible but sometimes some things just aren’t enough ?
i’m on spring break right now and i wishh i could come visit you and we couldd hang out or somethinggg.
i’ve met so many guys in the past years and no one has or will ever compare to you. i’ve moved onto other people but something always keeps me attached to you in some way. you’ll always have the biggest part of my heart forever and ever and ever and ever because i know you’ll keep it safe and protect it
<3
i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you .
iLllondaa… Its been a little over half a year.. and its been so hard.. I finally got the guts to come on here and write. I have so much built up insidde me.. I dont have anyone that comes even close to you to talk to.. I miss you dillon.. Why is my most used word. and why by rascal flatts is my favorite song. Everytime i hear it i feel you with me.. I miss our talks. I miss your voice. I miss your hugs. I miss your touch. I miss your name popping up on my phone every other second.. Your gone now.. and i cryy. I cry hard. You were my bestfriend.. i told you everything every single day. and you told me things which i thought was everything.. i miss you so much dill. I would do anything to see your face again. I would do anything to hear your voice. to have a hug. Just to see you dillon.. I’d do anything for you to come back.. I was so stoked to watch you play baseball this year.. And i miss your car.. And the extremely hard cookies i begged you to bring to stouffer park cause i was just so starving.. I just wanted to see you finally. I remember you saying Car ramrod!! to my dad… Then leaning over and saying heyy tay. your dads now Ramathorn… We laughed so hard…
I miss you Dill..
<3
Come see me.
-ayylortaaa
Heyy dilly,
Today was an alright day I guess,
it was a shortened wednesday so I got out at one fifty
someone walked in my class wearing an elmo shirt today and I instantly thought of you, I miss you so much, and I don’t think I’ll ever fully heal from loosing you, alll I can do is patch up the wound but the scar will always remain, I love you dillon.
Heyy Dillon,
I’ve been alright lately,
I’m actually sick right now, so I’m at home.
Tommorow is Katelyn’s concert for east county idol
so I’m going to that. Then I’m actually looking for a job too
So yeah, I really miss you. I think about you everyday and that isn’t going to change, no matter what. You left me physically, but not mentally. You will always be in my heart and in my thoughts. I miss hearing your jokes and your laugh, but I guess I will hear them again someday.
I remember when I would call you and I was upset you
would say Meggy be happy.
I won’t let people call me meggy anymore, it was your nickname for me
it always will be.
I lovee youu dillon.
Heyy dillon,
Today I’m still sick, and have a feverr
Lamee,
I wanna go to your grave soon,
I think I’ll ask my mom to go next weekend if
I can, I know going to your grave isn’t any different from talking to you here, but for some reason it makes me feel a little better
I miss you so much, words can describe I look at your picture on my wall everyday, and it just brings backk memories.
Memories I have are good, but I wish I had more, many moree.
Dillon’ it’s still unreal man. Every waking moment, there is something missing from me, constant emptiness. I’m still waiting for you to come back, but i know you never left, my heart at least. No more of this dream bullshit, I want to really see you.
I fucking love you, thanks for looking over me man
Hey dillon,
I miss you alot,
I am fortunate to have many things that remind me of you throughout
the day, sometimes it makes me sad, sometimes it makes me smile,
Like whenever I see an elmo or cookie monster, and someone was wearing one today and I instantly think of you, I know you are at peace
but it still isn’t right to me, I wonder what you are doing up there and if you miss all of us down here, so many things have changed but hopefully you are looking down and seeing all of it, It’s a mystery to why some of these horrible things happen in the world, and I guess “there is a reason for everything” but why does something so amazing that has done absolutely no wrong in my life, have to leave it so abruptly. It isn’t fair, and it is something I can not comprehend.
I miss you everyday, always.
Dillon, a little over 6 months wow. it feels like i was just with you the other day. and that your funeral was a week ago. but 6 months. i miss you so much dill. reading what your mom worte broke my heart. i really wish i would have had the chance to meet her with you. your always and forever in my thoughts i love you dillon(:
-Kayla
Dillon,
I miss you so much. Its been so long since I have gotten to talk to you about things,
I wish I could have a wish to make you come back,
Sometimes I sit here and think about what we would be talking about right at this exact moment, probably about something completely random or about food aha, I miss our pointless but funny conversations
or how i would just ramble on about the most random things
I miss you dill.
You mean so much to me and you always will
ps I’m wearing your shirt.
please visit me tonight
Hey dillon,
I miss you so much
the nights I wish and pray for your phone calls are neverending,
I’m always going to want yoou to be here even if you can’t be,
I love you so much.
I think of our conversations and there was not one minute where I wasn’t smiling,
you always kept me laughing and you always had something to tell me even if it was chicken butt,
I miss those days, and i’d give anything to have more time with you
I love you sooooo much dillon
I always will.
Dillly,
I miss youu.
I think I had a dream about you last night
I just wish I could have remembered it.
I think about you all the time, and it’s impossible not
you were so important to me, and you still are,
sometimes it seems like all i write in these paragraphs to you is “I wish” I always tend to wish something about you but I never realize that it isn’t going to happen, even though you are gone, I still have you in my heart, I guess that is not good enough for me is it?
I have you locked up tight and you’re never going anywhere cause I need you here. But I just wish I could have you here physically, not just in my heart.
Heyy dillon,
Man, seven months:/
And i still miss you like I did the first day,
so much time has gone by and im never ever going to forget you,
I love you so much dilly, please visit me.
Heyy Dill,
Well i found out that my grandma has a blot clot today, she is old
and she might have to have surgery, she’s a fragile little old lady,
I don’t know what to do dillon :/
i hope she’s okay, shes the one thats not my real grandma but has been more of a grandma to me then my own one,
I miss you so much
I need youu 🙁
dilllon,
i’m having a mental breakdown. i need to talk to you. i can’t wait here anymore. i’ve waited seven long months. i need you back in my life. please visit me in my dreams. i need to see you.
<3
dilllllon,
I miss you so much,
Today was pretty hard,
we had like this whole lecture about suicide today inn classs :/
It was pretty hardd
I wish I could talk to you.
i wish there was a way you could come back. death was the only thing that could seperate us. honestly. but death is so permanent. you can’t take it back. once you made the decision; everything was over. i have many things i regret and i somewhat blame myself for the stuff you were going through. every single day i think about the day it happened and what i COULD of done to try and convince you out of this. you know how much my dad bugged me, you knew how i get played alll the time, and when i met you and got so close to you; i felt like you were the only guy that i thought would never leave me. i wish there was a way i could visit heaven and then come back here.
i wish alot of things but i guess things just happen for a reason and i just can’t let some things go. now all i have left is your jersey, your sweatshirt, my bracelet, your pictures, your laugh, and your kisses to remind me of you.
i’ll never let you go.
i have the confidence that i will see you again.
with alll my heart dillon, i love you.
my one wish is to have one last night with you. the night i was going to ask you to be with me on my birthday two days before you passed away. but it’s okay; it just wasnt ment to be.
hey dude 🙂
i havent left a message to you in a while so i thought id stop by to say helllo. i know you’re finally happy and free now. everyone’s doing better, but its not the same without you. we miss you, and we ALWAYS will. you’re always in our prayers, in our hearts, in our minds and in our souls. we miss you breh
love, kevin ton.
aka fatass
Dilllon, I miss you so much
Today has not been verry good :/
I lovee you dillon, I trusted you so much
I told you everything.
I don’t know what to do it seems like everyone i trust betrays me
everyone except you. you always kept your word to me
I love you will all my heart dillon.
If i could have you back right now it would be the greatest thing in my life.
<33
lovemeggyboo
Hey Dillon,
Well I just found out that I have to move :/
The guy that rented us our home, saved it for his mother
so now we have thirty days to move.
I really miss being able to talk to youu.
heyy dilly,
I guess I might be moving to oakley, or somewhere around antioch,
I miss being able to tell you these things over the phone or texting,
it’s so much easier to talk to you about things than other people because somehow you kinda made me forget about the bad things and made a joke out of it and got me to laugh, so in the end I wasn’t worried.
I miss that a lot,
I miss our conversations about our days, or about music, and food.
I just miss you being here, and being my best friend
I love youu dillon<3
loveeemeggyboo.
dillon-
junior/ senior balll was lastnightt. i thought about you and how you wanted to goo as my date last year. i would of taken you this year but this happened. but i know you were there with me but just not physically there.
i misss you babycakess
loveeyouu<3
Heyy Dillon,
Katelyn’s party was this weekend and I had a good time,
so that was good, and then me my mom and katelyn went looking around for houses, I can’t believe I have to move out of this house, I actually like it here in this one, I just don’t like living in antioch, I remember when we used to talk about it being so ghetto here because it really just was, and you didn’t even want me to walk outside cause your like megan you’re going to get shot, you made me laugh so much, to the point where there was tears in my eyes from laughing so hard, We NEVER had a dull conversation whatsoever. It was always entertaining and never awkward, I love you so much dill, I miss you, and our weird conversations about ghetto people and nanobots
://
Dillon, wow i miss you so much and i figured everything out. and i loveeee youuuu! i have found my peace with you but i still miss you. GUESS WHAT!! i talked to your mommy and i cant wait to meet her like you always wanted me too. shes sweet and like my second mom! i thought i saw you today. but i took another look and it wasnt you. and i hear your voice at random moments of the day. i love you dill!
HEY dillyy[:
well i got a choir concert tonightt!
BE THERE!!!
im wearing high heals blahhh! i hope i dont trip and fall ha. catch me lol
well you really suckkk(: but i love youuu.
and Some senior girlss are ANNOYING!! *im my singing voice* lol. you understand. well i miss you down here dillon. and i love you. watch over us and your mommy! gosh i love that woman. ttyl dill?
Dill, concert went GREAT except the last song oppps lol i was by anna and tyler and he was making us laugh the WHOLE time lol. my pants made my buttocks look even BIGGER than it all ready is ha. and i was shaking=/ also cried for 30 mins after im gonna miss my momma messick lol. i love you DILLON. GRADUATION IS IN 8 DAYS!!!! YOU SUCK for that haha well i miss you!
♥always kay kay!
Dillly,
I miss you, :/
I found out today that I might be moving to this one house
that me and my mom both want, so my fingers are crossed.
It’s hard that I am still being reminded of you through out the day,
I kinda like it thought because if there wasn’t I’d be afraid that I’d forget about you, even though I know I could never, I just don’t want it to ever be a possibility. I just wish I could talk to you again,
It’s been too long dill.
I hope your family is doing okay, I miss them as well
and send them my love<3
Dillon :],
we miss you mucho. there’s only eight days of school left. wow, school is flying by so fast. i wish i was there for your graduation though ): but i know you’ll be with the class of ’10, as everyone graduates, and your name will never be forgotten.
we love you!
-Kevin ton
Ello, Buhhh so schools almost out. I hate school and im pretty pissed off at the school atm. You and Marissa were left out of the Video Extravaganze what kind of bull shit is that. I mean does the school just expect us to forget that you were even there? I mean the people who dont even go/show up to school were in it with their senior pictures. Ridiculous i know, tomorrow the seniors are going to Disneyland i remember you loving it their (even though i never got invited to go with ya). But idc now that i look back i really didnt invite you anywhere either. Well i need to hop off i have to study for my Spanish final tomorrow.
Hopefully ill get to see you in atleast one of my dreams. Love you man
babyycakes;
theres not a dayy that goes by that i dont think about youu. i constantly think about you and how you changed my life. if it wasnt for you; it be a complete mess and you taught me to keep going.i remember last year when we planned for you to come to san jose to pick me up from school. im pretty sure it was like the last weeek of schoool. you picked me up and we drove around and went to the movies tooo. i remember the exact spot you picked me up at and everytime i walk past it; i think of you in your moms carr.
i had a dream about you a few nights ago and we were on the phone and i kept repeatedly asking you why you did this. and you just kept laughing at me and making silly jokes or making fun of me. idk but for some reason i woke up crying and i immediately called you and it went to your voicemail. i honestly thought you were still alive.
i miss alll our life conversations; our jokes; our pictures; our walks; our kisses and our friendship. at one point i pretty much called you by boyfriend around this time last year.
my life would be so different with you still here. i wish you could come back. i wish heaven was a place that i could go visit and then come back to san jose.
everytime i honestly sit and think about this actually happening, it doesnt seeem real to me. at all. you were never that type of person to do this but i guess maybe you were. i guess you were just in that state that you just couldnt handle anything anymore.
i wish this never would of happened but everything happens for a reason, right?
iloveeyoubaby<3
Hey dillon,
Finally it’s almost the end of the school year,
everything has been so hectic lately but at least it keeps me busy right?
I packed a lot of my stuff today, and went to the new house and did a lot of cleaaning, and now I’m pretty beat,
I miss you so much and wish I could talk to you,
I had to take down all my pictures of you in my room and the drawing you made me because I had to pack :/
So now I’m not going to be able to look at it till I move,
I miss you so dill
DILLBOO!!
ok your graduation is in 8 daysss you loser! lol(:
i miss you alot=/ but i know you hear me!
i say the year book and your memory will carry on! i love you
im not mad at you anymore lol
ttyl
-Kayla
Heyy dillon.
Sorry i haven’t been writing for the past few days
I’ve been moving, and i’m so exhausted.
I miss you so much,
almost broke down the other day:/
sometimes I just wanna cry, but that’s okay right?
I wishh i could talk to youuu..
dillon…graduation is in 4 short days.. i miss you so much. your mom is going to buy purple ribbon with alanna tonight so we can decorate the catwalk for you on graduation day. i miss you so much and i wear the rip dillon bracelet every day. i love you dill…friday night is gonna be so hard without you…
Dill, i cant waittt to see the catwalk!! i love you so much! i really think you suckkkk!!:P (lol) you still seem to amaze me everyday! like i saw the back of this guy and it looked like you seriously! but he had shorter hair lol. i wanted to run up and hug him. like i was calling out your name but he never turned): then i came back to reality! i still have your purple ribbon and im gonna wear all purple on friday! just 4 you! dillon as im writing this im looking at your memorial page in the year book. it gets me sad but i also feel comfort! having your senior pic and your eyes looking into mine makes me forget everything! no joke i know that sounds creepy but its the only way to feel my comfort. remeber in gilmans or at break we would have staring contest and whoever won got a dollar. no wonder i had to begg for money at lunch lol. i always lost. well i played with your senior pic in memory you know. and i lost so i owe you a dollar! lol im gonna visit you dillon i promise! we will kick it over the summer but its not gonna be like we planned no beach): just in a cemitary in boring ol tracy. dillon it really makes me sad that your graduation is in 4 DAYS! you had so many dreams babe. life is hard with out you. you were the person i would go to for anything! and everyday sucks not haveing your name pop up in my phone! i still cant seem to delete your number and how you saved your names as. dill <3s kay. visit me on friday dillon or whenever thats just when im gonna really need you the most! i saved a page for you in my yearbook and some of the momories you could have written! i love you dill.
xoxo your kay!(:
Dillon,
Yesterday was so hard,
In english class we are reading romeo and juliet,
and we had to write a letter to juliet or romeo telling them as a good
friend why they shouldn’t commit suicide.
I broke into tears and almost walked out, and at the end of class my teacher told me that she knows it’s hard for me and that she is praying for me.
It’s so hard dillon, and I know it’s always going to be,
people just don’t understand because they didn’t know you, they don’t get why I am sad about this because they aren’t going through it.
I’m tired of being judged and having to be okay so people will shut up and leave me alone.
Hey dillon,
well we moved into my new house tonight.
And I’m just at home right now by myself, it’s a pretty cute house
I am just not veryy happy about my brother living here still :/
I miss you so much.
I love you dillon.
It’s always going to be hard, but I still have you in my heart.
I can’t wait till be see each other again.
Dillweed,
Tomorrow would have been your graduation. What were you thinking? I saw the catwalk today. It made me so angry and so sad at the same time. Tomorrow night should be a great party on Franklin with you. It just hasn’t been the same. The boys miss you so, so much and so do we. I missed my silly Mother’s Day present you would always bring me, like the Borat movie. Conner is playing baseball this year, you would have been so proud. He misses his big brother and so does Evan, more than you would ever know. We love you Dillweed and Miss you. Look down on the boys and protect them, like I always knew you would.
Love You….
Dillon,
Graduation day and this isn’t the way I anticipated it when I sent you off to school 12 years ago. You would have so enjoyed the past couple of weeks – Disneyland with only Seniors; getting your cap & gown; Senior sunset; graduation followed by Sober Grad – you would have been in your element – the center of attention. I’ll cheer for your classmates tonight and shed a tear when your name could have/would have/should have been called. I’ll always be proud of you, always love you and forever miss you. As Mary asked…look down and protect all your friends and family…you’ve left us all with a huge void. I love you ~ Mom
dillon,
i hardly knew you. i talked to you like 3 or 4 times. my boyfriend knew you tho.. you remember cody right? he told me about when you 2 had to share a room at camp. sounded like crazy shit! but yeah anyways i really didnt know you like the people who always write on here but i just want you to know that your the first person in my life to go. it really has had a big effect on my life and i even cry sometimes. you have taught me lesson. well i hope things are better for you now. your friends and family miss you alot. i wish i could of known you better. rest in peace dillon.
Kayla quit fucking saying that BS im tired of it. Your ridiculous you were never in our Marine Bio class. Its pathetic how you need attention this way. Do you parents not give you any attention, so you need to come to a website on a deceased son,friend whome i bet you didnt think to have a convo with before he was gone. Fuck you. I bet right after he did it you were probably asking around for his number to see if you could leave a message. Im not here to talk to you though…
Dillon was gonna stop by the graduation but didnt think i would be able to keep my composure. After i going to myspace IDK if the song Iris even comes close to describing you. I say this because the only people you needed to notice you were your TRUE friends and your family. The only people you would have kept in touch with after graduating highschool would have just been your friends and family. Idk if you were scared about the future cause you were heading off for college or JC and we would still be in ripon and wed forget about you or what. Im feeling the same way where im not going to accomplish anything in life. Im gonna go to MJC and be a nothing. Every day i look into my parents eyes and i just see Disapointment. I could never keep up with the standards my family thought of me. IDK if i have even heard a word of encouragement for awhile. IDK i just wanted to get something off my chest.. Dont really have anyone i can talk to
excuse you! i was in marine bio with dillon. and im hella close with
his mom!!! so shut up!!! i would tell you to ask anna but i dont
need to prove anything to you!!! so thanks
Ehren.. I definitely agree with you, No offense Kayla, I don’t know you so I don’t know the situation but,
I hate it when people say they no Dillon, or that they love and miss him, when they don’t. They just want sympathy from other people. It’s quite pathetic. It so disrespectful to Dillon, and people should be ashamed for using him like that.
Anyways, Dillon I miss you so muchh.
My heart still hurts because you are gone.
I just wish our last conversation could have lasted longer, It’s not fair. :/ I miss stayin up till 5 in the morning talking to you Hayden and Bubba. I miss the old days..
exactly you dont know me so how should you know my life and my relationship with dillon? so i dont have to explain anything because i know where your coming from on the second part i agree because these freshmans leonna and britnee king were pretending and i wouldnt do that ok. i would never wish to put my self in counsoling or have my self wanting to end my life before. ok if i didnt know dillon it wouldnt have effected me the way it did. its also disrespectful to dillon to have all his friends fighting over whos right or worng that doesnt give him peace. i have had MANY conversations with Debbie and me and anna were planning to go hang out with her. so tell me this dillon LOVED just about everything BUT DRAMA!!! so i dont think he would want people having DRAMA in a place to remember him. right?
now for dillon. i miss you and i talked to your mommy two days ago? still planning when to see her. watch over all your friends dill they love you and need your support.
-Kayla
Dear dillon, so break is over. Tomorrow I have to go back to school. Greatt. My break was somewhat okay. I hung out with some pretty good friends of mine so that was good. I wish you could have been one of them. And a matter of fact, I would trade spending time with all my friends for you dill. I hate that part of me realizes you were gone, but the other part of me doesn’t like, sometimes I’ll think of you and know that you’re gone, and other times I’ll just be sitting there and thinking about you and saying to myself I haven’t talked to dillon in a while I should call him, then I realize you’re gone. It feels like I can’t help it though. I just don’t know why I do that. I am trying to take things slow though. I don’t want to set myself up to get hurt, so i’m trying to pick and choose who I talk to, because I realize that people’s moods affect my mood. I’m really trying hard dillon, to smile more, and to be happy. All for you. I know you would kill me for being so upset about something, but if you were here you would fix everything as usual. But you’re not here, that’s just something I have to deal with. I love you.
Rest in peace
Love Meggyybooo.
Dillon, I’m so tired, I tried to go to sleep last night but I couldn’t. I layed there all night without falling asleep at all. I just layed there, it sucked and I was dying to call you. That would have been my first move. I’m kinda overwhelmed right now, with everything that has been going on with my friends and my family, it kinda sucks. I hate how everything is the way it is. I want things to change for the better this time, sometimes it feels like it is never going to get better, I just hope it is. It’s hard. Sometimes I feel like I just need to get away somewhere, like go stay somewhere else for a while, I mean I know I can’t run away from things because I’m going to have to face it sooner or later but I just want a break. I want to go to the beach, with a big huge forest behind it just like we planeeed.
Iloveeyouudilll.
Lovemeggyboo.
Dillon, for what I’m about to say is completely contradictory to my beliefs. However, tough times cause for measures of a different sort I suppose. Well, here goes nothing. This will do nothing but provide me with a temporary satisfaction of relief. If I fall asleep I’ll wake up to the same thing. Somehow, someway, you need to let her know that you want her, and need her to live long and live well. You know perfectly what I’m talking about. Well, I guess you don’t have to be the one to tell her, I’m going to try. Any who, she needs to learn that you want her to live life truly and happily. She needs to know that with you looking over her, you want her to experience all there is to experience in life. Because everyone only lives once, and people should explore the great things that life offers. Not to solely hoard grudges in the past that life has disastrously put on the table. She needs to know the pain you’d feel if she cut things short, or didn’t live to what she should. She needs to know the sorrow, burden, and guilt you’d feel if she doesn’t live life to the fullest. Someway, somehow, she needs to learn to live for herself. Not to live in a depressive manner just for the sake of other people. That in itself is suicide. I don’t know why I’m talking on here. This makes no sense to me. Some people have told me that suicide is not selfish, but living in itself is selfish, for the satisfaction for others. You can view life and death in a million and one ways. However, suicide, selfish or not, everyone needs to hold life dearly, for you only have one. Yes, life for your family, friends, and all of that. However, if you don’t live happily, it does no one any good. For the sake of yourself, and for the sake of people around you, make life what it’s suppose to be; fun, happy, enjoyable, and memorable. Living life to the fullest is the most selfish and most selfless thing you can do. And by selfish I mean luxurious to ones’ self, a satisfying feeling. I’m sure if the person this is directed to reads this, I’m sure she’ll know who’s writing this. Or will limit it down to 2 people. So if you’re reading this, I love you so much. And I want you to be happy. For me, for your family, but most importantly, for you. Because it aches my heart to constantly see you in this abysmal pain, and I want to see you happy. But I can’t even imagine the pain you’re going through. So for your own well being, I want you to get well. So my wishes, you see, for you to live, can be viewed as selfish, or selfless, it all depends on how you look at things. But if you want my opinion, wanted you to live, and doing all in my power to help you along this path is the most selfless thing I’ve ever done in my life. I don’t want to sound religious or anything because that’s just disgusting haha. But, if there somehow is a God of some sort, I’ve been given the gift of life to help yours grow. I’ve been granted the seed of existence to be by your side and love you and support you. I was hoping to have a serious talk today, but we had an extra person chilling with us today. But, as a warning, you may hate me for a while because of this, but I am upping my status to the “big brother” so to speak because I am sick and tired of you feeling like crap. I feel helpless, and I know for a fact that I can’t fix anything. But you have to WANT things to get better. You have to strive for it, work for it. And it will be no easy road, oh it won’t. But as your best friend, and as your official new “big brother” I am here for you. I want you to talk to me. I want you to come to me. I know I’ve given you this speech before, but I will say it again. I’m here for you NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!! My phone is always next to me, waiting for your call or your text. Wow, this comment was at first directed towards Dillon, and has shifted completely. But you get the point. And you know what the funny thing is….. We are best friends, and I love you dearly as my best friend. But sometimes, I have dreams of us being married and stuff. Kind of funny, but creepy. But its me so creepy is nothing new haha. But I love you oh so much, and I’m going to be keeping a close eye on you, and having serious talks with you more. I might piss you off often but I hope in the long run this will do good. I love you, and hopefully you’ll remember to text me about your dream haha. Love you,
From,
I don’t need to say my name
i love you. dont worry. im not going anywhere. i want to live and i will. i just need time. sorry its taking so long. but im a little better everyday. no serious talks though. just good times and lots of laughs. i dont need words of wisdom. i just need my friend. stay strong and hold on… cuz GOD knows i am. lol yes i said god.
I wonder who wrote that message abovee…
Well anyways, I’ve been so tired. I haven’t gotten hardly any sleep at all the past couple nights, and when I say hardly any I mean like none.
I think I’m going to try to look for some sleepy tea stuff, haha. I’m cool. I miss you dillon. I know you would laugh at me for that, and you would tell me well you can just talk to me on the phone till’ you fall asleep in a little baby voice that you would always do, I’m definitely going to miss that. I know that you are gone dillon, and I’m always going to miss you. I wrote a poem for you last night.
I don’t want to write it on here just yet.
I’ve been thinking alot, and really I’ve had a pretty hard time recently.
First Katelyn moved aaway, and went to a different school.
Then Travis moved to freaking Idaho.
My parents got a divorce, and I don’t get to see my dogs.
And to top it all of I lost you.
It’s been really tough. And I’m trying. babyy steps is what I’m doing right now.
I talk to you all the time, and I hope you’re around me.
I lovee you muchhhooo.
Love
Meggybooo.
Dillly.
I miss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Majorly. Ugh, haven’t been sleeping very well as always. I hate it. I went to the gym yesterday after school so I stayed homee today, but I was so boredd. So I’m going to the gym tomorrow. I still think about you so much. I want to let you know that I’m not going to be like one of those people who act like there sad to get attention and then completely forget about you. I truly did love you dillon. I know we had a good time together, hardly ever fought and when we did, we most likely made up instantly. It’s hard to live without you. But maybe I don’t have to, because I always have a piece of you with me dill. You’ll always be a major part of my life, here or in heaven.
Iloveeyou.
<3Meggybooo.
dilllonnbabyyy,
i feeel like i havent written on heree for awhile.
well, its probably because i have alot going on; as usual. storyy of maah life. but things are gettting better and i’m starting to work my way up to really enjoying life. its surprising, i know, but yeah. its not like i forgot about you or i just dont care. you were my number one in my life. you were most important out of anyonee. the day you left me, my world collapsed. literally.
So i got a new puppyy a few days after christmas named Nike and the first thing it did to me was he jumped on my lap, start kissing me & nibbling on my ear. it completelyy reminded me of you & onlyy you know why. hahaha/. insidee jokeee.
I wanna think that i’m doing so much better because you’re with me & helping me through this but iddkk. i feel like you really are though. i think twicee about everything. & even though i hate school; you’re getting me through it & giving me motivation.
I see life completely different now. I never used to think about it but now it’s all i think about. overthinking is what i do best and most often. i always think about what it would be like if you were here and all those other millon “what if” questions i have.
anyways, honestly, from thinking about this for over three months now; i’ve come to realize everyone that came into life at one point , made an impact me, i learned from them and shaped me into the person i am. if we never would’ve met i wouldnt of learned so much from you and i would most likely be doing worse thann i am.
honestly; as cheesy as it sounds, i really do learn something new erryday. and you’re the only person who keeps me living erryday.
even though you left before you could go to winterballll with mee, & now i dont havee a winterballlll date yet, im suure you’ll be there withh me(:
iloveeeyou<3
always & alwayss.
Dillon, I’m so tired. I hate not being able to sleep,
I’m going to try and get more sleep tonight, but not matter how much I try I can’t. I want to talk to you so bad. There was a reason you were in my life. But the reason you left it was so stupid.
I love you dillon, but I don’t understand how you could leave like this. I miss you soo much.
I<3youudill.
Meggybooooooooo
Dillon, I want to talk to you so bad, it is like killing me. When you were alive, I wouldn’t want to imagine you out of my life, it would hurt to much to think about loosing you or any other important person in my life. So I kinda just shut it out and not think about it. I would have never imagined that I would have to loose someone who I shared so many things with, and pretty much shared my whole life with. I miss you so much. I wish I had you back, I wish I wish I wish that’s all i can manage to stay. I hate having to wish to have you back, I want to be able to say that I have you back, I miss you so much you dillon.
I have a whole bunch of pictures in my room of you. I look at them all the time.
I hope you’re doing okay in heaven, I’m sure you’re having a amazing time.
Iloveyouudill
<3Meggyboo.
Hey theree dilly.
I had a pretty boring day todayy. I woke up, went to the gym, came homee
and dyedd my hair. It’s darker noww.
I’m sooo tiredd. I want to sleep, but I have a feeling I won’t be able to for a while, that sucks. I want to go to the places that we always talked about, because I would tell you that I wanted to get away and we would always talk about our dream places to live, and We would always talk about the most random things, you leftt way to soon dill.
I’m never ever going to forget what we had, I can’t.
It’s all I have left.
Iloveyoudill.
<3Meggyboo.
i missssss & lovee you babee.
i can’t wait to seee you againn in heaven.
don’t havee too much fun till i get theree ;]
-misskaylaaaa.
Heyy dillon.
I miss you.
Today wasn’t a good day.
I went to school and then the gym,
And my mom came home, her and my brother had a fight so we left.
It was pretty gay:/
Blahh when will things get better.
I needdd youuu to talk to.
Iloveyouu.
-Meggybooo.
dillon; i love you.
i know i’ve told you that so many times
but i really do. i love you more than
anything and anyone. there was just something
about you that i likedd so much. i wish i had that back.
i wish i had you back. i wish you were here.
i would be so happy. more than words can explain.
but i always wonder what it’s like in heaven.
i put two pictures of you in a frame so i can look at you
whenevaa i want. but i wish i could physically see you in person.
everyday i come across things that remind me of you.
maybe that means you’re watching over me or looking out for me guiding me to make the right decisions.
stay with me. i need you. forever&ever.
i need your motiviation to
pass my finals next week.
don’t ever give up on me.
<3
Dillon, I would love to get one of your phone calls right now.
I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever. I really haven’t. It’s been so long, but the pain is still there. I feeel like I’m always going to have some pain there. And sometimes when I think I’m doing okay something will happen, like with my mom and my brother fighting, with my dad, or at school the other day I was with my friend, and he’s like joking around and saying he’d kill himself is something happened but I don’t remember what, and I looked at him. I didn’t make a big scene or cry or anything, as bad as I wanted too. I know he didn’t mean to hurt me, it’s just a sensitive subject. He said sorry though. Then I got a text on my phone, and my phone was like a foot away from me and since the writing is so smaill I couldn’t really see the name on the text message, all I saw was the d.
I swore it was you and immediately checked my phone, turns out it wasn’t you. Ughh. I don’t know how I thought it would be you. Maybe there is still hope insidde of me that you are still alive, and that you will still talk to me everyday as usual. But it has changed, as much as I hate it, it has changed. As cheesy as this sounds you still and always will have a Big place in my heart that is irreplaceable. You will always have your name on that spot and no one can ever take that away from you. Never could then, and won’t ever be able to now.
I love you dillon.
You’re my angel from above.
Goodnight, sweet dreams.
Meggybooo<3.
Find me here,
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That’s leading me
to the place
Where I’ll find peace.
You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You’re everything
You calm the storms
And you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won’t let me fall
You steal my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in
Take me deeper, now
Cause you’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want
You’re all I need
Everything, everything
i LOVE you dillonchiullli<3
dilly,
I was trying to go to sleep. But
I couldn’t so I grabbed my laptop and came on here to write to you.
I realize that so many things in my life are easy to understand, some on the other hand are a little bit harder. But the hardest thing in my life that I am being forced to comprhend is you being gone. You leaving didn’t do any good dillon, so why did it happen?. It’s not fair that something so terrible like this could happen, it doesn’t make sense and it sure as hell doesn’t help anyone one whatsoever. So what’s the point.
Why did you have to leave. It shouldn’t have happened.
I still and always will need you.
I pray everyday that you could talk to me somehow.
I wish that could happen.
loveeyou
meggyyy.
“dont fret man trust me youll find one eventually she’ll just pop up I promise but whatever happens in your life you’ll still have your best friends the whole way man, i’m here til the end. peace.” – Dillon Chiulli, 1/25/09
I love you Dillon.
forever.
Dillon,
My best friend. I look at your myspace and read your about me, and it just sounds like how you talk, I listen to your voicmails, and read old messages. I just miss you dillon. You can come back anytime now? Please. Right now would be best. I don’t want to wait to see you again. I don’t know what to do dill. I need to talk to you. You are the only one who has ever truly gave me your honest opinion which I valued so deeply, even if I didn’t agree. I knoww you cared. But it’s like if you cared that much how could you do this to me. I love you dillon. You said you loved me too but this is a hurt that I would have never of expected you to put me through. Something I never wanted to be put through. Please talk to me dillon. I need you like I need a heartbeat.
I miss youu more than words can explain.
<3Meggyboo
Hey Dillon,
Just thinking about you :/
im glad you, bubba, and hayden came over that one day.
i still have all the chip bags you ate.
just wanted you to know that i still love you breh
love, fatass (kevin ton)
dillonn,
you’re all i want.
you’re all i need.
you’re everything.
i love you. <3
Well dillon, I’m telling you know that this just isn’t working for me. I’m literally going insane not talking to you. Like seriously, you thought you couldn’t bare not to talk to me, well I don’t think you know how hard it is not talking to you. You might have thought that you were nothing special, but you were special to me. You still are special to me. you mean a lot me, and not talking to you hurts so bad. I hope you know how I feel about you dillon. I hope you now see all that you were worth too so many people. You brought smiles to so many faces, and I hate that you are gone. I love you dillon. please visit me.
Love, meggybooo.
Dilll, I have finals all this week. I think I’m doing alright so far,
Today was an okay day. It was kinda rainy and cold though. I want to talk to you so bad right now. I hate that the conversation is now one way. I still talk to you all the time. But it isn’t the same. I am just stressed right now, being at home doesn’t help. I really need you. You were just like an escape to me. I could come to you with so many different things and It might sound like I’m just saying this but honestly I really did feel better after talking to you. The connection we had was insane. I miss you so much, and I would love for you to visit me. Help me be happy dill.
I love you.
Love meggybooo.
honestly; i love you .
<3
everysingleday i say “i wish this never ever happened”
everysingleday i tell myself i live my life for you
everysingleday you are my motivation to be happy
everysingleday i find myself wanting you so bad
everysingleday i wish i could talk to you
everysingleday you effect my decisions and my choices
everysingleday i tell myself you’re in a better place now
& that’s what keeps me going everysingleday.
i hope you lovee it up there in heaven.
iloveyouuuuuuuuu<3
Dear dillon, I misss youuuuuuu. Today, yesterday, and till I die, and get to be with you again. Things have been so hard with my family right now. I don’t know what to do. I really wish you were here to talk to. Not just because you were there for me, it’s because I really liked talking to you. You were like everything I could have hoped for. You helped me with problems, you listened to me talk about my day, you told me about your day, and funny stories that happened or that you made up for me. The great things about those stories was that they always ended with a happy ever after. Well dillon, this wasn’t the happy ending I wanted. There is absolutely nothing happy about this ending. I want you back so bad. I hope you are watching over your family and friends, send everyone signs dillon, remind them that you are there. I know how much you cared about people. & I know how much people cared about you. I know how much I care about you.
I love you dillon,
Lovemeggybooo.
babbbyy,
even though i want you back so bad & i wish you were here, maybe you’re meant to be in heaven. maybe thats where you’re supposed to be. heaven is amazing & i’m sure you’re having a great time there.
lovingggg you & missssing you erryday;
<3
Hey dill. I misssss youuu.
I went to churchh today with Katelyn and yeah. It’s all so hard.
I wish you were here to talk to and I miss you tons. I’m still planning on you being apart of my life because you are always with me in my heart and I get reminded of you everyday. I’m truly blessed to have had such a great friend like you in my life. And as sad and hurt as this makes me for you to leave, I’m glad you’re in heaven now. I love you more then words can explain. I think of you all day. You might have left this world, but you will never leave my heart<3
Iloveeyouu.
Megoooo<3.
Well, today wasn’t so good. I didn’t feel to well today.
I went to school, came home and then went and helped out one of my old neighbors, then had to walk to my dad’s house :/
Then finally came home. To find out that an imposter made a myspace for me. Great. What a lovely way to end the day.
I missyou dillon.
I love youu with all my heart times a billion.
Lovee meggybooo
dillon
all i can say is; i love you.
you WILL be the only guy who will truely and definitely be here for me forever & ever & ever & ever. you’re still here, i know.
visittttt me in my dreams
<3
My poem for you.
Dillon Chiulli
I miss the way
we would talk everyday
either myspace, texting, or on the phone
you never made it possible to feel alone
but now that you’re gone
that is how I feel
you were my rock, my wall, my shield
you kept me from the hurt,
and the crying too
the only person I could count on,
that was you.
You left me unexpected
I never got to say
That I love you so much
And I want you to stay.
If I had once chance
To go back to the past,
I’d make sure you knew
That our frienship will forever last.
I miss you dillon chiulli
and I miss the way
we would say those three words
“I love you” everyday.
Imissyouuuuuuu.
Lovemeggyboo.
Dillon,
Too long.
Four months too long.
I miss you so much.
I had a pretty hard day today.
I wish I had you back four months ago, and I wish I had you back today, and all the time in between,
Things are just so complicated for me, and I don’t know when things are going to get better, and I’m making a list of all the things that remind me of you an I got all the way up to 67 so far.
I miss our conversations, I miss your myspace comments.
I miss everything about you.
I miss the way you are.
I miss how I would wake up to your texts.
Somedays are better then others.
But I want all the days to be better,
and that involves you, so come back please.
ilove you
Too hard without you dilly.
I lovee you so much.
visit me.
Loveyouu
Meggyboo.
Dillon,
I miss yu.
I’v seen yur dad driving around at least 4 times this week and everytime i feel like someone punched me in the stomach. It makes me think about you the rest of the day. Not to mention i was goin through my phonebook seein who i shld text and yur name poped up and i couldnt help but cry. Dillon yu cld always make me laugh and smile, yu wre such a great guy. When i see somethin that reminds me of yu i cant help but think and miss yu.
RIP Dillon.
<3 Jess
Dillon, I miss you so much
I swear I’ve been on this computer for the past half an hour or so and your name has popped up about three times.
Iloveyou,
My dad had this laptop at his house and he turned it on today and it works and he wiped it outt, and now I have it at my house, it’s like brand new,
It works really well.
So now I don’t have to wait for my mom to get off her facebook that she spends dayss on.
I wish I could talk to you. I miss everyting about you.
I’m happy to go see your mom this weekend.
At least that is one thing to look forward too,
I am, idk, just so lost.
fake smiles seem to be the majority of my day and the only time I say exactly what i’m feeling is with a pen and paper.
Ughh, I miss you
lovvvve,
Meggy
Hey dillon,
I miss you mucho mucho.
I think about you all the time, and get asked about you alot.
It’s hard,
people never fully understand.
I wish I could call you right now like usual.
I love youu.
Love
Meggy
Hey Dillon.
I’m just writing to say that I miss you and still think about you every day. Your always in my heart man.
Love you.
Hayden
dillonnn,
i havee alot to say but you already know what im thinking and doing because you’re still here. i know. i can feeel you here. i talk to you all the time. i just wish you were physicallly here.
i completely broke down last night. i heard this song that always reminds me of you and i cried myself to sleep. every feeeling i had came back and i couldnt go back to sleep.
i know it probably sounds really weird but before every decision i make, i look up at the sky and talk to you. also, whenever it’s a nice night, i look up at the sky and just smile. i know you’re up there. thankyou for allll you did for me. you changed my whole life.
i’ve learned that everything will work out in the end. some bad things may happen, but you have to have the bad things happen for the good things to work out. but it takes time. im determined to change but i cant do it without you.
i literally live day by day.
& you willll always be my motivation.
ilooveyoubabbeey.<3
Dillly, I miss youuuuuuuuu,
Today some girl was sitting next to mee, and randomly at lunch she’s like I don’t think I could go to one of my friends funerals like it would be so sad I couldn’t go to someone I loves funeral.
I looked at tessa, and she told the girl to shut up, and she looked at me and she was like omg I’m so sorry. ughh.
I looked at her and I was like please just don’t say anything to me.
I just wanted to go lie down and cry.
I miss you so much.
Where are you and why!
Why would god take you from me,
Theree seems liike there is no good out of this.
I need you now.
I love you dilll<3.
Dillon,
I know I didn’t know you but you have affected my life forever. I whis the best to everyone wo was close to him.
R.I.P. Dillon
Dillon,
I know I didn’t know you but you have affected my life forever. I wish* the best to everyone wo was close to him.
R.I.P. Dillon
Dillon, I’m at your house right now, It just feels like you are going to pop oout of nowhere and say surprise, ! Then I would be like Dillon why did you joke around like that you scaredd me! and you would be like i’m sorry, and I wouldn’t ever let you go. I jjust wish that could happen, I wish I could change things and I wish I could have you bach right now. It shouldn’t be the case that me your friends and your family, have to live without out you. It’s not fair. I miss you soo much dillon. Just looking at all of your stuff and seeing all these pictures of you, and your yearbooks.
Ugh just come back please.
Iloveyou.
Rest in peace dill.
Meggy,your fianceee’
Dilly,
I held you’re neice today.
I miss you so much it hurts dill.
I really enjoyed this weekend at your house, and my
mom is picking me up tommorrow morning,
It was nice to get to know your family better and see your
room and your stuff, and get to know you better tooo,
I wish you could be here though.
Ily dilllon.
Rest in peace
Love Meggybooo
i miss you so much.
you’ve been a part from me for so long.
my great grandpa passed away on friday and its
so hard seeeing my family like this because they felt
pretty much the same way i did about you. loosing you & never seeing
you again and stuff. but honestly im moving on and becoming stronger
only because i know you would want me to. literally everything i do and learn from makes me stronger and a better person.
i know you’re stilll here. and i have the confidence in that ill see you again in heaven onee day. it will be the best day of my life.
i wearr your sweatshirtt alll the timee to bed and i wear my rememberance bracelet of you like erryday just to show how much i loveee you<3 everytime i forget to put it on or after i get outta the shower; i feel empty like something is missing. you being around my wrist makes me feeel complete.
Dillon,
I misssss youu.
I love youu
I neeed youuuu.
Ughh I want to talk to you so badd
allot of stuff happens, and I just misss my best friend
to talk to toooo:/
I hope you’re doing okayy,
I hope you are watching over me and your friends and family and heaven
I hope I am making you proud. I hope that I can dream of you.
Please come in my dreams,
I love you.
<3Meggyboo
So, i’m thinking about you Dillon. im glad you’re finally happy. you probably were watching the superbowl too 😛
well, haydens dating bekah; thats good.
ehren was talking to vanessa gunter, but he decided he didnt want a gf
we miss youu with all our hearts.
Dilly, I’m sick,
Whenever I was sick I’d call you and you’d be like
I’ll make you somme chicken noodle soup,
And then you’d be like guess what,,
And I would always say what?
And you’d be like chicken butt,!
You’d always say that to make me feel better because I’d laugh at how
dumb I am thinking you were going to say something important and you’d trick me by saying chicken butt and you even know that no matter how many times you pulled that trick you got me every single time!, And then I’d be like dillon ! I thought you were going to say something important haha, and you’re like but I got you to laugh,
awee dilly, I miss you. I miss my bestfriend making me laugh all the time, And I was talking to your momm about this and she is right, I didn’t just loose my bestfriend, I lost the person I could call,,
The person to tell me stories, the person to tell me jokes,
The person who I got along with best, The person who understood what I said, The person who I could say anything too, The person who would make me smile, the person who would tell me things even If I got mad, The person I honestly trusted.
I love you dillon,
but don’t you realize,
You took all of that away from me.
R.I.P
093009.
lovemeggyboo.
Dillon,
I miss you.
I want to talk to you right now,
I want to talk to you all the time,
and it kills me that I can’t.
They’re so many things that i’d like to say to you
So many things on my mind, and so many questions that I have.
I wish I could go back in time and change that day,
I wish I wouldn’t of lost you.
I wonder all the time what you’re doing and who you are with
and if you’re happy, and I can’t just pick up the phone and call you anymore, I wish I had once chance, one wish, because I would choose for you to be back in a heartbeat.
Maybe you wanted to go, That is what I’m unsure of.
I don’t think you would have wanted to leave like this,
Maybe just a cry for help, but didn’t actually think of the terrible outcome it came to be.
I wish you would of chose more wisely,
because now I’m lost.
I love you
Meggyboo.
babbbe,
today is february 14th; also known as valentine’s day.
right before i went to sleep lastnight; i looked up at the sky and begged you to come back and show up right next to me when i woke up the next morning. my wish didnt come true. you’re still not here.
you would of made day, my month, my year, and my entire life. i have so much to tell you. so much has happened in the past 5 months. im so different but honestly; everyday i tell myself “maybbe this is the way its supposed to be”
iloveyoudillonchiulli.
you will always be my love. always. no one will ever have that name to me. to me, you are MY love. forever and ever.
i get teary everyday missing you so much. i’ve never missed someone soo much before. i will do anything to bring you back even if i have to sacrifice my own life. we were so close but i wish we could be so much closer. i liked you so much. i miss our laughs and our long ass phone conversations in the middle of the night. but more than that; i miss our life talks. you gave me confidence to never give up. especially with school, friends, family and boys. you are my motivation to do welllll and i will make you proud.
just stay with me forever.
happy valentines day, my loove. <3
Dillon,
I miss youu soo.
Today was valentine’s day.
Wasn’t anything special.
I miss you dill.
I would absolutely love for you to call me right now
and talk to me all night like you used to do.
but until then I’m just going to listen to my voicemails until I can
actually hear your voice again,
Sometimes I try to be positive and think that you are happier
now, and that you are in a better place, and yeah that’s a good way to look at it, but in reality, I bet you miss us tooo.
I love you dill.
Happy Valentine’s day<3
Love Meggyboo
Hey Dillon,
A lot of stuff is happening lately, so much stuff that I need to tell you. Baseball started, and your ass isn’t out there. Every time I play brother, it’s for you. The last baseball game I played, you were there, playing with me, ballin’ it up. You had a chance this year too. I know you did. You told me you were excited for baseball season, I knew you were going to bust your ass to play baseball with me. The three amigos, me you and bubba, would have been together, but this happened. Hope you’re having a good time up there man
Love, Hayden
Dillon Edward Chiulli.
My heart for you aches.
And I’m talking about you right now.
And I’m crying.
I love how people say they understand when they
really don’t. They don’t understand how I feel
and this never ending battle that takes place every single day.
I miss you so much.
please come to me,
I need you.<3
dillon,
i think about you all day long and just little things remind me of youu. like for example; i went to the mall the other day and this guy sitting at the table next to me in the food court literally looked EXACTLY like you and he had his arm around another girl. right when i saw him; it gave me second thoughts that maybe you’re not gone. but thenn again why would you be in san jose? idkk. also, me and my newly boyfriend were walking around campbell on valentines day, and right in front of us there was a sign that said “dillon avenue”.
& some other little things remind me of you.
i miss you so much.
i just wish i had one more chance to talk to you. but i guess it’s my punishment for not believing you in the first place. i’m sorry and i regret it more than anything in my life. i didnt believe you and for that i lost you. september 30th was the worst day of my life ontop of it being suicide awareness day.
& everyday i regret not talking to you and fighting with you for the 2 weeeks before your passing. i regret letting you go. i regret not talking to you. i wasted that time. i could of changed your mind or done something to make you last a little longer. i regret it everyday and i should of never let you go or given up on you because i would never do that. i was stupid i should of realized how special you were to me and cherished the time i had with you.
this song explains it:
what do you say
when you can’t even look the one you love in the face
all you can think about is
what price are you’re gonna pay
everything i worked so hard for
i blew it away
just for a moment
so how do i explain the tears you cry
trading in your love for just one night
sorry baby i apologize
hoping that’s enough to get me by
you ain’t never know me to be like this
i was so weak could not resist
that it never happened would be my wish
i can’t believe what i did
why did i let go
knowing you’d never do me the same
i should of just came home
but i didn’t know how to leave
i left you alone
i did not mean to play with your heart
should of never let go
i dealt with the pain
of the mess i made
and watching you walk away
like it’s crazy here without you
but you’re not to blame, no
after finding you maybe i thought i could change
it lasted a moment
now i can’t even stop the tears i cry
don’t want to deal with this another night
what i did before i don’t know why
when you’re the one i needed in my life
you ain’t never know me to be like this
i was so weak could not resist
i don’t think i’m gonna get over this, no
i can’t believe what i did
why did i let go
knowing you’d never do me the same
i should of just came home
but i didn’t know how to leave
i left you alone
i did not mean to play with your heart
should of never let go
please i have control
cause i.. baby i can’t let go
just don’t wanna believe that it’s over
cause every night and every day
i’m hoping that you’re okay
ohhh
you know it’s hard to let go
i wrote an essay scholarship about you. sad thing because the topic was “what was the most difficult part of your life and how you overcame it”. But i haven’t overcame it yet. i miss you more than i could tell you. i’m still mad and bitter. i always look down your street on my way home and to school expecting to see you out. did you know how many people you were going to affect like really? i love you and all but wtf. that’s it for now
Hey, havent been on here for awhile just saying i miss you man. I was going through my Xbox games the other day and found LOTR lol. I remember borrowing and was gonna keep it for as long as i could till you forgot. I know it was a dick thing to do but its a BA game. So this is the first time i have been on this site in 2 months and still seems like the same 2 people are writing everyday. I swear this weekend im gonna go to your house i havent been to your house since i ATTEMPTED to stay the night there. Also i guess our marine biology class is going to go to Monterey sometime. Guess ill have to find another buddy to ride up with. Also i decided where im gonna go to college im gonna Apply to Mesa JC and Hayden is gonna go to the University and were gonna rent a appartment. Ya just telling you whats been up and this is gonna be my last time coming to this site.
Love you man, Ehren
I’m missing you alot dillon, Things have been okay for me right now,
but that’s all my day ever is, I can never say I have a good day anymore because I don’t, I have okay days, but never anything amazing. Something amazing would be if you were still apart of my day, I don’t even know when I’m going to be able to say I had an amazing day. I love you dillon. But how could you do this. Sometimes I wonder if it ever crossed your mind that we would have to live without you for the rest of our entire life. Spending our days missing you and wishing you were in the moment to cherish the memories with us. I hate the decision you made dillon. Hate is a strong word but this is the one thing I can ever say I honestly hate.
i miss you soo much dillon. its been tooo long since we’ve talked buut you were in my dream last night. you called me and i was sitting in my living room watching a movie and you kept making these weird noises and i kept telling you to stop!& just talk with words not noisess. and yet you kept doing it because it made me laugh. it gave me hope that maybe when i woke up; you’d call me and say “everything is okay” just like youu alwayss would when i was down on myself. but i woke up and callled your phone and it was off. this is terrible dillon.
i took a tripp to carmel, monterey and capitola yesterday to spendd the day there with my friend and her parents. it was reallly fun but i spend the whole ride there and back listening to my ipod and thinking about you. the subject came up about why i didnt do anything for my 16th birthday. i told them this guy dillon i was really close with passsed away two days before. and of course they asked 7654567654 questions. it was a really good conversation actually. everytime i used to talk about you, i would just start crying. now i feeel i can actually talk about it and not cry. and be proud that i met you, got to know you, and i learned so much from you. its an improvement. but since we talked about life and everything the whole 2 hour drive there, my friends dad gained soo much respect for me and said i was an amazing genuine person because of how i handled everything and how i’m a really strong person.
also; my boyfriend and I broke up two days ago. for some reasons it was for the better, but i really do thank him for helping me get through this. my choice of breaking up with him, i think you had an impact in my decision in some way shape or form. maybe you gave me the vibes to just end it. i dont know, but thankk you because honestly, i don’t need a guy like him in my life.
i love you dilllon. with all my heart. i wish you were that guy that i could always be physically here with me for my entire life and never ever leave me.
i’m wearing your jerseyy to bed tonight, i love youu<3
http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r51/ilovsnickers00/Picture1284-1.jpg
Dillly,
I hate this so much.
I want to talk to you know,
and I don’t want to wait forever to talk to you again.
I want you back now. Why did this have to happen.
It’s not fair. I wish I could yell at you right now,
but if I did see you I probably would hug you and not let you go and cry till’ you promise to stay, because I couldn’t bare to loose you again. I hate that I don’t have someone to talk to. Yes, I ditalk to you about my problems, but mainly that was the first five mintues of our conversation. It was always a routine. First we would talk about our day, second talk about what we ate and third talk about any other things we wanted to talk aboutt. I miss hearing you sing those songs that I thought were absolutely retarted and I miss hearing you talk about your neighbors house, and I remember the little kid would listen to me but not youu, cause he thought I was pretty hah. I miss hearing you baby talk to your dog, and when you talked with your mouth full. I miss hearing your jokes, and I miss your text messages. I miss every little detail about you.
I miss you dill.
Lovemeggyboo.
Hey dilll.
I’m veryy tired,
Hopefully I can sleep in tommorrow, That would be nice,
I listened to my voicemail again last night, And i have memorized every word you said because of how many times I have listened to it.
I want things to change dillon, I don’t want to deal with not having you anymore, because I miss you, and I hate that you’re gone.
I want things to change so that they are easier, and more simpler, I’m sick of complicated stuff that I can’t do anything about.
I Need You Now.
Lovemeeggyybbooo.
dillon,
its been a long road. i tried to cut it short, but im glad i didnt. i love you dillon. i honestly do. but someone taught me something. something i didnt believe at first and didnt understand. until last night. they told me that love is something that stays in your heart forever. but that you can love more then one person. not at the same time but throughout your life time. and last night i realized that i love you and always will, but i can love somebody else. and i am in love with someone. but that doesnt mean i have to let you go. your in my heart forever. and your still my bf4l. im telling you this before any1 else so feel special. you still have my heart and i trust you. i miss you dillon. and i think about you every day. please dont ever leave me. help me live and love because im scared. and whenever im scared you were there. i still need you dillon.
with all my love
-Anna
Dillon,
I hate this weekend,
It’s been horrible.
Ugh I wish you were here,
I need to talk to you so bad,
I went to church today and they’re were talking about God doing miracles,
You were my miracle dillon,
You were always there for me and you were so special.
Why did I have to loose my miracle.
I love you ):
loveMeggybooo.
Wow, I hate how I wrote a big long thing on here last night and it diddn’t even post:/
That makes me so angry.
I’ve had a horrible day.
I wish you were.
Ineedtotalktoyou.
I miss you dillon.
</3.
Dillon,
I found out that i have a stalker at my school.
Greatt. I miss talking to you about the guys who would hit on me, cause you would get so protective
and i remember this
“idc what your relationship is with her, but im just saying dont fuck with
her heart alright? or ill fuck with you, cause honestly theres no one
closer to me than her, so im just letting you know, idc if your…”
You had a fight with this guy i liked cause he hurt me, ughh
I miss you dillon
Love youu:(
dilllon,
allday everyday i’m constantly missing you. i always think to myself what life would be like if you were here. liike if you never left. i literallly wrote on a piece of paper all our inside jokes and gooodtimes we had. i miss it so much.
along with megan; you were so protective over me too. we would have like three hour conversations at midnight on the phone of me just venting to you and you wouldnt hang up the phone tilll i stopped crying. i talked to you about literallly everything. you were my liife. i depended on you more than anything. we used to talk about guy problems like guys playing me like jared and other peopple and we used to talk about my family being reallllllly annoying. everytime you asked what i was doing and i said something like i was gonnna hang out with people or going to a party, you would always talk to me and ask me 7654765 questions just to make sure i would be safe. you would get so mad at me if i made the wrong decision but it always showed you cared. you were the only guy in my entire life that i never gave up on & cared soo much about. i miss it more than anything in the entire world just knowing you’re not coming back. its probably the worst feeeling in the world and i have to live with it.
i hopee you’re happy there in heaven,
i wish you were here so i couldd ask you to sadies on friday 🙁
visit me in my dreams please,
you honestly keeep me going every single day.
kaylaababyy<3
Dillon,
Let me start off this by saying I love you so much,
and I miss you dearly.
Like I usually do,
But I really want too know why,
Why did you make this decision.
Why did you make that stupid mistake that would separate us.
Why did you leave me,
Why did you not tell me.
Why do I have to live with missing you everyday,
It hurts dillon.
It hurts to know that you aren’t here anymore.
It makes me think that you are going to disappear from my memory.
It makes me pray to God that you don’t.
Because the memories that I have of you are all I have left.
And I’m holding on to the ever so tightly.
I won’t let them go dillon.
I won’t ever let you go.
You’re in my heart,
Forever & always
I love youu.
<3meggyboo.
Hey dillon,
I’m trying hard, so hard to be better.
I know that I have gotten better, I can smile now, and I can laugh.
But this is something that has affected me so drastically,
I mean of course it would, loosing someone you were so extremely close with. I have to admit, yes I have gotten better. Not a whole lot better but I have made progress. I still think this everyday, That I want to call you and tell you something, but then I think damnit, what the hell.
I hate it. I hate that I can’t talk to you anymore. I hate that I can’t tell you I love you anymore. I miss you so much dillon, I’m sick of this feeling. I was looking through my phone, And i saw a picture of me last year that I sent to you on you’re birthday holding a sign that said happy birthday dill! (:
I have pictures of you in my room, and when I look at them it makes me smile, but it makes me miss you so much.
It’s like how could you do that.
I wish you could of came to realize that I cared about you so much,
And I hope you now know that you were so important to me.
Why does life have to work this way.
Why did it have to be that you are now out of my life,
Was there anything I could have done?
Could I have stopped this.
I wish I could have.
Because I miss you so much, and I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and miss you, and miss you the next day and miss you the next day after that. It just isn’t fair.
I remember talking till’ five in the morning and you would tell me I couldn’t go to bed even though I was already falling asleep on the phone,
Why can’t that still be going on today,
&& now I can’t even call anyone try cry to when I’m breaking down like right now, because who was the one I called when I was crying,
It was you dillon,
It was you.
I miss you so much,
I love you.
Love Megan.
still missing you man :/
Heyy Dill[:
i havent wrote on here so im gonna. i thought about you today in Marine Bio. we were watching finding Nemo and i was thinking man only if Dillon was here it would be SOO much funnier[: i miss you love. visit me in my dreams.
i love you
-Kayla.
you weren’t even in that classs…
Hey theree Dillon,
I was going through my comments today on myspace, I ended up sitting there reading through all of your comments and trying to remember all of our conversationss. It was cute how you always called me kid and tay babyy. Even though I’m not a kidd. I wish I could talk to you again. 🙁
See you in heaven somedayy.
– TayBabyy
Heyy dill.
Today was a better day than the past couple.
I just miss you so much, and dying to talk to you.
I’m like so worn out and tired and I just want to hear from you.
I’m thinking back to when youu used to tell me a goodnight story,
And it would always start once upon a time, there was this amazingly beautiful girl named megan and… Then you would talk about she met a pretty cool kid and then…. and it would always end in a “they lived happily ever after” but where is my happily ever after in this story.
You left, and now I have no happily ever after.
I want to re-write my story, The whole day of September,30,2009 and erase 5th period woodshop, where I would find out the worst news of my life.
I miss you so much.
but yoou always were my happy ending:/
Now what do i do,
I miss youu.
lovemeggy.
Hey dillon,
I miss youu:/ soo freaking muchh.
I want to talk to youu, right noww.
I wishh youu were heree.
I miss your laughhh,
I miss when I would say stupidd stuff and you
would be likee meggyy your so cute. The funnyy thing is no matter how dumb something I said was, I never felt dumb, Like You always made me feel special. I <3 you dillon,
Please come back to mee.
everynight before i go to sleep, i look up at my ceiling, say “goodnightt my love” and blow you a kisss. its routine for me now. me telling you “i love you”; i feel it’s never enough because i more than love you. i just wish you would of known but you knew how much you meant to me. i miss you everyday and i completely zone out in class thinking about you and how you made me feel so important and special. it’s probably the worst feeeling in the entire world knowing you’re not coming back but you’ll stilll be here in my dreams right.? you’re still with me. i know you are. stay with me forever.
iloveyoudillonchiulli.
Dipppy. I miss you so much. so guess what? I finally got my license about 2 months ago and for my birthday my parents bought me a mercedes. Not as nice as a camaro (i know because i really wanted to buy this like 83′ camaro burlinetta from my aunt, you would have appreciated it, everyone else thought it was ugly 🙁 ) But anyways, about a week ago i got in a car accident, my mercedes is totaled 🙁 Of course it was the topic to talk about in Art, and i missed you so much because i know you would have totally offered me a ride home like you used to, but i always said no because i didn’t want to make you drive all the way out there, but then again you loved having girls ride in that T-top huh? Well life is just shitty and i really miss you and Marissa and i miss my car 🙁 Love you dillon
Oh my dillon, i’ve been so busy this weeekend.
I had a dream about you the other night andd you called me to warn me about something, but it didn’t make sense and i’m so confused I want to talk to you again, Like I got to talk to you in my dream and I actually got a response, and it hurts that if I say something right now, I won’t get one:/ I miss you so much and I want to talk to you so bad, please come to me in another dream. I want to talk to you so bad. I miss you too much I lovee youu dillll.
lovemegggyboo
Dear Dillon,
I missss youu,
I love you so much.
I wish I could have you back more than anything.
I just still can’t believe its been this long.
I still feel like you and I are as close as we were before you left.
Then in first period today i realized that todays date is 030910. if you switch the first numbers its 0930. Ugh, That just reminded me of you more.
Why did it have to be you. why ?
I hate this.
I love you so much.
<3 Meggybooo.
hey dillon:) i was goin through my inbox today on myspace and i know you hated how i never delete my messages, i had 207 of them, but as i was goin through them i found some messages from you, and wen i was reading them i just wanted to cry because we were talking about how we where supposed to wear our matching t shirts, and we never did it. I wish we could have,especially since it took us about 2 hours to find shirts in the mall that would fit both of us lol i really miss you. but im saving those messages just so i can read em everyonce and while so i know your always here:) i love you dillon:)
p.s. i deleted my inbox by the way, well besides your messages.. love you
Dear dillon, I miss you so muchh, I think about you all the time.
I just wish I could talk to you right now, I miss talking to. I miss getting your phone calls. & your voicemails, which I still have.
I hope I never loose them, I even recorded them on my computer just in case anything happened to my phone. & then some dumb girl, I went on her myspace today and she totally took what I wrote about you on my profile. word for word. I just wish you were here. </3.
I miss you.
Lovemeggyboo.
Dillon, i cannot its been almost a year since you’ve been gone. We all think about u everyday. Many people are still recovering from your death. WE LOVE YOU DILLON. Forever in my heart and prayers. Cannot wait to see you in heaven. <3 Maddison
i miss you so much dillon; more than i could ever put into words. i still write to you on paper then just throw it away to put all my feeelings onto paper. its almost been 6 months. thats so long dillon.
i was in a really bad mood last night. you know how much my family irriated me and last night i just blew up at them. now im to the point where i just want to leave. i want to leave my house. i dont know anymore. and im just so done with my stupid friends, my stupid school, and myself. then i realized i wasnt wearing that bracelet in rememberance of you. maybe thats why i had badluck. or maybe your punishing me for something. i just wish my questions were answered.
i want to be with you so bad. i wish i could just see you or call you or something. i need you.
I miss you so much it hurts. I have dreams about you all the time. You were like a brother to me. I don’t think of much but you, it’s hard to get you out of my mind. I know we weren’t close the last year and a half or so but you were my best guy friend I’ve ever had and it just sucks knowing that I’ll never see you again alive. That’s why it sucks so much to have you in my dreams because you’re always there and you’re not supposed to be. It hurts. I love you.
Dillon, I’m sorry I haven’t been on here for a few days, I’ve been so busy. I usually just talk to you in my head, but I look forward to typing it out to you sometimes. I miss you so much. I went to san fransico on Saturday. I walked into this shop. There were elmos everywhere dillon, Then I walked out of the shop and a little while later there was a balloon animal that was in the shape of emlo. Ugh. I miss you so much and I just want you back, I almost lost my friend the other night to suicide, and It brought back so many things with you. So much hurt that I’m still trying to deal with. I hate that I have to deal with this. I should have never lost you. Ever. You mean so much to me dillon, and I’d give anything for one last phone call with you. I love you so much. <3
Meggyboo.
Dillon, I can’t even begin to describe how much a miss you. Everytime i go through my drawers, i see your shirt and have to stop myself from breaking down. It’s been over 5 months and i must admit, I still can not accept that your really gone. I would love more than anything to sit by you at the tables at lunch or turn around and see you throwing gummy bears at someone. Seemed like you ALWAYS had gummy bears. Haha. I ditched track practice today and it made me think of last year when i used to say i was getting help from a teacher and just go sit and talk to you. All my crazy questions most people would find strange, that you just calmly explained to me until i understood. I miss your voice, your swagger, haha! your laugh, your hugs, everything about you i miss. I hope your having fun up there with Marissa. I love you so much! RIP Dilly. Can’t wait to see you(:
DillonChewlee,
i’ve never thought about someone more than i’ve thought about you. i think about you all day long. im not exagerating either. it’s been almost 6 months and its the hardest 6 months ive ever been through. so much has happened. i didnt just loose you. but i also lost my great grandpa and sooon to be my great grandma too. i’m going through a lot and i need you here. i just need you to talk to. i dont want anyone else except you.
today at lunch with my aunt and my mom, they brought up the subject about my greatgrandpa passing away and how my great grandma is pretty much on the verge. they were talking about how my greatgrandpa is most likely in hawaii right now because that was his favorite place but i wanna know where you are. they also brought up the subject about god. my aunt said something like what if when you passed away and you went to heaven, if god gave you like a book of your life and in it said everything that happened and why it happened. it got me thinking alot.
my aunt; being a therpist; talked about ffeeling selfish and why we cry. straight up; we cry because were selfish and we dont want to loose you because we feel completely lost and we dont know what were gonnna doo. honestly dillon; yeah thats why im crying but im also crying because i hate to think of you being in that state of actually doing this. it breaks me heart. literally. so many people have asked me why im not happy and some people just know im not happy. i havent been happy for so long and i feel like you were the only one making me happpy.
you knew me inside and out. i’d say 98%. yeah i didnt see you as many times as i wanted to; but we always texted or talked on the phone. i swear; our conversations on the phone were soo funny. you would make me laugh for the most random reasons and i miss it so much.
sorry that im selfish and i want you back.
its just so hard thinking that you think everything is gonna move on and nobody will care or notice you’re gone. its so not true. if i knew for a fact that you were happy whereever you are, then i would feel a little better but im so clueless. beyond clueless.
i need your help dillon.
im constantly getting pushed around by so many people. is it that im easy to get along with, too much of an easy going person, im too nice and i care too much? im trying so hard to just not care about some people and somethings but its so hard because that’s who i am. you know that. no guys ever care about me because im always getting used or played but you were the only one who truely cared and i knew that from day one. i dont want anyone else except you.
its been so long and i need to accept the fact you’re not coming back but you’re here as a spirit and you’re always gonna be with me everywhere i go and everything i do.
guide me to being a happier person. please.
iloveyoudillon.
hey dillon, i miss you ):
i wishh you were still here with us.
we would always call each other fatass andd i just miss it :/
Heyy Dillon.
I miss you soo much.
Alot has happened that I wish I could talk to you about.
For example This one guy has been sending me perverted texts and saying he wants to get me so my mom called the cops:/.
& she won’t let me go to school.
Ugh I wish I could talk to you about this.
I know you would say something like megan I swear if any guy ever touched you I’d kill himm, you’ve said that many times for you, and I guess I’m just waiting for you to say it :/
I miss youu, :/
Lovemeggyboo
i miss you dillon alot! i cant wait to see you again, thats all i think about is just seeing ur face again someday, and just talking to you again, all i want is to see your face just one more time, i still have ur shirt that u let me borrow wen i spilled crap all over my shirt its in my closet, sometimes i wear it around the house just for fun:)i love you alot dillon! i miss u soo much. i miss ur advice, i finally found a realy good boy, hes super sweet and very cute i wish u were here to meet him and approve of him like u always did, well its late im having a movie nite, with some friends love u again dillon!
<3 darian
yesterday was my birthday dillon! sweet 16. missd u yeseterday . miss u always!
dillon,
everrrrrrrrrryday i miss youu. i cant even explain it. but it’ll be six months this month. thats soooooo long 🙁
i got my bracessssss off on wednesday 🙂 i wishh i could show youu. i remember always complaining about my braces and how you usedd to always want pictures of me smiling and stuff but i hated my smile. but the one picture that i was smiling; you put it as your wallpaper on your phonee. oh andd i remember you wanting me to bite your lip at the movies but i was afraid to because i didnt want to hurt youu. and you used to always say “you’re beautiful no matter what” but maybee you can see me from heavenn? heres a picturee, http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r51/ilovsnickers00/0318001643a-1.jpg
iloveloveloveloveloveloveloveyou
Dillon,,
I just had an aniexty attack.
I said that I miss you on my myspace status
Some little asshole just posted “he did it to himself Fuck!!!”
WTF. Then he took the time to im me saying all this shit about you
Omg dillon, I couldn’t breathe I ran into my moms room and she got so freaked out and I almost fainted.
I miss you so much and my mind went blank and I just wanted to call you,
Like without even think I was like I need to talk to dillon, not even realizing that you are gone.
I hate that people don’t get it.
He told me that you would be ashamed of me because I didn’t argue with him, all i said was fuck you, and he said”that’s all you got”
wtf. Dillon
I need youu soo bad.
Help me.
Lovemegggyboo.
Dillon,
Not too long ago i was thinking of last summer and about Abbies party when it got busted by he parents. All i could think of was you and Marcus saying names of sex positions and me and Alex looking at you too like you guys were crazy! That was the last time we hung out and im sorry and sad about that because you are a great person and truly do miss you alot! And I no that at graduation im going to cry because you arent going to walk. I miss you. and i will never forget you!
Cant wait to see you again!
<3 Neibeth.
I left you a post the other day, but I guess it didn’t post.
I miss you so much dillon, it hurts.
I wish I could talk to you so bad,
I wrote another poem for you today, but I’ll put it up tommoorow.
I’m constantly thinking about you.
I’ll always have you in my heart.
I’ll never forget you, there is no way I could.
I <3 youu.
lovemeggyboo
I had another dream about you last night. Again, you weren’t supposed to be there and I was the only one that knew the truth. I kept trying to talk to you and wrote everything you said down so that I could prove you were still alive. I miss you so much. Wish you were still with us. Love you.
Dillon,
I miss you,
I keep writing poems to you,
and I always start crying when I right them
I like writing to you, because It feels like I’m remembering you more
and like You’re not just slipping away.
I hate the fact that people can go about living their normal lives
not having to deal with this,
I know it’s selfish of me, but I can’t help it,
I hate that I can’t see you anymore cause’ I miss you soo badd.
It’s driving me insane not being able to talk to you.
I’m so hurt by so many things and I just need you to come back.
Things would be so much better if you were here.
I don’t want to miss you.
I want to have you back, now. So can’t you just call me and say you’re okay and here,
That there was this big, HUGE misunderstanding?
please dillon:/
lovemeggybooo.
dillon i cant explain to you how much you meant and still mean to me. you are my everything. i feel like you control me. you tell me where to go and what to say. i was talking to my grandma last night and she was saying how she misses her dad soo much but hes giving her strength to move on and everything she does is for him. you are my motivation dillon. you really are. everything i do is for you. i feel like whenver im in a tough situation deciding some things, you tell me the right thing to do and it always works out in the end because i know you want me to be happy. just like my grandma said last night; i dont care what people say about you, death, or an after life. i have my own beliefs and people call me crazy and whatever but honestly i dont care. in my mind you’re still here as a ghost. you told me you would never leave me. dont ever leave me.
it’s been almost 6 months and i miss you more every single day that goes by. i love you dillon, more than anyone will ever understand and my love for you will last forever.
you are one amazing guy. the most amazing; loving; caring guy i’ve ever met.
Dillon,
Please I beg of you,
Come back,
Why did you have to leave,
Why did you make that stupid decision.
Why, Why, Why !
I need you.
I’m sick of all the days going by not talking to you
I don’t think you understood how much you mean to me.
How much you helped me, How much I need you.
But most of all, how much i love and miss you.
The pain I feel of losing you, is a pain Ive never felt before,
I wish I didn’t have to feel this way.
&I wish I was talking to you this very minute.
Sometimes I’ll just sit here and think of all the times of us talking about the craziest things, and It makes me think of how did this happen, I know I’m never going to have anyone in my life that amazes me as much as you did,
You were my fiance’ dill,
No matter what.
I love you<3
lovemeggyboo.
Dillon, It was 6 months ago today that my world changed completely. My world and so many others. Your Dad & I have cried more tears in the past 6 months then we have in our entire lives. I know in my heart that you didn’t mean for it to end the way it did and that brings me a small bit of comfort. But it doesn’t bring me you. I’m not sure who wrote this but it sums it all up ~
Thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, with which I’ll never part. God has you in His keeping, I have you in my heart.
I Love You & I Miss You. Mom
Dillon, Today is 6 months from your death,
Half a year without you.
Yesterday I was crying all day at school, I can’t begin to explain how much I think of you, it’s probably because we had so many memories,
I just wish we could have made more. I know we are separated right now, but not forever. You mean the world to me, I remember conversations that we had, and our long phone calls, And I wish they never would have ended. I miss you so much and I wrote this poem for you,
I want to leave and never return
This empty hole, will always burn
I hate that you are gone, Why aren’t you here
six months is already,half a year
I wish I could have, just let you know
That I never would have wanted, you to go
You left me asking, wondering why
You left me here, without a goodbye
I am still lost, and still confused
I am still sad, Without you.
You always made me laugh, not once did you make me cry
Until I realized that day, you were no longer alive
Dillon please, this is something I can’t stand
To be here without you, It wasn’t part of our plan
Why did you leave, this isn’t fair
Please come back, I need my teddybear
I miss all your stories, in the middle of the night
and not hearing your voice, is an everday fight
But I promise to call, and write to you too,
And I promise forever, I’ll always love you.
love youu dilly.
lovemeggyboo.
i had a complete break down last night and the night before that. i was really quiet at school yesterday and cried alot. its horrible dillon. i look up at the sky and talk to you every morning, during the day, and everynight. i wear my bracelet everyday. you dont know how hard it is for people who love you so much; to live without you. 6 months is so long. longer than ive ever not talked to someone. honestly dillon; knowing that you did this and knowing that you’re not coming back is the worst feeling in the entire world.
i just want to be in heaven with you so ill be happy because you were the only one who made me happy. i think about everytime you made me laugh, everytime we hugged, everytime we hung out, everytime we kissed, and everytime you made me smile.
this is my biggest regret dillon and i would do anything to take it back. you mean the entire world to me dillon.
what happened to our phone calls and talking about random stuff? likee my cats and how we were gonna get married because you called me kayla chiulli and how evertime we got off the phone you would say “byeee kayla chiulli” or “gooodnightt kayla chiulli; i love youu” and how you were gonnna come pick me up so we could watch moviess & cuddle and how we hadd so manny inside jokes. all of that are memories now. memories that will stay with me forever.
you really completely changed my life. i dont think anyone will ever understand how much of an impact you made in my life. you changed me into a better person. really thinking about everything that has happened in the past 6 months and all the emotions, its still so hard to believe for me. or maybe because i just dont wanna believe it. everytime i asked you what you considered me, you always said “my love, what do you consider me?” and i would alwayss say myy baby or my love” i will never call anybody else that. you ARE my love.
RIP i love you babeey.
Heyy dilly,
I miss youu,
Today was an okay day, I’m just glad I get to be on spring break.
It’s definetely a plus. I wish I could talk to you and tell you all that’s going on. I always think of you. I love you, Rest in Peace<3
loveMeggyboo
Heyy dill,
Today was easter
I still miss you soo much,
I mainly hung out with ffam,
I had to wake up early and go to see my dad,
then I got dropped off at tessas house because jake is leaving for the navy:/
I’m going to miss him.
After that I came home to a house full of people so it’s been kind
of a hectic day,
I wish I could talk tooo you
I lovee youu,
lovemeggyboo.
Heyy Dillon.
I hungg out with your mom yesterday,
we went to thee movies:D
I really miss youu dill.
I wish I could have you backk,
I wishh I could still tell you things
But i guess I can, just i won’t get a reply
that’s okay,
I will someday,
I love youu soo muchh dill<3
lovemeggyboo.
i loooooooove you <3
Heyy dilly,
I’m still on spring breakk, I go back on monday :/
I don’t want to go backk, I hate school,
Too many fake people, and fake smiles throughout the day,
I can’t wait to get through highschool, I want to get the hell out of here, and do my own thing.
I wish I could talk to you, I talked to you about so many things,
I want to hear you laugh agaain, I miss when I could hear you smiling about somethin I said, or whenn I was confused about something you would laugh at me and then explain it too me, And I would be like don’t laugh haha
I miss all those times:/
I wish we could of had more.
I love you so muchh dill.
lovemeggyboo.
dilllon my love;
the past 2 days were hard for me. we had this assembly at school about drunk driving called “every 15 minutes” they even demonstrated it and we had a mock funeral for the people who “died in the crash”. when we had the mock funeral on thursday; i cried the entire day. during it; friends wrote letters to them saying what they wished they could’ve said to them; parents writing letters to them; and the kids who “died” writing lettters to their friends and family. it was so hard listening to it. every single one of the letters reminded me of you and they were exactly how i felt. all of my emotions came back.
i thought about you allllday yesterday. i’m officially on spring break now. i havee alllll of next week off. and the first thing that i thought of was visiting you. but i want you to come back so we can hang out. you left waaaay too early. i stilll remember everything we talked about and everything we said we were gonnna do and now we can’t. since i have the next 10 days off; karena wanted me to go upp to ripon to visit. right when she asked me; i thought “i can see dillon too!” oh wait; no i can’t.
dilllllllllllllllllllon whyyyyyyy did you leave me.?!
everytime i really think about alllll that has happened; its so hard for me to believe its really true.
why can’t this allll be onee huge misunderstanding?
if i had one wish; it would be for you to come back to me.
Dillon, I’m at home right now,
I wish I could be talking to you,
but I can’t i wish I could tell you everythin and I wish I could talk to you again
I remember when we would talk on the phone every night and one night your mom was like are you talking to antioch,
i miss those nights,
especially when you would sing songs and I’d be like dilly hush!
Haha I miss youu bestfriend:(
loveemeggyboo
Dillon, today was my first day back to school
since spring break, soooo freakingg lame.
Ugh, my teachers don’t care, at all.
SO idkk. I hope heaven is alot better than here,
and i know you are looking down on me and I can’t help
but miss you every single day, I would give anything to have
you back in my life. I thought you’d be here for a much longer time than you were. It’s not fair you were taken from me so young,
Iloveyou
lovemeggyboo.
dillon;
i think about you every single dayy; but thats nothing new.
actually i’ve thought about you everyday for the past 2 years so its definitely not anything new.
junior prom is next month and honestly i really really wanna go but idk who to go with. i dont likee anyone. i remember when this guy Andre asked me last year; you got kinda jealous that he asked me and that you wished you went to my school so you could ask me. i need a date this year. i want you to be my date. you would be my dream date and myy dream come true.
i wanted to take you to my winterball last december but that didn’t work out :/
i loved you in every single way possible but sometimes some things just aren’t enough ?
i’m on spring break right now and i wishh i could come visit you and we couldd hang out or somethinggg.
i’ve met so many guys in the past years and no one has or will ever compare to you. i’ve moved onto other people but something always keeps me attached to you in some way. you’ll always have the biggest part of my heart forever and ever and ever and ever because i know you’ll keep it safe and protect it
<3
i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you . i love you .
iLllondaa… Its been a little over half a year.. and its been so hard.. I finally got the guts to come on here and write. I have so much built up insidde me.. I dont have anyone that comes even close to you to talk to.. I miss you dillon.. Why is my most used word. and why by rascal flatts is my favorite song. Everytime i hear it i feel you with me.. I miss our talks. I miss your voice. I miss your hugs. I miss your touch. I miss your name popping up on my phone every other second.. Your gone now.. and i cryy. I cry hard. You were my bestfriend.. i told you everything every single day. and you told me things which i thought was everything.. i miss you so much dill. I would do anything to see your face again. I would do anything to hear your voice. to have a hug. Just to see you dillon.. I’d do anything for you to come back.. I was so stoked to watch you play baseball this year.. And i miss your car.. And the extremely hard cookies i begged you to bring to stouffer park cause i was just so starving.. I just wanted to see you finally. I remember you saying Car ramrod!! to my dad… Then leaning over and saying heyy tay. your dads now Ramathorn… We laughed so hard…
I miss you Dill..
<3
Come see me.
-ayylortaaa
iloveyou.
Heyy dilly,
Today was an alright day I guess,
it was a shortened wednesday so I got out at one fifty
someone walked in my class wearing an elmo shirt today and I instantly thought of you, I miss you so much, and I don’t think I’ll ever fully heal from loosing you, alll I can do is patch up the wound but the scar will always remain, I love you dillon.
Lovee Meggyboo.
Dillon Chiulli; I Love You.
You’re the only one i need.
Heyy Dillon,
I’ve been alright lately,
I’m actually sick right now, so I’m at home.
Tommorow is Katelyn’s concert for east county idol
so I’m going to that. Then I’m actually looking for a job too
So yeah, I really miss you. I think about you everyday and that isn’t going to change, no matter what. You left me physically, but not mentally. You will always be in my heart and in my thoughts. I miss hearing your jokes and your laugh, but I guess I will hear them again someday.
I remember when I would call you and I was upset you
would say Meggy be happy.
I won’t let people call me meggy anymore, it was your nickname for me
it always will be.
I lovee youu dillon.
love meggyboo.
Heyy dillon,
Today I’m still sick, and have a feverr
Lamee,
I wanna go to your grave soon,
I think I’ll ask my mom to go next weekend if
I can, I know going to your grave isn’t any different from talking to you here, but for some reason it makes me feel a little better
I miss you so much, words can describe I look at your picture on my wall everyday, and it just brings backk memories.
Memories I have are good, but I wish I had more, many moree.
I love youu dillon
lovemeggybooo
Dillon’ it’s still unreal man. Every waking moment, there is something missing from me, constant emptiness. I’m still waiting for you to come back, but i know you never left, my heart at least. No more of this dream bullshit, I want to really see you.
I fucking love you, thanks for looking over me man
Hey dillon,
I miss you alot,
I am fortunate to have many things that remind me of you throughout
the day, sometimes it makes me sad, sometimes it makes me smile,
Like whenever I see an elmo or cookie monster, and someone was wearing one today and I instantly think of you, I know you are at peace
but it still isn’t right to me, I wonder what you are doing up there and if you miss all of us down here, so many things have changed but hopefully you are looking down and seeing all of it, It’s a mystery to why some of these horrible things happen in the world, and I guess “there is a reason for everything” but why does something so amazing that has done absolutely no wrong in my life, have to leave it so abruptly. It isn’t fair, and it is something I can not comprehend.
I miss you everyday, always.
Lovemeggyboo.
Dillon, a little over 6 months wow. it feels like i was just with you the other day. and that your funeral was a week ago. but 6 months. i miss you so much dill. reading what your mom worte broke my heart. i really wish i would have had the chance to meet her with you. your always and forever in my thoughts i love you dillon(:
-Kayla
Dillon,
I miss you so much. Its been so long since I have gotten to talk to you about things,
I wish I could have a wish to make you come back,
Sometimes I sit here and think about what we would be talking about right at this exact moment, probably about something completely random or about food aha, I miss our pointless but funny conversations
or how i would just ramble on about the most random things
I miss you dill.
You mean so much to me and you always will
ps I’m wearing your shirt.
please visit me tonight
lovemeggyboo
Hey dillon,
I miss you so much
the nights I wish and pray for your phone calls are neverending,
I’m always going to want yoou to be here even if you can’t be,
I love you so much.
I think of our conversations and there was not one minute where I wasn’t smiling,
you always kept me laughing and you always had something to tell me even if it was chicken butt,
I miss those days, and i’d give anything to have more time with you
I love you sooooo much dillon
I always will.
<3lovemeggyboo.
Dillly,
I miss youu.
I think I had a dream about you last night
I just wish I could have remembered it.
I think about you all the time, and it’s impossible not
you were so important to me, and you still are,
sometimes it seems like all i write in these paragraphs to you is “I wish” I always tend to wish something about you but I never realize that it isn’t going to happen, even though you are gone, I still have you in my heart, I guess that is not good enough for me is it?
I have you locked up tight and you’re never going anywhere cause I need you here. But I just wish I could have you here physically, not just in my heart.
I miss you dilly
lovemeggyboo
Heyy dillon,
Man, seven months:/
And i still miss you like I did the first day,
so much time has gone by and im never ever going to forget you,
I love you so much dilly, please visit me.
Heyy Dill,
Well i found out that my grandma has a blot clot today, she is old
and she might have to have surgery, she’s a fragile little old lady,
I don’t know what to do dillon :/
i hope she’s okay, shes the one thats not my real grandma but has been more of a grandma to me then my own one,
I miss you so much
I need youu 🙁
dilllon,
i’m having a mental breakdown. i need to talk to you. i can’t wait here anymore. i’ve waited seven long months. i need you back in my life. please visit me in my dreams. i need to see you.
<3
dilllllon,
I miss you so much,
Today was pretty hard,
we had like this whole lecture about suicide today inn classs :/
It was pretty hardd
I wish I could talk to you.
I love you dillon
loveMeggboo
i wish there was a way you could come back. death was the only thing that could seperate us. honestly. but death is so permanent. you can’t take it back. once you made the decision; everything was over. i have many things i regret and i somewhat blame myself for the stuff you were going through. every single day i think about the day it happened and what i COULD of done to try and convince you out of this. you know how much my dad bugged me, you knew how i get played alll the time, and when i met you and got so close to you; i felt like you were the only guy that i thought would never leave me. i wish there was a way i could visit heaven and then come back here.
i wish alot of things but i guess things just happen for a reason and i just can’t let some things go. now all i have left is your jersey, your sweatshirt, my bracelet, your pictures, your laugh, and your kisses to remind me of you.
i’ll never let you go.
i have the confidence that i will see you again.
with alll my heart dillon, i love you.
my one wish is to have one last night with you. the night i was going to ask you to be with me on my birthday two days before you passed away. but it’s okay; it just wasnt ment to be.
hey dude 🙂
i havent left a message to you in a while so i thought id stop by to say helllo. i know you’re finally happy and free now. everyone’s doing better, but its not the same without you. we miss you, and we ALWAYS will. you’re always in our prayers, in our hearts, in our minds and in our souls. we miss you breh
love, kevin ton.
aka fatass
Dilllon, I miss you so much
Today has not been verry good :/
I lovee you dillon, I trusted you so much
I told you everything.
I don’t know what to do it seems like everyone i trust betrays me
everyone except you. you always kept your word to me
I love you will all my heart dillon.
If i could have you back right now it would be the greatest thing in my life.
<33
lovemeggyboo
Hey Dillon,
Well I just found out that I have to move :/
The guy that rented us our home, saved it for his mother
so now we have thirty days to move.
I really miss being able to talk to youu.
ughhh dillon.
i miss you
lovemeggyboo.
heyy dilly,
I guess I might be moving to oakley, or somewhere around antioch,
I miss being able to tell you these things over the phone or texting,
it’s so much easier to talk to you about things than other people because somehow you kinda made me forget about the bad things and made a joke out of it and got me to laugh, so in the end I wasn’t worried.
I miss that a lot,
I miss our conversations about our days, or about music, and food.
I just miss you being here, and being my best friend
I love youu dillon<3
loveeemeggyboo.
dillon-
junior/ senior balll was lastnightt. i thought about you and how you wanted to goo as my date last year. i would of taken you this year but this happened. but i know you were there with me but just not physically there.
i misss you babycakess
loveeyouu<3
Heyy Dillon,
Katelyn’s party was this weekend and I had a good time,
so that was good, and then me my mom and katelyn went looking around for houses, I can’t believe I have to move out of this house, I actually like it here in this one, I just don’t like living in antioch, I remember when we used to talk about it being so ghetto here because it really just was, and you didn’t even want me to walk outside cause your like megan you’re going to get shot, you made me laugh so much, to the point where there was tears in my eyes from laughing so hard, We NEVER had a dull conversation whatsoever. It was always entertaining and never awkward, I love you so much dill, I miss you, and our weird conversations about ghetto people and nanobots
://
I loveyouu
<3megggyboo
Dillon, wow i miss you so much and i figured everything out. and i loveeee youuuu! i have found my peace with you but i still miss you. GUESS WHAT!! i talked to your mommy and i cant wait to meet her like you always wanted me too. shes sweet and like my second mom! i thought i saw you today. but i took another look and it wasnt you. and i hear your voice at random moments of the day. i love you dill!
HEY dillyy[:
well i got a choir concert tonightt!
BE THERE!!!
im wearing high heals blahhh! i hope i dont trip and fall ha. catch me lol
well you really suckkk(: but i love youuu.
and Some senior girlss are ANNOYING!! *im my singing voice* lol. you understand. well i miss you down here dillon. and i love you. watch over us and your mommy! gosh i love that woman. ttyl dill?
Dill, concert went GREAT except the last song oppps lol i was by anna and tyler and he was making us laugh the WHOLE time lol. my pants made my buttocks look even BIGGER than it all ready is ha. and i was shaking=/ also cried for 30 mins after im gonna miss my momma messick lol. i love you DILLON. GRADUATION IS IN 8 DAYS!!!! YOU SUCK for that haha well i miss you!
♥always kay kay!
Dillly,
I miss you, :/
I found out today that I might be moving to this one house
that me and my mom both want, so my fingers are crossed.
It’s hard that I am still being reminded of you through out the day,
I kinda like it thought because if there wasn’t I’d be afraid that I’d forget about you, even though I know I could never, I just don’t want it to ever be a possibility. I just wish I could talk to you again,
It’s been too long dill.
I hope your family is doing okay, I miss them as well
and send them my love<3
Lovemeggyboo
Dillon :],
we miss you mucho. there’s only eight days of school left. wow, school is flying by so fast. i wish i was there for your graduation though ): but i know you’ll be with the class of ’10, as everyone graduates, and your name will never be forgotten.
we love you!
-Kevin ton
Ello, Buhhh so schools almost out. I hate school and im pretty pissed off at the school atm. You and Marissa were left out of the Video Extravaganze what kind of bull shit is that. I mean does the school just expect us to forget that you were even there? I mean the people who dont even go/show up to school were in it with their senior pictures. Ridiculous i know, tomorrow the seniors are going to Disneyland i remember you loving it their (even though i never got invited to go with ya). But idc now that i look back i really didnt invite you anywhere either. Well i need to hop off i have to study for my Spanish final tomorrow.
Hopefully ill get to see you in atleast one of my dreams. Love you man
babyycakes;
theres not a dayy that goes by that i dont think about youu. i constantly think about you and how you changed my life. if it wasnt for you; it be a complete mess and you taught me to keep going.i remember last year when we planned for you to come to san jose to pick me up from school. im pretty sure it was like the last weeek of schoool. you picked me up and we drove around and went to the movies tooo. i remember the exact spot you picked me up at and everytime i walk past it; i think of you in your moms carr.
i had a dream about you a few nights ago and we were on the phone and i kept repeatedly asking you why you did this. and you just kept laughing at me and making silly jokes or making fun of me. idk but for some reason i woke up crying and i immediately called you and it went to your voicemail. i honestly thought you were still alive.
i miss alll our life conversations; our jokes; our pictures; our walks; our kisses and our friendship. at one point i pretty much called you by boyfriend around this time last year.
my life would be so different with you still here. i wish you could come back. i wish heaven was a place that i could go visit and then come back to san jose.
everytime i honestly sit and think about this actually happening, it doesnt seeem real to me. at all. you were never that type of person to do this but i guess maybe you were. i guess you were just in that state that you just couldnt handle anything anymore.
i wish this never would of happened but everything happens for a reason, right?
iloveeyoubaby<3
Hey dillon,
Finally it’s almost the end of the school year,
everything has been so hectic lately but at least it keeps me busy right?
I packed a lot of my stuff today, and went to the new house and did a lot of cleaaning, and now I’m pretty beat,
I miss you so much and wish I could talk to you,
I had to take down all my pictures of you in my room and the drawing you made me because I had to pack :/
So now I’m not going to be able to look at it till I move,
I miss you so dill
loveemeggyboo.
DILLBOO!!
ok your graduation is in 8 daysss you loser! lol(:
i miss you alot=/ but i know you hear me!
i say the year book and your memory will carry on! i love you
im not mad at you anymore lol
ttyl
-Kayla
Heyy dillon.
Sorry i haven’t been writing for the past few days
I’ve been moving, and i’m so exhausted.
I miss you so much,
almost broke down the other day:/
sometimes I just wanna cry, but that’s okay right?
I wishh i could talk to youuu..
lovemeggyboo
dillon…graduation is in 4 short days.. i miss you so much. your mom is going to buy purple ribbon with alanna tonight so we can decorate the catwalk for you on graduation day. i miss you so much and i wear the rip dillon bracelet every day. i love you dill…friday night is gonna be so hard without you…
Dill, i cant waittt to see the catwalk!! i love you so much! i really think you suckkkk!!:P (lol) you still seem to amaze me everyday! like i saw the back of this guy and it looked like you seriously! but he had shorter hair lol. i wanted to run up and hug him. like i was calling out your name but he never turned): then i came back to reality! i still have your purple ribbon and im gonna wear all purple on friday! just 4 you! dillon as im writing this im looking at your memorial page in the year book. it gets me sad but i also feel comfort! having your senior pic and your eyes looking into mine makes me forget everything! no joke i know that sounds creepy but its the only way to feel my comfort. remeber in gilmans or at break we would have staring contest and whoever won got a dollar. no wonder i had to begg for money at lunch lol. i always lost. well i played with your senior pic in memory you know. and i lost so i owe you a dollar! lol im gonna visit you dillon i promise! we will kick it over the summer but its not gonna be like we planned no beach): just in a cemitary in boring ol tracy. dillon it really makes me sad that your graduation is in 4 DAYS! you had so many dreams babe. life is hard with out you. you were the person i would go to for anything! and everyday sucks not haveing your name pop up in my phone! i still cant seem to delete your number and how you saved your names as. dill <3s kay. visit me on friday dillon or whenever thats just when im gonna really need you the most! i saved a page for you in my yearbook and some of the momories you could have written! i love you dill.
xoxo your kay!(:
Dillon,
Just have to say this is rediculious, and it sucks more than anything else, and I miss you like crazy!
Michelle
Dillon,
Yesterday was so hard,
In english class we are reading romeo and juliet,
and we had to write a letter to juliet or romeo telling them as a good
friend why they shouldn’t commit suicide.
I broke into tears and almost walked out, and at the end of class my teacher told me that she knows it’s hard for me and that she is praying for me.
It’s so hard dillon, and I know it’s always going to be,
people just don’t understand because they didn’t know you, they don’t get why I am sad about this because they aren’t going through it.
I’m tired of being judged and having to be okay so people will shut up and leave me alone.
I miss you.
lovemeggyboo.
Hey dillon,
well we moved into my new house tonight.
And I’m just at home right now by myself, it’s a pretty cute house
I am just not veryy happy about my brother living here still :/
I miss you so much.
I love you dillon.
It’s always going to be hard, but I still have you in my heart.
I can’t wait till be see each other again.
Dillweed,
Tomorrow would have been your graduation. What were you thinking? I saw the catwalk today. It made me so angry and so sad at the same time. Tomorrow night should be a great party on Franklin with you. It just hasn’t been the same. The boys miss you so, so much and so do we. I missed my silly Mother’s Day present you would always bring me, like the Borat movie. Conner is playing baseball this year, you would have been so proud. He misses his big brother and so does Evan, more than you would ever know. We love you Dillweed and Miss you. Look down on the boys and protect them, like I always knew you would.
Love You….
Dillon,
Graduation day and this isn’t the way I anticipated it when I sent you off to school 12 years ago. You would have so enjoyed the past couple of weeks – Disneyland with only Seniors; getting your cap & gown; Senior sunset; graduation followed by Sober Grad – you would have been in your element – the center of attention. I’ll cheer for your classmates tonight and shed a tear when your name could have/would have/should have been called. I’ll always be proud of you, always love you and forever miss you. As Mary asked…look down and protect all your friends and family…you’ve left us all with a huge void. I love you ~ Mom
dillon,
i hardly knew you. i talked to you like 3 or 4 times. my boyfriend knew you tho.. you remember cody right? he told me about when you 2 had to share a room at camp. sounded like crazy shit! but yeah anyways i really didnt know you like the people who always write on here but i just want you to know that your the first person in my life to go. it really has had a big effect on my life and i even cry sometimes. you have taught me lesson. well i hope things are better for you now. your friends and family miss you alot. i wish i could of known you better. rest in peace dillon.
dill, tonight should have been your graduation!!! i love you so much and in my eyes your are a graduate… keep looking down on us. i miss you…
kayla(:
Kayla quit fucking saying that BS im tired of it. Your ridiculous you were never in our Marine Bio class. Its pathetic how you need attention this way. Do you parents not give you any attention, so you need to come to a website on a deceased son,friend whome i bet you didnt think to have a convo with before he was gone. Fuck you. I bet right after he did it you were probably asking around for his number to see if you could leave a message. Im not here to talk to you though…
Dillon was gonna stop by the graduation but didnt think i would be able to keep my composure. After i going to myspace IDK if the song Iris even comes close to describing you. I say this because the only people you needed to notice you were your TRUE friends and your family. The only people you would have kept in touch with after graduating highschool would have just been your friends and family. Idk if you were scared about the future cause you were heading off for college or JC and we would still be in ripon and wed forget about you or what. Im feeling the same way where im not going to accomplish anything in life. Im gonna go to MJC and be a nothing. Every day i look into my parents eyes and i just see Disapointment. I could never keep up with the standards my family thought of me. IDK if i have even heard a word of encouragement for awhile. IDK i just wanted to get something off my chest.. Dont really have anyone i can talk to
excuse you! i was in marine bio with dillon. and im hella close with
his mom!!! so shut up!!! i would tell you to ask anna but i dont
need to prove anything to you!!! so thanks
uhm i was in dillons marine bio class and you definately were not in that class EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ehren.. I definitely agree with you, No offense Kayla, I don’t know you so I don’t know the situation but,
I hate it when people say they no Dillon, or that they love and miss him, when they don’t. They just want sympathy from other people. It’s quite pathetic. It so disrespectful to Dillon, and people should be ashamed for using him like that.
Anyways, Dillon I miss you so muchh.
My heart still hurts because you are gone.
I just wish our last conversation could have lasted longer, It’s not fair. :/ I miss stayin up till 5 in the morning talking to you Hayden and Bubba. I miss the old days..
love you dill.
Meggyboo
exactly you dont know me so how should you know my life and my relationship with dillon? so i dont have to explain anything because i know where your coming from on the second part i agree because these freshmans leonna and britnee king were pretending and i wouldnt do that ok. i would never wish to put my self in counsoling or have my self wanting to end my life before. ok if i didnt know dillon it wouldnt have effected me the way it did. its also disrespectful to dillon to have all his friends fighting over whos right or worng that doesnt give him peace. i have had MANY conversations with Debbie and me and anna were planning to go hang out with her. so tell me this dillon LOVED just about everything BUT DRAMA!!! so i dont think he would want people having DRAMA in a place to remember him. right?
now for dillon. i miss you and i talked to your mommy two days ago? still planning when to see her. watch over all your friends dill they love you and need your support.
-Kayla