how do i breathe without you here by my sidee?
how will i see when your love brought me to life?
where do i go when your hearts where i lay my head?
how do i breathe; how do i breathe.?
Wow, Its actually really hard to believe that you are gone Dillon. I know that we didn’t really know eachother that well but i still had fun being in the Comanche company with you. When Amber told me what happened i honestly couldnt believe it, it actually brought tears to my eyes. And the thing is, it kinda sucks that i didnt find out till almost a month after it happened. Its just hard to believe that you are gone, as much as i hated our company you were one of the only people that i had respect for. Well your in a better place now. Hope to see you soon. R.I.P
Dudddddd, hey man we saw Matisyahu the other day. Fuckin wasnt the same knowing that you loved them just as much as well all did. Lol i stood by two hot chickas lol but im a pussy well you know that. Marine bio is so quite without you always buggin Mr. Gilman. Funny thing is now i actually miss you giving everyone a hard time. Every day i go home and i want to go to your house but im scared to see your parents. Fuck man i doubt what got you that mad wasnt a good enough reason to have everyone that (actually) liked you. So many people were tryin to get sympathy funny thing was i tried stayin away from the sympothy. Lol i wish i could hear so of the stupidest shit you would say to me. Well man imma let you go get some sleep. Lateskii
-Ehren Griesheimer
I couldn’t believe it when I heard it battle buddy! You were one of the coolest guys in JROTC. My brother and I really respect you. I’m sorry what happened dude. I miss you. Hope to see you soon. RIP
Dillon,
You left us all alone with no answers, it shouldn’t have gone this way but i guess we can all say that your in a better place making fun of other people. lol.
Dude i will miss the good times when we played baseball and would crack jokes and sorry for giving you shit about dropping the ball. I hope that you could some how comfort anna because she still takes this roughly. Also for the people reading this just let anna be its hard trying to just get over something so big as this and having people critasize her and ask her questions. She will come around sooner or later time won’t hurt.
hey what he did could have not been stopped, it was going to happen sometime sooner or later, thats what deppression does to a person. I know this sounds really shitty but, he did the most selfish crime a person could do because he broke everyone and with no answers left so fill our questions. The best thing for you is to get over the problem holding on doesn’t help. Just remember that he was a good guy….
i miss your laugh and the way you made me laugh
i miss talking to you on the phone
i miss texting you all day everyyday
i miss watching movies with you
i miss hugging and cuddling with you
i miss your cat jokess haha.
i miss every serious conversaton we had
i miss everything you helped me with
i miss your crazy random dreams with me in it
i miss your smile
i miss your voice
i miss the way you made me feel; indescribable. you made me feel more than amazing everytime i was with you or talking to you.
i miss you everysingleday.<3
im going through so much with myself, my friends and my family.
this effected me so much. i cant believe how the one person i put number one in my life is gone. i can't believe that this had to happen for me to realize how important life is. just one more time talking to you would mean the world to me.
im a completely different person now but it's for the better right?. everything happens for a reason.
its just not the same without you. RIP. you will always be MY love.
everything that we had and everything that we went through; im so glad i had the chance to meet you and get to know you. you completely changed my life. im so different now.
my heart goes out to you.
you are amazing and one of a kindd.
i just wish i had one more day with you.
i love you.
Dillon!!!
dude i mis you so much! basketball conditioning sux and i have the worse shin splints and i dont have u to massage them like you did last year…but its alrite i can live haha. Anna is playing and im sooo stoked!! i see so much of u in her its like u never left sometimes. when we r in weight training she pops off with some joke and i look at her and just think u sound just like dillon haha im goin to miss our pep talks on the side of the team room, i still remember our little mato beat em and eat em… i still dont understand how u came up with that but it works for me haha well i better get to studying for my bio test, which there is no point im goin to fail it anyways haha see ya later buddy:) i love ya:)
You were one of a kind. you are one of a kind.
I miss you so much
And i really didnt think that going on with yo gone would be this hard
I cry so much and i miss you
You were a friend
You were a Hero
and you gave me inspiration to live
I love you so much
and i hope you know that now
Its been a month and 2 days. Everyday i get on…Read what people have to say. I start to type how I feel, then delete it. I turn off the computer and walk away. I do this everyday. Sometimes more then once. I cant put this feeling into words. Thats what I loved about our talks..I didnt have to speak you just got me, you knew how I felt. I sit in my room everyday for a very long time just trying to pull myself together. Life is hard..WE BOTH KNOW THAT. Your my guardian angel Dilly:'( I love you I wish I told you that a month and three days ago. Just one day before. Whether it would have changed anything or not at least there wouldnt be words left unsaid. I remember when we would talk about my dreams and goals..and you always told me to keep trying no matter what. Sometimes i just wish you would have listened to your own advice Dilly:/ My heart hurts, the littlest things put you on my mind when i finally get you outta my head. A song, a sound, a smell. I try to be happy when our little memories enter my thoughts but still im left with sorrow and anger. Your in a better place i know but i hate that place isnt here with us. Your mom and dad, siblings, friends…Me. I love you Dillon, sorry it took so long to say.
-Dayy
Last week I didn’t have practice after school and I thought hey maybe Dillon will give me a ride home so i don’t have to walk more than a mile home. I remember the days when you would give me anna and addi rides home and you always said black to the back to me. Ya Jerk. But to me your just as black lol. So i didn’t have a problem heading back there even though my long as legs were freakin smushed! I miss ya buddy. And when my time comes i’ll be more than happy to see ya
everyday or a couple times a week, i come on here and i look at what people say. it breaks my heart to actually think this is real. i call your phone once in a awhile just to hear your voice. after that, i hear your voice and all our inside jokes and phone calls replay in my mind all day long. since you helped me with my problems, why didnt you call me with yours? we could of had a huge talk about this. even though we got in arguments and stuff, i always loved you and was always here for you. i still feeel like its not real because you were never that type of person. you know me; i deal with things in the worst ways and i overreact on everything. i would always call you crying about silly things and you would help me through it. i cry everyday for you but i should be happy because you’re in a better place now; right? its been a month and a couple days now but its been the worst past month of my liife. the day you passed away; my life started going down hill from there. literally. but i kind of feeel like its gets a little better day by day. just a little. but everynight i would text you right before i go to bed just to say goodnight and that i loved you. i still text you but no reply. dillon, i need you back. you know my problems and the guys i’ve gone through; they were complete assholes and didnt care. you were the complete opposite. you were the ONE guy who DID care, and you werent an asshole about it. when we started gettting really close, i felt like you were the only REAL guy in my life; like my best friend and my almost boyfriend. you made me the happiest person in the world because i finally found a guy that wasn’t a jerk.
there’s this guy in my US History class and he looks exactly like you. face, body type, height, humor, smile. everything. my sister started talking about a black cat the other day and it completely reminded me of you and our inside jokes. i listen to the song “one word by elliot yamin” pretty much everyday and i cry listening to it everytime because it explains how you’re amazing and perfect. and to me; you were. i wish on 11:11 everyday; and everytime it’s about you.
just the little things will always remind me of you.
you were the one guy i would never ever give up on.
you’ll always have a place in my heart. always.
i don’t think i can live without you.
-to my best friend and the guy i fell hardest for && the one guy i’ve ever said “i love you” to; dillon chiulli, i LOVE you babee. && i hope you’re so happy.
Dillon Edward Chiulli, how I miss you dearly, What is my purpose dill. You were and still are my angel., I am so pathetic. My life is so worthless and stupid, I am never going to ammount to anything without you. I need you. I’m sitting here crying because you’re gone, but I shouldn’t be. You are happy now. Why am I so fucking selfish, Why do I want you back so bad, even if that means you being here unhappy. I’m so fucking stupid dillon. I feel like I’m dying. My heart is broken. Your death has left me at an unbearable state. I cannot take everyoones shit anymore. I can’t take anymore hurt from anyone, I can’t take life anymore dillon. I just need you so bad.
I love you Dillon.
You changed my whole world. Rest in Peace.
Oh Megan….Although I don’t know you, your note truly touched me. I felt so sad as I was reading it, it made me cry. I hope and pray that as the days go by that you will not be in so much pain. As a 41 year old wife and mother of 2 I can promise you that you can get through this difficult time in your life, things will get better, you will feel better and someday you will look back and remember what a horrible time in your life this was, but that you did get throught it. Remember not to keep your feeling inside, you know first hand what happens when people don’t express how they are feeling. Talk to your friends or your family or if that doesn’t work you can even talk to me. This site is also a great way to express how you feel. Always remember their are many people who love and care about you the same way you love and care about Dillon. Wishing you, better days ahead!!!!
Dillon,
Its been over a month and its still hard to think your really gone.
I really regret not talking to you more out side of class.
I come on here alot, so many people miss you.
Your in a better place now, and finally found your happiness.
I always think of you at the most random times. And I come on here and start typing but end up not leaving anything.
We all miss you.
it’s so hard for me waking up everymorning and hoping its going to be a good day. i tell myself that everymorning and its not a good day. i’m not gonnna lie; other days are better than others but im getting through it. you know how much this hurts me; i’m completely lost.
i’m living for you. i live everyday knowing you’re happier now. you told me this is what you wanted. in my eyes; if that’s what you wanted; then it was ment to be. i feeel like i’m constantly getting watched upon by you whereever you are and you’re guiding me in the right path to success but a part of me is missing. i feel lost and awkward. i literally feel like half my heart is missing. i can hear your voice in my headd all the time telling me to stop crying and coming up withh some inappropriate comeback jokes 🙂 hahaa.. im always thinking about you everywhere i goo. i think about texting you alll the time but i never get a response. i miss talking to you. i think about the time we spent together, our phone call conversations,inside jokes, laughing about stupiiid things, and how you were the nicest guy i’ve ever met. everytime i saw you; i was speechless. you were perfect and all you ever wanted to do was make me happy. whenever i was sad, you would make me happy. when i was irritated and annoyed, you would make me happy. && when i was happy, you would make me even happier. you would give up everything you had for someone else. you were always there for so many people, i know. you were truely the one guy that i will never forget because you completely changed my life and you taught me so much in the past 2 years.
i love you babbyy; RIP. you’re in a better place now.<3
~~hayyy dillon, kk so thursday im going to take my permit test. i hope i pass!! 🙂 but ya last time i talkd to u i was taking my drivers trainting ed thing and like i kept making funn of the people and like the stupid things like “u have to stop at a stop sign ” DUHH!! and “green means go! ” and u kept lol’n at me saying that im soo young and yet u still hit on me 😉 and like i was looking 4wd to tellin u when i was going to actualy take my test,… and ya i really cant now.. but im still going to cuz i told u i wudd! soo ya love u lots sweet dreamz~~
Dillon.
every time i eat chocolate chip cookies i think of you bringing me them.. I miss you dillon edward chiulli… so much..
Good Nightt illondaaa. i miss you soo much!
iloveyouu babeeee.
-aylortaa
Dillon….I PASSED! see i told u i wud! actualy i told u i would fail and u always reasured me i wasnt going too! and look now im not THAT young cuz i gots my permit and on my first try! yeah! 😛 loveya thanks 4 just being there…4 everyone ..always
luv kelc
I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questions
all about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight
I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin’
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much
Tonight I’ve fallen and I can’t get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin’ you, holdin’ you, holdin’ you tonight
i love you babyycakes.
youu willll always be my number one.<3
hey dillon. i miss you kiddo. halloween wasn’t the same this year, i miss carving pumpkins with you, and your broken nose. I miss you and tyler randomly coming over to my house, just because. i miss our late night talks, and taco bell runs. i miss going over to courtneys when she was buzzed, and scaring the crap out of her. i miss you and your bear hugs, and holding hands and walking to class. i miss you dillon. i can’t bring you back. but i know one day, i’ll see your happy face again :]
lovee youuuu.
I miss you like crazyyy!
I wish you were here dillon, I’d give anything to have you back
I wishh I would I would have had the opportunity for you to make me banana pancakes like you said you would.
I love you.
I always will.
You’re everywhere I go,
You’re everything I see
Words cannot explain
How much you mean to me
You’re always on my mind
You’re always in my heart
Here and now today
Or many miles apart.
To walk or to fly
To live or to die
No matter where you are
I’ll never say goodbye.
you’ll always have a place in my heart dedicated to you.
you changed my life from day one; over two years agoo.
i miss you like crazy and i feel like it’s been forever since we’ve talked. but now i can offically say i’m never alone becausee i know you’re always withh me all day everyday && guiding me in the right path to success. i willl make you happpy babe; you know i will. i won’t disappoint you and i’ll always make the right decision like you alwayss told me.
you’re all i think about && all i dream about. i just wish you could of stayed around a little longer. but you’re much happier now.
Iloveyou. RestInPeaceDillonChewwwllleeeeBabbyy.
dillon,
you have no idea what my life has been like lately. well actually, i take that back. you do know. cuz i like to think that your here with me. i can feel you dillon. all around me. i can hear you. constantly. i feel crazy. and maybe i am. i dont know. and i dont care. as long as your with me. i love you dillon. sooooo much. my heart aches. and my spirit is broken. im lost and confused and completely a wreck. im not ever going bak to ripon high. i cant do it. i have to many memories with you there and as much as i want to hold on to those, i cant concentrate on school. and yes, i have actually been trying! but now im super duper behind. so im going to do independent study for a while till im caught up and in a good place with school. then ill decide what i want to do after that. well im tired so im going to go to bed. but ill write again soon. i love you dillon. with all my heart and soul.
R.I.P Dillon EDWARD Chiulli!
love always and forever,
Annalicious! 😉
I don’t even know what to say right now Dillon. I’ve been thinking about you for the past week. I may end up losing my truck.. I remember how you wanted to drive it so badly. You would ask me every day but somehow we never got the chance to actually make it happen. I miss Wilkerson’s class with you. Me and you used to screw around so much in that class. I miss your smile and every time I would look over at Stephanie’s binder, there would be a huge dick drawn on it. I really miss the fuck out of you Dillon. It really doesn’t seem like you are gone. I called your phone a few hours ago and it STILL has your voice on it saying you don’t want to talk. I started to tear up and remembered you and your smart-ass remarks toward everyone. I really and truly miss you Dillon. I wish I had to chance to spend more time with you. We never were that close, but in a way I feel like I really got to know you. I will never forget you Dillon.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
Rest in peace my partner in crime.
Love, Robert Volk.
Dillon, I miss you so much.
I tend to say those words a lot. I wish I didn’t have to.
It’s not right to wish for you to be back and be unhappy.
It’s not right to put you in pain for other’s happiness.
You deserved better dillon. You still do. Anyone who says anything negative to say about you must have some type of malfunction.
You were truly the most amazing best friend I could have ever wanted.
You were so good to me, and now your gone. It’s like taking candy from a baby. Something that makes them so happy and makes them giggle and it feels like the happiest part of there day, Take it a way and you got a very unhappy baby ): It’s unfair.
Today was horrible. Tomorrow I have no school luckily. I’m sick of having the littlest things remind me of you, I know I should smile. I do, until I realize that you’re gone. How can I smile if you’re not here to make me smile. I’m selfish I know it. There’s so many more people out in the world that are dealing with much more complicated situations and I’m sitting here wining. I want to make something of my life for you, It’s just so hard to take on. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I just breakdown crying. So many unanswered questions.
So many words left unsaid. I just can’t believe that you’re gone. It’s still a shock to me. It still makes me wonder what has become of the world to take my best friend away from me. I know it was the plan, but I really don’t know where to go from here.
So many people hurt me, so many people abuse my trust,and pretty much break me into pieces. Newsflash = you were my glue. Now that you’re gone I’m just a bunch of broken pieces that will never fit the same.
I love you Dillon Edward Chiulli.
Rest I Peace<3.
The leaves have fallen from the trees
And summer days are gone.
Lingering twilight in the chilling breeze
And the end of the robin’s song.
All of my life I searched for a friend you
Not knowing it until that day
When you appeared out of the blue
After almost a lifetime away.
I didn’t know that time would fly
And didn’t mention my friendly love.
We had time to laugh and sometimes cry
And I sometimes thanked our Father above.
I now had hope for each new day
And each other to comfort at times
You always had something tender to say
And made everything seem all right.
When sadness came and would not leave
With courage I watched you fight.
Yet I didn’t know what was going on.
I thought you were alright
But time was slipping away…
Faster each day, it seemed.
With dignity and grace you continued to fight
And at night, of Heaven, you dreamed.
Heaven is where you are, its true,
Above the storm clouds and rain,
Where the sky is so eternally blue
And there is no more sadness or pain.
Time is passing still faster each day
And at night I miss holding your hand,
But I remember you taught me to laugh and love
And to believe in the Promised Land.
The trees will be dressed in leaves so new
And summer days will re-appear.
Twilight will become the eternal blue
And the robin will sing so clear.
It is a great comfort to know that you
Are not really so far away,
And you will appear out of the blue,
After almost a lifetime away.
Dear Dillon,
Today was horrible.
I literally sat in my room, in the dark and cried all day.
I miss you so much. I love you so much. I need you noww.
I know that I have to move on. I know you would want me to be happy and smiling and laughing, but It’s so hard. It’s like still shocking that you are actually gone. It’s like no way my bestfriend dillon. he can’t be dead. It’s just a dream, right? well if it is when i wake up you bettter be there. Or maybe it’s just a big joke. Maybe you’ll surprise me out of no where and say “I got you meggyyy!” and I’d be like “Dillon I missed you so freaking much! Don’t ever do that again and promise me you’ll stay forever!”. And he would be like “I promise love” ): Ughhh That would be the best thing ever. That would make my whole life.
I think I’m going to write you another poem.
I’ll post it on here to.
I love you bestesttttt friend in the whole wide world.
Dillyy Chiulli.
forever my angel.
dillon,
everysingleday i question if you’re REALLY gone. its so hardd to believe. you were the one person i thought would never leave me. ever. we would be so closee forever and we could grow olllldd together and just laugh about our inside jokes and stuff from when we were in high school. seriously it has to be a nightmare. you can’t actually be gone and just leave me here. how do you expect me to live without you? you kneww how much you ment to me. i pretty much told you everyyday. but then out of nowhere i get the call from ehren saying you’re gone. i was speechless. ever since you’ve been gone i feeel awkward, empty, lost and not myself. everyone can tell im different. i’d be sitting in class and my friends know im not myself. at all.
i would do anything to have you back even if i had risk my life in doing it.
you will alwayss be my looove,<3
dillon,
its 2:40 in the morning right now. i cant sleep. iv been crying for hours. i need you. and for the first time im totally and completely pissed at you. i depend on you. i trust you. and i cant believe you left me. im in shock. or denial. im not sure which one. i cant imagine you actually leaving me. you took me with you. im not myself without you. i dont know how to be me without you. i can hear you. your in my head. your screaming. your telling me ill be safe with you. that you will take care of me. that everything will be ok and you will make it better. just like you used to tell me when i cried on your shoulder. the only difference is i have to make a decision. one that will hurt others, but take me out of mine. they say its selfish. but isnt it selfish of them to make me live for the sake of their happiness. i dont know dillon. i dont know anything any more. i dont know what to do. i need you to get out of my head so i can think. i need you to stop yelling. i cant take it. i love you dillon. more then you can imagine. i dont even care if people think im crazy anymore. i hear you. and feel you all around me. i know your here. i just wish i could see you. when your smiling and happy. i have had the same nightmare for over a month now. its of the day. sept 30th. over and over and over. i wake up so many times during the night. and each time i wake up saying “please dillon!” asking you to stop. dont you know that i love you. you are part of what makes me me. dont you get it. i need you. and maybe thats selfish of me. to depend on you so much. but i cant help it. you are my everything. you are my best friend. and a big brother. when you left dillon, part of me died. i have this feeling that something is missing. it doesnt matter how much i try to fill it its always missing. i dont know what to do dillon. iv never felt this way. the air has literally been sucked out of me. im grasping at every breath i take. hangin on for dear life. im lost and empty. i miss you dill pill. and i cant live without you. come back. its not fair. help me dillon. tell me what to do. just like you used to. you always helped me make good decisions, and i still need you.
please dillon dont leave me.
im gonna go curl back up into bed.
pull the covers over my head.
and try to go to sleep.
but what will end up happening is i will toss and turn all night and be emotional and cry…
and then tomorow i will wake up and put on my fake smile to make everyone think i am ok.
because you know better then anyone else… thats what i do best.
i love you dillon.
always and forever.
unconditionally.
<3
dillllllon my loove,
today was not goood. actually it was just horrible. i got up late for schoool; then got in a huge fight with my whole family; then had an awkwardd car ride to school; then my spanish teacher started talking about suicide because someone else commited suicide this morning so it was like the talk of the day and i startedd crying so hard when she was talking about it because i started thinking about you of course..i miss you so much. then when she was done, i said a few things about you and how you were the most amazing guy i’ve ever met because you truelyy were.; and thennnnn i probably failed my chemistry test so i’m screwedd. then i went to my grandma’s house for dinner and we talkedd about you and the amazing memories we had. i seriously neeeeeeeeeeeeeed you. you have no idea; wellll actually you do know because i know you’re watching over me. i can feeel it. is needing you selfish?! i just depended on you, trusted you, loved you, believed in you, everythhingg. and all of a sudden you leave me. i have soo many unanswered questions. i haven’t been myself since the dayy you left. the day you left was the hardest day of my life. when you left, i feeel like you took me with you. i’ll never be the same again. i loook at things completely different now. i’ll never be happy again. i’ll never find someone like you. i’ll never think the same about liife.. i’m just completely falling apart and i usedd to always call you and just vent. always on the phone you made me feeel so much better and gave me confidence to keeep trying and stop crying. everyday i tell myself it’s gonna be a good day. welllll it’s never a good day. ever. i can’t remember the last time i had a good day. i put on this fake smile everyday and pretend like everything is okay because i don’t want special treatment from people. i need to get through this by myself. having people by my side for the first month was okay because i needed it; but now; i really need to do this by myself. i actually knew you, my friends didn’t. but why can’t this juust be a nightmare and when i wake up, you’ll be right next to me?! it will never seeem real to me that you’re actually gone. you’ll always be with me and apart of me. i’ll never say goodbye. i bloww you a kiss everynight right before i go to sleep just to remind you how much you ment to me. iloveyouubabycakkes .
dillllon my loove,
today was not goood. actually it was just horrible. i got up late for schoool; then got in a huge fight with my whole family; then had an awkwardd car ride to school; then my spanish teacher started talking about suicide because someone else commited suicide this morning so it was like the talk of the day and i startedd crying so hard when she was talking about it because i started thinking about you of course..i miss you so much. then when she was done, i said a few things about you and how you were the most amazing guy i’ve ever met because you truelyy were.; and thennnnn i probably failed my chemistry test so i’m screwedd. then i went to my grandma’s house for dinner and we talkedd about you and the amazing memories we had. i seriously neeeeeeeeeeeeeed you. you have no idea; wellll actually you do know because i know you’re watching over me. i can feeel it. is needing you selfish?! i just depended on you, trusted you, loved you, believed in you, everythhingg. and all of a sudden you leave me. i have soo many unanswered questions. i haven’t been myself since the dayy you left. the day you left was the hardest day of my life. when you left, i feeel like you took me with you. i’ll never be the same again. i loook at things completely different now. i’ll never be happy again. i’ll never find someone like you. i’ll never think the same about liife.. i’m just completely falling apart and i usedd to always call you and just vent. always on the phone you made me feeel so much better and gave me confidence to keeep trying and stop crying. everyday i tell myself it’s gonna be a good day. welllll it’s never a good day. ever. i can’t remember the last time i had a good day. i put on this fake smile everyday and pretend like everything is okay because i don’t want special treatment from people. i need to get through this by myself. having people by my side for the first month was okay because i needed it; but now; i really need to do this by myself. i actually knew you, my friends didn’t. but why can’t this juust be a nightmare and when i wake up, you’ll be right next to me?! it will never seeem real to me that you’re actually gone. you’ll always be with me and apart of me. i’ll never say goodbye. i bloww you a kiss everynight right before i go to sleep just to remind you how much you ment to me. iloveyouubabycakkes .
Hey there.
I had a dream about you the other night.
You were in your casket laughing at me. Saying haha i got you. Em your retarded to think i’d leave you.
Then you started talking less and less. Then you just looked at me and laid there.
And your eyes, they werent yours. They were empty. And the person lying there wasnt you. It was like a shell.
Then i heard you call my name. More like scream it and i woke up.
I couldnt stop crying
I miss you so so so much
And i didnt think it would be hard to go face the world everyday and remember your not here to face it with me
I havent been right since i went to your funeral.
I must be a really selfish person for letting it affect me like this but i wish you hadent left me
I love you so much
And i hope you know that whereever you are.
Sometimes i feel like your with me. Maybe im just sad and want to feel that but i really dont know anymore.
I wish that this was all just a bad dream and i’ll wake up and ill have one missed call from you or a text message saying ‘get up already’, and all this will be over.
You gave me the confidence to kee on living, no matter how bad life gets.
Because if it hurts this bad to lose you, i could never do this to anybody else.
You were such a big part of my life, and everytime i think about you, or i think i hear your voice, or i see you in my head. i break down.
But maybe someday soon i’ll be able to think of you and all the good times and laugh instead of cry
Your the last thing i think about before i go to bed. I always say goodnight to you.
Maybe you can hear me.???
I miss you lots.
I love you even more
dillon,
okay so you really thought nobody liked youu and nobody cared?! did you want people to realize what people don’t have anymore when it’s gone? or who’s important and who’s not important? well dillon as much as you believe me or not; and as much as you always told me that nobody liked you or cared; you were liked and were important to so many people including me. so many people looved you; cared about you; and believed in you. you had so much to live for. kay so now i hope you realize how many people reacted to this and how many people are hurt since you’ve been gone; so just come back and surprise us.
wow…. still dosent feel like your gone dillon… i mean i still think your here still going to school being your crazy self but i have to keep reminding myself your not here…. it hurts so many people miss you bud. like i said ill always keep you in my heart and love you. hope your well im pretty sure your watching over everybody…. xx hugs love hilary
babbyyyy. i miss you. i know you’re watching up above. keep me safe love, until i get to see you again. lovee you dillon. i miss playing “change sexual positions” at courtney’s. i miss our talks. you’re everywhere, i can feel it. i miss you coming over and calling my mom “momma peralta” even though she doesn’t have my last name. i can’t do anything to bring you back, all i can do is look back and cherish the time i was able to spend with you, and look to the day when i see you again.
Dillon. I’m currently trying to look at the sky for meteors.
It’s the leonid meteor shower at the moment and i’m just praying for you. I know you’re up there looking down at us.
Rest in peace, man. we miss you.
Dillon. i wish this didnt have to happen to you. i wish you could have spent more time on this earth. i love you so, i wish we could have been closer. time tore us apart, and we went through more recent days with a simple hello, how are you, and goodbye. but the night that i heard what happened, i felt like we were still back in eighth grade when a bunch of us would talk on the side of Hofman’s room. I sat and stared at my computer with the bulletin of what happened on myspace. Myspace. I found out on the internet. Seriously? I sat and stared for a good two hours at the words that were typed there, I don’t remember breathing, speaking, blinking, I remember thinking. NO, It cant be dippy, another Dillon, someone else. It had to have been someone else. I called a friend and asked if it was true. Its close to two months later now….and I still can’t believe it, I thought I got my closure with you at the church…knew that you knew what we needed to talk about, but everyday I think about you. I realize that im not, as im sitting here typing this, I start to cry, at some points hysterically with no stopping. i wish i could have been better to you, i wish you were happier in this life. there is so many more “i wish’s” but none of them will ever be true. I wish I could have been there for you, when you needed to talk to someone. You had so many people that cared. One final I wish. It may be selfish, but I really really really wish you were still here with us.
I moved a few hours away, and when I could, I called my mama crying. I told her I would be coming home for the funeral. She agreed and I skipped wed, thurs, and Friday of school, and drove the 4 ½ hours to Ripon. The morning of the funeral, I realized that you had soooo many people who cared about you. Maybe some people were just trying to get out of school, maybe some people were there for the attention, but I honestly have to believe that you touched the lives of mainly everyone in that church.
I am coming home for thanksgiving, and the long awaited 18 bday and I leave on Friday to come back to ripon, I was thinking what I was going to do, who I was going to say hi to…and I thought about going to RHS. I would stop and say to hi to mrs. Wilks, then mrs. Harvey, and that’s what made me think of you, I was so tired, sitting here typing my chemistry homework, and now, I cant even sleep. You touched so many lives dill pickle,I love you and you will always have a place in my heart. I guess what I wanted to say but couldn’t in any less of words, is that I love you, miss you, and hope you are happier where you are now.
*the girl that wore black
the song; one word by elliott yamin is for you.
you were like my loverr and my best friend.
you will be forever loved && forever missed.
i really didnt think it was going to turn out like this but everything happens for a reason right? you made such an impact on my life, gave me advice, confidence, and compassion to live life. you always told me to keep going and never give up. you alwayss knew how to make me smilee and what would make me happy. everything we had, everything we went through and all those memories i will never forget will always be on my mind. like those late night phone calls, adorable texts, huggs, kisses, laughing, inside jokes, movie hopping, laying on the grass cuddling, i owe you my life. the second you entered my life, i knew we would become close. everyday we talked, we got a little closer and closer. the connection we grew in the past two years is indescribable. you were so special to me. i’ve never liked a guy so much before. you will always be included in my life and always have a place in my heart. you alwayss put others before yourself and you were there for anyone. you alwayss knew the right things to say or make me laugh. for only knowing you for two years and living so far away, i knew you pretty welll. everytime i was on the phone with you or texting you, i was so happy. happier than most other guys made me. i would turn to you for anything. i knew you were alwaysss there for me. i felt like you knew me better than most other people; you knew the real me. you were the only one who really cared because you were always there to protect me no matter what. even though distance really grew us apart and we were so far away, we made the best out of the time we hung out. when we hung out you always made me feeel special, myself, and important. destiny brought us together. i definately miss those random texts in class and long phone calls. you were one of a kind and i loved you for who you were. i made you number one in my life forsure and you know that. you were one of few people who put up with me but kept me on the right track to never giving up. i appreciate everything you did for me and maybe one day ill return you the favor. So many people cared about you, you have no idea. but you’re finally happy like you said you always wanted to be. if that’s what you wanted; then it was ment to be. you were my best friend,my big brother and my almost boyfriend; i will miss you so much and you mean the entire world to me. you made my life complete. i will never have the same connection i had with you with someone else. our friendship relationship was different but so special in everyway. nobody will ever understand what we went through together. from all the agruements to everything we had in common, from being sad, depressed, and devistated since you’ve been gone this incident has completely changed my life and from this i will become stronger in the future, i know. not a day goes by without me thinking about you. knowing that you were different from other guys and the nicest sweetest person to talk to, i feel like i have nobody. my heart is broken into pieces and i will never understand why this happened. ill never forget the one day laying on the grass next to you with your arm around me and you were looking down on me and your eyes sparkled, you smiled at me and we kissed. if i had one wish, it would be to see you one more time and really explain to you how much i love you. holding onto the balloon at the funeral; i felt like i was holding your hand for the last time; letting go of that balloon was so hard for me. i was letting go of someone i fell completely in love with. driving home from tracy was heartbreaking for me to just leave you there but you’re happier now && thats what you deserve because you always did so many good things for everyone else. we willl see eachother again i promisee and ill give you the biggest hug ever. dillon chiulli, you are amazing and you are one of a kind. you had the cutest smile and prettiest eyes ive ever seen. if i had to describe you in one word it would be amazing. you will always be my love, my baby, my angel, my sweetheart, my cuddlebudddy, and my hero for the rest of my life. i know you’re alwayss with me in spirit. i can feeel you next to me. i can hear you in my mind and i can see you in my dreams. you were my security, my protection and my everything i have ever wanted. i live everyday with the feeeling that my world crashed and half my heart missing. it’s amazing the love you could have for one person and have so much trust and respect for them. you left me here and expect me to live without you. how do you expect me to do that? i depended on you, i trusted you, i loved you, i believed in you, and i cared about you. you taught me so much. i look at things completely different now. im really starting to realize the importance in life and for that i’m putting so much stuff behind me and moving forward for the better. i would do anything in the whole world to have you back. you’ll always be my on my mind; in my heart, in my dreams && apart of my life, forever and always.
Death is not the end; it’s just the next chapter in life.
rest in paradise; i love youuu.
i can offically say you were the one person who changed my life; im completely different now. accepting, getting through this and moving on has been the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do.
Dillon, I miss you. I want you back so bad.
It’s really hard without you.
I’m glad that I have some people that love me.
But I still don’t have you.
You didn’t understand how much you meant to me
Did you dill, obviously not considering you left me:(
Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t show you how much I loved you because
If i did a better job on it you would still be here
I’m sorry dillon. I really am. I wish I could of proved to you
how much you mean to me and soooo many other people.
You were the only one that really understood how I felt about so many things. I talked to you about so much. & considering all the other people’s comments to write on here, it seems you have helped so many other people. I wish you could of stayed but I guess it was not meant to be?
I still love you, and I always willl<3
I cant stop crying tonight
i miss you and i need you right now
things are getting so confusing
and i dont know what to do anymore
sometimes i just wanna crawl into a dark hole and hide
but i have to fake a smile
or be loud
so people dont think theres anything wrong
but there is something wrong
and i dont know what it is
but its there
I keep asking myself if i had said or done something would you still be here.
if anyone said or did something
my friend Kayla said some encouraging things
but it always goes back to we’ll never know. what happened happened and we cant change it
but i wish i could
I wish i could live in my head
cause your there
and everyones happy there
I dream about you at night
people tell me it’s time to get over it
but i cant
i cant let you go
ive been told a person cant make me live
but it sure helps
i miss looking at those ginormus blue eyes of yours
and giving you a hug
or atleast smacking your shoulder for saying something perverted
I feel like a bad friend.
i feel like i let you down
i just miss you
and i wish i could make it all go away
but i guess it’ll take time huh?
I love you so much
so so so so so much
you were like family
Everything happens for a reason right?
i miss your hugs
i miss your smile
i miss your laugh
i miss your eyes
i miss texting you
i miss you teasing me
i miss your random dreams
i miss you making perverted jokes
i miss watching movies with you
i miss cuddling with you
i miss our long life talks
dillon; this is so hard for me to just let go and move on. i physically can’t. i just can’t.
without you i feeel empty; lost; and so awkward.
so much is happening lately and im so overwhelmed.
i’m getting to the point of giving up and not caring anymore. i care too much and forgive too many people. maybe im just a softy but im officially done with some people. im done with their shit. i just dont know what to do anymore. i need your advice. i need to be happy again. you were the only one who made me happy.
i neeed you.
I don’t even know what to say right now Dillon. I’ve been thinking about you for the past week. I may end up losing my truck.. I remember how you wanted to drive it so badly. You would ask me every day but somehow we never got the chance to actually make it happen. I miss Wilkerson’s class with you. Me and you used to screw around so much in that class. I miss your smile and every time I would look over at Stephanie’s binder, there would be a huge dick drawn on it. I really miss the fuck out of you Dillon. It really doesn’t seem like you are gone. I called your phone a few hours ago and it STILL has your voice on it saying you don’t want to talk. I started to tear up and remembered you and your smart-ass remarks toward everyone. I really and truly miss you Dillon. I wish I had to chance to spend more time with you. We never were that close, but in a way I feel like I really got to know you. I will never forget you Dillon.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
Rest in peace my partner in crime.
Love, Robert Volk.
hey dillon,
im still sad, broken, and devastated. i still cry every night. and i still have nightmares of the that day… i still have daydreams of all the talks we had. i heard you dillon. every word. i heard you. and yet i somehow didnt get it. i didnt understand. but i do now. i understand you so much its scary. i replay everything you say over and over and over in my head. and i get it. i really do dillon. and i wish it didnt take me this long to understand. i would do anything to get you back. and i mean anything. i was in the car with my mom when a song by kelly clarkson came on. i never heard it before and as i listened to it i started to cry. its like she stole my words and knew exactly what was on my mind. any way here are the lyrics:
Louder, louder
The voices in my head
Whispers taunting
All the things you said
Faster the days go by and I’m still
Stuck in this moment of wanting you here
Time
In the blink of an eye
You held my hand, you held me tight
Now you’re gone
And I’m still crying
Shocked, broken
I’m dying inside
Where are you?
I need you
Don’t leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me
Shadows linger
Only to my eye
I see you, I feel you
Don’t leave my side
It’s not fair
Just when I found my world
They took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart
I miss you, you hurt me
You left with a smile
Mistaken, your sadness
Was hiding inside
Now all that’s left
Are the pieces to find
The mystery you kept
The soul behind a guise
Where are you
I need you
Don’t leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me
Why did you go?
All these questions run through my mind
I wish I couldn’t feel at all
Let me be numb
I’m starting to fall
Where are you?
I need you
Don’t leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me
Where are you?
Where are you?
You were smiling
its scary dillon. but i do want you to know that as broken and lost as i am im getting stronger. i will never be ok with what happened. or less sad. or less devastated. but i will get stronger. and im starting to get the will to make it. a lot of that has to do with my mom. yes, i know, you always told me she was a great mom and she is. but a lot of it also has to do with cody. he gets me dillon. just like you do. so i want you to know that there are people taking care of me. i know you dont want me to be miserable so i hope this gives you some peace in your heart. i love you dillon chiulli. you are my world and im gonna live my life for you. i still hear and feel you all around me. and im gonna hold on to you cuz i neeeeeed you dillon. so dont leave me. i love you. sooooo much. ill write again soon.
i love you lots.
i hope your laughing it up up there.
i love you.
love always,
anna <3
hey kaylaa,
the song is called haunted.
i looked it up just for you! lol
its by kelly clarkson.
i can really relate to how you feel. dillon is and always will be my best friend. nd im not just saying that like some people are. your feelings for dillon seem to be true and honest. i respect you for that. you really seem like you need a friend that understands how deep your feelings are. so i just want you to know that im here for you. i know you dont know me but i figured i would reach out. it seems like something dillon would do. he was always so nice to everyone. nd i also think dillon would like us to be here for each other. i could use a friend that understands my feelings too. i dont really want to post my number on the internet but… um i guess just write me back if you wanna talk nd ill get your number from hayden or bubba or something. if your cool with it of course.
🙂
yeahh; he would want us to be here for eachother and get through this. i mean like my friends can’t relate to what i’m feeling. they never knew him. i lived far away so they never met him. a lot of my friends knew of him because i talked about him but they never knew the real him, ya knoww.? but i’ve read all the things you’ve wrote on here and i know this really hurts you and probably the worst thing that’s happened to you. it’s the worst thing that has happened to me. he hurt so many people and thought no one would care cause he thought no one cared in the first place.. so yeahh, you can get my numberr from alana or hayden. call or text mee.
you’re always gonna be apart of me.
i cannn hear and feeel you next to me allldayeveryday.
stayy with me forever; you are my angel.
i love you dillon chiulli<3
Dillon, I had a dream about you last night. I miss you, So muchh. It’s crazy. I swear I am still in shock and think that you are going to call me any second. Instead I set myself up for disappointment waiting for impossible phone calls. My head knows that I’m not going to get one, but my heart wants to think differently. I wish I could have changed something, maybe even the littlest thing I could’ve done would have made you choose your decision more wisely, but no I did nothing. Hopeless and alone, that’s what you felt dillon, but you weren’t. You had me, you still do. Now I’m hopeless and alone without you. You should have told me dill. I would have ran to ripon if I had to. I would’ve hitch hiked, or stole my mom’s car. I don’t care. Anything that could have gotten me there, I would have done it. Obviously you didn’t comprehend how much you mean to me, you always will be my bestfriend. Nothing, distance didn’t change it and not even death can change that. No matter how far away you are. It’s never going to change. The pain of loosing you is inevitable, but I will get through this eventually or at least that’s what everyone wants me to believe, I know you would want me to smile more, and be happy that you’re happy and in a better place now, but to me it doesn’t even seem like a possibility right now. Fake smiles cover up the truth. I guess that is what you did to, you seemed so happy and you were always making people laugh. I know you enjoyed that but, there was so much more going on inside of you. So much more that people didn’t really see. I knoww what I saw, You talked to me about that kind of stuff all the time. But never once did I think you would kill yourself, you had so much to live for, sooo much dill. It impossible to think that things will ever be the same without you, and I don’t want them to be. I don’t want things to go back to normal for me, because I don’t want to forget you. I know I won’t.
Not talking to you makes me wish you were here even more.
I even see myself thinking, dillon didn’t call me yet,
And then I have to process everything that happend all over again.
This happends everyday dill, Every single day I miss you, Every single day I wish you were back. That’s not changing.
You know how much promises mean to me, So let me promise you this. I love you dillon, and I promise you, with all my heart that I will never forget you<3
Iloveyou.
Rest In Peace
Dillon Edward Chiulli
061892-093009
Love, Megan Pavlik,your meggy.
I’m so into what you giving and it feel so good to me
You’re beautiful and critical it’s hard to live without you, baby
When I wake up in the morning all I want to see is you
Heaven’s blessing that he sent me unconditional and true
You mean the world to me and I hope you understand
I will give you anyhthing and I’ll do the best I can to make you See what I see
One word
Is all I need to say exactly how I feel
One word
A single word that’s from the heart and keep sit real
One word
And baby I know this one fits you to a tee
One word
All I can say is amazing
Always there when i was going through all kinds of changes
You kept me lifted, said I’m gifted and you know I’m gonna make it
So when you’re tired and frustrated you can always count on me
I love ya and I want ya to know I’ll be all you need
You gave the world to me and you made me understand
You would give me anything and you do the best you can
You are what I hope to be..
All i can say is amazing
Hey Dill
i havent written in a while
things have been. well. Not good.
but im starting to think of you and smile. then i cry.
But not as much as i used too
thats gotta count for something right???
i really wish you were here
to help me understand
but i guess i have to find out on my own?
i really miss texting you and you giving me a reason to be happy.
then you’d say something really gross
but i miss that too
maybe the most.
i keep dreaming about you
nightmares and good dreams.
more bad then good
but
dilllllllllllon!
i broke downn crying again last night. i haven’t done that in awhile. first timee in like a weeek. i fell asleep at 8 crying and trying to read my book for my englishh class. youu were in my dreamm last nightt thoughh, it was amazing untill i woke uup to reality and realized you really weren’t here. my dreamm seemed so real. i miss you everydaay & i wishh you were. i wouldd do anythingg to have you backk.
wellllll its a few days beforee thanksgiving & i’m thankful for youu because you taught me how to be a better stronger person and it will help me out in the future because i’ll alwayyyys remember the conversations we hadd & what you saidd. you proved to me that not every guy is an asshole and to give guys chances. you gave me confidence and compassion to livee & never give up.
babee, i willl make you proudd.
stay withh me forever; i can’t livee without knowing you’ll always withh me. youu are my angel and willl always be apart of me.
i loooooove you withh all my heart & you knoww that <3
Dillon
i miss you. i’ve been thinkin about you lately. my niece was over the other day. i have your picture up on my wall. she came in and asked who u were. i wanted to cry but the tears wouldnt come. she knew i was upset. she took down the picture and looked at it for a little bit and placed it in my hand. she smiled and said that everythin will be okay.
cant believe its been almost 2 months. a lot of us miss you dillon
sometimes you will come up in conversation and we all jus laugh. then wen thats done we sit in silence, smiling and missing you.
i love you dillon.
Dillon… happy thinksgiving! i bet ur having the best thanksgiving right now up there, like fer realz i bet ur eating the most delicious, moist, flavorfull turkey ever cooked! and laughing at us down here eating halfway dry white meat turkey compared to ur feast! well we all still miss u and yeah.. today i was sending a ‘happy thanksgiving txt’ and yeah i still sent u one .
since today is Thanksgiving, we all need to remember to give thanks and be thankfull for everything we were givin in our lives.
Dillon, even though u left waaaaaayyyy to soon,
im VERY VERRRY VERRRRRRRY thankfull that i was able to have u as my friend 😉
even though ur passing caused grief, sadness, and mourning
im thankfull to have known u .
even if i knew how it was all going to end, i would of still wanted a friendship with u…
who wouldnt??
even though just the fact of knowing u would, at the end, would cause so many broken hearts was all worth it.
i know that everyone who knew u are sooo happy they did.
cuz all the time spent with u, even though cut short, was well worth it.
the love that u shared touched everyone, and i am thankfull for that!
Miss u and Love u always Dillon!
Have a great Thanksgiving friend 🙂
love Kelcie
Happyyy Thanksgivingg Babyy(:
So since today is thanksgivingg and every year at my great aunts house; we go around the tablee & say what we’re thankful for. I’m thankful for my family, my close friends; and most importantly you. Dillon, you changed my whole life. I know you know that. I’ve told you thatt a million times & i know you’re always gonnna be with me cause i can feeel you next to me. allday everyydaayy. Thankss for being an amazingg friend to me, putting upp with my tears & low self esteem because in the end, you gave me a reason to be happy & you gave me the confidence and compassion to live. You changed my thinking about every little thing and from that it turns into the bigger things i’ve noticed. With everything i do & everything i accomplish, i’ll make you proud my lovee.
I lovee youu & I’m thankful for youu.<3
hey hunn!
happy thanksgiving! i wish i was with you. i wish we could celebrate together. but we will some day. i know your with me. i can hear you constantly. i love you dillon chiulli. iv been talking to kayla. she is so sweet. i understand why you liked her so much. i think its good that we are talking. i think we need eachother. im glad you brought us together dillon. i know you have been telling me to get in touch with her for a while but i just got up the nerve today. im gonna make sure she is ok for you dillon. ill take care of her the best i can for you. i know you would want me to. everything i do i do for you. i owe you everything in my life. you saved me. nd i cant wait till im with you again. love you dill-pill.
sweet dreams.
forever my angel
forever my strength
forever my best friend
night
love you,
anna <3
DillonnnnBaabbyy,
I’ve been going through alot in the past week. I’m so overwhelmed & frustrated. I thought i was fine for a little while and i tried so hard but i’m breaking down constantly lately. Everyday i stare at the sky for at least a half hour or more and just think about you and how you were the most amazing person i’ve ever met.
Alanna, Karena, Anna & I are working together to get through this. They are the only peoplee who can actually relate to how i feel. Nobody else knows because the way you made me feeel as a person is only a feeling that i could experience; No one else. You made me the happiest person ever & made me feeel important & special for once in my lifee. I know you would want us giirls to be there for eachother & that’s whyy were doing it. we love you so much dillon.
Anyways, i heard this song today talking about “someone always watching over me” and it reminded me of you because i knoww you are & always willl be. here are some of the lyrics:
I’ve seen that bright light
And it’s shining on my destiny
Shining all the time,
And I won’t be afraid
To follow everywhere
It’s taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment, to my dreams
So I won’t give up
No, I won’t break down
Sooner than it seems life
Turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I’m standing in the dark,
I’ll still believe
Someone’s watching over me
It doesn’t matter
What people say
And it doesn’t matter
How long it takes
Believe in yourself
And you’ll fly high
And it only matters
How true you are
Be true to yourself
And follow your heart
I won’t give up because you alwayss told me not to & for me; i physically just can’t. You know me; i care too much and over think everything.
Just for you, i will be strong, learn from my mistakes, be a better person, and never give up. You are my motivation.
Dillon, you mean everything to me. I hope you’re so happy because
If you’re happy thann i’m happy. iloveeyouubabycakess.
I can’t live without knowing you’ll alwayss be with me. stay with me forever & ever, & i promise i’ll make you proud.
Love Alwayyys&Forever,
KaylaaaaBaabbyy<3
im depressed and have been for awhile. Suicide feels like it will ease my pain every time i think its you back in the day. Im tired of this my parents are dicks and idk i hope your readin
Please know this is never the answer.. Please know there is someone to talk to.. We as parents are not perfect,we make mistakes but we love you our children more than anything. Please seek help!!
Dillon, things are so hard. I miss you so much.
I Can’t help this dillon, I can’t help the pain.
There’s only few people that I can actually trust right now.
I’m so lonely without you. Once I moved into my new house everything was supposed to get better. But it got worse. The day before I was supposed to move, you committed suicide, sometimes I just don’t think it’s in my cards for me to be happy, Sometimes I think I can’t be happy without you. Once I think things are going to get a little better, it just gets ruined. I know it’s wrong to say, but everyday I question my existence. I just want to be with you dillon. I miss you soooo much. You were the one that knew me dill. I just want to freaking die. It’s like everyday I have to relive your death all over again. I can’t take it. I just can’t.
Ily<3.
dilllon-
it’ll be 2 months tomorrow since you’ve been gone. it feeels like forever. i was outside late lastnight staring at the stars thinking about you for at least an hour. i miss you so much.
here’s another song i found.
—> It’s 3 am, 3 am
I’m half asleep
I start to feel,
Start to feel; you next to me lying here in the dark
Somethin’ don’t feel that right
‘Cos it’s too many times a broken heart
Too many times, That’s too many times I’ve had to start again
I’m looking out in the crowd
Don’t know where you are
It’s like I’m hearing you now
But you feel so far
I don’t know what I can do
I’m searching everywhere
That’s why I lay here at night
And dream you to life
I try and stop
But I can’t resist
Can’t fight it
I fall asleep to the sweetest kiss
I wanna see you again
I don’t want the night to end,
We can break the rules, they can call us a fool
You know I wouldn’t care, as long as I have you there
I’m looking out in the crowd
Don’t know where you are
It’s like I’m hearing you now
But you feel so far
I don’t know what I can do
I’m searching everywhere
That’s why I lay here at night
And dream you to life
I’ll be okay, I’ll be alright
I know I’ll find you boy,
When the time is right,
I can’t deny it, I can’t deny
I want you right here, right now
In my life, right by my side.
I could love you like no other can.
Hey Dillon, I miss you.
I’ve come to realize that everyone has been lying to me.
About so many things, but especially about you.
They keep telling me everything is going to get better but it’s not.
It’s absolutely not getting better. And It’s not going to be better.
I want to go somewhere, other then where I am. I want to go up to oregon, I remember I would always told you I wanted to move up there, in a big house, with a forest behind me. That would be amazing. I just want to be by myself right now. People are always trying to tell me what to do, and how to do it. And I just want them to leave me alone. All I want right now is to have you back, and since I can’t I don’t know what I’m going to do. Like ughh, sometimes I just sit here and think.. There is no way this can be reality. Like in my heart you still and will always be apart of my life. And for me to try and process that you’re gone causes my so much pain that my body just doesn’t want to take it, It’s like I’m my brain is telling me you’re gone, but my heart doesn’t want to loose hope. It’s pathetic. I know you’re gone. I know you’re not coming back. and that is truly killing me. It’s such a horrible feeling. and I feel bad for anyone who is dealing with your loss because I honestly know how it feels.
I loved you so much. and I lost you.
I can’t believe this is real dillon.
Like I still want to call you all the time.
Tommoorow will be two whole months, that have been the longest months of my entire life.
I just wish I could have been there for you more.
I remember one night you weren’t doing so good, and you called me and I was laying down in my bed when I was staying at my aunts. I didn’t hear my phone or something and missed your call and you left me messages to call you, So I saw it on my phone and I went into my aunt’s laundry room, and I talked to you while you were having a breakdown, You were telling me what was wrong, and I stayed on the phone and talked to you even though I was supposed to be asleep, but I didn’t care. You told me that was the nicest thing someone has ever done for you. I was shocked. It’s hard to believe something as simple as that meant so much to you. It made me happy that I helped you, And It hurts so bad that I helped you with that but I couldn’t help you with the biggest part of your life. I wish you would have called dillon, I wish you would have gave me a sign. All you would of had to say is that you need me there, and I would have came there, I promise you I would have. Do you know how bad I feel dillon, Do you know how much guilt I have for that night. Why couldn’t you just tell me,
How could you hide that from me.
I kneww you probably didn’t want to add to my problems but dill you were and still are a priority to me dill. You always will be. To think that you didn’t tell me makes me feel like shit.
It makes me feel like you knew I couldn’t help or something.
Idonttknow dilly.
I miss you so much.
I love you. and I hopee heaven is amazing for you, because I know you’re there. I hope you are with me.
I think I can feel you around me, it’s just I don’t want to tell myself you are and be wrong.
Comee to mee and talk too me in a dream or somethin kay?
I loveeeeee youu dillly.
Dillon, It’s two months today.
Two WHOLE months. It’s terrible. It feels like even longer even though it is not.
Two Whole Months
it feels like forever
two whole months we should have been together
two whole months
time has gone bye
two whole months
I ask myself why
two whole months
I sit there and stare
two whole months
you should have been there
two whole months
I can last maybe a day
but after two whole months
my entire world turns grey
two whole months
Dillon I don’t think you know
how much it’s killing me
to let you go
but even though you’re gone
We’ll never be apart
because you will always have
the biggest part of my heart.
Dilllon Chewwlleee;
i thought about you all day today, just like everyother day. i couldn’t concentrate at alll in any of my classes. i felt like shit. i felt like breaking down and crying. i can’t handle this. death is so permanent. there’s nothing that’s going to bring you back. it’s been two whole months. TWO WHOLE MONTHS dillon, & i haven’t gotten any better. trust me. you know me and how i handle things; not good. you were the one person i felt i could vent to and actually understand me. you were the only guy in my whole life that actually cared & you were the only one i’ve ever loved and meant it. you were my number one. i put you as my prority. i sat in classs today just thinking about every phone call we had, everywhere we hung out, and everything you did that made me laugh. words can’t explain how good i felt when i was around you. i always felt comfortable, special, and amazinggg. you went so far to see me. nobody would ever do that for me and it was only cause you were the only guy in my life who really cared about me. you cared about my happiness and everytime we were on the phone, you would make up some dirty jokes and make me smile and make me feeel so much bettter before i hung up. i can’t help but just cry. even though it hurts so much to think i can’t have any of it happen again, i’m happy i met you & i will always remember those memories we had together. i had a dream about you last night. it was probably the best one. well, right before i went to sleep last night, i was laying in bed, in the dark, loooking at the ceiling, closing my eyes and talking to you. i spilled out my heart to you. and i wanna think that’s why you appeared in my dream. in my dream, i randomly called you and i was completely shocked you answered.. i was like WTF WHO IS THIS? and you were liike it’s dillon..you called me… and i was like i thought you were gonee love? and you were like wtf are you talking about? gone like what? and i was like dead……? and you were like nooo love, i would never ever leave you, i love youu kayla chiulllllllli. okay, so why can’t that happeen in real liife?! i remember during summer, like june ish, you were realllllly sick and i was thinking the worst because that’s how i am. i overreact on everything. so i remember you not replying to any of my texts and me gettting really scared that you might have died.. and then you finally replyed saying you were just sleeping. dillon, you don’t know how scared i was to looose you. i’m going to tracyy this weeekend to spend time with karena & alanna. we love you,. so many people love you. don’t you understand? i have so many wishes and regrets, you have no idea. but i guess i just have to get through this. it’lll take me forever. when you left, you took me with you. literally. i’m not myself at all in anyway. i sat in chemistry today and completely stared off, didn’t finish my quiz, and thought about you & how i remember when i was in chem the beginning of the year and you texted me saying you wanted me to come sleep over at your house. i really wish i did. i wish i got to spend more time with you. but “our time wasn’t long enough together but it was long enough to last forever” right? even though we got in fights and didn’t talk sometimes, it made uup for all the amazing times we had together and it was all worth it. everytime we cuddled, words will never describe the way you made me feeel. i will never ever meet someone like you. i’m devolping pictures of you today & making a scrapbook page of you in my high school scrapbook so i’ll look back on this and remember you forever & ever.
when you called me the night before, i regret not being completely awake & i wish i could of heard everything you said.
the last thing you said to me at 10:30pm was “people need to realize life is fragile” and now those are the words i live by everysingleday. i wish i could of done sometime to stop you but by the time you called me & i fully woke up, you already had your mind set., and nothing was stopping it.
you are always my first thought when i wake up in the morning and my last thought before i go to sleep.
you will never be forgotten, ever.
i can’t wait to get to heaven and see youu againn.
iloveyouwithallmyheart<3
hey dillon,
yesterday was the 30th. i stayed in bed all day. literally. i miss you. im not really sure wat to say cuz i hav way to much.
i love you,
anna
Dillon,
It’s a month and a day. I still can’t comprehend what is going on. I miss you so much, bro. It’s gonna be so hard moving on without you, but you will never leave our hearts.
I love you man,
Skyler.
dillon,
im so sad. first you now marissa. i dont know what to do anymore. life is so confuseing. im so lost. i love you.
i love you dillon
i love you marissa
love always,
anna
Dillon, It’s been so hard lately, Today my friends nana, who I talked to a lot and spent time with was taken off her machines today, Shes dead.
Why is everyone dieing. It doesn’t make sense dillon.
I love you so much, I miss you. I need you hereee!
Sometimes I just feel like I want to scream.
Life is so unfair. I remember you wanted so many things for life.
I still can’t believe that you are gone dillon, You shouldn’t be gone.
You shouldn’t be.
It should be illegal, impossible, and it should have never happened,
I love you sooooo much dillon, I hate that I can’t get your phone calls at like 9 and stay on the phone till 5 in the morning.
I miss that so much. I really miss you and the way things were.
I want you back, I need you back. I can;t stand living without you.
I come on here everyday. Whenever I read people’s comments on here, I cry. I cry for the hurt other people have that you’re gone, the hurt that I have, the hurt that your family has.
I don’t understand how you could do this to all of this.
I’m not mad at you, I couldn’t be.
I just love you so much, and I didn’t think this could ever happen
I never thought something I cared so much about could ever be taken from me. It didn’t seem possible. Especially not you.
I love youu. I want you back.
Even if it is impossible.
I love you
<3.
Rest in Paradise Dilly.
“When God takes something from your grasp, He’s not punishing you, but he’s merely opening your hands to recieve something better. He doesn’t give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you, to make you into the person you were meant to be.”
babeee,
you made me into the person i was meant to be. if it wasn’t for you, i’d be completely different. trust me, i would. you taught me so much and put up with me at my worst times. you were a huge part of my life and always be. i will always remember everything you told me. you always knew what to say and how to make me feel better. even though you’re not physically here, i can still feeel you here. but you’re invisible. even though i have many regrets, wishes, somethings can’t be taken back; i learned so much & it happened for a reason. maybe it was to make you happy or maybe i needed a wake up call or i needed to appreciate people more? well guesss what..? i have learned that. everything is a learning experience for me because i’m not the smartest person ever hahaa.
i’m doing a speech next week about everything happening for a reason and i’m including youu in about more than half of it. be with mee when i present the speechh. i’m doing it for you(:
but seriously, you left waay too early. you had SO much to live for and so many oppurtunities ahead of you. but i know you’re happpy now so that’s what keeps me going.
rest in paradise babbyylovee.
i loveeeeeee you; & you know i mean it .
i hope you’ve been gettting those kisses i’ve been blowingg to you everyynight before i go to sleep<3
Hey Dillon.
I havent written to you in a while.
Yesterday i lost another friend.
That’s two in two month.
Today was really hard for me
I cried through all my classes and at home.
I really miss seeing you everyday
i even miss all the disgusting stuff you used to say to me
that stuff the most
Everytime i close my eyes i see you from when i saw you at the viewing
But it didnt look like you to me
i remember you having that dillon glow
and those big bright blue eyes
But sometimes im lucky and i dont dream about that
Your in a lot of my dreams
I had a dream the other night that we were talking on a phone from heaven and you were asking me if i’d be ok and i kept saying no no no i need you. But you kept telling me to stop whining i’d be fine.
A friend told me today that i should take it a day, minute, and even a second at a time.
even though right now is painful, the next could be happy
focus on what im looking forward to
whats good in my life
and not lingering on what i cant change
because it will only hurt me more
she said you were okay where you were.
I hope so
even if im not doing well right now
things will always get better
and im not going to let this hold me back
and its hard to do
but i can do it.
I love you so much
before i go to bed
i always say goodnight to you
sometimes i cry but not as bad as i have
Im learning to laugh at all our good times and not to break down because it wont change everything
even if i wish i could change it
sometimes i think your with me as retarded as it sounds
but hey maybe you are
I love you
and i hope you know that i mean it
wherever you are up in the sky
you’ll always have the biggest spot in my heart
I’ve never missed someone so much.
I’ve never loved someone so much.
I’ve never felt like this before.
but i guess there’s a first time for everything..right?
You weren’t just “other guy” or “that one baseball player” or “that one senior” . you were so much more than that. you had a life ahead of you & you had so many relable trustworthy people in your life too. everyone loves you even if they didn’t show it or say it all the time. this is so hard for everyone. you made a difference, dillon. you always put smiles on peoples faces and you meant alot to many people.
Dillon, to me; you were special, amazing, and definitely one of a kind. i’ve never ever met someone like you and i’m pretty sure i never ever will. evertime i looked into your eyes, i was speechless.
you were my strength, my laughs, my confidence, & most importantly; my love.
i’m not exactly sure anymore about anything. i see everything completely different now & it’s not in a goood way either.
Hey man…
Im reliving the same day after you did it. Everyone seems heartbroken and shocked. Went home yesterday and today cause i got so stressed out. Every corner you turn you can see a girl with a sign of depression. I was finnally getting better have less mood swings. I didnt know Marissa that well even though i used to hang out over at Taras house alot and she used to swim in there pool with us. Also she tutored us. But im not gonna be hella fake and act like she was my best friend or we hung out so many times.. But just reliving this Its basically eating me up inside. Idk who to talk to cause if i go to my parents ill go straight to some whack ass counselor. I also hate being at home cause i start to think about like you and how we had so much fun i suddenly get extrememly pissed off and light headed.
Hey Ehren,
It’s Dillon’s crazy neighbor. I just want you to know you are always welcome over here to talk. Alanna and Karina were here Tuesday night. I am here to listen, and I think that’s what all of you need right now – someone to listen to you. Marissa’s death has opened up all the healing wounds and everyone is hurting just as bad or worse. Just remember our door’s always open……
Dillon, I’m cryingg right now. I don’t know what to do,
I can’t take that you’re gone dill. I just can’t I miss you so much, and I can’t bear to go through life without you. You were so amazing dillon. You helped so many other people, You loved so many people. You made people feeel all warm and fuzzy, and made them feel good about themselves, no matter what was going on, You always had an answer to everything that I ever asked. Whenever I had a moment that was very intelligent like when I would prank call you with shelby and forget to block my number, and I’d say stuff. & you’re like meggy I know it’s you, you forgot to block your number. I’d be like what? I’d look at my phone and see that I didn’t type the *67 and I’d say dammit. And you made funn of me and never let me forget that. Whenever I was with shelby you would say, well if you’re going to prank call me do it now because I have to go in a little bit. lol You knew I would always prank call you. You loved it. I love how you made it seem like I made you feel special. Like you told me that I made you smile and You always acted like I was so important to you. People tell me that I was so important to you. That makes me happy but so sad dillon. It makes me question how you could leave me If I was so important to you. Why would you leave me. I want to talk to you so bad that you have no idea. I have so much pain right now. I’m goingg crazyy without you,. I need you so bad. Just to let you know.. NO ONE will EVER replace you. I can promise you that dillon. There is no one that is as amazing as you, I’d bet money on that. It’s frustrating. Everything that has been happening lately makes me feel likes lifes a joke. It’s so pointless. Wake up, same routine, go to bed. It feels so predictable. I want to make something of my life, Even If I’m depressed about loosing you dill. You always wanted what was best for me, I know you would want me to make something of my life, you wouldn’t want me to just waste it. You would want me to enjoy it. It’s so hard to enjoy it without you dillon. You made me happy. It made me happy knowing that I hadd someone who cared about me. Who TRULY cared about me. Now that you’re gone, it feels like I can’t accomplish anything. It feels like people are slowly leaving me, or just completely leaving me. I’m independent dill, you know that. The only one’s I really needed in my life at the time were you and katelyn. You two are my bestfriends that I can share anything with. If other people want to be in my life, that’s fine, I mean I enjoy peoples company and what not, but I NEED katelyn and you.
Wikipedia Dictionary; A need is something that is necessary for humans to live a healthy life.-
I need you dillon, I honestly don’t think you realized how much you made me life better. You honestly have helped me some pretty hard things, that I could have never gotten through without you.
You were my wall and strength dillon, You kept all the bad things from passing through you, and you didn’t let it get to me., You would try so hard to make my life easier. I know you did.
You would stay on the phone with me for hours as I cry about everything and you always said things would be okay,
Hearing you say that was reassuring. It instantly made me feel better just talking to you. I love you dillon. I’m going to miss so many things about you. I wish I didn’t have to miss them,
I wish I could have changed your life the way you changed mine.
I love you so much. You’ll never be gone in my eyes.
We might be separated right now, but we will see each other again.
I know it.
Please come visit me dilly.
I love you.
Rest In Peace
D.E.C 093009.
i’ll never actually believe that you’re gone. maybe it’s because my heart is telling me you are but i’m just not believing it. i dunnnnooooo but in my eyes; you’re still here but you’re invisible. i might sound crazy and weird but i can feeel you next to me, dillon. i really can. i also talk to youu everynight before i goo to sleep. i’m seriously depressed and everyone can tell without even asking. i’m just not myself. i dont eat, sleep, and i dont talk to people. i’m not in the moood anymore. all i want to do is stay at home in bed. i write letters, poems, and quotes to try and help me through this. i’m presenting that speeech about you on wednesday of next weeek. youu better be with me when i present it or i’ll fall apart and fail & get an F on the speeech. i need your good vibes & confidencee to do well.
you meant the world to me & you definitely know that.
you helped me through the big & little things.
you’re on my mind allday everyday. literally.
we will see eachother again. i promise.
i love youu more than anyone
RIP babyylovee<3
Hey from all of us man bout to go video tape some new videos . Ill be sure to add wisdom stick and VAGINA. Well imma give bubba his chance love you man. Idk really what to say but we are all wrecks down here and we just chilled outside for a couple hours and i just felt empty an cold(not because it was cold outside) the other night i really havent cried that much since the day i found out you were outta of our lives.. but all i can say is i love you and these videos will be just absoultey crazy just for you and I love you soooo much brother and now haydens turn
hey dilly poo its your bestest friend EVER way better than Bubba, Megan, Ehren, and Kayla. Sorry folks, this was his best friend right here. Tonight we just sat around and thought about you. Santa Cruz, playing tag at 3am and passing your moms alcohol test, girl problems, addie the cunt, your backyard, hotub, my backyard, blink, big D, disneyland, everything. Fuck. We watched FUCKING 2 A.M. again tonight. It felt like you were real… you are still with us, somehow. You were hella younger there, but of course you wore the same damn babe ruth jerseys. Well now we’re making FUCKING 2 A.M. part II, but of course its nothing without you dude. We’re going to shit talk about lauren and courtney, and everyone else who has fucked with us. We don’t care. It’s for you monica. Well dude, peace, I hope all is well. Talk to you soon breh
Dillon, What can I say. Where do i start, ? I miss you dearly dillon,
I want you to be here, but most of all I wish you could be here and be happy. I went to winterball tonight with Katelyn, and for some reason I was expecting a text from you say something along the lines of “Meggy those guys better not touch you or I will come to antioch and cut there nuts off!!” I would give anything to hear your voice dillon. I wish you could talk to me. There is so much I need to say to you and ask you.
I really did love youu. I think of you everyday and that’s never going to change. I really wish there was an answer for why you did this, but the only person that truly knows that is you. I wish you would have talked to me, but your mind was already made.
I would of stopped you. I am pretty sure you knew that.
I don’t care if I had to get up drive there, you are SOOO freaking worth it dillon. Even If I was being chased by the cops down the freeway and stopped me, I would of kept driving, if they popped my tires with there guns I would of got out an ran. You really don’t get how much you meant to me and how much you changed my life dill.
It amazes me how you thought no one was there, but look at all these comments dillon. We all loved you. We all miss you. I wish you would of made a better decision. I know for a fact that you would of made so much of your life. You truly were an amazing, extremely adorable and funny person. You had so much going for you.
I wish you were here.
Ily dillyyy.
dillon;
alright so i just called you planning on leaving you a voicemail right now on your phone & right when i was about to start talking; my voice gave out and i was speechless. i have so much to say and it would take me like 10 voicemails to say it all. what happened to going to disneyland this year together because couldn’t go last year? what happened to me coming to your house? what happened to coming to my winterball this year? what happened to everythinggggggggg?
some part of me is happy because you taught me SO much. & i’m so glad i met you. the connection we grew was amazingg. idk if it was just me but looking back, you went miles and miles for me. like when you picked me up from school, came to my house with hayden bubba & alanna, and meeting me in pleasanton to just hang out for a few hours; you drove so far just to see me. i’m not worth it but i guess you thought i was. just to know that you actually cared about me and you would do anything for me like staying on the phone with me literally allllllll night just laughing about your dirty jokes or me crying my eyes out and you saying “it’ll be okay love” “i love you baby”, it proved to me you really cared., & that’s what really keeps me going.
but now physically, you’re gone. my worst nightmare.
i can’t believe your actually gone.
for the first time in the past 2 months, i never let myself think you were gone. but now all of a sudden it hit me last night. i’m falling apart without you. i neeed you. you were the only one who kept me going & without you; i’m nothing. i’m not myself. you’d be so mad at me to know how i feeel right now and how i’m taking it. i wish you would just call me and so we can talk about everything. i need that one guy i can talk to about anything. YOU were that one guy. i’m not goood with guy friends. i have a few but they dont even compare to you. no other guy will ever compare to you, ever.
& yeah you know who i am and how i handle things. i blame everything on myself because im really hard on myself. you know that. so yeah; i do blame myself for not stopping you. i regret not staying on the phone with you longer. i regret being mad at you and not talking to you because yeah that was the time when you were really thinking about actually doing this. i regret not saying anything when you callled me because it was late and my parents would of got mad. i regret not saying i love you too everytime you said it to me. i regret not taking you seriously when you told me you were going to do it. because if i knew you were serious, i would of stayed on the phone the whole night with you. i wish i could of spent my birthday with you. my birthday was 3 days after you passed away. when were were texting the night before, i told myself that once you replyed, i was going to ask you if you wanted to hang out. you never replyed. you were the only one i wanted to spend my birthday with. instead, i stayed home, in bed, crying. all day.
literally, for once, realized you were realllllly gone when i was crying last night because my friend made me so mad and so you were the first one i called, like always, & to hear your voicemail; i can’t take this anymore.
you were truely the most amazing, caring, cutest, funniest guy i’ve ever met.
bottom line; i’ve never loved someone so much
i need you.
Dear Dillon,
I had a dream about you last night. You were alive. And I was the first to know about it, even though we weren’t close at the end. I saw you and you were acting like nothing happened. You said that they revived you and that you were just hiding out for no reason. I was crying so hard. Then you went to this locker and read all these things that people wrote to you after you passed. I was crying so hard and I ran to my friends to tell them what happened. That you were alive. Then I woke up. I believed that you were still alive until it hit me, it was just a dream. When I woke up, I realized that I had been crying in my sleep. I haven’t done that in a very long time.
I miss you, Dillon. Even though we weren’t close in the end, you were my best guy friend. You were always there for me when we were younger. I love you for that. I love you for being you and who you were. The guy that made everyone smile. I miss you. I need you. I want to hug you but I can’t, and it hurts so much. I wish you were here. I love you, Dillon.
DillonMyLove;
You were the only guy who treated me the best
You were the only guy who put up with me
You were the only guy i trusted with my life
You were the only guy i’d go miles and miles for
You were the only guy i’d come to with my problems
You were the only guy i thought about all day & all night
You were the only guy i got never tired of talking to
You were the only guy who actually cared about me
You were the only guy i felt most comfortable around
You were the only guy i learned the most from
You were the only guy i would never ever give up on
You were the only guy who could always make me laugh and smile
You were the only guy i never got enough of
You were the only guy who would call me at 2AM to talk
You were the only guy who gave me confidence to never give up
You were the only guy who made the little things in life funny
You were the only guy i could have deep serious conversations with
You were the only guy i had so many nicknames for
You were the only guy how helped me through everything
You were the only guy who made me feeel special and important
You were the only guy i fell head over heels for
You were the only guy who could make my day so much better
You were the only guy who always listened when i vented
You were the only guy who made me into the person i am now
& You were the only guy who loved me for me
You will always have my heart<3
Forever & Always
Dillon, I lovee youu. I tell you that everyday.
my eyess are just about ready to burst right now.
I reallllly completely utterly miss you.
I’m sitting on my bed freezingg. Just wishing I could talk to you,
I really need you right now.
I talked to your mom yesterday, that madee me feel a little better.
But dillon, this just isnt right you’re supposed to be in the picture, you are supposed to be in my picture.. forever. How can you be erased just like that, like the picture isn’t worth anything without you in it.
You made it come to life and now it’s dead, and now its just a blank page. Nothing on it at all. You were my picture dillon.
I need you. Sometimes I feel like I just don’t even want to get up.
I feel useless. I just want to lay in my bed until you come back.
I know I can’t just lie around all day and say poor me, because that’s not how I feel. I don’t feel sorry for myself. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I don’t need anyone’s pity.
I’m very independent you know that, I can’t rely on other people.
I have learned that it never works out. I always end up getting hurt.
I remember we would talk all the time. & I would tell you about how mean my dad is too me and everything else that was wrong. & you would tell meee things are going to be okay. & that you hated my dad, and that he’s an asshole. He still tries to come around like he didn’t do anything wrong dill, and I don’t know what to do. I can hardly see what I’m typing write now cause it’s all becoming a blurr.
I just neeed you here dillon. Yes I don’t depend on people, but you were the only one I really could depend on. The one persowhn I knew would always be there. I really need you dillon! Don’t you get that!
When you left dillon, You took me with you! I’m so hopeless right now it’s insane. I can’t take this plus everyone else hurting me too..
I really need you here. I hate this. I hate this soo much dillon.
Looking at the sky
No one else around
Wondering if your up there
Happy and looking down
I want to hear your voice
please say something to me
I need to know you’re here
I need to know you’re free
As I look up at the sky
I sit here and think it’s true
There’s not enough stars in the sky
to compare to how much I love you.
I sit there and wonder
did I tell you that enough
maybe if I made it clear
I wouldn’t be writing this stuff.
About how much I love you
about how much I care
All of this stuff I always say
All of the feelings I share.
I hate saying these words
That are all past-tense
all those words that separate us
Like were on opposite sides of a fence
I would always say nothing can come between us
I really meant it too
I never thought it would be death
that would separate me from you.
I love youu with all my heart dill
More than all things you can buy
Even More than all the stars
in the midnight sky.
I lovee you dillon edward chiulli.<3
Rest in Peace.
093009;
Forever My Angel.
I miss you so much. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. Even though we weren’t close at the end, you were still my best guy friend. I think I see you everywhere I go. I’ll see someone that looks like you and I’ll think “Oh, I need to go say hi to Dillon” but I can’t. I’m so sad you’re not here. I love you, Dillon. I miss you.
Dillon, Sometimes I feel like my whole world is crashing down,
That I’m not ever going to amount to anything. Like I’m not going to make anything better so I question my existence. It’s not fair dillon.
I get hurt so much by people I would think wouldn’t hurt, but in the end I end up looking dumb. It’s not fair. You always got mad on how people treated me. And I always had you to go to if something happened. But now that you’re gone and stuff happens I have no one else to go to.
& even If there was absolutely nothing wrong, I could always call you and talk to you about the simplest things, Like how you thought nanobots were going to take over the world. I laughed and you and you’re like meggy it’s going to happen watch. I was like okay dillon, sure.lol
I miss our conversations. I miss hearing you sing to me lol
I miss hearing you talk to your doggy. I miss hearing you say iloveyou.
I miss hearing you when you were sick and you sounded like a little boy.
I miss…you dillon.
I miss everyrthing about you.
All I want for christmas this year is to have you back.
I love you dilllyyyy.
dillon….
i dont even have words right now, i cant sleep without thinking about you. i walk in to art everyday and still expect to see you. im sooo mad at you, this past week has been complete hell, and i want you to be here to experience how we feel. you could have consoled so many people but your gone, and all i have is hurt, you could have talked to me, you knew that and now there wont be a chance. i dont know where you are dillon but i know you can hear me, just watch over all of us going through this,i love you dillon and i never stop thinking about you. please watch over marissas family too, they need it more than ever.
Marrisa’s funeral another depressing thing a 16 year old shouldnt go through. When i was sitting in the back of the church i looked at all the faces of everyone. I have seen this happen twice but fortunataly i wasn’t a pallbearer this time. I dont know if i could of pulled through on this one. Writing on here usually clears my mind when i get angry or cant think straight. I lost my gaurdian angel and the panflet. My little brother deleted your xbox account on my xbox. So basically all i have to remember you with is your hat. Which i wear every chance i get. Feels like your with me when i wear it man. Well i gotta finish my Geometry.
Love you man
Ehren,
If Dillon’s parents don’t have an extra guardian angel or pamphlet for you, let me know. I picked up a couple of them and can give you a set.
Tracy (Dillon’s cousin)
dilllon chiullli,
i miss you more than ever. you have no idea.
i miss talking to you on the phone for hours and hours. i miss laughing my ass off when you talked about me in your dreams. i miss your hugs and your kisses. i miss your confidence and your trust that i only had in you, and no one else. i miss allll of our inside jokes. i miss you saying “come to rippoonnn babyy” like every minute we were on the phone. i miss our singing contests. i miss every little thing about you. everytime i go to the mall, i pass by the parking spot we parked in to go to the movies. everytime i see a black cat, i think about your random ass dreams. everytime somebody talks about dying, it makes me think of you. everytime i hear the name dillon, everything replays in my mind.
i’m so lost and confused without you physically here. i feel like i have no one because guess what.? i really don’t. you were my number one and my one priority. i dont care about anyone else.
as much as i’ve told you everysingle day “i love you”, it really doesn’t explain how i feel about you and how you made me feel. i wish there was something else i could say that actually ment more. you’re alll i think about everyday and everynight.
come visit me in my dreams & be there when i present my speech about you tomorrow in 7th period.
– kaylaa chiulli . <3
Dillon, people are pushing me. They are pushing me so close to the edge.
I neeeed you so much dillon. I’m sick of people telling me to get over you. They don’t understand. They don’t. You and I were so close. Am I supposed to be like dillon is dead woopty freakingg doo. Noo! It hurts to even type that dill. I’m not going to act like you don’t exist. You told me things you didn’t tell anyone,. You promised me things that you didn’t break. I loveeee youu. I felt you last night. I know you were with me. I’m trying to be better dillon. It’s so hard. I’m getting there when I’m at school it’s somewhat better because I’m occupied but when I get home it’s so different. I try to be happy for you but it just isn’t working out that way. I want to be with you now. I feel like it’ll be all better that way. I really need you. You kindaa weere the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and you should have never been taken away from me. Ilyy dillllllllyyyyy.
Rest In Peace.
Dillon Edward Chiulli.
-Lovee Meggyyyy.
dillon,
i’m tired of everyone’s bullshit. i need you. i need your love and your confidence. i’m tired of people telling me to just get over you and forget about you. I PHYSICALLY CAN’T. there will always be some part of you that i will never let go. people will never ever ever ever understand my feeeling for you. i’m literally dying inside without you.
i gave my speech about you today and it went okay i guess. i started crying during it though and i went over the time limit because i had so much to say. but i definately got my point across and everyone in my class said my speech was really touching and eye opening. i could feel you next to me giving me motivation to speak in front of everyone<3
RestInPeaceMyLovee.
Just know; no matter if you're living or not living, i'll always love you with all my heart . forever & ever <3
you're still here but you're invisible,
i'll never say gooodbye & let you go .
hey Dillon. I haven’t ever written on here. partially cause i still don’t won’t believe it’s true and I honestly don’t know where to start. not a day goes by I don’t think about you. I still can’t believe your not here. I mis you so much. I miss you calling or texting me randomly or talking to me about Meg or eating at your house or riding the rhino at matts and you telling me his dogs name was coojo haha. and I believed you hah. I miss you telling me my mom was hot, as much as I hated it and would always tell you your gross, I wish you were still around to say it. I miss you calling we kaitryn and your rawr. this year/summer we kinda grew apart and I regret that everday. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you Dillon, I really am. but I cherish the times we did have together. you were such an amazing person. I don’t know why and I probably won’t ever understand why this happen but I’m learning to live it. I still don’t think this was the answer. and I wish you would of thought the same. but I know if you knew what the result was, you wouldn’t have done it. it seems just like yesterday I saw you walking down the hall yelling kaitryn! and having the biggest smile on your face. I miss that smile so much):. thankyou for all that you’ve done for me. giving me advice, telling me when what I was doing wasn’t right, making me laugh and smile all the time, helping me study for bio better, teaching me not to care, going with me to sadies, and giving me an oppurtunity to meet and spend time with such an amazing person. I love you so much Dillon, and miss you sooooo much. take care of us down here okay? keep watchin over us, we all need it. I can’t wait to see again Dillryn, have fun in heaven but not too much, save some for me(: ily, talk to you soon.
Kaitryn
Ohkay, So I stayedd home today, So much stuff going through my head I just didn’t want to have to deal with all the stuff going on at school. Like I don’t even knoww dillon. Like I just miss they way things were and I want everything back, I wish you were back, I really honestly wish I could at least say I love you and goodbyee. I hopee you are happy innn heavennn. I really doo. I wish you could have been happy here. I wish I could have talked to you more, even though I talked to you all day. I just wish there was more time for me to be in your life and for you to be in mine. And I don’t think you know that you being gone broke my heart. I lovee you dillon. But my heart is shredded. I really wish you would make things all better again like you used to. It’s weird how things can change so fast. I’ve been going to the gym alot lately. It helps. It keeps my mind occupied, for a while. It makes me feel good about myself so I guess that’s a good thing. I remember a while ago I went to the gym and you were like megan are you wearing an appropiate outfit?, andd I was like of course. And you were like send me a picture so I can approve before all those other guys see you. and then I’d have to promise you that I was wearing something appropiate. Ugh I miss how protective you were. I miss you. I can’t say that enough. It like is impossible that my dillon, my bestestt friend is gone. How can that be. And It’s like now, the pain I’m having to go throughh is killing me. It is worse then anything I’d have to go throughh. Well obviouslyy condsidering how important you are to mee. Like did you not see that dilly? Did I not show that to you enough. I don’t know. And it frustrates me. I need answers and I can’t get them.
Ughh I lovee you dillon.
I miss you.
lovee meggyyboo.
i’m completely lost with everything. but most importantly; i need you. i would give up everything and everyone to just to have you. i can’t even put into words how much you ment to me. i really can’t.
i gave that speech about you yesterday and i started crying 2 minutes into it. i pretty much expressed all my feelings & everyone in the class said my speech was amazing and so powerful.
dillon, you gave me motivation to love, to care, to believe & most importantly; to never give up.
even though we were so far apart; the time we spent together was amazing and i don’t regret it at all. it really did happen for a reason. there’s a reason we met & became so close and there was a reason why you left. maybe i’ll figure out why everything has happened lately, later on in life. the way you made me feeel everytime i was with you or talking to you on the phone; i’m speechless. i can’t even put it into words. everytime i needed someone to talk to; you were there. everytime i was in a good mood; you’d make me so much happier. everytime you would ask what i’m doing and i’d say something, you’d be so protective and you’d be really worried about me. it really shows you cared. you were always there for me. no matter what. i’ve never had a guy friend like that. ever. i’ve told you that a millon times & you telling me “oh you’ll find other guys, just forget about me, i’m not worth it” makes me so mad because you truely are the most amazing guy i’ve ever met. you were so different from the other guys in my past. you’ve been with me through thick & thin. through guys, parents, and stupid girls. i came to you about everything. you were the one person i could trust with my whole life because i know you would be the one guy that would take care of me and my heart and never break it.
it’s been over 2 months and i’m not getting better. i still feeel the same way as i did day onee. i don’t think i’ll ever get through this. stay with me foreever & guide me to success babe.
you are always going to be my angel. please help me. please guide me to being happier. please do something. when i get to see you again in heaven, it will be the happiest day of my life.
i more than love youu but i’m not sure what words to use to express that. i’ll love you & miss you more than you’ll ever understand.
Dillon, I am so upset with everything and everyone. People in my life have been treating me so poorly. I feel like I’m always getting let down for something. Or someone is blaming. Sometimes it feels like it would be better for everyone here if I just wasn’t apart of their life. The only two people in this world that I actually feel like I truly need and you and katelyn. Yes, I do love other people. But you and katelyn are the ones I’m closest with. Now you’re gone and all I have is Katelyn. If something happens to her I swear there is nothing left. I hate all the lying people do and all the hurt they put me through. Can’t they see I’m already going through enough as it is? Like I feel like I’m in this never ending circle, of somehow getting hurt. I guess that really proves that life hurts. Ugh Loosing you just madee my WHOLE life hurt dill. And I need to have you back. I remember I was talking to someone a while ago and I was telling them about you, I believe it was katelyn and I was like Dillon and I have gotten so close, like we talk about everything and I was like I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him. Now look at me dillon, I’m going crazy. Now matter what happened betweeen us I was always there for you, and you were always there for me. I still listen to your voicemails all the time. Sometimes I just want to say something while you’re talking and hope that I get a response. But I know I won’t and I’m just setting myself up for disappointment. My birthday is in ten days. I told my mom that I wanted to go to your grave on my birthday. But really If I could have one birthday wish, My first instinct would be to wish to have you back, but realistically I would wish that you are as happy as can be in heaven looking down on me<3.
That is my true birthday wish dillon, I hope it comes true. I love you with all my heart. I always will. I have so many emotions right now and my head is spinning I'm trying to stay positive through all this but I guess I really can only take it one day at a time.
Well Dillon, now you know what you have done. Everything has been so depressing lately, and none of this depression would be here if you didn’t make a stupid, stupid decision. Your life my not have meant much in your eyes, but in mine, it meant more than you could ever know. We’re seeing Big D on saturday. What the hell man, we were supposed to go see them. We were supposed to go skank our brains out. You told me that you have never seen me happier then when I am at a concert; I just fucking wish I knew what really could make you happy. I found all this new music that you would go nuts over, and I wouldn’t care if you stole it from me. I’d just laugh and say “you would”. I keep listening to “High School Days” by Say Anything, and it kills me. I knew you loved that song. You were so happy to finally show me a song. Dillon, i’m not supposed to be going over to your house to visit your parents and brother. I am supposed to go over there, and just chill. Make pasta. Do something random. Just have a good time, like the 1024582350892759 times i was there and slept on your couch, and sadly, this will NEVER happen again. You’re supposed to be at home, playing with your new niece while i just sit back and laugh at the stupid things you say to her. I miss getting taco bell every thursday, without ever paying. I miss telling you to put your top on your car when it was freezing. Just hanging out for days with Sam and Jas… It’s so hard Dillon. It is STILL hard to understand. Questions are left unanswered and never will be. I wish I still had you in my life man. You’re always in my heart and mind, but I can’t dread this forever. It saddens me constantly but I think of all the good times we had and it comforts me. I hope you’re having an amazing time up there, and hopefully you have some time to kick it with Marrissa.
Dillon, I am so upset with everything and everyone. People in my life have been treating me so poorly. I feel like I’m always getting let down for something. Or someone is blaming. Sometimes it feels like it would be better for everyone here if I just wasn’t apart of their life. The only two people in this world that I actually feel like I truly need and you and katelyn. Yes, I do love other people. But you and katelyn are the ones I’m closest with. Now you’re gone and all I have is Katelyn. If something happens to her I swear there is nothing left. I hate all the lying people do and all the hurt they put me through. Can’t they see I’m already going through enough as it is? Like I feel like I’m in this never ending circle, of somehow getting hurt. I guess that really proves that life hurts. Ugh Loosing you just madee my WHOLE life hurt dill. And I need to have you back. I remember I was talking to someone a while ago and I was telling them about you, I believe it was katelyn and I was like Dillon and I have gotten so close, like we talk about everything and I was like I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him. Now look at me dillon, I’m going crazy. Now matter what happened betweeen us I was always there for you, and you were always there for me. I still listen to your voicemails all the time. Sometimes I just want to say something while you’re talking and hope that I get a response. But I know I won’t and I’m just setting myself up for disappointment. My birthday is in ten days. I told my mom that I wanted to go to your grave on my birthday. But really If I could have one birthday wish, My first instinct would be to wish to have you back, but realistically I would wish that you are as happy as can be in heaven looking down on me<3.
That is my true birthday wish dillon, I hope it comes true. I love you with all my heart. I always will. I have so many emotions right now and my head is spinning I'm trying to stay positive through all this but I guess I really can only take it one day at a time.
To All of Dillon’s Friends:
I come in and read this blog a couple of times a weeks (& so does Dillon’s Dad) and I feel just like all you guys do. I miss Dillon ALOT. I cry everyday. Everytime I find a penny I call it “my hug from heaven, from Dillon” and I pick up that penny and smile – to me it’s a sign from Dillon. Every penny has stamped on it “in God we trust” and I do trust in God and know that the two of them are having some laughs in Heaven.
Besides finding a penny, another thing that helps me is this song from Kenny Chesney and I wanted to share the lyrics with all of you…it’s call “I’m Alive”:
So damn easy to say that life’s so hard
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars
As for me I’d like to thank my lucky stars that
I’m alive and well
It’d be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you’ve sat and watch go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me… I’m alive
And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathing in and out’s a blessing can’t you see
Today’s the first day of the rest of my life
And I’m alive and well
I’m alive and well
Stars are dancin’ on the water here tonight
It’s good for the soul when there’s not a soul in sight
This motor’s caught its wind and brought me back to life
Now I’m alive and well
And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathing in and out’s a blessing can’t you see
Today’s the first day of the rest of my life
Now I’m alive and well
Yeah I’m alive and well
To me this song says that it’s ok just to be breathing. And that getting through another day is a blessing. Yes, it’s another day to miss Dillon and to cry or be angry at him but it’s still another day and it’s up to me to make it whatever I can. I know that probably sounds corny to you guys reading this but I hope it makes some sense. I know Dillon would not want any of us sad and hurting and since I know he’s watching I try to do right. Sometimes I stumble or take three steps backwards to take one forward but it’s learning to live a “new life” – one with Dillon as a cherished memory. It’s scary to know that once I hit “submit comment” that this is posted for all of you to see and I hope that I have conveyed what’s in my heart – that we need to try to find something good in each day we are given, to be as strong as we can, and to hold tight to our memories.
Dillon, you are forever loved and forever missed. ily.
Dillon’s Mom, this is a song that was written for a parrent that has lost a child. and i really do love this song. its just a remilder that we will see Dillon again.
‘With Hope’
-by Steven Curtis Chapman
This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you’ve gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but …
We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
‘Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
‘Cause we believe with hope
(There’s a place by God’s grace where we’ll see your face again)
There’s a place where we’ll see your face again
We’ll see your face again
And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God’s plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father’s smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
‘Cause now you’re home
And now you’re free, and …
We have this hope as an anchor
‘Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so …
So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope
We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope
some times when im thinking of Dillon just missing him i just listen to this song, and it gives me a reasurence of hope that we will all see him and everyone we have lost soon
I triedd to post a comment on here last night, It didn’t work:(
I miss you everyday dillon, Sometimes it seems like I miss you more and more each dayy. I have so many emotions for what has happened, depressed, angry, curious, hurt, but most of all lost. I’m so lost without you dillon it’s crazy. You obviously didn’t know that you really did mean the world to me. & you still do. I know you’re my angel dillon. You always have been my angel. A matter a fact, I looked up angel in the dictionary and this is what came up, 1. A guardian spirit or guiding influence. 2. A kind and lovable person. 3. One who manifests goodness, purity, and selflessness. You were all these things and right when I see or hear of the word angel I immediately think of you. 1. You always made sure I made the right decision even If I didn’t want to, you’d always convince me somehow. 2.This is major, You would show me the most love than anyone I know. You loved me dillon. I know it. I felt it. I knew you truly cared about me. you told me all the time. 3. You were so selfless, you would always put people before yourself. You would always help me no matter what you were doing. I remember you would always talk to me on the days I was down and you would let me completely vent, no matter how much you were hurting inside about your day too.
To me this really does prove you are forever my angel.
I love you with all my heart dilly.
My birthday is coming up and When I make a wish on those candles, It wouldn’t be for you to come back. No matter how bad I want that, It would be for you to be in heaven and happy too. I miss you so much dill, but I really think it is your time too be happy. You deserve it more than anyone I know. I love you with all my heart Dillon Edward Chiulli<3.
My Love Dillon Edward Chiulli;
i thought about you all night last night. i had the hardest time going to sleep. you’re always on my mind. you’re on my mind right when i wake up and my last thought before i go to sleep. & you’re always in my dreams. you are apart of me. alive or dead, you’re still apart of me. if you had an impact in my life, and you definitely were, then you’re apart of me for the rest of my life & forever after that. to me; you’re still alive but your invisible like a ghost. i get signs from you & i can feeel you next to me. i know you’re here. i know i might sound weird or something but i can. you were the ONE person in my whole life that made me the happiest i could ever be. no one has ever made me feel that way before. but now it’s your turn to be happy. & yes, i agree with megan; you deserve it more than anyone.
stay with me forever because trust me, i neeed you to keep going. if you were there to keep me going then, then you will keep me going now. nothing changes. i just wish you gave life another chance just like you gave me a second chance. but everything happens for a reason.
everything i do is dedicated to you because i love you with all my heart & even though you’re not physically here, my love for you hasn’t changed at all. i hopee you’re happier than you’ve ever been sweetheartt<3
Dillon,
I’m part of the yearbook staff and I work on the Baby Ads and when I saw that your Mom and Dad sent one in just for you, I was just about to cry. and now when i look at those photos of you i just want to cry and knowing that marissa is gone too. God all I knew about you is that you where a fun loveing guy with a lot of friends. Marissa was a girl that i went to Colony Oak and Ripon High with and went on that NY&DC trip with and had the biggest pillow fight with. I know everyone is sad onec again i know how they feel. In my life these past almost 2 years 4 people have left this earth frist it was my Grampa and then Jordan Riva’s Dad then you and know Marissa. knowing that all of these people are gone i just cant stand it. i get so coucked up when i think about all these people. know that people have to see Docters after what has happened at school. Dillon i didnt know you like your really close friends did but i have very good memeries of you. When i look at the big group photo of all the people that went on the NY&DC trip my eyes go to right to you then right to Marissa and i just want to fall right apart.
Well Dillon I love you like a friend and I miss you so much.
for the past 2 days i’ve gotten in huge arguments with my dad. as much as i keep giving it multiple chances & keep going & trying to be strong, i seem to never do anything right and i’m tired of the blame but i guess you could say i’m used after all these years, so it’s kinda routine to me now. everything is always my fault no matter what.
you used to alwaysss help me through this in the past. i need you right now. i’m breaking down without you. i neeeed your confidence, your advice, & most importantly, your love.
i hope you’re doing bettter than i am right now so that at least one of us is happy. & because you deserve to be happy.
iloveyoumorethananyone & i miss you more than words can explain.
Hey Kayla,
I don’t know you or the relationship you shared with Dillon. From reading entries on here I can see that you two were very close. I too was very close to Dillon at a point in my life, and I will always cherish those memories I have with him, just like you do. Dillon was someone different, someone special, that could make you smile no matter how many countless bad days you had. I would know, many nights Dillon and I were up late on the phone just talking. He is always here with us, guiding us and keeping us safe. I know you miss your talks with him, and I do as well. And even though he can’t hear me, I still turn and talk to him. Though he may not be able to comfort you with his words, talk to him, because he is listening. He will give you the strength to take the next steps in your life. Know that he is gone in human form, his spirit will guide you. I pray that you are comforted in your moments of weakness, when you’re feeling alone. Just know that God now has Dillon and is keeping him safe.
ive had a bunch of dreams since u left. there all horible. i keep dreaming of someone dieing… i wake up and im emotionaly drained. i had one dream of my grandma dieing. then it was my dad dieing, then my grandma died again, and last night i had a dream that my brother died. i woke up just crying. people that im close to and love i keep losiing in my dreams. idk if there saposed ta mean any thing or what. but i do know that they are just dreams and i thank God for that because idk how i could go through really losing any one else. . .
We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
‘Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
‘Cause we believe with hope
There’s a place by God’s grace
where we’ll see your face again
We’ll see your face again
Ohkayy Dillon, This was my weekend. On Saturday, Yourrr Mommyy came and visited me! That made me so happy, and it helpedd me too. She made me feel very welcome and she even told me more about you, she shared memories and it was really good, a little while back on here I wrote that you were my angel on here, and what a coincidence that she brought me angel! It was a christmas ornament with your favorite color on it. Then she also brought me your t shirt, and the picture you made for me. It feels so good to have something of yours. It was really good to hang out with your mom though so that part of my day was great. Then later on I had some friends over for a birthday party and it was so gay, It made me so mad, everyone just acted really stupid but one good thing about it was my friend got me a necklace with your picture on it. It made me very happy and I’m wearing it right now,. It’s in the shape of a heart and has the picture of the one you sent me, holding the sign that says i love megan. I just want to cry right now. Like I can feel it coming. I learned something from your mom though. That I will never get over you, you wiill always be in my heart, I will always love you, but I can get through this and learned to live a new normal. It’s just so hard for me though. It’s like I don’t really want to develop a new normal, I feel guilty when I’m having a good time. I don’t want to have a goood time. I just idk dill. I have school tomoorow. That really sucks, but then I have christmas break after this week so that is good, Ill have some time off. But how am I going to go through christmas without you. I want you to be here, I want you to be here to have a christmas with your family, I want you to be here to make everyone happy. I’d do anything dillon to get you back. Even If that meant you weren’t going to be in my life anymore, It would be so hard, but just knowing you were alive and making other people happy would bbe good for me. How is it that you, such an amazing person who has done so much for anyone is dead, and disgusting sick crazy people are all around us alive and doing what ever the hell they want to. Why do they deserve to have life, and you have to be dead. Why does it have to be where you don’t have the opportunity to have your 18th birthday, get your tatoo, graduate, live your life. It isn’t fair dilly. It just isnt.
dillonbaby,
i wrote this essay for my english class that i said i memorized and presented to my class. they said my speech was amazing and so powerful & deep. you gave me the confidence to do this. you were with me in front of the class, i know. i could feeel you next to me. i didd this for you because i truely love you & i hope you’re so proud of me. I believe everything happens for a reason. If it’s a small reason or a serious reason, it’s still a reason. In my opinion, if something is going to happen, it has to have a reason for doing it. Things don’t just happen just because. It always has a purpose. So why exactly do these things happen? What’s the purpose for this? What makes life so uncontrollable and random? I personally think it’s because life gives you plenty of opportunities to do certain things but it just wants you to learn from them either if it’s in a good way or a bad way. People really do learn something new everyday even if they don’t believe in it or say it. There’s a reason why we go to school everyday. There’s a reason why we sleep every night. There’s a reason why we have rules and laws. And there’s a reason why we are who we are and we meet who we meet. In my personal experience, I have a lot of good friends but when it comes to guys, it’s not so good. I find myself completely torn over the jerks that are just being who they are, guys. Guys will be guys but there’s a reason for meeting them and having them in your life. There’s a reason.
Deep down, everyone has a purpose and something special within them to share with the people. That’s why everyone is so different and have reasons to live. You could really like something about someone but in someone else, there’s something you like about them that the other people don’t have. Whether it’s God who makes things happen, whether you make things happen without you even realizing it, or whether things just happen by itself,. You learn and live for the better. I’ve learned more in the past two months than my sixteen years living.
On September 29th, my best friend committed suicide and it still hurts me everyday just knowing he‘s not physically here anymore. That Wednesday was probably the worst day of my life on top of my bad day I was already having. We were best friends but we also liked each other. Once I heard what had happened, my heart dropped and I was speechless. I first thought it was a joke because couldn’t be real. He was never like that. The more people I talked to and the more days that went by not talking to him made things seem real but not really. I was still in shock at that point. What do you do or say when the person you gave your heart out to, loved and cared about is gone now? How are you supposed to reacted to that?
It’s been over two months now and I’m finally getting my life back on track. My grades dropped from B’s to D’s and I wasn’t eating or sleeping. It’s been a hard two months. I was the one who had to get through this by myself. I felt like I had to accomplish this. I’m doing this myself because I felt like if i could do this, I would be so much stronger as an individual than some friend or conselor telling me to forget about him and get over it. He was my best friend and nobody else’s. I told him things nobody else knew because i trusted him with my heart, my life, and everything. I definitely feel like this incident happened for a reason. He’s with me right now as i’m speaking. He’s right here next to me. I know he’s right here on my left hand side. Even if I don’t know the exact reason for his death or the reason it just so happened on Suicide Awareness Day, it happened for a reason. From thinking about it, writing about it, and dreaming about it for so long now, I’ve got some ideas. I think maybe it’s because God wanted me to appreciate people more and really love and care for them because you never know when will be the last day you’re going to see them. Maybe God wanted me to move on from him and make way for another guy that’s coming along soon to be my boyfriend. I’ve learned to be more thankful for what I have right now and watch what I say to everyone because even if they don’t say what they’re feeling, they might get hurt or offended from what I said even if I was just joking.
I’ve learned to be a more outgoing person because everyday with my best friend being gone and knowing what happened and everything, you live everyday with the hope of the next day. Nobody guarantees tomorrow, next month, or next year. Anything could happen. There are always going to be those people who make your life so much better, happy, worth it and give you confidence but then again there’s always people who make it miserable, sad, and depressing. There are always going to be that one thing that you wish you had or something you could take back. Someone could come around and completely change everything for you but you never know. Everything is depended on life and the choices you make. Don’t concentrate on planning the next ten years of your life. Concentrate on what’s happening right now and how you could make it better for you and everyone else. In my opinion, life can’t be controlled. Life is crazy, random, and sometimes depressing but it’s definitely worth living. Maybe things aren’t meant to be but maybe things are. You only have one life to live. So learn from your mistakes, learn as you go, and as cheesy as it sounds, live your life to the fullest because even if it’s good or bad, everything really does happen for a reason.
“Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries.
But life looks different through everyone’s eyes”
Dillon Chiulli; From the bottom to the top, and everything in the middle of my heart, i love you. No one else will ever compare to you.
Dillon, you missed it. We saw Big D. You would have had so much damn fun. You told me you wanted to see them… you should have been there with us. I know you were watching from heaven though. In my mind you were there skanking with us. Well dude, I miss you. Love you, your best friend always, Hayden
Dillon Edward Chiulli.
I miss you so freaking much., I’m sitting here in your t-shirt right now. I want you to be here with me, and I want everything to be okay again. I don’t even want christmas to come this year dillon. If you can’t be here for christmas than there is no point. I can’t stop crying dillon. I hate it that I can’t talk to you anymore. I pick up my phone and want it to be you on the other end of the phone. But it never is. I know while I was living at my aunts cause my parents were breaking up, I couldn’t talk as much. I know that made you sad. Did it seem like I didn’t need you anymore? Did It seem like I didn’t think you were important enough. If thats what you thought dillon I’m soo so sorry. I really wish I could go back and talk to you as much as possible. I should have made more time. and now It’s not fair because you are gone now and I can’t have you back, I will never have another chance to talk to you ever again. Why? That is so unfair dillon. Why! Ugh. Youuuuuu didn’t deserve to die. You hadd such a great life ahead of you. You were going to have an amazing future. I wanted you to be in my life forever. I never wanted to loose you. How can a quick shot of a gun change all that? It just isn’t fair. I hate this dillon. I really do. I’m kinda madd right now. How can you leave me and all your family, all your friends. WE ALL needed you. I know you didn’t want to die dillon., Problems can always be solved. You knew that. I can’t believe you are gone I don’t want to believe. I don’t want to put on a happy face and act like everything is okay when It’s not. It’s most deffinetly not okay. It’s not okay that you aree gone. It’s not okay that I don’t get your phone calls or texts aanymore. It’s not okay that you left without saying goodbye. So no It’s not okay. I want to hear you. But I can’t. I want to see you. But I wont ever be able to. Wanting something that is impossible is devastating. Knowing that it wont ever happen. You are gone forever.
How can people tell me to get over that?
How can people tell me that I just need to “move on”
Well no. I will never move on, I’m always going to feel that way. No one can change that. I’m always going to miss you dillon.
No one will ever make me stop missing you.
I love you dillon.
Rest In Peace.
loveee meggooo.
dillon,
im sorry i havent been on writing to you. i kinda broke down after marrissa. i wasnt close to her but it still hurt. my heart aches for her but my heart bleeds because of you. im broken dillon and i dont think im ever gonna get better. life is so fucked up. sorry for being so blunt but it really is. fuck life and fuck this currupt world. i miss you so much. i would be with you right now if it wasnt for my mom and your parents. i feel like i have to be here cuz i owe it to my mom. because iv put her through so much already. and i cant put your parents through any more pain. so im stuck. suffocating in my own misery. every day is a struggle. every day is frustrating. every day is annoying. every day is empty. every day is missing you. i love you dillon chiulli. more then the air i breathe every day, every moment, every second. i close my eyes and i see you. i cover my ears and i hear you. i cry and i feel you. im here dillon. and im gonna stay until the day im taken. just promise me dillon. promise me your waiting for me. when i ignore my problems i feel you slipping away, but when i face them i feel your presence surrounding me. its as if your forcing me to face them, cuz its my only way of keeping you. why did you leave me dillon? i hate you for it! i know this sounds so selfish but the day you took your life is the day you wrecked my world. i believed in you dillon. my life is complicated, but you made it make sense. if anybody could save me from myself it was you. when i met you i was on a downwoard spiral spinning out of control. you took my hand and you helped me. i was doing good dillon. for the first time in my life i was happy. but when you left me, you walked out of my life, i crashed and burned. and now life is just dragging me around until its done with me. and when that day comes… it will be the happiest day of my life. please understand that when i say i hate you its just an emotion, but when i say i love you its a permanent feeling in my heart that takes away any anger i feel towards you. i love you dillon chiulli. more then life its self. but i owe it to my mom to be here, cuz just like you are my world, im her world. i cant wreck her world cuz my brothers need her. so i guess life is an obligation and a duty, and i just cant throw in the towl yet. iv made a realization while writing this, its kinda scary to be honest. iv realized that i no longer live for myself, but for others. in my eyes life is a waste of time. im liveing in missery, when i could be liveing in eternal happieness. does that make any sense at all? why do humans do this to themselves? well the answer is beyond me and im gonna try to stop trying to figure it out. i love you dillon. please always remember. dont forget me. please wait for me. my biggest fear is that you will forget about me. that you will move on and i will be stuck without you, just like im stuck on this big stupid earth. please dillon, dont forget me. i love you.
i love you
i love you
i love you
i need you
i need you
i need you
one day i will get my life back, and that will be the day im with you. wait for me dillon edward chiulli. please.
with all my love,
anna <3
heyy dillon,
i miss you so much. not a day goes by that i dont think about you. im struggling to find myself dillon. im missing something. and that something is you. your such a big part of me dillon. i dont really know who i am. i guess that kinda comes with my age, but its different you know. i dont know what im saying. i dont even know where im going with this. well i guess i have all night to try and figure out what im feeling right now. so im going to go to bed. i love you dillon.
with all my love,
anna <3
Hey dillon,
I guess today was an okay day. I didn’t feel all that well, but it was alright I guess.
My birthday is coming up dillon.
I’m going to you’re grave soon.
I’m going to bring you purple flowers because I know you liked purple haha.
It’s weird dill. I find myself talking about you all the time.
Like my friend will say something like about robots or something from a movie, and I’ll be like dillon said nanobots were going to take over the world and destroy us all. haha It’s a good thing but it also makes me sad. Wheneever I seee an elmo, or a taco bell, a macaroni and cheese box,
a toys r’ us store, certain movies. I really am reminded of you all parts of my day. Even when I’m at school, or at a store, or at home.
It makes me feel sad, mad, happy. Just mixed emotions I guess
Like I really just want to call you sometimes and be like dillon I saw macaroni and cheese box and it reminded me of you, but I can’t and it’s not fair. I really wish I could go back in time and make our memories last. One of my birthday presents that my friend got me is a necklace with your picture on it, I cried. I wear it all the time now. I hope you are with me and I am glad I got to hear you say iloveyou all the time.
And you really did tell me that all the time. Like you reassuredd me all the time that you loved me. I think you did. I really do.
But that really makes me wonder.. How could you say you loved me so much, and then leave me. It just isn’t fair dillon.
Hello everyone….its taken me the better part of three months to get up the balls to visit this site. I didn’t know how I would react to reading everyone’s notes. I was pretty good reading all of them until I got to Hayden’s post on the 10th, followed by the post from my mom. Way to go you two!!!! Got the tears to flow pretty good! The pain that most of you are feeling is very real, and with that I sympathize. I miss my little brother every second of everyday. Everytime I look at my little baby girl I see him….same big cheeks, same almond eyes, same farts and same PAIN IN MY ASS! I love her so much and it hurts me to think that she will miss out on having an Uncle Dillon. For those of you who new Dillon through an occasional text message, or phone call….I realize that that is the preferred method of communication these days…but, that kind of relationship does not lead to “Best Friend Relationships”. I am sorry for your loss and for what ever pain you are feeling, but you must realize that these Chapter book postings you are leaving do nothing but cause those of us who new him best to worry about your mental stability. And an extra little note to Hayden and Ehren, your posts about the concert and Ehren getting punched in the ear had me crying for another reason…..I WAS LAUGHING TOO HARD! I love you guys, you truly were my brothers best friends. To both of you and to Bubba, thank you for helping carry my brother to his final resting place. I am sorry for the burden, but I needed all of his brothers to help bare that load.
Hugs and kisses Penitentiary….and everyone else who loved my brother.
Dillon, today was my mom’s birthday, she was happier today so that was a good thing. My day was okay. Tommorow I start break and that’s good.
I’m going to your grave this weekend for my birthday. I really miss you. Like it’s unbelievable. I was on katelyn’s myspace today, because she told me that you had a conversation about me. I looked through and I only found one message. It said hey, I don’t know if you know me but I’m meggys dillon :). That made me so happy dill. You said you were my dillon. I really miss you and how you would say stuff like that too me all the time. I just want you back, I keep thinking everyday, that it’s not real and that you are just going to come back anytime. But I’m sick of waiting. I’m sick of crying that you’re not here. I just really need you back. I’m still devastated. I’m still in pain. I’m still mad, hurt, angry and confused. I can’t imagine how much pain you were feeling at the time dillon. I don’t know how you were feeling because of course I’m not you, but I do know you were hurting. I just wish you would have told me about it, or your momm. We could have helped you, I guess that just wasn’t fate. I love you dillon. You have no idea how hard this is.
You’re putting me through torture.
dillon!
dude i miss you so much maaaaaaan!!!! last night i was eating animal crackers and like the funniest thing ever happened!! i pulled one out but it was actually two stuck together and they were like doing the nasty doggy style!! i laughed so hard and the first thing i said was oh man i wiah dillon was here to see this! then i got bummed out but then i looked at the animal cookies and started cacking up again! i showed my mom but she didnt exactly think it was as funny as i did. she was just like your sick. but that just made it like ten times funnier. so at like 2 in the morning i sent a bunch of ppl a picture of it hopeing somebody would find it as funny as i did. there were a few ppl. but nobody really grasped how funny like i know you would. well ok im goin on and on about this but i really did laugh for like 2hrs straight. ok imma stop talking bout it now. well i love you dillon!
all my love!
anna
p.s.- here is like a cyber kiss or something! muaw!!!!
dee eye el el oooh en.,
i misss youu so muchh. everyday at 11:11 AM and PM, i make a wish about you. i hope you’re happy now but what really frustrates me is that you left with the feeeling of pain; thinking that no one cared and no one loved you. that’s what hurts me the most because i know that wasn’t the case. i gave my heart out to you but maybe it just wasn’t enough. i sleep with a teddy bear everynight to reassure me you’re always with me. without it; i have a horrible night and i feel alone and not protected. every night that i sleep with it, i sleep soo welll and the entire night.
i’ve overcome and gotten through so much in the past 3 months. you made me the stronger, more loving, caring, cautious person i am today. i thank god everyday that you came into my life because it really did happen for a reason. you made me realize things i’ve never even thought about before and you taught me to always think twice about everything. but now you’re out of my hands & god is taking care of you now.
i wishh you were here with mee. to hang out with me. to spend timee with me. to be here when i get my braces off. to be here when i go to winterball & junior prom. to spendd the holidays with me. to be here foreveeeeer. you are my movtivation for everything.
i’m suure you’re paaaaaaartying it upp in heaven but don’t have too much fun untilll i get there(:
i can’t wait to seee you agaiiinn.
with loove,
kaylaaa<3
Dillon, Today I feel_____. I hate that feeling. Where you can’t even name it. So many things mixed together all at once. I’m hopeless and scared, and curious, and frustrated. There’s so many things I’m feeling right now that I almost feel emotionless, like I can just sit here and stare at a wall. I don’t like it. I just want to find away to fix things, because the only way the puzzle fits correctly is for you to be here and for me to be happy again. There’s no way for you to be gone and me to be happpy, not right now at least. It seems as if people just go on with their daily routines, and I’m kind of just stuck here alone. Like I don’t know dillon. I really really honestly, and hopelessly need you. I hate this situation, I hate this town, I hate this everything. And one thing I hate that really makes me mad is when my mom just openly talks about what happened with you, in front of me to all of her friends, it’s like wtf. I’m right here, do you think I want another extra reminder that my best friend is dead, yeah? like that’s going to keep me going through the day. It makes me even more mad when they say stupid stuff like what a shame or something like that, it’s like yeah you say what a shame but honestly youu don’t know how it feels to have your heart ripped out and have everyone else in your life expect you to stick it back in and go along with your life because they don’t give a shit about wjat you’re feeling. I’m not asking for people to deal with things for me, that’s the last thing I want, I just don’t want people to expect me to be all fine and dandy, because if they are looking for that they better go elsewhere. I wiish I could be with you right now. Someday I hope I will be. I love you dillon. I am so sorry for everything.
I really did love you.
Why did this happen, it can’t be real
life is so precious & but you thought it wasn’t a big deal.
You were the sun to my sky and the stars to my night,
you held me up high and kept me so tight.
You gave me the confidence to learn and the confidence to fight,
but when you’re not here, there is no light.
The day you left me was the worst of all,
you left me clueless and lost with no one to call.
You were perfect for me, perfect in everyway,
how could you just leave me without anything to say?
To love, to care, to trust as well,
you ment to everything to me as simple as a bell.
You wouldn’t want me to be sad,
you wouldn’t want me to cry,
but how do i react with loosing a loving guy?
The way you made me feel
and the countless times you made me laugh,
let’s make it happen again
and walk through the dooor really really fast.
You are my motivation to live and and my motivation to love,
so sweet and soft to hold like a dove.
You were always there to protect me
through everything in everyway,
so keep me safe forever
whaat do you sayy?!
From every little kiss to every hug,
i remember every single one & i hope you do too
from the skies above.
I will always love you
no matter what
stay with me, i need you alot.
You were the only one to care,
& the only one to love me
hold my hand forever & ever, my dillon chewwleee.
<3
Dillon, Now it is officially my birthday. I really wish I would have gotten a phone call from you. I really miss you dillon, I am going to your grave tomooorow. I wrote you a poem tonight. Here it is<3.
I want to scream
Yell and cry
It's killing me
As time goes by
I try so hard
Not to show
The feelings I
Can't ever let go
I try to put on
A happy face
And act like I'm
At a steady pace
But I know what
I'm feeling inside
All the feelings
I'm trying to hide
So many things
I want to say
I really wish
You could have stayed
My words unheard
I'm left unspoken
My heart isn't whole
It's utterly broken
I will never get over you
From now till forever
I can't wait till
You and I can be together
You're my best friend
Who I truly love
So promise you're happy
and watching from above.
dillon,
i always told my mom i wanted a rememberance for you like a bracelet, necklace, picture frame etc,. something i could keep forever and ever. as an early christmas present from her, we went to valley fair mall today and she let me choose whatever i wanted from the rememberance store. so i chose a heart bracelet with a purple jem in the middle of the heart and on the back i got “life is fragile” engraved on the back. i chose to put life is fragile instead of your name or year or anything because the last thing you said to me was “people need to realize life is fragile”. dillon; i live by that every day and now ill always be reminded by wearing it. ill never take it off. by wearing this, i know you’ll always be with me and ill never forget about you.
you changed my whole life and i look at everything so differently now because life IS fragile and you taught me that.
also, i’m ordering a few pictures of you and putting them in a collage picture frame.
comee visit me in my dreams tonight.
i would looooove to see your cuute face.
i love you so muuch.<3
ohkay so this was supposed to be laast nights but it didn’t post for some reason?
Dillon, Now it is officially my birthday. I really wish I would have gotten a phone call from you. I really miss you dillon, I am going to your grave tomooorow. I wrote you a poem tonight. Here it is<3.
I want to scream
Yell and cry
It's killing me
As time goes by
I try so hard
Not to show
The feelings I
Can't ever let go
I try to put on
A happy face
And act like I'm
At a steady pace
But I know what
I'm feeling inside
All the feelings
I'm trying to hide
So many things
I want to say
I really wish
You could have stayed
My words unheard
I'm left unspoken
My heart isn't whole
It's utterly broken
I will never get over you
From now till forever
I can't wait till
You and I can be together
You're my best friend
Who I truly love
So promise you're happy
and watching from above.
Dear Dillon, today was kind of hard.
It was my birthday today. I woke up this morning, without a text message from you. I went through the whole day without hearing you at all. It’s hard. I went to the cemetery today. I laid next to your grave and criedd like a little baby. I wrote you this poem today. I hope you like it.
I walk into the entrance
Getting closer to your grave
Walking down the cement path
Where the new grass has been laid
I look down and see
The flowers left for you
And the little christmas tree
Your mother left you too
So I pull up my sleeve
And gave you something of mine
That I wish I could of given you
If I only had more time
I sit by your grave
And look up at the sky
I hopelessly lay down
And I begin to cry
I wonder where you are
I wonder where you’ll be
I stare at the clouds
And hope you’re here with me
Then I see two birds
Together flying by
It reminds me of us
Soaring through the sky
They were together for a while
But It wasn’t that long to me
And soon enough they were seperated
And one bird had to leave,
It’s not fair that you’re gone,
you should be here today
It’s not fair that I have to miss you
In every single way
But suddenly I feel the need to look up at the sky
And I see those two same birds
Together flying high.
I know that is us dillon,
I know that it’s true
I know there will be a day
Where I will come to you.
Dillon,
I’m a mess. completely a mess. sometimes people say it takes time and some people say you have to just get through it yourself. honestly, it’s almost been 3 months and i’m the same as I was on day one. i do regret, even though people always tell me not to. i still do. i’m really hard on myself, sorry. i can’t help it. deep down, i have alot of regrets but i have one specific one. one regret that tops them all. i would do anything in the world to go back in time and change it because honestly; i think things would of been way different. i cry every single day knowing i can’t take it back. i cry every single day i know you’re physically gone. i cry every single day knowing we can’t hang out and laugh. i cry every single day knowing you wont answer the phone on the other end. i cry every single day just thinking of how much pain you were in. and now im getting to a point where i just can’t handle anything anymore. i’m scared to take chances, im scared to get hurt again, im scared to get heartbroken again, i’m scared to be myself, and honestly; im scared of the future. i’m scared to try things, and i’m scared of outcomes. i’m so lost. everyday before i go to sleep, i look up at the ceiling, close my eyes, and talk to you. i hope you hear me because i completely spill my heart out. you’re the only person i felt most comfortable doing that to. everytime i hear about death or gun shots or the name dillon, i cry. sorry that i’m a little baby but this incident effected my whole life. i can’t stand guns. hearing or seeing them, i’m scared. i’m living life on the edge. i’ve living day by day. i’m not enjoying it. i’m far from enjoying it. i absolutely hate it. but maybe this really did happen for a reason. maybe it happened for me to realize stuff for my future. i wish i knew.
to be honest; i really liked you. like really really liked you. i always told you that but i could never really actually express it. i told you “i love you” alot and you knew that meant alot coming from me but you still never got it. it’s taken me 16 years to finally find someone i was so happy with. dillon, you made me the happpiest person in thee entire world. i’ve been through probably 20 or more guys and you were the one. i’ve taken chances with all of them and each and every one shattered my heart. taking so many chances; i’m always scared to get hurt again. i took that chance with you and i have no regret about that. it was probably one of the best decisions of my life. you helped me. you put my heart back together after it was broken. you were my glue. you kept me going. but now you’re literally gone and you’re not coming back. i feel like i’m starting over from scratch. i have completely nothing. but guess what? since i found someone amazing and worth it like you, i know what i’m looking for in a guy. i know what i want. without you coming into my life, i would be getting used and pushed around so many people right now. but now i stand my ground.
i can’t express to you how much you ment to me.
you were truely yourself. i love you for you.
i will always love you. forever and ever.
i will wear this bracelet every day for you. everyday. because wearing it makes me feeel and know that you’re always with me. you’re always holding my hand and permanently on my wrist. i’m never taking it off.
with everything ending, there really is a new beginning; for everyone. but i live by “life is fragile”
the last thing you said to me was “people need to realize life is fragile”. i’ve come to realize that it really is.
you are my motivation and you’re permanently on my wrist and by my side.
stay with me. please dont give uup on me and leave me.
i need you; more than anyone.
Dillon, I don’t know. I really don’t. People don’t understand. Like people don’t realize that I have to put on a fake smile all the time. I hate that when I express myself, people just steal what I say and make it their own. I hate that I live in this ghetto ass town, and I’m stuck here. I want to get out of here. I just really miss you. You always had the answer for me. I didn’t really care what anyone else had to say, I would always just come to you. I really do need you dillon. I did then, and I do now. That’s not going to change, and it breaks my heart knowing that you left me here. It was always me and you against the world. And now its just me against the world. Everyone just steps on me and takes advantage on what I have to offer. I’m left here struggling. I don’t want to be here without you, I don’t want to talk to other people on the phone unless it’s you, I don’t want to talk to anyone unless it’s you, but really dillon sometimes it feels like I can’t. Like I can’t be here without you. I can’t talk to anyone on the phone unless it’s you. I can’t talk to anyone other than you. Because you were the one I talked to about everything and more. We had a connection dillon, I know we did.
We just naturally got along. We were so much alike. And now that you’re gone people are telling me that you always talked about me. And people are even telling me that you really liked me. More then one person is tellling me that dillon, and it is killing me. I didn’t know you did. I never realized. I’m so dumb. I wish I could go back but now I can’t. I can’t ever go back. I really wish I could but I can’t. And you don’t know how much that hurts dillon. How did I miss the signs. Why didn’t you tell me about it that night. You called me and our last conversation was about soup. And how you wanted to make me some chicken noodle soup. I can’t take it anymore dillon. I can’t take this emptiness inside me. I’m serious dillon. Lately I feel so emotionless. Like I could just sit here and stare at a wall. Like so blank. I was shocked september 30 and I stand here today still shocked. I don’t want to think about you being gone. and sometimes I just tell myself you’re on vacation or you’re on a trip, but thats so not true considering even when you were on vacation you still would call me every night and text me everyday. This is such a big change in my life dillon. I change that I never wanted to deal with and I shouldn’t have to. I should have never lost you. It seems so impossible without you. I remember our conversations and it makes me miss you when I see and hear certain things, and oh boy does that happen alot. I’ll just randomly be sitting here and my friend will say something about macaroni and cheese, and I was like that’s dillons favorite food. And I like it. I like being reminded of you. I just hate it that you are gone. I hate it that I have to be reminded of you, and then realize that it is all I have left is just the memories. I really miss you dillon.
I’ll love you, forever.
I promise.
<3 Meggyybooo.
honestly; i dont know anything anymore. the day you left me, i fell apart. no one will ever glue me back together. you were the only one who could do that. i question life and everything every single day. i dont know what im doing or where im going with life. i want to be with you. i need you. i want you. without you, im absolutely nothing. every single day i put on a fake smile to act like everything is okay but guess what? it never is. ever. i have so many problems right now that i literally can’t take this anymore. out of everybody on this earth, why did it have to be you? you were the ONE who was supposed to be there for me through everything and anything. im always wanting to call you. talk to you. text you. hang out with you. but now i can’t. the time we spend together was amazing and i wouldnt replace it with anything. you truely made me feeel like i was ontop of the world. i’ll never let you go and accept the fact you’re gone. i just can’t. it will never seem real to me. it just feeels like you ran away, or camping and your phone is off. i tried leaving you a voicemail but it won’t let me.
dillon chiulli; you never realized how much people loved you. i loved you more than words will ever describe. i really wish you would of gave life a second chance.
my life has changed since day one.
actually it changed since you entered my life.
i wear this bracelet that represents you everyday. & to also remind me life is fragile and remind me of you. ill never forget about you.
i kiss the heart every morning and every night for good luck.
our friendship and my love for you will last forever.
you are my good luck charm.
Dillon Edward Chiulli, Christmas eve is tommorow. We’ll technically today. You should be here for christmas, you should be with your family, eating yummy food and opening presents. I can’t imagine how hard it is for your family not to have you there for the holidays to come. You really were the life of the party. You made things funner and you made people laugh. You made everyone happy dillon, and it’s not ever going to be the same without you. I wish you would have realized that there was so much to life. So much that you didn’t and won’t get to experience. It really doesn’t seem fair, or even possible that someone as great as you won’t have the chance, when horrible people who go about making other people’s life miserable get to live and go about as they please. Why do they get the chance to live life, when you barely had a start. It’s not fair that you will never get married, and never have your own little children, and honestly dillon, that breaks my heart. Knowing that your parents have lost their little baby boy. Your death has not only affected your experiences in life, but the other experiences others will never be able to have with you. Your niece will never be able to meet Uncle Dillon. Your friends won’t get to graduate with you. I will never be able to see you. There was so much that you would miss out on dillon. Don’t you get that. How could you not see how this decision would affect others. Especially the ones closest to your heart.
I love you so much dillon, I would give anything for you to take back what happened. But I guess the only answer I have for all this is that everything happens for a reason, for me people keep repeating this. I know that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I think,what reason is worth knowing loosing you over? It doesn’t seem worth it to me dillon, It just doesn’t.
I love you dillon,
Merry Christmas.
-LoveMeggyboo♥
Hey Dillon. thanks for visiting me in my dream last night. it kinda helped me with why this happened. you kept telling me you were tired. and its okay dillon, cause now everything is alright. it was weird too, cause we were in Hawaii with momma peralta and the rest of my family and so it was like we were all in paradise. i know you’re doing okay, and just keep looking down at us and smiling. watch over us, keep us safe. Rest now Dillon, Rest In Paradise. Lovee youu&& miss youu.
-Love Ali.
My Dillon Chiulli,
it’s almost been three whole months. three wholeeeee months. jeeze it’s gone by so fast but so slow. i’m not sure. i find myself missing you everyday, every second. i wear my bracelet in rememberance of you everyday. everytime i look at it, i smile. you make me smile. you’ll always make me smile. but lately i’m been miserable. but for you, ill keep going and never give up because i know you’ll always be by my side forever and ever. i just missssss you so much. todayy is christmas eve & it’s my mom’s birthdayy & santa’s comingg tonight. visit mee in my dreams tonight. pleaseee. i hopee i wake uup tomorrow morning and you’re in my stocking because honestly all i want for christmas is you. i will trade everything i get for christmas, just to have you.
merry christmas babyylove<3
rest in paradise; i loooove youu.
Dillon, It’s christmas eve. I miss you. I hope you are having the best christmas ever in heaven. I love you dillon. I miss you and love you so much. My heart is broken. It’s going to be bbroken for a long time, I’m mad and sorry, and sad, and just everything. I love you more than words can say, and more than anything else in the world. You’re my strength dillon. Please help me, like you always have.
Merry Christmas Fiance’
I love you.
-Meggyboo.
Dippppppy! I miss our english class last year 🙁 You always making up nasty dirty ass rumors about me that where NEVER true haha. But you always knew how to make me laugh even thought half the time i just wanted to slap you and tell you to shut up. Ha. You have always been such and amazing person and always will be. Sorry it took me so long to write on here but it still doesnt feel real to me i feal like you and marissa our on a very long vacation and will come back in a month or so. But its not like that i really wish it was but i need to realize its not. Ive known you for a good 8 years and i always considered you a friend not my bestfriend but a friend who would always be there for me no matter what. Dillion i love you always and forever. And these past two months for me have been the hardest thing i have ever been threw. I miss you kidnapping me when i was in my wheelchair and then you would leave me behind a bush so no one could see me haha. Then we would always count down to graduation together cause we want outta school. Graduation will not ever be the same with out you and marissa. Just remember when i get up there with you im gonna get my big bear hug that i always use to and this time im not ever gonna let go. I love you dillion:)
illonda!! I havent written on here sense the funeral… I haven’t really been strong enough to visit this site i’d read the first post then have to click off. I said hi to your dad with Emily Hobbs at the Army vs. Navy game:] They played for you illondaa. They played for you. We lost but in my heart we won. I miss you like crazy dillon. its been soooo long sense i’ve seen you. I hear your voice everynight before i go to bed when i call you and get your voicemail. then the tears come. I miss not being able to get a response. So much has happened sense you’ve been gone. Every time i see chocolate cookies i think of you D. Everytime i see purple i think of you. Everytime i see i love you baby! i think of the back of your car. Everytime i go to Stouffer park think of you calling my dad Ramathorn, and you playing soccer with Ashlyn and Dillon. My family misses you. i miss you. EVERYONE miss you Dill. The memories with you will never fade. I replay them in my mind all the time. You were like my older brother Dillon. You were always there for me no matter what. You’d always call me and complain about other girls and we’d plan revenge. I miss that :/ its never the same now. I wish everything could go back to normal. I wake up everyday wishing it was a dream. Or that you’ll come knocking at my door saying “just kidding!! Go get some bread and lets sit on it!” I’ll never forget when you called and said that. I can still hear you saying “I love you ayllorta. always and forever” i sure hope your still up there loving me as much as you did.
Come visit me Dillon.
I really do miss you.
I love you. See you in my dreams :]
-Taylorr
Hey DILLON! MERRY MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS! love u lots still. i miss u all the time still too. the other day i decided to write , cuz i was having a crapy day, and i read the last page and it was about u. i just cryed. i miss u. and then yesterday i called ur voicemail to leave a message and just talk to ya, cuz i was having stupid problems again with peeps, and ya ur voicemail box is full :'( so i almost started crying , just thinkin about how u arent here any more, and are leaving many people withought ur great smile and joy thins christmas day… my heart aches 4 ur family. they misssssssssssssss u tuuuuuunnnnnsssssssss. i cant imagin what they are going through not having u here on this christmas morning. well i love u
~ kelccc <3
Dillon, Merry christmas. It would have been so great if you could be with your, I know they really miss you just as much as I do,
Today was pretty hard. I woke up, opened presents, and then went with my mom to the movies, then I drove by my dads house to see my dogs, and his girlfriend was there and made me feel totally out of place at my dads house, it was horrible. I really miss you dill, I remember you didn’t like my dad, you knew he was such an asshole and you hated the way he treated me. I wish I still had you. It’s not fair.
I love you.
dillonn,
yesterday was alright but i felt so awkwardd. i was hoping you’d be in my stockingg or laying in bedd with me when i woke upp yesterday morning. after that i went to my uncle’s house and i just felt weird. i was quiet and didn’t say much. i felt so.. i dont even know. i needed you. my great uncle even asked me why i was just sitting on the couch being all quiet. he said i needed to go sit by a huge tree and start writing to get all my feeelings out. he also said other stuff. but when he was saying it, i thought he was joking like he always does. but he was completely serious. now that i think about it, i should really go sit by a tree and start writing.
i showed my family the bracelet in rememberance of you. everytime they talked about it or they asked me questions, i either got all teary or i had the biggest smile on my face because just thinking about you and your smile makes me smilee. i’m starting to smile when i see your pictures and think about youu instead of cry now. i feel like it’s an improvement. i stilll think about you allday everyday and think to myself “what would dillon say about this?” or “what would dillon want me to do in this situationn?”. now i’m so cautious about everything i do, everywhere i go, and everything i say.
the day you left, you took my heart with you.
and here; i’m living day by day.
stay by my side, i loove you.<3
you literally changed my whole life.
Dillon. I really miss you. I can’t sleep. I wish I has you to talk to.
You were always there, and now you’re gone, and there is so many things I need your advice on. I don’t know what to do. I’m so stressed. I’m so hurt. I’m so drained, emotionally and physically. I wish I could talk to you. That would mean so much to me to be able to hear you. Why can’t you just say something to me, let me know you are here somehow? Tell me things are going to be okay. Just do something. I really need you dillon. I can never say that enough. I’m trying to be strong and I want to break down crying right now, but I’m not going to. Because no matter how much I cry, you wont come back. You will never come back. I’m still so shocked dillon, and when I wake up every morning and I think of you texting me in the morning, I look at my phone and I don’t get a text. It breaks my heart everyday. It’s so hard dillon, having to repeat the shock of you being gone everyday. I don’t think it will every sink in. Because I wake up and don’t remember you being dead, I remember you alive and expect a text from you. I just set myself up for disappointment. But I don’t try to. It just happens. I hate it. I hate having the thought in my head that you’re alive and then constantly be reminded throughout the day that you’re dead. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to believe. I don’t know dillon, I really don’t. This is teearing me apart. Howw could you break me like this. How?
Iloveyou. I always will.
But I’m broken.
Loveyouforever
Meggyboo.
Dillon, I constantly think about you. I really miss you dill. The other night I was laying in my bed. I couldn’t sleep and it was 4am. I remember I posted a blog saying I was trying to be strong. I failed. I started screaming and crying, and I’m surprised I didn’t wake up my mom. It was so horrible and I kept saying your name and asking you why. It’s breaking my heart not talking to you. and in a couple days it will be 3 months. I really just wish you were here, and I can’t take not talking to you all the time, I always have to put a smile on my face but inside i’m dying. I look around and I’m reminded of you constantly. I try to pull myself together because I don’t want to bring other people down, but the only place I can really say how I am feeling is on here. I don’t want to tell my friends about it or my family. They just don’t understand, they didn’t know you. No matter how much they say they are here for me they can only help so much, I just wish I could move, I want to live closer to where you were, because It makes me feel closer to the memories of you. I really miss you dillon, and I hope you’re in heaven playing with your doggy, and having a great time in paradise. But you left me dillon, I’m alone now without you, and It’s not ever going to be the same. You didn’t understand how much I needed you, like theres so many things left unsaid and I really can’t take not having you in my life. You were amazing, and I know you still are. And it seems impossible that you aren’t in my life. And I absolutely hate it. I hate missing you all the time. I just want you back and I want to be able to yell at you and tell you that you made a mistake. and that you completely broke my heart leaving me hear to face the world by myself. I miss you and I want you to know that I wont ever let you go.
babee,
there’s so many things i wish i could say right now but it would take me forever to say it. there’s so many things i wanna tell you, and so many things i question every single day.
im gettting weaker and weaker everyday. i feel like im dying inside because i am. i’m going through so much and you’re not here to help me through it. or maybe i’m just selfish.
you left me here clueless lost and empty.
one of the last things you told me was to just find some other guys because you werent worth it. newsflash- i don’t have any other guys. i dont want any other guy. i want YOU. that’s it. JUST YOU.
i’m literally a mess & no one knows how to deal with me. no one knows what to say, how to feel, or how to act around me.
i’m so different.
for the rest of my life; i always know i made the biggest mistake of my life & who knows, it could of changed something.
i will never let you go and accept the fact you’re gone.
you’re still here with me.
you’ll be around my wrist & a part of my life, forever & ever.
iloveyoudillon,
kayla<3
Dillon, Well It’s three months today. It seems like way longer to me. It seems like forever. I miss you so much. I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could have another chance. I wish I could of changed things for you. I’m so sorrry dillon, I’m sorry for all that you were feeling and all that you were hurting about. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you in a anny way shape or form, I’m sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about this. I really wish you would have. I can wish all I want but it’s never going to change now. I think that I just need to take things slow for a while and try to get my life in order. I need you by my side dillon, pleaase guide me. I remember you told me to do what I want to do, you know how much I like photography and you told me to do it, I remember how much you cared, and I don’t think I’ll ever be blessed with someone in my life who cared as much as you. You truly did amaze me dillon. Flashbackkk. I remember I was in the car with my mom one time, and I was talking to her and texting you and I was telling her that you really were my bestfriend, that you were always there for me and even she knew that. She called you officer ramrod because of your myspacee, that always made me laugh. I remember my prank calls to you and ourr phone calls that would go on forever. I would give anything to have that back, I would give anything to have you back. I’m going to write you a poem on here right now.
Dillon my angel,
my love for you is sure
When ever I was sick you always were my cure
You kept me all safe and locked up tight
You would always call me too wish me a good night.
You told me you loved me, and that I was so important to you
And when I told you I loved you, It honestly was true
It hard to say
That three whole months has gone by
If wishes came true, you would be alive
I want a happy ending, I want there to be a exception
Where I could wake up in ultimate perfection
It would involve you to be here, and to be happy as can be
Where you would call me everyday, and be the happiness for me
It’s kind of hard to express how I feel about you
They way you made me feel with all the things you do
You simply were amazing, You simply meant much more
Then anything, then anyone, could every have hoped for
I love you dillon chiulli, I am so truly blessed
To have had you in my life, but I have one more request
Please be happy and look out for me too
and remember I promised,that I will always love you.
I love you dillon,
lovemeggybooo.
ps: Threee months Is way to loong, so come back now.
Dillon,
this is really hitting me. im literally shaking typing this. it’s reality. today was really hard. spending time with alanna & karena, going to your house, driving meet up with karena & being in ripon all together; it was just overwhelming for me. the one time i get to go to ripon is when you’re physically gone. WHY? it should be the other way around. i always wanted to go see you for the past year when we were close. but i could never go drive and see you because i dont have a car. but you did. you went miles and miles for me dillon. multiple times. you truely cared about me. you loved me. you reminded me everyday. especially on the phone. everytime i was crying on the phone, you wouldn’t hang up untill i vented to you, i stopped crying, and i was okay. you forced me to get through things & with confidence. but now; i feel like i have nothing. i’m empty, helpless, lost, confused, & just not myself. i just hate it.
i had a complete break down last night. i’ve never cried so hard in my entire life. i was crying and screaming. i literally couldn’t breathe. i didn’t know what to do with myself. my mom walked in & tried talking to me. i kept saying “i dont know anymore. i just don’t know” <– story of my life. i have so many things i wish i could take back, things i wish i could of said, & things i wish i could of done to make things better. im that type of person. i do things by myself. because if i dont do it myself than it just wont happen & get done. i can't rely on anyone.
Driving there and back with my mom just made me realize so much.
i spent some timee with your mom. she's onee strongg lady. she loves you. soo many people love you. also, i walked around your house. i walked into your rooom and i was just speechless. just idk. i hoped you would magically just be there when i walked in. your parents house is just so empty without you. they need you.
even though you say this is what you wanted to be happy & it's no one's fault; dillon, you had so much to live for. if it was about family, you could of talked it out. if it was about friends, find other friends. if it was about girlfriends, a girl will be coming to you soon. you just have to be patient.
your mommy gave me a shirt and a sweatshirt to keep & wear. actually im wearing the sweatshirt rightt now becauuse im really coldd. ill wear it to bedd too. on the way home, i fell asleep on it and i woke up crying. also, the shirt i grabbed & kept is the shirt you wore on the first day we hung out. that day was amazinggg.
even though its been three months today that you've been gone, my mind isnt letting me believe your gone. my heart is telling me yes but my mind is saying no. you just can't be gone. you'll never be gone & ill never let you go. stay with me. i need you more than anyone. even though we got in arguements & whatever, you were there for me. i always knew that when all my friends walked out on me, you would still be there no matter how bad i screwed up or anything. you were mine. you stilll are mine. you are my love. nothing will ever change that.
i hope you're happier now than you ever have beeen because it's what you truely wanted.
Withh all my love<3,
Kayla.
– dillon; even though i screw up so much, i have so many flaws, & i made a millon mistakes, you truely were the only person who loved me for me.
three whole months have gone by. im not exactly sure how to put everything into words. i realized so much in the past 3 months & actually our entire friendship. from laughing, cuddling, watching movies, flirting, going miles & miles for me, long ass phone calls, & webcamming to —> crying, your funeral, venting, seeing a counselor, visiting your parents, being depressed, writing letters etc, i’ve come to realize how much i cared about you & how much you cared about me. you went miles for me. you helped me through everything. my life just isn’t the same & it will never be the same untill i get to see you in heaven.
your mom let me keep one of your sweatshirts & one of your reds jerseys. im actually wearing the sweatshirt to bedd tonight. maybe ill sleep good with it on. also i chose the reds jersey because that was the shirt you wore on the firstt day we hungg outt. i will neverr forget that dayy.
you are the most amazing person i’ve ever met & no one else will ever compare to you. ever.
i will love you for the rest of my life & forever after that.
withh all my love,
kaylaaa.
visit me in my dreams tonight. i would love to see youu.
Dillon, a random song just popped up on my playlist, it’s called stay close don’t go. I wish thats how it could have been. Just to stay close to me and not to go. Threee months have gone by and thats still what I want. Is for you to stay close to me, in my heart, my dreams, my memories, never leave. I love you, dillon. I’m trying to get better, I’m taking it day by day. It’s just hard going through life realizing you won’t be here now and won’t be in my future. I kind of walk alone now, We got along so well and you understood things the way I felt them, And I understood the way you felt about things. I’m confused about so much. I hope you are watching over your mommy and your family. They really need your presence. They need to feel you around them. I know that it must be really hard for them at a time like this. My heart truly does go out to them. Please just listen to all of our prayers dillon, listen to all of them. Because I know you will feel the love that you maybe didn’t feel enough. I talk to you all throughout the day dillon. Thinking of you, telling you I miss you. I was talking to your mom tonight, and we were talking about how some times we see stuff or hear stuff that remind me of you and sometimes it makes us smile and sometimes it makes us cry. I really miss you. I’m trying to work on to turn most of it to smiles about you. I think you deserve smiles over tears, because you made way more smiles then you ever did tears. I’m trying to be happy for you. You would always tell me to be happy, and I know you wouldn’t want to see me sad, but I can’t help missing you. It’s inevitable.
My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I’m not the one to blame
It’s you ‘ or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we’re all ashamed
And there’s no sense in playing games
When you’ve done all you can do
But now it’s over, it’s over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it’s over, it’s over, it can’t be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it’s over
I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It’s shaking from the pain that’s in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won’t let it die, but I won’t let it die
But now it’s over, it’s over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it’s over, it’s over, it can’t be over
I wish that I could take it back
I’m falling apart, I’m falling apart
Don’t say this won’t last forever
You’re breaking my heart, you’re breaking my heart
Don’t tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever .
Happy new year dillon, I love you, It’s hard to say that 2009 was the last year I would have you in my life, and it kills me too know that you wont be in anymore years of my life. I need you in my 2010, 2011, 2012, I’m going to need you for the rest of my life, and it’s killing me that I don’t have you anymore. I love you so much dillon. I’m getting so many texts from so many people. But nothing would mean more to me then having a text from you. Ugh, this is so hard. I guess it’s not supposed to be easy right. I want to be bettter, I want to be happy, you always made me happy. I love you dill. Happy new year.
Happy New Yearr Dillon,
For the last 3 months, i’ve been through so much. more stress, more tears, & more frustration than i’ve had in my entire life but maybe this is the way it’s suppposed to be. maybe it was meant to be. i’ve been a complete mess but it’s taught me so much. you taught me so much. it’ll just make me stronger in the long run, i know.
Last night i thought of a change i could make for 2010. In 2010, i’m determined to be a better, more loving, happier person just like you were. you are my motivation & without you by my side, i won’t be able to do it. you always said you would be here for me & would never leave me. don’t ever leave me. you’re still here, i know. stay wifff mee in spirit & i’ll makee you so proud<3
With allllll of my loove,
Kayyylaa.
Dillon, Today was horrible. My family treats me so poorly. I hate being pushed around. I hate not being able to be myself. I hate it when people say they know how I feel. because they really just don’t. Today made me cry even more with everything that happened. Ugh. I just wanted to get out and I remember when you said you would come get me if I needed you too. I wish I could have had you come get me today. That would have made my day so much better, I miss you terribly dillon. I want you back. You said my life was hard when I talked to you about it awhile ago, Now just imagine all that plus loosing you. It’s like breakinng my heart, piece by piece. I wish I could have some of your amazing advice as of what to do right now. I’m so confused. I love you dill. I just need to get away somewheree.
i’ve been a complete mess. i hate it but i just cant control it. as of January 1st i told myself i would be a happier person. i neeed change. i can’t go on life liike this or i’ll end up worse.
i know you want me to be happy & love life. i’m determined to change.
to keep going i tell myself, “dillon wants me to be happy. i have to do this for him”, & so far im doing good. i can feeel myself being happier already but i’ll always see myself missing you. everysingleday. it’ll never change. i’ll never forget about you. it’s not possible.
even though its becoming reality day by day you’re gone, i’ll never let you go. you’ll always have that special place in my heart. our friendship & my love for you will last forever.
stay with me in spirit. guide me. i’ll never let you go.
i love youu.
how do i breathe without you here by my sidee?
how will i see when your love brought me to life?
where do i go when your hearts where i lay my head?
how do i breathe; how do i breathe.?
Wow, Its actually really hard to believe that you are gone Dillon. I know that we didn’t really know eachother that well but i still had fun being in the Comanche company with you. When Amber told me what happened i honestly couldnt believe it, it actually brought tears to my eyes. And the thing is, it kinda sucks that i didnt find out till almost a month after it happened. Its just hard to believe that you are gone, as much as i hated our company you were one of the only people that i had respect for. Well your in a better place now. Hope to see you soon. R.I.P
Dudddddd, hey man we saw Matisyahu the other day. Fuckin wasnt the same knowing that you loved them just as much as well all did. Lol i stood by two hot chickas lol but im a pussy well you know that. Marine bio is so quite without you always buggin Mr. Gilman. Funny thing is now i actually miss you giving everyone a hard time. Every day i go home and i want to go to your house but im scared to see your parents. Fuck man i doubt what got you that mad wasnt a good enough reason to have everyone that (actually) liked you. So many people were tryin to get sympathy funny thing was i tried stayin away from the sympothy. Lol i wish i could hear so of the stupidest shit you would say to me. Well man imma let you go get some sleep. Lateskii
-Ehren Griesheimer
I couldn’t believe it when I heard it battle buddy! You were one of the coolest guys in JROTC. My brother and I really respect you. I’m sorry what happened dude. I miss you. Hope to see you soon. RIP
Dillon,
You left us all alone with no answers, it shouldn’t have gone this way but i guess we can all say that your in a better place making fun of other people. lol.
Dude i will miss the good times when we played baseball and would crack jokes and sorry for giving you shit about dropping the ball. I hope that you could some how comfort anna because she still takes this roughly. Also for the people reading this just let anna be its hard trying to just get over something so big as this and having people critasize her and ask her questions. She will come around sooner or later time won’t hurt.
hey what he did could have not been stopped, it was going to happen sometime sooner or later, thats what deppression does to a person. I know this sounds really shitty but, he did the most selfish crime a person could do because he broke everyone and with no answers left so fill our questions. The best thing for you is to get over the problem holding on doesn’t help. Just remember that he was a good guy….
i miss your laugh and the way you made me laugh
i miss talking to you on the phone
i miss texting you all day everyyday
i miss watching movies with you
i miss hugging and cuddling with you
i miss your cat jokess haha.
i miss every serious conversaton we had
i miss everything you helped me with
i miss your crazy random dreams with me in it
i miss your smile
i miss your voice
i miss the way you made me feel; indescribable. you made me feel more than amazing everytime i was with you or talking to you.
i miss you everysingleday.<3
im going through so much with myself, my friends and my family.
this effected me so much. i cant believe how the one person i put number one in my life is gone. i can't believe that this had to happen for me to realize how important life is. just one more time talking to you would mean the world to me.
im a completely different person now but it's for the better right?. everything happens for a reason.
its just not the same without you. RIP. you will always be MY love.
everything that we had and everything that we went through; im so glad i had the chance to meet you and get to know you. you completely changed my life. im so different now.
my heart goes out to you.
you are amazing and one of a kindd.
i just wish i had one more day with you.
i love you.
i still cant believe and understand what happened. i wish i knew why. we will never forget all the memories we had together, good and bad
ill miss you
Dillon!!!
dude i mis you so much! basketball conditioning sux and i have the worse shin splints and i dont have u to massage them like you did last year…but its alrite i can live haha. Anna is playing and im sooo stoked!! i see so much of u in her its like u never left sometimes. when we r in weight training she pops off with some joke and i look at her and just think u sound just like dillon haha im goin to miss our pep talks on the side of the team room, i still remember our little mato beat em and eat em… i still dont understand how u came up with that but it works for me haha well i better get to studying for my bio test, which there is no point im goin to fail it anyways haha see ya later buddy:) i love ya:)
You were one of a kind. you are one of a kind.
I miss you so much
And i really didnt think that going on with yo gone would be this hard
I cry so much and i miss you
You were a friend
You were a Hero
and you gave me inspiration to live
I love you so much
and i hope you know that now
Its been a month and 2 days. Everyday i get on…Read what people have to say. I start to type how I feel, then delete it. I turn off the computer and walk away. I do this everyday. Sometimes more then once. I cant put this feeling into words. Thats what I loved about our talks..I didnt have to speak you just got me, you knew how I felt. I sit in my room everyday for a very long time just trying to pull myself together. Life is hard..WE BOTH KNOW THAT. Your my guardian angel Dilly:'( I love you I wish I told you that a month and three days ago. Just one day before. Whether it would have changed anything or not at least there wouldnt be words left unsaid. I remember when we would talk about my dreams and goals..and you always told me to keep trying no matter what. Sometimes i just wish you would have listened to your own advice Dilly:/ My heart hurts, the littlest things put you on my mind when i finally get you outta my head. A song, a sound, a smell. I try to be happy when our little memories enter my thoughts but still im left with sorrow and anger. Your in a better place i know but i hate that place isnt here with us. Your mom and dad, siblings, friends…Me. I love you Dillon, sorry it took so long to say.
-Dayy
Last week I didn’t have practice after school and I thought hey maybe Dillon will give me a ride home so i don’t have to walk more than a mile home. I remember the days when you would give me anna and addi rides home and you always said black to the back to me. Ya Jerk. But to me your just as black lol. So i didn’t have a problem heading back there even though my long as legs were freakin smushed! I miss ya buddy. And when my time comes i’ll be more than happy to see ya
everyday or a couple times a week, i come on here and i look at what people say. it breaks my heart to actually think this is real. i call your phone once in a awhile just to hear your voice. after that, i hear your voice and all our inside jokes and phone calls replay in my mind all day long. since you helped me with my problems, why didnt you call me with yours? we could of had a huge talk about this. even though we got in arguments and stuff, i always loved you and was always here for you. i still feeel like its not real because you were never that type of person. you know me; i deal with things in the worst ways and i overreact on everything. i would always call you crying about silly things and you would help me through it. i cry everyday for you but i should be happy because you’re in a better place now; right? its been a month and a couple days now but its been the worst past month of my liife. the day you passed away; my life started going down hill from there. literally. but i kind of feeel like its gets a little better day by day. just a little. but everynight i would text you right before i go to bed just to say goodnight and that i loved you. i still text you but no reply. dillon, i need you back. you know my problems and the guys i’ve gone through; they were complete assholes and didnt care. you were the complete opposite. you were the ONE guy who DID care, and you werent an asshole about it. when we started gettting really close, i felt like you were the only REAL guy in my life; like my best friend and my almost boyfriend. you made me the happiest person in the world because i finally found a guy that wasn’t a jerk.
there’s this guy in my US History class and he looks exactly like you. face, body type, height, humor, smile. everything. my sister started talking about a black cat the other day and it completely reminded me of you and our inside jokes. i listen to the song “one word by elliot yamin” pretty much everyday and i cry listening to it everytime because it explains how you’re amazing and perfect. and to me; you were. i wish on 11:11 everyday; and everytime it’s about you.
just the little things will always remind me of you.
you were the one guy i would never ever give up on.
you’ll always have a place in my heart. always.
i don’t think i can live without you.
-to my best friend and the guy i fell hardest for && the one guy i’ve ever said “i love you” to; dillon chiulli, i LOVE you babee. && i hope you’re so happy.
Dillon Edward Chiulli, how I miss you dearly, What is my purpose dill. You were and still are my angel., I am so pathetic. My life is so worthless and stupid, I am never going to ammount to anything without you. I need you. I’m sitting here crying because you’re gone, but I shouldn’t be. You are happy now. Why am I so fucking selfish, Why do I want you back so bad, even if that means you being here unhappy. I’m so fucking stupid dillon. I feel like I’m dying. My heart is broken. Your death has left me at an unbearable state. I cannot take everyoones shit anymore. I can’t take anymore hurt from anyone, I can’t take life anymore dillon. I just need you so bad.
I love you Dillon.
You changed my whole world. Rest in Peace.
Oh Megan….Although I don’t know you, your note truly touched me. I felt so sad as I was reading it, it made me cry. I hope and pray that as the days go by that you will not be in so much pain. As a 41 year old wife and mother of 2 I can promise you that you can get through this difficult time in your life, things will get better, you will feel better and someday you will look back and remember what a horrible time in your life this was, but that you did get throught it. Remember not to keep your feeling inside, you know first hand what happens when people don’t express how they are feeling. Talk to your friends or your family or if that doesn’t work you can even talk to me. This site is also a great way to express how you feel. Always remember their are many people who love and care about you the same way you love and care about Dillon. Wishing you, better days ahead!!!!
Dillon,
Its been over a month and its still hard to think your really gone.
I really regret not talking to you more out side of class.
I come on here alot, so many people miss you.
Your in a better place now, and finally found your happiness.
I always think of you at the most random times. And I come on here and start typing but end up not leaving anything.
We all miss you.
it’s so hard for me waking up everymorning and hoping its going to be a good day. i tell myself that everymorning and its not a good day. i’m not gonnna lie; other days are better than others but im getting through it. you know how much this hurts me; i’m completely lost.
i’m living for you. i live everyday knowing you’re happier now. you told me this is what you wanted. in my eyes; if that’s what you wanted; then it was ment to be. i feeel like i’m constantly getting watched upon by you whereever you are and you’re guiding me in the right path to success but a part of me is missing. i feel lost and awkward. i literally feel like half my heart is missing. i can hear your voice in my headd all the time telling me to stop crying and coming up withh some inappropriate comeback jokes 🙂 hahaa.. im always thinking about you everywhere i goo. i think about texting you alll the time but i never get a response. i miss talking to you. i think about the time we spent together, our phone call conversations,inside jokes, laughing about stupiiid things, and how you were the nicest guy i’ve ever met. everytime i saw you; i was speechless. you were perfect and all you ever wanted to do was make me happy. whenever i was sad, you would make me happy. when i was irritated and annoyed, you would make me happy. && when i was happy, you would make me even happier. you would give up everything you had for someone else. you were always there for so many people, i know. you were truely the one guy that i will never forget because you completely changed my life and you taught me so much in the past 2 years.
i love you babbyy; RIP. you’re in a better place now.<3
~~hayyy dillon, kk so thursday im going to take my permit test. i hope i pass!! 🙂 but ya last time i talkd to u i was taking my drivers trainting ed thing and like i kept making funn of the people and like the stupid things like “u have to stop at a stop sign ” DUHH!! and “green means go! ” and u kept lol’n at me saying that im soo young and yet u still hit on me 😉 and like i was looking 4wd to tellin u when i was going to actualy take my test,… and ya i really cant now.. but im still going to cuz i told u i wudd! soo ya love u lots sweet dreamz~~
Dillon.
every time i eat chocolate chip cookies i think of you bringing me them.. I miss you dillon edward chiulli… so much..
Good Nightt illondaaa. i miss you soo much!
iloveyouu babeeee.
-aylortaa
Dillon….I PASSED! see i told u i wud! actualy i told u i would fail and u always reasured me i wasnt going too! and look now im not THAT young cuz i gots my permit and on my first try! yeah! 😛 loveya thanks 4 just being there…4 everyone ..always
luv kelc
i still feeel like its not true. i feel like its just a nightmare and i neeeed to wake up, rigghhtt noww.
I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questions
all about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight
I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin’
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much
Tonight I’ve fallen and I can’t get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin’ you, holdin’ you, holdin’ you tonight
i love you babyycakes.
youu willll always be my number one.<3
hey dillon. i miss you kiddo. halloween wasn’t the same this year, i miss carving pumpkins with you, and your broken nose. I miss you and tyler randomly coming over to my house, just because. i miss our late night talks, and taco bell runs. i miss going over to courtneys when she was buzzed, and scaring the crap out of her. i miss you and your bear hugs, and holding hands and walking to class. i miss you dillon. i can’t bring you back. but i know one day, i’ll see your happy face again :]
lovee youuuu.
I miss you like crazyyy!
I wish you were here dillon, I’d give anything to have you back
I wishh I would I would have had the opportunity for you to make me banana pancakes like you said you would.
I love you.
I always will.
You’re everywhere I go,
You’re everything I see
Words cannot explain
How much you mean to me
You’re always on my mind
You’re always in my heart
Here and now today
Or many miles apart.
To walk or to fly
To live or to die
No matter where you are
I’ll never say goodbye.
Ily. Rest in Peace Dilly♥
you’ll always have a place in my heart dedicated to you.
you changed my life from day one; over two years agoo.
i miss you like crazy and i feel like it’s been forever since we’ve talked. but now i can offically say i’m never alone becausee i know you’re always withh me all day everyday && guiding me in the right path to success. i willl make you happpy babe; you know i will. i won’t disappoint you and i’ll always make the right decision like you alwayss told me.
you’re all i think about && all i dream about. i just wish you could of stayed around a little longer. but you’re much happier now.
Iloveyou. RestInPeaceDillonChewwwllleeeeBabbyy.
dillon,
you have no idea what my life has been like lately. well actually, i take that back. you do know. cuz i like to think that your here with me. i can feel you dillon. all around me. i can hear you. constantly. i feel crazy. and maybe i am. i dont know. and i dont care. as long as your with me. i love you dillon. sooooo much. my heart aches. and my spirit is broken. im lost and confused and completely a wreck. im not ever going bak to ripon high. i cant do it. i have to many memories with you there and as much as i want to hold on to those, i cant concentrate on school. and yes, i have actually been trying! but now im super duper behind. so im going to do independent study for a while till im caught up and in a good place with school. then ill decide what i want to do after that. well im tired so im going to go to bed. but ill write again soon. i love you dillon. with all my heart and soul.
R.I.P Dillon EDWARD Chiulli!
love always and forever,
Annalicious! 😉
I don’t even know what to say right now Dillon. I’ve been thinking about you for the past week. I may end up losing my truck.. I remember how you wanted to drive it so badly. You would ask me every day but somehow we never got the chance to actually make it happen. I miss Wilkerson’s class with you. Me and you used to screw around so much in that class. I miss your smile and every time I would look over at Stephanie’s binder, there would be a huge dick drawn on it. I really miss the fuck out of you Dillon. It really doesn’t seem like you are gone. I called your phone a few hours ago and it STILL has your voice on it saying you don’t want to talk. I started to tear up and remembered you and your smart-ass remarks toward everyone. I really and truly miss you Dillon. I wish I had to chance to spend more time with you. We never were that close, but in a way I feel like I really got to know you. I will never forget you Dillon.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
Rest in peace my partner in crime.
Love, Robert Volk.
Dillon, I miss you so much.
I tend to say those words a lot. I wish I didn’t have to.
It’s not right to wish for you to be back and be unhappy.
It’s not right to put you in pain for other’s happiness.
You deserved better dillon. You still do. Anyone who says anything negative to say about you must have some type of malfunction.
You were truly the most amazing best friend I could have ever wanted.
You were so good to me, and now your gone. It’s like taking candy from a baby. Something that makes them so happy and makes them giggle and it feels like the happiest part of there day, Take it a way and you got a very unhappy baby ): It’s unfair.
Today was horrible. Tomorrow I have no school luckily. I’m sick of having the littlest things remind me of you, I know I should smile. I do, until I realize that you’re gone. How can I smile if you’re not here to make me smile. I’m selfish I know it. There’s so many more people out in the world that are dealing with much more complicated situations and I’m sitting here wining. I want to make something of my life for you, It’s just so hard to take on. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I just breakdown crying. So many unanswered questions.
So many words left unsaid. I just can’t believe that you’re gone. It’s still a shock to me. It still makes me wonder what has become of the world to take my best friend away from me. I know it was the plan, but I really don’t know where to go from here.
So many people hurt me, so many people abuse my trust,and pretty much break me into pieces. Newsflash = you were my glue. Now that you’re gone I’m just a bunch of broken pieces that will never fit the same.
I love you Dillon Edward Chiulli.
Rest I Peace<3.
The leaves have fallen from the trees
And summer days are gone.
Lingering twilight in the chilling breeze
And the end of the robin’s song.
All of my life I searched for a friend you
Not knowing it until that day
When you appeared out of the blue
After almost a lifetime away.
I didn’t know that time would fly
And didn’t mention my friendly love.
We had time to laugh and sometimes cry
And I sometimes thanked our Father above.
I now had hope for each new day
And each other to comfort at times
You always had something tender to say
And made everything seem all right.
When sadness came and would not leave
With courage I watched you fight.
Yet I didn’t know what was going on.
I thought you were alright
But time was slipping away…
Faster each day, it seemed.
With dignity and grace you continued to fight
And at night, of Heaven, you dreamed.
Heaven is where you are, its true,
Above the storm clouds and rain,
Where the sky is so eternally blue
And there is no more sadness or pain.
Time is passing still faster each day
And at night I miss holding your hand,
But I remember you taught me to laugh and love
And to believe in the Promised Land.
The trees will be dressed in leaves so new
And summer days will re-appear.
Twilight will become the eternal blue
And the robin will sing so clear.
It is a great comfort to know that you
Are not really so far away,
And you will appear out of the blue,
After almost a lifetime away.
Dear Dillon,
Today was horrible.
I literally sat in my room, in the dark and cried all day.
I miss you so much. I love you so much. I need you noww.
I know that I have to move on. I know you would want me to be happy and smiling and laughing, but It’s so hard. It’s like still shocking that you are actually gone. It’s like no way my bestfriend dillon. he can’t be dead. It’s just a dream, right? well if it is when i wake up you bettter be there. Or maybe it’s just a big joke. Maybe you’ll surprise me out of no where and say “I got you meggyyy!” and I’d be like “Dillon I missed you so freaking much! Don’t ever do that again and promise me you’ll stay forever!”. And he would be like “I promise love” ): Ughhh That would be the best thing ever. That would make my whole life.
I think I’m going to write you another poem.
I’ll post it on here to.
I love you bestesttttt friend in the whole wide world.
Dillyy Chiulli.
forever my angel.
dillon,
everysingleday i question if you’re REALLY gone. its so hardd to believe. you were the one person i thought would never leave me. ever. we would be so closee forever and we could grow olllldd together and just laugh about our inside jokes and stuff from when we were in high school. seriously it has to be a nightmare. you can’t actually be gone and just leave me here. how do you expect me to live without you? you kneww how much you ment to me. i pretty much told you everyyday. but then out of nowhere i get the call from ehren saying you’re gone. i was speechless. ever since you’ve been gone i feeel awkward, empty, lost and not myself. everyone can tell im different. i’d be sitting in class and my friends know im not myself. at all.
i would do anything to have you back even if i had risk my life in doing it.
you will alwayss be my looove,<3
dillon,
its 2:40 in the morning right now. i cant sleep. iv been crying for hours. i need you. and for the first time im totally and completely pissed at you. i depend on you. i trust you. and i cant believe you left me. im in shock. or denial. im not sure which one. i cant imagine you actually leaving me. you took me with you. im not myself without you. i dont know how to be me without you. i can hear you. your in my head. your screaming. your telling me ill be safe with you. that you will take care of me. that everything will be ok and you will make it better. just like you used to tell me when i cried on your shoulder. the only difference is i have to make a decision. one that will hurt others, but take me out of mine. they say its selfish. but isnt it selfish of them to make me live for the sake of their happiness. i dont know dillon. i dont know anything any more. i dont know what to do. i need you to get out of my head so i can think. i need you to stop yelling. i cant take it. i love you dillon. more then you can imagine. i dont even care if people think im crazy anymore. i hear you. and feel you all around me. i know your here. i just wish i could see you. when your smiling and happy. i have had the same nightmare for over a month now. its of the day. sept 30th. over and over and over. i wake up so many times during the night. and each time i wake up saying “please dillon!” asking you to stop. dont you know that i love you. you are part of what makes me me. dont you get it. i need you. and maybe thats selfish of me. to depend on you so much. but i cant help it. you are my everything. you are my best friend. and a big brother. when you left dillon, part of me died. i have this feeling that something is missing. it doesnt matter how much i try to fill it its always missing. i dont know what to do dillon. iv never felt this way. the air has literally been sucked out of me. im grasping at every breath i take. hangin on for dear life. im lost and empty. i miss you dill pill. and i cant live without you. come back. its not fair. help me dillon. tell me what to do. just like you used to. you always helped me make good decisions, and i still need you.
please dillon dont leave me.
im gonna go curl back up into bed.
pull the covers over my head.
and try to go to sleep.
but what will end up happening is i will toss and turn all night and be emotional and cry…
and then tomorow i will wake up and put on my fake smile to make everyone think i am ok.
because you know better then anyone else… thats what i do best.
i love you dillon.
always and forever.
unconditionally.
<3
dillllllon my loove,
today was not goood. actually it was just horrible. i got up late for schoool; then got in a huge fight with my whole family; then had an awkwardd car ride to school; then my spanish teacher started talking about suicide because someone else commited suicide this morning so it was like the talk of the day and i startedd crying so hard when she was talking about it because i started thinking about you of course..i miss you so much. then when she was done, i said a few things about you and how you were the most amazing guy i’ve ever met because you truelyy were.; and thennnnn i probably failed my chemistry test so i’m screwedd. then i went to my grandma’s house for dinner and we talkedd about you and the amazing memories we had. i seriously neeeeeeeeeeeeeed you. you have no idea; wellll actually you do know because i know you’re watching over me. i can feeel it. is needing you selfish?! i just depended on you, trusted you, loved you, believed in you, everythhingg. and all of a sudden you leave me. i have soo many unanswered questions. i haven’t been myself since the dayy you left. the day you left was the hardest day of my life. when you left, i feeel like you took me with you. i’ll never be the same again. i loook at things completely different now. i’ll never be happy again. i’ll never find someone like you. i’ll never think the same about liife.. i’m just completely falling apart and i usedd to always call you and just vent. always on the phone you made me feeel so much better and gave me confidence to keeep trying and stop crying. everyday i tell myself it’s gonna be a good day. welllll it’s never a good day. ever. i can’t remember the last time i had a good day. i put on this fake smile everyday and pretend like everything is okay because i don’t want special treatment from people. i need to get through this by myself. having people by my side for the first month was okay because i needed it; but now; i really need to do this by myself. i actually knew you, my friends didn’t. but why can’t this juust be a nightmare and when i wake up, you’ll be right next to me?! it will never seeem real to me that you’re actually gone. you’ll always be with me and apart of me. i’ll never say goodbye. i bloww you a kiss everynight right before i go to sleep just to remind you how much you ment to me. iloveyouubabycakkes .
dillllon my loove,
today was not goood. actually it was just horrible. i got up late for schoool; then got in a huge fight with my whole family; then had an awkwardd car ride to school; then my spanish teacher started talking about suicide because someone else commited suicide this morning so it was like the talk of the day and i startedd crying so hard when she was talking about it because i started thinking about you of course..i miss you so much. then when she was done, i said a few things about you and how you were the most amazing guy i’ve ever met because you truelyy were.; and thennnnn i probably failed my chemistry test so i’m screwedd. then i went to my grandma’s house for dinner and we talkedd about you and the amazing memories we had. i seriously neeeeeeeeeeeeeed you. you have no idea; wellll actually you do know because i know you’re watching over me. i can feeel it. is needing you selfish?! i just depended on you, trusted you, loved you, believed in you, everythhingg. and all of a sudden you leave me. i have soo many unanswered questions. i haven’t been myself since the dayy you left. the day you left was the hardest day of my life. when you left, i feeel like you took me with you. i’ll never be the same again. i loook at things completely different now. i’ll never be happy again. i’ll never find someone like you. i’ll never think the same about liife.. i’m just completely falling apart and i usedd to always call you and just vent. always on the phone you made me feeel so much better and gave me confidence to keeep trying and stop crying. everyday i tell myself it’s gonna be a good day. welllll it’s never a good day. ever. i can’t remember the last time i had a good day. i put on this fake smile everyday and pretend like everything is okay because i don’t want special treatment from people. i need to get through this by myself. having people by my side for the first month was okay because i needed it; but now; i really need to do this by myself. i actually knew you, my friends didn’t. but why can’t this juust be a nightmare and when i wake up, you’ll be right next to me?! it will never seeem real to me that you’re actually gone. you’ll always be with me and apart of me. i’ll never say goodbye. i bloww you a kiss everynight right before i go to sleep just to remind you how much you ment to me. iloveyouubabycakkes .
Hey there.
I had a dream about you the other night.
You were in your casket laughing at me. Saying haha i got you. Em your retarded to think i’d leave you.
Then you started talking less and less. Then you just looked at me and laid there.
And your eyes, they werent yours. They were empty. And the person lying there wasnt you. It was like a shell.
Then i heard you call my name. More like scream it and i woke up.
I couldnt stop crying
I miss you so so so much
And i didnt think it would be hard to go face the world everyday and remember your not here to face it with me
I havent been right since i went to your funeral.
I must be a really selfish person for letting it affect me like this but i wish you hadent left me
I love you so much
And i hope you know that whereever you are.
Sometimes i feel like your with me. Maybe im just sad and want to feel that but i really dont know anymore.
I wish that this was all just a bad dream and i’ll wake up and ill have one missed call from you or a text message saying ‘get up already’, and all this will be over.
You gave me the confidence to kee on living, no matter how bad life gets.
Because if it hurts this bad to lose you, i could never do this to anybody else.
You were such a big part of my life, and everytime i think about you, or i think i hear your voice, or i see you in my head. i break down.
But maybe someday soon i’ll be able to think of you and all the good times and laugh instead of cry
Your the last thing i think about before i go to bed. I always say goodnight to you.
Maybe you can hear me.???
I miss you lots.
I love you even more
dillon,
okay so you really thought nobody liked youu and nobody cared?! did you want people to realize what people don’t have anymore when it’s gone? or who’s important and who’s not important? well dillon as much as you believe me or not; and as much as you always told me that nobody liked you or cared; you were liked and were important to so many people including me. so many people looved you; cared about you; and believed in you. you had so much to live for. kay so now i hope you realize how many people reacted to this and how many people are hurt since you’ve been gone; so just come back and surprise us.
wow…. still dosent feel like your gone dillon… i mean i still think your here still going to school being your crazy self but i have to keep reminding myself your not here…. it hurts so many people miss you bud. like i said ill always keep you in my heart and love you. hope your well im pretty sure your watching over everybody…. xx hugs love hilary
babbyyyy. i miss you. i know you’re watching up above. keep me safe love, until i get to see you again. lovee you dillon. i miss playing “change sexual positions” at courtney’s. i miss our talks. you’re everywhere, i can feel it. i miss you coming over and calling my mom “momma peralta” even though she doesn’t have my last name. i can’t do anything to bring you back, all i can do is look back and cherish the time i was able to spend with you, and look to the day when i see you again.
Dillon. I’m currently trying to look at the sky for meteors.
It’s the leonid meteor shower at the moment and i’m just praying for you. I know you’re up there looking down at us.
Rest in peace, man. we miss you.
Dillon. i wish this didnt have to happen to you. i wish you could have spent more time on this earth. i love you so, i wish we could have been closer. time tore us apart, and we went through more recent days with a simple hello, how are you, and goodbye. but the night that i heard what happened, i felt like we were still back in eighth grade when a bunch of us would talk on the side of Hofman’s room. I sat and stared at my computer with the bulletin of what happened on myspace. Myspace. I found out on the internet. Seriously? I sat and stared for a good two hours at the words that were typed there, I don’t remember breathing, speaking, blinking, I remember thinking. NO, It cant be dippy, another Dillon, someone else. It had to have been someone else. I called a friend and asked if it was true. Its close to two months later now….and I still can’t believe it, I thought I got my closure with you at the church…knew that you knew what we needed to talk about, but everyday I think about you. I realize that im not, as im sitting here typing this, I start to cry, at some points hysterically with no stopping. i wish i could have been better to you, i wish you were happier in this life. there is so many more “i wish’s” but none of them will ever be true. I wish I could have been there for you, when you needed to talk to someone. You had so many people that cared. One final I wish. It may be selfish, but I really really really wish you were still here with us.
I moved a few hours away, and when I could, I called my mama crying. I told her I would be coming home for the funeral. She agreed and I skipped wed, thurs, and Friday of school, and drove the 4 ½ hours to Ripon. The morning of the funeral, I realized that you had soooo many people who cared about you. Maybe some people were just trying to get out of school, maybe some people were there for the attention, but I honestly have to believe that you touched the lives of mainly everyone in that church.
I am coming home for thanksgiving, and the long awaited 18 bday and I leave on Friday to come back to ripon, I was thinking what I was going to do, who I was going to say hi to…and I thought about going to RHS. I would stop and say to hi to mrs. Wilks, then mrs. Harvey, and that’s what made me think of you, I was so tired, sitting here typing my chemistry homework, and now, I cant even sleep. You touched so many lives dill pickle,I love you and you will always have a place in my heart. I guess what I wanted to say but couldn’t in any less of words, is that I love you, miss you, and hope you are happier where you are now.
*the girl that wore black
dilloonnnn,
i wrote this on my myspacee.
the song; one word by elliott yamin is for you.
you were like my loverr and my best friend.
you will be forever loved && forever missed.
i really didnt think it was going to turn out like this but everything happens for a reason right? you made such an impact on my life, gave me advice, confidence, and compassion to live life. you always told me to keep going and never give up. you alwayss knew how to make me smilee and what would make me happy. everything we had, everything we went through and all those memories i will never forget will always be on my mind. like those late night phone calls, adorable texts, huggs, kisses, laughing, inside jokes, movie hopping, laying on the grass cuddling, i owe you my life. the second you entered my life, i knew we would become close. everyday we talked, we got a little closer and closer. the connection we grew in the past two years is indescribable. you were so special to me. i’ve never liked a guy so much before. you will always be included in my life and always have a place in my heart. you alwayss put others before yourself and you were there for anyone. you alwayss knew the right things to say or make me laugh. for only knowing you for two years and living so far away, i knew you pretty welll. everytime i was on the phone with you or texting you, i was so happy. happier than most other guys made me. i would turn to you for anything. i knew you were alwaysss there for me. i felt like you knew me better than most other people; you knew the real me. you were the only one who really cared because you were always there to protect me no matter what. even though distance really grew us apart and we were so far away, we made the best out of the time we hung out. when we hung out you always made me feeel special, myself, and important. destiny brought us together. i definately miss those random texts in class and long phone calls. you were one of a kind and i loved you for who you were. i made you number one in my life forsure and you know that. you were one of few people who put up with me but kept me on the right track to never giving up. i appreciate everything you did for me and maybe one day ill return you the favor. So many people cared about you, you have no idea. but you’re finally happy like you said you always wanted to be. if that’s what you wanted; then it was ment to be. you were my best friend,my big brother and my almost boyfriend; i will miss you so much and you mean the entire world to me. you made my life complete. i will never have the same connection i had with you with someone else. our friendship relationship was different but so special in everyway. nobody will ever understand what we went through together. from all the agruements to everything we had in common, from being sad, depressed, and devistated since you’ve been gone this incident has completely changed my life and from this i will become stronger in the future, i know. not a day goes by without me thinking about you. knowing that you were different from other guys and the nicest sweetest person to talk to, i feel like i have nobody. my heart is broken into pieces and i will never understand why this happened. ill never forget the one day laying on the grass next to you with your arm around me and you were looking down on me and your eyes sparkled, you smiled at me and we kissed. if i had one wish, it would be to see you one more time and really explain to you how much i love you. holding onto the balloon at the funeral; i felt like i was holding your hand for the last time; letting go of that balloon was so hard for me. i was letting go of someone i fell completely in love with. driving home from tracy was heartbreaking for me to just leave you there but you’re happier now && thats what you deserve because you always did so many good things for everyone else. we willl see eachother again i promisee and ill give you the biggest hug ever. dillon chiulli, you are amazing and you are one of a kind. you had the cutest smile and prettiest eyes ive ever seen. if i had to describe you in one word it would be amazing. you will always be my love, my baby, my angel, my sweetheart, my cuddlebudddy, and my hero for the rest of my life. i know you’re alwayss with me in spirit. i can feeel you next to me. i can hear you in my mind and i can see you in my dreams. you were my security, my protection and my everything i have ever wanted. i live everyday with the feeeling that my world crashed and half my heart missing. it’s amazing the love you could have for one person and have so much trust and respect for them. you left me here and expect me to live without you. how do you expect me to do that? i depended on you, i trusted you, i loved you, i believed in you, and i cared about you. you taught me so much. i look at things completely different now. im really starting to realize the importance in life and for that i’m putting so much stuff behind me and moving forward for the better. i would do anything in the whole world to have you back. you’ll always be my on my mind; in my heart, in my dreams && apart of my life, forever and always.
Death is not the end; it’s just the next chapter in life.
rest in paradise; i love youuu.
i can offically say you were the one person who changed my life; im completely different now. accepting, getting through this and moving on has been the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do.
Dillon, I miss you. I want you back so bad.
It’s really hard without you.
I’m glad that I have some people that love me.
But I still don’t have you.
You didn’t understand how much you meant to me
Did you dill, obviously not considering you left me:(
Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t show you how much I loved you because
If i did a better job on it you would still be here
I’m sorry dillon. I really am. I wish I could of proved to you
how much you mean to me and soooo many other people.
You were the only one that really understood how I felt about so many things. I talked to you about so much. & considering all the other people’s comments to write on here, it seems you have helped so many other people. I wish you could of stayed but I guess it was not meant to be?
I still love you, and I always willl<3
I cant stop crying tonight
i miss you and i need you right now
things are getting so confusing
and i dont know what to do anymore
sometimes i just wanna crawl into a dark hole and hide
but i have to fake a smile
or be loud
so people dont think theres anything wrong
but there is something wrong
and i dont know what it is
but its there
I keep asking myself if i had said or done something would you still be here.
if anyone said or did something
my friend Kayla said some encouraging things
but it always goes back to we’ll never know. what happened happened and we cant change it
but i wish i could
I wish i could live in my head
cause your there
and everyones happy there
I dream about you at night
people tell me it’s time to get over it
but i cant
i cant let you go
ive been told a person cant make me live
but it sure helps
i miss looking at those ginormus blue eyes of yours
and giving you a hug
or atleast smacking your shoulder for saying something perverted
I feel like a bad friend.
i feel like i let you down
i just miss you
and i wish i could make it all go away
but i guess it’ll take time huh?
I love you so much
so so so so so much
you were like family
Everything happens for a reason right?
i miss your hugs
i miss your smile
i miss your laugh
i miss your eyes
i miss texting you
i miss you teasing me
i miss your random dreams
i miss you making perverted jokes
i miss watching movies with you
i miss cuddling with you
i miss our long life talks
dillon; this is so hard for me to just let go and move on. i physically can’t. i just can’t.
without you i feeel empty; lost; and so awkward.
so much is happening lately and im so overwhelmed.
i’m getting to the point of giving up and not caring anymore. i care too much and forgive too many people. maybe im just a softy but im officially done with some people. im done with their shit. i just dont know what to do anymore. i need your advice. i need to be happy again. you were the only one who made me happy.
i neeed you.
I don’t even know what to say right now Dillon. I’ve been thinking about you for the past week. I may end up losing my truck.. I remember how you wanted to drive it so badly. You would ask me every day but somehow we never got the chance to actually make it happen. I miss Wilkerson’s class with you. Me and you used to screw around so much in that class. I miss your smile and every time I would look over at Stephanie’s binder, there would be a huge dick drawn on it. I really miss the fuck out of you Dillon. It really doesn’t seem like you are gone. I called your phone a few hours ago and it STILL has your voice on it saying you don’t want to talk. I started to tear up and remembered you and your smart-ass remarks toward everyone. I really and truly miss you Dillon. I wish I had to chance to spend more time with you. We never were that close, but in a way I feel like I really got to know you. I will never forget you Dillon.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
Rest in peace my partner in crime.
Love, Robert Volk.
hey dillon,
im still sad, broken, and devastated. i still cry every night. and i still have nightmares of the that day… i still have daydreams of all the talks we had. i heard you dillon. every word. i heard you. and yet i somehow didnt get it. i didnt understand. but i do now. i understand you so much its scary. i replay everything you say over and over and over in my head. and i get it. i really do dillon. and i wish it didnt take me this long to understand. i would do anything to get you back. and i mean anything. i was in the car with my mom when a song by kelly clarkson came on. i never heard it before and as i listened to it i started to cry. its like she stole my words and knew exactly what was on my mind. any way here are the lyrics:
Louder, louder
The voices in my head
Whispers taunting
All the things you said
Faster the days go by and I’m still
Stuck in this moment of wanting you here
Time
In the blink of an eye
You held my hand, you held me tight
Now you’re gone
And I’m still crying
Shocked, broken
I’m dying inside
Where are you?
I need you
Don’t leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me
Shadows linger
Only to my eye
I see you, I feel you
Don’t leave my side
It’s not fair
Just when I found my world
They took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart
I miss you, you hurt me
You left with a smile
Mistaken, your sadness
Was hiding inside
Now all that’s left
Are the pieces to find
The mystery you kept
The soul behind a guise
Where are you
I need you
Don’t leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me
Why did you go?
All these questions run through my mind
I wish I couldn’t feel at all
Let me be numb
I’m starting to fall
Where are you?
I need you
Don’t leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can’t survive unless I know you’re with me
Where are you?
Where are you?
You were smiling
its scary dillon. but i do want you to know that as broken and lost as i am im getting stronger. i will never be ok with what happened. or less sad. or less devastated. but i will get stronger. and im starting to get the will to make it. a lot of that has to do with my mom. yes, i know, you always told me she was a great mom and she is. but a lot of it also has to do with cody. he gets me dillon. just like you do. so i want you to know that there are people taking care of me. i know you dont want me to be miserable so i hope this gives you some peace in your heart. i love you dillon chiulli. you are my world and im gonna live my life for you. i still hear and feel you all around me. and im gonna hold on to you cuz i neeeeeed you dillon. so dont leave me. i love you. sooooo much. ill write again soon.
i love you lots.
i hope your laughing it up up there.
i love you.
love always,
anna <3
heyy anna,
what songg is that?!
hey kaylaa,
the song is called haunted.
i looked it up just for you! lol
its by kelly clarkson.
i can really relate to how you feel. dillon is and always will be my best friend. nd im not just saying that like some people are. your feelings for dillon seem to be true and honest. i respect you for that. you really seem like you need a friend that understands how deep your feelings are. so i just want you to know that im here for you. i know you dont know me but i figured i would reach out. it seems like something dillon would do. he was always so nice to everyone. nd i also think dillon would like us to be here for each other. i could use a friend that understands my feelings too. i dont really want to post my number on the internet but… um i guess just write me back if you wanna talk nd ill get your number from hayden or bubba or something. if your cool with it of course.
🙂
yeahh; he would want us to be here for eachother and get through this. i mean like my friends can’t relate to what i’m feeling. they never knew him. i lived far away so they never met him. a lot of my friends knew of him because i talked about him but they never knew the real him, ya knoww.? but i’ve read all the things you’ve wrote on here and i know this really hurts you and probably the worst thing that’s happened to you. it’s the worst thing that has happened to me. he hurt so many people and thought no one would care cause he thought no one cared in the first place.. so yeahh, you can get my numberr from alana or hayden. call or text mee.
you’re always gonna be apart of me.
i cannn hear and feeel you next to me allldayeveryday.
stayy with me forever; you are my angel.
i love you dillon chiulli<3
Dillon, I had a dream about you last night. I miss you, So muchh. It’s crazy. I swear I am still in shock and think that you are going to call me any second. Instead I set myself up for disappointment waiting for impossible phone calls. My head knows that I’m not going to get one, but my heart wants to think differently. I wish I could have changed something, maybe even the littlest thing I could’ve done would have made you choose your decision more wisely, but no I did nothing. Hopeless and alone, that’s what you felt dillon, but you weren’t. You had me, you still do. Now I’m hopeless and alone without you. You should have told me dill. I would have ran to ripon if I had to. I would’ve hitch hiked, or stole my mom’s car. I don’t care. Anything that could have gotten me there, I would have done it. Obviously you didn’t comprehend how much you mean to me, you always will be my bestfriend. Nothing, distance didn’t change it and not even death can change that. No matter how far away you are. It’s never going to change. The pain of loosing you is inevitable, but I will get through this eventually or at least that’s what everyone wants me to believe, I know you would want me to smile more, and be happy that you’re happy and in a better place now, but to me it doesn’t even seem like a possibility right now. Fake smiles cover up the truth. I guess that is what you did to, you seemed so happy and you were always making people laugh. I know you enjoyed that but, there was so much more going on inside of you. So much more that people didn’t really see. I knoww what I saw, You talked to me about that kind of stuff all the time. But never once did I think you would kill yourself, you had so much to live for, sooo much dill. It impossible to think that things will ever be the same without you, and I don’t want them to be. I don’t want things to go back to normal for me, because I don’t want to forget you. I know I won’t.
Not talking to you makes me wish you were here even more.
I even see myself thinking, dillon didn’t call me yet,
And then I have to process everything that happend all over again.
This happends everyday dill, Every single day I miss you, Every single day I wish you were back. That’s not changing.
You know how much promises mean to me, So let me promise you this. I love you dillon, and I promise you, with all my heart that I will never forget you<3
Iloveyou.
Rest In Peace
Dillon Edward Chiulli
061892-093009
Love, Megan Pavlik,your meggy.
I’m so into what you giving and it feel so good to me
You’re beautiful and critical it’s hard to live without you, baby
When I wake up in the morning all I want to see is you
Heaven’s blessing that he sent me unconditional and true
You mean the world to me and I hope you understand
I will give you anyhthing and I’ll do the best I can to make you See what I see
One word
Is all I need to say exactly how I feel
One word
A single word that’s from the heart and keep sit real
One word
And baby I know this one fits you to a tee
One word
All I can say is amazing
Always there when i was going through all kinds of changes
You kept me lifted, said I’m gifted and you know I’m gonna make it
So when you’re tired and frustrated you can always count on me
I love ya and I want ya to know I’ll be all you need
You gave the world to me and you made me understand
You would give me anything and you do the best you can
You are what I hope to be..
All i can say is amazing
i love youu babyycakes. <3
Hey Dill
i havent written in a while
things have been. well. Not good.
but im starting to think of you and smile. then i cry.
But not as much as i used too
thats gotta count for something right???
i really wish you were here
to help me understand
but i guess i have to find out on my own?
i really miss texting you and you giving me a reason to be happy.
then you’d say something really gross
but i miss that too
maybe the most.
i keep dreaming about you
nightmares and good dreams.
more bad then good
but
dilllllllllllon!
i broke downn crying again last night. i haven’t done that in awhile. first timee in like a weeek. i fell asleep at 8 crying and trying to read my book for my englishh class. youu were in my dreamm last nightt thoughh, it was amazing untill i woke uup to reality and realized you really weren’t here. my dreamm seemed so real. i miss you everydaay & i wishh you were. i wouldd do anythingg to have you backk.
wellllll its a few days beforee thanksgiving & i’m thankful for youu because you taught me how to be a better stronger person and it will help me out in the future because i’ll alwayyyys remember the conversations we hadd & what you saidd. you proved to me that not every guy is an asshole and to give guys chances. you gave me confidence and compassion to livee & never give up.
babee, i willl make you proudd.
stay withh me forever; i can’t livee without knowing you’ll always withh me. youu are my angel and willl always be apart of me.
i loooooove you withh all my heart & you knoww that <3
Dillon
i miss you. i’ve been thinkin about you lately. my niece was over the other day. i have your picture up on my wall. she came in and asked who u were. i wanted to cry but the tears wouldnt come. she knew i was upset. she took down the picture and looked at it for a little bit and placed it in my hand. she smiled and said that everythin will be okay.
cant believe its been almost 2 months. a lot of us miss you dillon
sometimes you will come up in conversation and we all jus laugh. then wen thats done we sit in silence, smiling and missing you.
i love you dillon.
Dillon… happy thinksgiving! i bet ur having the best thanksgiving right now up there, like fer realz i bet ur eating the most delicious, moist, flavorfull turkey ever cooked! and laughing at us down here eating halfway dry white meat turkey compared to ur feast! well we all still miss u and yeah.. today i was sending a ‘happy thanksgiving txt’ and yeah i still sent u one .
since today is Thanksgiving, we all need to remember to give thanks and be thankfull for everything we were givin in our lives.
Dillon, even though u left waaaaaayyyy to soon,
im VERY VERRRY VERRRRRRRY thankfull that i was able to have u as my friend 😉
even though ur passing caused grief, sadness, and mourning
im thankfull to have known u .
even if i knew how it was all going to end, i would of still wanted a friendship with u…
who wouldnt??
even though just the fact of knowing u would, at the end, would cause so many broken hearts was all worth it.
i know that everyone who knew u are sooo happy they did.
cuz all the time spent with u, even though cut short, was well worth it.
the love that u shared touched everyone, and i am thankfull for that!
Miss u and Love u always Dillon!
Have a great Thanksgiving friend 🙂
love Kelcie
Happyyy Thanksgivingg Babyy(:
So since today is thanksgivingg and every year at my great aunts house; we go around the tablee & say what we’re thankful for. I’m thankful for my family, my close friends; and most importantly you. Dillon, you changed my whole life. I know you know that. I’ve told you thatt a million times & i know you’re always gonnna be with me cause i can feeel you next to me. allday everyydaayy. Thankss for being an amazingg friend to me, putting upp with my tears & low self esteem because in the end, you gave me a reason to be happy & you gave me the confidence and compassion to live. You changed my thinking about every little thing and from that it turns into the bigger things i’ve noticed. With everything i do & everything i accomplish, i’ll make you proud my lovee.
I lovee youu & I’m thankful for youu.<3
hey hunn!
happy thanksgiving! i wish i was with you. i wish we could celebrate together. but we will some day. i know your with me. i can hear you constantly. i love you dillon chiulli. iv been talking to kayla. she is so sweet. i understand why you liked her so much. i think its good that we are talking. i think we need eachother. im glad you brought us together dillon. i know you have been telling me to get in touch with her for a while but i just got up the nerve today. im gonna make sure she is ok for you dillon. ill take care of her the best i can for you. i know you would want me to. everything i do i do for you. i owe you everything in my life. you saved me. nd i cant wait till im with you again. love you dill-pill.
sweet dreams.
forever my angel
forever my strength
forever my best friend
night
love you,
anna <3
DillonnnnBaabbyy,
I’ve been going through alot in the past week. I’m so overwhelmed & frustrated. I thought i was fine for a little while and i tried so hard but i’m breaking down constantly lately. Everyday i stare at the sky for at least a half hour or more and just think about you and how you were the most amazing person i’ve ever met.
Alanna, Karena, Anna & I are working together to get through this. They are the only peoplee who can actually relate to how i feel. Nobody else knows because the way you made me feeel as a person is only a feeling that i could experience; No one else. You made me the happiest person ever & made me feeel important & special for once in my lifee. I know you would want us giirls to be there for eachother & that’s whyy were doing it. we love you so much dillon.
Anyways, i heard this song today talking about “someone always watching over me” and it reminded me of you because i knoww you are & always willl be. here are some of the lyrics:
I’ve seen that bright light
And it’s shining on my destiny
Shining all the time,
And I won’t be afraid
To follow everywhere
It’s taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment, to my dreams
So I won’t give up
No, I won’t break down
Sooner than it seems life
Turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I’m standing in the dark,
I’ll still believe
Someone’s watching over me
It doesn’t matter
What people say
And it doesn’t matter
How long it takes
Believe in yourself
And you’ll fly high
And it only matters
How true you are
Be true to yourself
And follow your heart
I won’t give up because you alwayss told me not to & for me; i physically just can’t. You know me; i care too much and over think everything.
Just for you, i will be strong, learn from my mistakes, be a better person, and never give up. You are my motivation.
Dillon, you mean everything to me. I hope you’re so happy because
If you’re happy thann i’m happy. iloveeyouubabycakess.
I can’t live without knowing you’ll alwayss be with me. stay with me forever & ever, & i promise i’ll make you proud.
Love Alwayyys&Forever,
KaylaaaaBaabbyy<3
im depressed and have been for awhile. Suicide feels like it will ease my pain every time i think its you back in the day. Im tired of this my parents are dicks and idk i hope your readin
Please know this is never the answer.. Please know there is someone to talk to.. We as parents are not perfect,we make mistakes but we love you our children more than anything. Please seek help!!
Dillon, things are so hard. I miss you so much.
I Can’t help this dillon, I can’t help the pain.
There’s only few people that I can actually trust right now.
I’m so lonely without you. Once I moved into my new house everything was supposed to get better. But it got worse. The day before I was supposed to move, you committed suicide, sometimes I just don’t think it’s in my cards for me to be happy, Sometimes I think I can’t be happy without you. Once I think things are going to get a little better, it just gets ruined. I know it’s wrong to say, but everyday I question my existence. I just want to be with you dillon. I miss you soooo much. You were the one that knew me dill. I just want to freaking die. It’s like everyday I have to relive your death all over again. I can’t take it. I just can’t.
Ily<3.
dilllon-
it’ll be 2 months tomorrow since you’ve been gone. it feeels like forever. i was outside late lastnight staring at the stars thinking about you for at least an hour. i miss you so much.
here’s another song i found.
—> It’s 3 am, 3 am
I’m half asleep
I start to feel,
Start to feel; you next to me lying here in the dark
Somethin’ don’t feel that right
‘Cos it’s too many times a broken heart
Too many times, That’s too many times I’ve had to start again
I’m looking out in the crowd
Don’t know where you are
It’s like I’m hearing you now
But you feel so far
I don’t know what I can do
I’m searching everywhere
That’s why I lay here at night
And dream you to life
I try and stop
But I can’t resist
Can’t fight it
I fall asleep to the sweetest kiss
I wanna see you again
I don’t want the night to end,
We can break the rules, they can call us a fool
You know I wouldn’t care, as long as I have you there
I’m looking out in the crowd
Don’t know where you are
It’s like I’m hearing you now
But you feel so far
I don’t know what I can do
I’m searching everywhere
That’s why I lay here at night
And dream you to life
I’ll be okay, I’ll be alright
I know I’ll find you boy,
When the time is right,
I can’t deny it, I can’t deny
I want you right here, right now
In my life, right by my side.
I could love you like no other can.
Hey Dillon, I miss you.
I’ve come to realize that everyone has been lying to me.
About so many things, but especially about you.
They keep telling me everything is going to get better but it’s not.
It’s absolutely not getting better. And It’s not going to be better.
I want to go somewhere, other then where I am. I want to go up to oregon, I remember I would always told you I wanted to move up there, in a big house, with a forest behind me. That would be amazing. I just want to be by myself right now. People are always trying to tell me what to do, and how to do it. And I just want them to leave me alone. All I want right now is to have you back, and since I can’t I don’t know what I’m going to do. Like ughh, sometimes I just sit here and think.. There is no way this can be reality. Like in my heart you still and will always be apart of my life. And for me to try and process that you’re gone causes my so much pain that my body just doesn’t want to take it, It’s like I’m my brain is telling me you’re gone, but my heart doesn’t want to loose hope. It’s pathetic. I know you’re gone. I know you’re not coming back. and that is truly killing me. It’s such a horrible feeling. and I feel bad for anyone who is dealing with your loss because I honestly know how it feels.
I loved you so much. and I lost you.
I can’t believe this is real dillon.
Like I still want to call you all the time.
Tommoorow will be two whole months, that have been the longest months of my entire life.
I just wish I could have been there for you more.
I remember one night you weren’t doing so good, and you called me and I was laying down in my bed when I was staying at my aunts. I didn’t hear my phone or something and missed your call and you left me messages to call you, So I saw it on my phone and I went into my aunt’s laundry room, and I talked to you while you were having a breakdown, You were telling me what was wrong, and I stayed on the phone and talked to you even though I was supposed to be asleep, but I didn’t care. You told me that was the nicest thing someone has ever done for you. I was shocked. It’s hard to believe something as simple as that meant so much to you. It made me happy that I helped you, And It hurts so bad that I helped you with that but I couldn’t help you with the biggest part of your life. I wish you would have called dillon, I wish you would have gave me a sign. All you would of had to say is that you need me there, and I would have came there, I promise you I would have. Do you know how bad I feel dillon, Do you know how much guilt I have for that night. Why couldn’t you just tell me,
How could you hide that from me.
I kneww you probably didn’t want to add to my problems but dill you were and still are a priority to me dill. You always will be. To think that you didn’t tell me makes me feel like shit.
It makes me feel like you knew I couldn’t help or something.
Idonttknow dilly.
I miss you so much.
I love you. and I hopee heaven is amazing for you, because I know you’re there. I hope you are with me.
I think I can feel you around me, it’s just I don’t want to tell myself you are and be wrong.
Comee to mee and talk too me in a dream or somethin kay?
I loveeeeee youu dillly.
Rest In Peace<3
093009.
Dillon, It’s two months today.
Two WHOLE months. It’s terrible. It feels like even longer even though it is not.
Two Whole Months
it feels like forever
two whole months we should have been together
two whole months
time has gone bye
two whole months
I ask myself why
two whole months
I sit there and stare
two whole months
you should have been there
two whole months
I can last maybe a day
but after two whole months
my entire world turns grey
two whole months
Dillon I don’t think you know
how much it’s killing me
to let you go
but even though you’re gone
We’ll never be apart
because you will always have
the biggest part of my heart.
Ily dillon.
Rest In Peaceee-<3.
Dilllon Chewwlleee;
i thought about you all day today, just like everyother day. i couldn’t concentrate at alll in any of my classes. i felt like shit. i felt like breaking down and crying. i can’t handle this. death is so permanent. there’s nothing that’s going to bring you back. it’s been two whole months. TWO WHOLE MONTHS dillon, & i haven’t gotten any better. trust me. you know me and how i handle things; not good. you were the one person i felt i could vent to and actually understand me. you were the only guy in my whole life that actually cared & you were the only one i’ve ever loved and meant it. you were my number one. i put you as my prority. i sat in classs today just thinking about every phone call we had, everywhere we hung out, and everything you did that made me laugh. words can’t explain how good i felt when i was around you. i always felt comfortable, special, and amazinggg. you went so far to see me. nobody would ever do that for me and it was only cause you were the only guy in my life who really cared about me. you cared about my happiness and everytime we were on the phone, you would make up some dirty jokes and make me smile and make me feeel so much bettter before i hung up. i can’t help but just cry. even though it hurts so much to think i can’t have any of it happen again, i’m happy i met you & i will always remember those memories we had together. i had a dream about you last night. it was probably the best one. well, right before i went to sleep last night, i was laying in bed, in the dark, loooking at the ceiling, closing my eyes and talking to you. i spilled out my heart to you. and i wanna think that’s why you appeared in my dream. in my dream, i randomly called you and i was completely shocked you answered.. i was like WTF WHO IS THIS? and you were liike it’s dillon..you called me… and i was like i thought you were gonee love? and you were like wtf are you talking about? gone like what? and i was like dead……? and you were like nooo love, i would never ever leave you, i love youu kayla chiulllllllli. okay, so why can’t that happeen in real liife?! i remember during summer, like june ish, you were realllllly sick and i was thinking the worst because that’s how i am. i overreact on everything. so i remember you not replying to any of my texts and me gettting really scared that you might have died.. and then you finally replyed saying you were just sleeping. dillon, you don’t know how scared i was to looose you. i’m going to tracyy this weeekend to spend time with karena & alanna. we love you,. so many people love you. don’t you understand? i have so many wishes and regrets, you have no idea. but i guess i just have to get through this. it’lll take me forever. when you left, you took me with you. literally. i’m not myself at all in anyway. i sat in chemistry today and completely stared off, didn’t finish my quiz, and thought about you & how i remember when i was in chem the beginning of the year and you texted me saying you wanted me to come sleep over at your house. i really wish i did. i wish i got to spend more time with you. but “our time wasn’t long enough together but it was long enough to last forever” right? even though we got in fights and didn’t talk sometimes, it made uup for all the amazing times we had together and it was all worth it. everytime we cuddled, words will never describe the way you made me feeel. i will never ever meet someone like you. i’m devolping pictures of you today & making a scrapbook page of you in my high school scrapbook so i’ll look back on this and remember you forever & ever.
when you called me the night before, i regret not being completely awake & i wish i could of heard everything you said.
the last thing you said to me at 10:30pm was “people need to realize life is fragile” and now those are the words i live by everysingleday. i wish i could of done sometime to stop you but by the time you called me & i fully woke up, you already had your mind set., and nothing was stopping it.
you are always my first thought when i wake up in the morning and my last thought before i go to sleep.
you will never be forgotten, ever.
i can’t wait to get to heaven and see youu againn.
iloveyouwithallmyheart<3
hey dillon,
yesterday was the 30th. i stayed in bed all day. literally. i miss you. im not really sure wat to say cuz i hav way to much.
i love you,
anna
Dillon,
It’s a month and a day. I still can’t comprehend what is going on. I miss you so much, bro. It’s gonna be so hard moving on without you, but you will never leave our hearts.
I love you man,
Skyler.
dillon,
im so sad. first you now marissa. i dont know what to do anymore. life is so confuseing. im so lost. i love you.
i love you dillon
i love you marissa
love always,
anna
Dillon, It’s been so hard lately, Today my friends nana, who I talked to a lot and spent time with was taken off her machines today, Shes dead.
Why is everyone dieing. It doesn’t make sense dillon.
I love you so much, I miss you. I need you hereee!
Sometimes I just feel like I want to scream.
Life is so unfair. I remember you wanted so many things for life.
I still can’t believe that you are gone dillon, You shouldn’t be gone.
You shouldn’t be.
It should be illegal, impossible, and it should have never happened,
I love you sooooo much dillon, I hate that I can’t get your phone calls at like 9 and stay on the phone till 5 in the morning.
I miss that so much. I really miss you and the way things were.
I want you back, I need you back. I can;t stand living without you.
I come on here everyday. Whenever I read people’s comments on here, I cry. I cry for the hurt other people have that you’re gone, the hurt that I have, the hurt that your family has.
I don’t understand how you could do this to all of this.
I’m not mad at you, I couldn’t be.
I just love you so much, and I didn’t think this could ever happen
I never thought something I cared so much about could ever be taken from me. It didn’t seem possible. Especially not you.
I love youu. I want you back.
Even if it is impossible.
I love you
<3.
Rest in Paradise Dilly.
“When God takes something from your grasp, He’s not punishing you, but he’s merely opening your hands to recieve something better. He doesn’t give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you, to make you into the person you were meant to be.”
babeee,
you made me into the person i was meant to be. if it wasn’t for you, i’d be completely different. trust me, i would. you taught me so much and put up with me at my worst times. you were a huge part of my life and always be. i will always remember everything you told me. you always knew what to say and how to make me feel better. even though you’re not physically here, i can still feeel you here. but you’re invisible. even though i have many regrets, wishes, somethings can’t be taken back; i learned so much & it happened for a reason. maybe it was to make you happy or maybe i needed a wake up call or i needed to appreciate people more? well guesss what..? i have learned that. everything is a learning experience for me because i’m not the smartest person ever hahaa.
i’m doing a speech next week about everything happening for a reason and i’m including youu in about more than half of it. be with mee when i present the speechh. i’m doing it for you(:
but seriously, you left waay too early. you had SO much to live for and so many oppurtunities ahead of you. but i know you’re happpy now so that’s what keeps me going.
rest in paradise babbyylovee.
i loveeeeeee you; & you know i mean it .
i hope you’ve been gettting those kisses i’ve been blowingg to you everyynight before i go to sleep<3
Hey Dillon.
I havent written to you in a while.
Yesterday i lost another friend.
That’s two in two month.
Today was really hard for me
I cried through all my classes and at home.
I really miss seeing you everyday
i even miss all the disgusting stuff you used to say to me
that stuff the most
Everytime i close my eyes i see you from when i saw you at the viewing
But it didnt look like you to me
i remember you having that dillon glow
and those big bright blue eyes
But sometimes im lucky and i dont dream about that
Your in a lot of my dreams
I had a dream the other night that we were talking on a phone from heaven and you were asking me if i’d be ok and i kept saying no no no i need you. But you kept telling me to stop whining i’d be fine.
A friend told me today that i should take it a day, minute, and even a second at a time.
even though right now is painful, the next could be happy
focus on what im looking forward to
whats good in my life
and not lingering on what i cant change
because it will only hurt me more
she said you were okay where you were.
I hope so
even if im not doing well right now
things will always get better
and im not going to let this hold me back
and its hard to do
but i can do it.
I love you so much
before i go to bed
i always say goodnight to you
sometimes i cry but not as bad as i have
Im learning to laugh at all our good times and not to break down because it wont change everything
even if i wish i could change it
sometimes i think your with me as retarded as it sounds
but hey maybe you are
I love you
and i hope you know that i mean it
wherever you are up in the sky
you’ll always have the biggest spot in my heart
Silly Dilly Nilly!!! I wuv wuv wuv you!!! :”((( I cant do this anymore!!! i need you.
I’ve never missed someone so much.
I’ve never loved someone so much.
I’ve never felt like this before.
but i guess there’s a first time for everything..right?
You weren’t just “other guy” or “that one baseball player” or “that one senior” . you were so much more than that. you had a life ahead of you & you had so many relable trustworthy people in your life too. everyone loves you even if they didn’t show it or say it all the time. this is so hard for everyone. you made a difference, dillon. you always put smiles on peoples faces and you meant alot to many people.
Dillon, to me; you were special, amazing, and definitely one of a kind. i’ve never ever met someone like you and i’m pretty sure i never ever will. evertime i looked into your eyes, i was speechless.
you were my strength, my laughs, my confidence, & most importantly; my love.
i’m not exactly sure anymore about anything. i see everything completely different now & it’s not in a goood way either.
i LOVE you.
stay with me forever.
<3.
Hey man…
Im reliving the same day after you did it. Everyone seems heartbroken and shocked. Went home yesterday and today cause i got so stressed out. Every corner you turn you can see a girl with a sign of depression. I was finnally getting better have less mood swings. I didnt know Marissa that well even though i used to hang out over at Taras house alot and she used to swim in there pool with us. Also she tutored us. But im not gonna be hella fake and act like she was my best friend or we hung out so many times.. But just reliving this Its basically eating me up inside. Idk who to talk to cause if i go to my parents ill go straight to some whack ass counselor. I also hate being at home cause i start to think about like you and how we had so much fun i suddenly get extrememly pissed off and light headed.
Hey Ehren,
It’s Dillon’s crazy neighbor. I just want you to know you are always welcome over here to talk. Alanna and Karina were here Tuesday night. I am here to listen, and I think that’s what all of you need right now – someone to listen to you. Marissa’s death has opened up all the healing wounds and everyone is hurting just as bad or worse. Just remember our door’s always open……
Dillon, I’m cryingg right now. I don’t know what to do,
I can’t take that you’re gone dill. I just can’t I miss you so much, and I can’t bear to go through life without you. You were so amazing dillon. You helped so many other people, You loved so many people. You made people feeel all warm and fuzzy, and made them feel good about themselves, no matter what was going on, You always had an answer to everything that I ever asked. Whenever I had a moment that was very intelligent like when I would prank call you with shelby and forget to block my number, and I’d say stuff. & you’re like meggy I know it’s you, you forgot to block your number. I’d be like what? I’d look at my phone and see that I didn’t type the *67 and I’d say dammit. And you made funn of me and never let me forget that. Whenever I was with shelby you would say, well if you’re going to prank call me do it now because I have to go in a little bit. lol You knew I would always prank call you. You loved it. I love how you made it seem like I made you feel special. Like you told me that I made you smile and You always acted like I was so important to you. People tell me that I was so important to you. That makes me happy but so sad dillon. It makes me question how you could leave me If I was so important to you. Why would you leave me. I want to talk to you so bad that you have no idea. I have so much pain right now. I’m goingg crazyy without you,. I need you so bad. Just to let you know.. NO ONE will EVER replace you. I can promise you that dillon. There is no one that is as amazing as you, I’d bet money on that. It’s frustrating. Everything that has been happening lately makes me feel likes lifes a joke. It’s so pointless. Wake up, same routine, go to bed. It feels so predictable. I want to make something of my life, Even If I’m depressed about loosing you dill. You always wanted what was best for me, I know you would want me to make something of my life, you wouldn’t want me to just waste it. You would want me to enjoy it. It’s so hard to enjoy it without you dillon. You made me happy. It made me happy knowing that I hadd someone who cared about me. Who TRULY cared about me. Now that you’re gone, it feels like I can’t accomplish anything. It feels like people are slowly leaving me, or just completely leaving me. I’m independent dill, you know that. The only one’s I really needed in my life at the time were you and katelyn. You two are my bestfriends that I can share anything with. If other people want to be in my life, that’s fine, I mean I enjoy peoples company and what not, but I NEED katelyn and you.
Wikipedia Dictionary; A need is something that is necessary for humans to live a healthy life.-
I need you dillon, I honestly don’t think you realized how much you made me life better. You honestly have helped me some pretty hard things, that I could have never gotten through without you.
You were my wall and strength dillon, You kept all the bad things from passing through you, and you didn’t let it get to me., You would try so hard to make my life easier. I know you did.
You would stay on the phone with me for hours as I cry about everything and you always said things would be okay,
Hearing you say that was reassuring. It instantly made me feel better just talking to you. I love you dillon. I’m going to miss so many things about you. I wish I didn’t have to miss them,
I wish I could have changed your life the way you changed mine.
I love you so much. You’ll never be gone in my eyes.
We might be separated right now, but we will see each other again.
I know it.
Please come visit me dilly.
I love you.
Rest In Peace
D.E.C 093009.
i’ll never actually believe that you’re gone. maybe it’s because my heart is telling me you are but i’m just not believing it. i dunnnnooooo but in my eyes; you’re still here but you’re invisible. i might sound crazy and weird but i can feeel you next to me, dillon. i really can. i also talk to youu everynight before i goo to sleep. i’m seriously depressed and everyone can tell without even asking. i’m just not myself. i dont eat, sleep, and i dont talk to people. i’m not in the moood anymore. all i want to do is stay at home in bed. i write letters, poems, and quotes to try and help me through this. i’m presenting that speeech about you on wednesday of next weeek. youu better be with me when i present it or i’ll fall apart and fail & get an F on the speeech. i need your good vibes & confidencee to do well.
you meant the world to me & you definitely know that.
you helped me through the big & little things.
you’re on my mind allday everyday. literally.
we will see eachother again. i promise.
i love youu more than anyone
RIP babyylovee<3
Hey from all of us man bout to go video tape some new videos . Ill be sure to add wisdom stick and VAGINA. Well imma give bubba his chance love you man. Idk really what to say but we are all wrecks down here and we just chilled outside for a couple hours and i just felt empty an cold(not because it was cold outside) the other night i really havent cried that much since the day i found out you were outta of our lives.. but all i can say is i love you and these videos will be just absoultey crazy just for you and I love you soooo much brother and now haydens turn
hey dilly poo its your bestest friend EVER way better than Bubba, Megan, Ehren, and Kayla. Sorry folks, this was his best friend right here. Tonight we just sat around and thought about you. Santa Cruz, playing tag at 3am and passing your moms alcohol test, girl problems, addie the cunt, your backyard, hotub, my backyard, blink, big D, disneyland, everything. Fuck. We watched FUCKING 2 A.M. again tonight. It felt like you were real… you are still with us, somehow. You were hella younger there, but of course you wore the same damn babe ruth jerseys. Well now we’re making FUCKING 2 A.M. part II, but of course its nothing without you dude. We’re going to shit talk about lauren and courtney, and everyone else who has fucked with us. We don’t care. It’s for you monica. Well dude, peace, I hope all is well. Talk to you soon breh
-HaydenEhrenBubba bffl’s
Dillon, What can I say. Where do i start, ? I miss you dearly dillon,
I want you to be here, but most of all I wish you could be here and be happy. I went to winterball tonight with Katelyn, and for some reason I was expecting a text from you say something along the lines of “Meggy those guys better not touch you or I will come to antioch and cut there nuts off!!” I would give anything to hear your voice dillon. I wish you could talk to me. There is so much I need to say to you and ask you.
I really did love youu. I think of you everyday and that’s never going to change. I really wish there was an answer for why you did this, but the only person that truly knows that is you. I wish you would have talked to me, but your mind was already made.
I would of stopped you. I am pretty sure you knew that.
I don’t care if I had to get up drive there, you are SOOO freaking worth it dillon. Even If I was being chased by the cops down the freeway and stopped me, I would of kept driving, if they popped my tires with there guns I would of got out an ran. You really don’t get how much you meant to me and how much you changed my life dill.
It amazes me how you thought no one was there, but look at all these comments dillon. We all loved you. We all miss you. I wish you would of made a better decision. I know for a fact that you would of made so much of your life. You truly were an amazing, extremely adorable and funny person. You had so much going for you.
I wish you were here.
Ily dillyyy.
dillon;
alright so i just called you planning on leaving you a voicemail right now on your phone & right when i was about to start talking; my voice gave out and i was speechless. i have so much to say and it would take me like 10 voicemails to say it all. what happened to going to disneyland this year together because couldn’t go last year? what happened to me coming to your house? what happened to coming to my winterball this year? what happened to everythinggggggggg?
some part of me is happy because you taught me SO much. & i’m so glad i met you. the connection we grew was amazingg. idk if it was just me but looking back, you went miles and miles for me. like when you picked me up from school, came to my house with hayden bubba & alanna, and meeting me in pleasanton to just hang out for a few hours; you drove so far just to see me. i’m not worth it but i guess you thought i was. just to know that you actually cared about me and you would do anything for me like staying on the phone with me literally allllllll night just laughing about your dirty jokes or me crying my eyes out and you saying “it’ll be okay love” “i love you baby”, it proved to me you really cared., & that’s what really keeps me going.
but now physically, you’re gone. my worst nightmare.
i can’t believe your actually gone.
for the first time in the past 2 months, i never let myself think you were gone. but now all of a sudden it hit me last night. i’m falling apart without you. i neeed you. you were the only one who kept me going & without you; i’m nothing. i’m not myself. you’d be so mad at me to know how i feeel right now and how i’m taking it. i wish you would just call me and so we can talk about everything. i need that one guy i can talk to about anything. YOU were that one guy. i’m not goood with guy friends. i have a few but they dont even compare to you. no other guy will ever compare to you, ever.
& yeah you know who i am and how i handle things. i blame everything on myself because im really hard on myself. you know that. so yeah; i do blame myself for not stopping you. i regret not staying on the phone with you longer. i regret being mad at you and not talking to you because yeah that was the time when you were really thinking about actually doing this. i regret not saying anything when you callled me because it was late and my parents would of got mad. i regret not saying i love you too everytime you said it to me. i regret not taking you seriously when you told me you were going to do it. because if i knew you were serious, i would of stayed on the phone the whole night with you. i wish i could of spent my birthday with you. my birthday was 3 days after you passed away. when were were texting the night before, i told myself that once you replyed, i was going to ask you if you wanted to hang out. you never replyed. you were the only one i wanted to spend my birthday with. instead, i stayed home, in bed, crying. all day.
literally, for once, realized you were realllllly gone when i was crying last night because my friend made me so mad and so you were the first one i called, like always, & to hear your voicemail; i can’t take this anymore.
you were truely the most amazing, caring, cutest, funniest guy i’ve ever met.
bottom line; i’ve never loved someone so much
i need you.
Dear Dillon,
I had a dream about you last night. You were alive. And I was the first to know about it, even though we weren’t close at the end. I saw you and you were acting like nothing happened. You said that they revived you and that you were just hiding out for no reason. I was crying so hard. Then you went to this locker and read all these things that people wrote to you after you passed. I was crying so hard and I ran to my friends to tell them what happened. That you were alive. Then I woke up. I believed that you were still alive until it hit me, it was just a dream. When I woke up, I realized that I had been crying in my sleep. I haven’t done that in a very long time.
I miss you, Dillon. Even though we weren’t close in the end, you were my best guy friend. You were always there for me when we were younger. I love you for that. I love you for being you and who you were. The guy that made everyone smile. I miss you. I need you. I want to hug you but I can’t, and it hurts so much. I wish you were here. I love you, Dillon.
DillonMyLove;
You were the only guy who treated me the best
You were the only guy who put up with me
You were the only guy i trusted with my life
You were the only guy i’d go miles and miles for
You were the only guy i’d come to with my problems
You were the only guy i thought about all day & all night
You were the only guy i got never tired of talking to
You were the only guy who actually cared about me
You were the only guy i felt most comfortable around
You were the only guy i learned the most from
You were the only guy i would never ever give up on
You were the only guy who could always make me laugh and smile
You were the only guy i never got enough of
You were the only guy who would call me at 2AM to talk
You were the only guy who gave me confidence to never give up
You were the only guy who made the little things in life funny
You were the only guy i could have deep serious conversations with
You were the only guy i had so many nicknames for
You were the only guy how helped me through everything
You were the only guy who made me feeel special and important
You were the only guy i fell head over heels for
You were the only guy who could make my day so much better
You were the only guy who always listened when i vented
You were the only guy who made me into the person i am now
& You were the only guy who loved me for me
You will always have my heart<3
Forever & Always
Dillon, I lovee youu. I tell you that everyday.
my eyess are just about ready to burst right now.
I reallllly completely utterly miss you.
I’m sitting on my bed freezingg. Just wishing I could talk to you,
I really need you right now.
I talked to your mom yesterday, that madee me feel a little better.
But dillon, this just isnt right you’re supposed to be in the picture, you are supposed to be in my picture.. forever. How can you be erased just like that, like the picture isn’t worth anything without you in it.
You made it come to life and now it’s dead, and now its just a blank page. Nothing on it at all. You were my picture dillon.
I need you. Sometimes I feel like I just don’t even want to get up.
I feel useless. I just want to lay in my bed until you come back.
I know I can’t just lie around all day and say poor me, because that’s not how I feel. I don’t feel sorry for myself. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I don’t need anyone’s pity.
I’m very independent you know that, I can’t rely on other people.
I have learned that it never works out. I always end up getting hurt.
I remember we would talk all the time. & I would tell you about how mean my dad is too me and everything else that was wrong. & you would tell meee things are going to be okay. & that you hated my dad, and that he’s an asshole. He still tries to come around like he didn’t do anything wrong dill, and I don’t know what to do. I can hardly see what I’m typing write now cause it’s all becoming a blurr.
I just neeed you here dillon. Yes I don’t depend on people, but you were the only one I really could depend on. The one persowhn I knew would always be there. I really need you dillon! Don’t you get that!
When you left dillon, You took me with you! I’m so hopeless right now it’s insane. I can’t take this plus everyone else hurting me too..
I really need you here. I hate this. I hate this soo much dillon.
Looking at the sky
No one else around
Wondering if your up there
Happy and looking down
I want to hear your voice
please say something to me
I need to know you’re here
I need to know you’re free
As I look up at the sky
I sit here and think it’s true
There’s not enough stars in the sky
to compare to how much I love you.
I sit there and wonder
did I tell you that enough
maybe if I made it clear
I wouldn’t be writing this stuff.
About how much I love you
about how much I care
All of this stuff I always say
All of the feelings I share.
I hate saying these words
That are all past-tense
all those words that separate us
Like were on opposite sides of a fence
I would always say nothing can come between us
I really meant it too
I never thought it would be death
that would separate me from you.
I love youu with all my heart dill
More than all things you can buy
Even More than all the stars
in the midnight sky.
I lovee you dillon edward chiulli.<3
Rest in Peace.
093009;
Forever My Angel.
I miss you so much. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. Even though we weren’t close at the end, you were still my best guy friend. I think I see you everywhere I go. I’ll see someone that looks like you and I’ll think “Oh, I need to go say hi to Dillon” but I can’t. I’m so sad you’re not here. I love you, Dillon. I miss you.
Dillon, Sometimes I feel like my whole world is crashing down,
That I’m not ever going to amount to anything. Like I’m not going to make anything better so I question my existence. It’s not fair dillon.
I get hurt so much by people I would think wouldn’t hurt, but in the end I end up looking dumb. It’s not fair. You always got mad on how people treated me. And I always had you to go to if something happened. But now that you’re gone and stuff happens I have no one else to go to.
& even If there was absolutely nothing wrong, I could always call you and talk to you about the simplest things, Like how you thought nanobots were going to take over the world. I laughed and you and you’re like meggy it’s going to happen watch. I was like okay dillon, sure.lol
I miss our conversations. I miss hearing you sing to me lol
I miss hearing you talk to your doggy. I miss hearing you say iloveyou.
I miss hearing you when you were sick and you sounded like a little boy.
I miss…you dillon.
I miss everyrthing about you.
All I want for christmas this year is to have you back.
I love you dilllyyyy.
R.I.P
093009.
-yourrr fianceee foreverr Megggy.
dillon….
i dont even have words right now, i cant sleep without thinking about you. i walk in to art everyday and still expect to see you. im sooo mad at you, this past week has been complete hell, and i want you to be here to experience how we feel. you could have consoled so many people but your gone, and all i have is hurt, you could have talked to me, you knew that and now there wont be a chance. i dont know where you are dillon but i know you can hear me, just watch over all of us going through this,i love you dillon and i never stop thinking about you. please watch over marissas family too, they need it more than ever.
Marrisa’s funeral another depressing thing a 16 year old shouldnt go through. When i was sitting in the back of the church i looked at all the faces of everyone. I have seen this happen twice but fortunataly i wasn’t a pallbearer this time. I dont know if i could of pulled through on this one. Writing on here usually clears my mind when i get angry or cant think straight. I lost my gaurdian angel and the panflet. My little brother deleted your xbox account on my xbox. So basically all i have to remember you with is your hat. Which i wear every chance i get. Feels like your with me when i wear it man. Well i gotta finish my Geometry.
Love you man
Ehren,
If Dillon’s parents don’t have an extra guardian angel or pamphlet for you, let me know. I picked up a couple of them and can give you a set.
Tracy (Dillon’s cousin)
dilllon chiullli,
i miss you more than ever. you have no idea.
i miss talking to you on the phone for hours and hours. i miss laughing my ass off when you talked about me in your dreams. i miss your hugs and your kisses. i miss your confidence and your trust that i only had in you, and no one else. i miss allll of our inside jokes. i miss you saying “come to rippoonnn babyy” like every minute we were on the phone. i miss our singing contests. i miss every little thing about you. everytime i go to the mall, i pass by the parking spot we parked in to go to the movies. everytime i see a black cat, i think about your random ass dreams. everytime somebody talks about dying, it makes me think of you. everytime i hear the name dillon, everything replays in my mind.
i’m so lost and confused without you physically here. i feel like i have no one because guess what.? i really don’t. you were my number one and my one priority. i dont care about anyone else.
as much as i’ve told you everysingle day “i love you”, it really doesn’t explain how i feel about you and how you made me feel. i wish there was something else i could say that actually ment more. you’re alll i think about everyday and everynight.
come visit me in my dreams & be there when i present my speech about you tomorrow in 7th period.
– kaylaa chiulli . <3
Dillon, people are pushing me. They are pushing me so close to the edge.
I neeeed you so much dillon. I’m sick of people telling me to get over you. They don’t understand. They don’t. You and I were so close. Am I supposed to be like dillon is dead woopty freakingg doo. Noo! It hurts to even type that dill. I’m not going to act like you don’t exist. You told me things you didn’t tell anyone,. You promised me things that you didn’t break. I loveeee youu. I felt you last night. I know you were with me. I’m trying to be better dillon. It’s so hard. I’m getting there when I’m at school it’s somewhat better because I’m occupied but when I get home it’s so different. I try to be happy for you but it just isn’t working out that way. I want to be with you now. I feel like it’ll be all better that way. I really need you. You kindaa weere the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and you should have never been taken away from me. Ilyy dillllllllyyyyy.
Rest In Peace.
Dillon Edward Chiulli.
-Lovee Meggyyyy.
Hey Dillon. So your brother’s mother in law was working at my work yesterday. It made me think of you, obviously. I miss you buddy.
dillon,
i’m tired of everyone’s bullshit. i need you. i need your love and your confidence. i’m tired of people telling me to just get over you and forget about you. I PHYSICALLY CAN’T. there will always be some part of you that i will never let go. people will never ever ever ever understand my feeeling for you. i’m literally dying inside without you.
i gave my speech about you today and it went okay i guess. i started crying during it though and i went over the time limit because i had so much to say. but i definately got my point across and everyone in my class said my speech was really touching and eye opening. i could feel you next to me giving me motivation to speak in front of everyone<3
RestInPeaceMyLovee.
Just know; no matter if you're living or not living, i'll always love you with all my heart . forever & ever <3
you're still here but you're invisible,
i'll never say gooodbye & let you go .
hey Dillon. I haven’t ever written on here. partially cause i still don’t won’t believe it’s true and I honestly don’t know where to start. not a day goes by I don’t think about you. I still can’t believe your not here. I mis you so much. I miss you calling or texting me randomly or talking to me about Meg or eating at your house or riding the rhino at matts and you telling me his dogs name was coojo haha. and I believed you hah. I miss you telling me my mom was hot, as much as I hated it and would always tell you your gross, I wish you were still around to say it. I miss you calling we kaitryn and your rawr. this year/summer we kinda grew apart and I regret that everday. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you Dillon, I really am. but I cherish the times we did have together. you were such an amazing person. I don’t know why and I probably won’t ever understand why this happen but I’m learning to live it. I still don’t think this was the answer. and I wish you would of thought the same. but I know if you knew what the result was, you wouldn’t have done it. it seems just like yesterday I saw you walking down the hall yelling kaitryn! and having the biggest smile on your face. I miss that smile so much):. thankyou for all that you’ve done for me. giving me advice, telling me when what I was doing wasn’t right, making me laugh and smile all the time, helping me study for bio better, teaching me not to care, going with me to sadies, and giving me an oppurtunity to meet and spend time with such an amazing person. I love you so much Dillon, and miss you sooooo much. take care of us down here okay? keep watchin over us, we all need it. I can’t wait to see again Dillryn, have fun in heaven but not too much, save some for me(: ily, talk to you soon.
Kaitryn
Ohkay, So I stayedd home today, So much stuff going through my head I just didn’t want to have to deal with all the stuff going on at school. Like I don’t even knoww dillon. Like I just miss they way things were and I want everything back, I wish you were back, I really honestly wish I could at least say I love you and goodbyee. I hopee you are happy innn heavennn. I really doo. I wish you could have been happy here. I wish I could have talked to you more, even though I talked to you all day. I just wish there was more time for me to be in your life and for you to be in mine. And I don’t think you know that you being gone broke my heart. I lovee you dillon. But my heart is shredded. I really wish you would make things all better again like you used to. It’s weird how things can change so fast. I’ve been going to the gym alot lately. It helps. It keeps my mind occupied, for a while. It makes me feel good about myself so I guess that’s a good thing. I remember a while ago I went to the gym and you were like megan are you wearing an appropiate outfit?, andd I was like of course. And you were like send me a picture so I can approve before all those other guys see you. and then I’d have to promise you that I was wearing something appropiate. Ugh I miss how protective you were. I miss you. I can’t say that enough. It like is impossible that my dillon, my bestestt friend is gone. How can that be. And It’s like now, the pain I’m having to go throughh is killing me. It is worse then anything I’d have to go throughh. Well obviouslyy condsidering how important you are to mee. Like did you not see that dilly? Did I not show that to you enough. I don’t know. And it frustrates me. I need answers and I can’t get them.
Ughh I lovee you dillon.
I miss you.
lovee meggyyboo.
i really don’t know what to do anymore .
i’m completely lost with everything. but most importantly; i need you. i would give up everything and everyone to just to have you. i can’t even put into words how much you ment to me. i really can’t.
i gave that speech about you yesterday and i started crying 2 minutes into it. i pretty much expressed all my feelings & everyone in the class said my speech was amazing and so powerful.
dillon, you gave me motivation to love, to care, to believe & most importantly; to never give up.
even though we were so far apart; the time we spent together was amazing and i don’t regret it at all. it really did happen for a reason. there’s a reason we met & became so close and there was a reason why you left. maybe i’ll figure out why everything has happened lately, later on in life. the way you made me feeel everytime i was with you or talking to you on the phone; i’m speechless. i can’t even put it into words. everytime i needed someone to talk to; you were there. everytime i was in a good mood; you’d make me so much happier. everytime you would ask what i’m doing and i’d say something, you’d be so protective and you’d be really worried about me. it really shows you cared. you were always there for me. no matter what. i’ve never had a guy friend like that. ever. i’ve told you that a millon times & you telling me “oh you’ll find other guys, just forget about me, i’m not worth it” makes me so mad because you truely are the most amazing guy i’ve ever met. you were so different from the other guys in my past. you’ve been with me through thick & thin. through guys, parents, and stupid girls. i came to you about everything. you were the one person i could trust with my whole life because i know you would be the one guy that would take care of me and my heart and never break it.
it’s been over 2 months and i’m not getting better. i still feeel the same way as i did day onee. i don’t think i’ll ever get through this. stay with me foreever & guide me to success babe.
you are always going to be my angel. please help me. please guide me to being happier. please do something. when i get to see you again in heaven, it will be the happiest day of my life.
i more than love youu but i’m not sure what words to use to express that. i’ll love you & miss you more than you’ll ever understand.
Dillon, I am so upset with everything and everyone. People in my life have been treating me so poorly. I feel like I’m always getting let down for something. Or someone is blaming. Sometimes it feels like it would be better for everyone here if I just wasn’t apart of their life. The only two people in this world that I actually feel like I truly need and you and katelyn. Yes, I do love other people. But you and katelyn are the ones I’m closest with. Now you’re gone and all I have is Katelyn. If something happens to her I swear there is nothing left. I hate all the lying people do and all the hurt they put me through. Can’t they see I’m already going through enough as it is? Like I feel like I’m in this never ending circle, of somehow getting hurt. I guess that really proves that life hurts. Ugh Loosing you just madee my WHOLE life hurt dill. And I need to have you back. I remember I was talking to someone a while ago and I was telling them about you, I believe it was katelyn and I was like Dillon and I have gotten so close, like we talk about everything and I was like I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him. Now look at me dillon, I’m going crazy. Now matter what happened betweeen us I was always there for you, and you were always there for me. I still listen to your voicemails all the time. Sometimes I just want to say something while you’re talking and hope that I get a response. But I know I won’t and I’m just setting myself up for disappointment. My birthday is in ten days. I told my mom that I wanted to go to your grave on my birthday. But really If I could have one birthday wish, My first instinct would be to wish to have you back, but realistically I would wish that you are as happy as can be in heaven looking down on me<3.
That is my true birthday wish dillon, I hope it comes true. I love you with all my heart. I always will. I have so many emotions right now and my head is spinning I'm trying to stay positive through all this but I guess I really can only take it one day at a time.
Iloveyouudilly.
lovee Megooooo.
Well Dillon, now you know what you have done. Everything has been so depressing lately, and none of this depression would be here if you didn’t make a stupid, stupid decision. Your life my not have meant much in your eyes, but in mine, it meant more than you could ever know. We’re seeing Big D on saturday. What the hell man, we were supposed to go see them. We were supposed to go skank our brains out. You told me that you have never seen me happier then when I am at a concert; I just fucking wish I knew what really could make you happy. I found all this new music that you would go nuts over, and I wouldn’t care if you stole it from me. I’d just laugh and say “you would”. I keep listening to “High School Days” by Say Anything, and it kills me. I knew you loved that song. You were so happy to finally show me a song. Dillon, i’m not supposed to be going over to your house to visit your parents and brother. I am supposed to go over there, and just chill. Make pasta. Do something random. Just have a good time, like the 1024582350892759 times i was there and slept on your couch, and sadly, this will NEVER happen again. You’re supposed to be at home, playing with your new niece while i just sit back and laugh at the stupid things you say to her. I miss getting taco bell every thursday, without ever paying. I miss telling you to put your top on your car when it was freezing. Just hanging out for days with Sam and Jas… It’s so hard Dillon. It is STILL hard to understand. Questions are left unanswered and never will be. I wish I still had you in my life man. You’re always in my heart and mind, but I can’t dread this forever. It saddens me constantly but I think of all the good times we had and it comforts me. I hope you’re having an amazing time up there, and hopefully you have some time to kick it with Marrissa.
I love you Dillon.
always your best friend,
Hayden
Dillon, I am so upset with everything and everyone. People in my life have been treating me so poorly. I feel like I’m always getting let down for something. Or someone is blaming. Sometimes it feels like it would be better for everyone here if I just wasn’t apart of their life. The only two people in this world that I actually feel like I truly need and you and katelyn. Yes, I do love other people. But you and katelyn are the ones I’m closest with. Now you’re gone and all I have is Katelyn. If something happens to her I swear there is nothing left. I hate all the lying people do and all the hurt they put me through. Can’t they see I’m already going through enough as it is? Like I feel like I’m in this never ending circle, of somehow getting hurt. I guess that really proves that life hurts. Ugh Loosing you just madee my WHOLE life hurt dill. And I need to have you back. I remember I was talking to someone a while ago and I was telling them about you, I believe it was katelyn and I was like Dillon and I have gotten so close, like we talk about everything and I was like I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him. Now look at me dillon, I’m going crazy. Now matter what happened betweeen us I was always there for you, and you were always there for me. I still listen to your voicemails all the time. Sometimes I just want to say something while you’re talking and hope that I get a response. But I know I won’t and I’m just setting myself up for disappointment. My birthday is in ten days. I told my mom that I wanted to go to your grave on my birthday. But really If I could have one birthday wish, My first instinct would be to wish to have you back, but realistically I would wish that you are as happy as can be in heaven looking down on me<3.
That is my true birthday wish dillon, I hope it comes true. I love you with all my heart. I always will. I have so many emotions right now and my head is spinning I'm trying to stay positive through all this but I guess I really can only take it one day at a time.
Iloveyouudilly.
lovee Megooo.
To All of Dillon’s Friends:
I come in and read this blog a couple of times a weeks (& so does Dillon’s Dad) and I feel just like all you guys do. I miss Dillon ALOT. I cry everyday. Everytime I find a penny I call it “my hug from heaven, from Dillon” and I pick up that penny and smile – to me it’s a sign from Dillon. Every penny has stamped on it “in God we trust” and I do trust in God and know that the two of them are having some laughs in Heaven.
Besides finding a penny, another thing that helps me is this song from Kenny Chesney and I wanted to share the lyrics with all of you…it’s call “I’m Alive”:
So damn easy to say that life’s so hard
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars
As for me I’d like to thank my lucky stars that
I’m alive and well
It’d be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you’ve sat and watch go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me… I’m alive
And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathing in and out’s a blessing can’t you see
Today’s the first day of the rest of my life
And I’m alive and well
I’m alive and well
Stars are dancin’ on the water here tonight
It’s good for the soul when there’s not a soul in sight
This motor’s caught its wind and brought me back to life
Now I’m alive and well
And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathing in and out’s a blessing can’t you see
Today’s the first day of the rest of my life
Now I’m alive and well
Yeah I’m alive and well
To me this song says that it’s ok just to be breathing. And that getting through another day is a blessing. Yes, it’s another day to miss Dillon and to cry or be angry at him but it’s still another day and it’s up to me to make it whatever I can. I know that probably sounds corny to you guys reading this but I hope it makes some sense. I know Dillon would not want any of us sad and hurting and since I know he’s watching I try to do right. Sometimes I stumble or take three steps backwards to take one forward but it’s learning to live a “new life” – one with Dillon as a cherished memory. It’s scary to know that once I hit “submit comment” that this is posted for all of you to see and I hope that I have conveyed what’s in my heart – that we need to try to find something good in each day we are given, to be as strong as we can, and to hold tight to our memories.
Dillon, you are forever loved and forever missed. ily.
Dillon’s Mom, this is a song that was written for a parrent that has lost a child. and i really do love this song. its just a remilder that we will see Dillon again.
‘With Hope’
-by Steven Curtis Chapman
This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you’ve gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but …
We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
‘Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
‘Cause we believe with hope
(There’s a place by God’s grace where we’ll see your face again)
There’s a place where we’ll see your face again
We’ll see your face again
And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God’s plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father’s smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
‘Cause now you’re home
And now you’re free, and …
We have this hope as an anchor
‘Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so …
So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope
We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope
some times when im thinking of Dillon just missing him i just listen to this song, and it gives me a reasurence of hope that we will all see him and everyone we have lost soon
<3 Kelcie
I triedd to post a comment on here last night, It didn’t work:(
I miss you everyday dillon, Sometimes it seems like I miss you more and more each dayy. I have so many emotions for what has happened, depressed, angry, curious, hurt, but most of all lost. I’m so lost without you dillon it’s crazy. You obviously didn’t know that you really did mean the world to me. & you still do. I know you’re my angel dillon. You always have been my angel. A matter a fact, I looked up angel in the dictionary and this is what came up, 1. A guardian spirit or guiding influence. 2. A kind and lovable person. 3. One who manifests goodness, purity, and selflessness. You were all these things and right when I see or hear of the word angel I immediately think of you. 1. You always made sure I made the right decision even If I didn’t want to, you’d always convince me somehow. 2.This is major, You would show me the most love than anyone I know. You loved me dillon. I know it. I felt it. I knew you truly cared about me. you told me all the time. 3. You were so selfless, you would always put people before yourself. You would always help me no matter what you were doing. I remember you would always talk to me on the days I was down and you would let me completely vent, no matter how much you were hurting inside about your day too.
To me this really does prove you are forever my angel.
I love you with all my heart dilly.
My birthday is coming up and When I make a wish on those candles, It wouldn’t be for you to come back. No matter how bad I want that, It would be for you to be in heaven and happy too. I miss you so much dill, but I really think it is your time too be happy. You deserve it more than anyone I know. I love you with all my heart Dillon Edward Chiulli<3.
Lovee Your Megggyy.
My Love Dillon Edward Chiulli;
i thought about you all night last night. i had the hardest time going to sleep. you’re always on my mind. you’re on my mind right when i wake up and my last thought before i go to sleep. & you’re always in my dreams. you are apart of me. alive or dead, you’re still apart of me. if you had an impact in my life, and you definitely were, then you’re apart of me for the rest of my life & forever after that. to me; you’re still alive but your invisible like a ghost. i get signs from you & i can feeel you next to me. i know you’re here. i know i might sound weird or something but i can. you were the ONE person in my whole life that made me the happiest i could ever be. no one has ever made me feel that way before. but now it’s your turn to be happy. & yes, i agree with megan; you deserve it more than anyone.
stay with me forever because trust me, i neeed you to keep going. if you were there to keep me going then, then you will keep me going now. nothing changes. i just wish you gave life another chance just like you gave me a second chance. but everything happens for a reason.
everything i do is dedicated to you because i love you with all my heart & even though you’re not physically here, my love for you hasn’t changed at all. i hopee you’re happier than you’ve ever been sweetheartt<3
Love of my life, my soulmate
You’re my best friend
Part of me like breathing
Now half of me is left
I don’t know anything at all
Who am I to say you love me
I don’t know anything at all
& who am I to say you need me
Color me blue I’m lost in you
Don’t know why I’m still waiting
Many moons have come & gone
Don’t know why I’m still searching
Don’t know anything at all
& who am I to say you love me
I don’t know anything at all
& who am I to say you need me
Now you’re a song I love to sing
Never thought it feels so free
But now I know what’s meant to be
I love you<3
Dillon,
I’m part of the yearbook staff and I work on the Baby Ads and when I saw that your Mom and Dad sent one in just for you, I was just about to cry. and now when i look at those photos of you i just want to cry and knowing that marissa is gone too. God all I knew about you is that you where a fun loveing guy with a lot of friends. Marissa was a girl that i went to Colony Oak and Ripon High with and went on that NY&DC trip with and had the biggest pillow fight with. I know everyone is sad onec again i know how they feel. In my life these past almost 2 years 4 people have left this earth frist it was my Grampa and then Jordan Riva’s Dad then you and know Marissa. knowing that all of these people are gone i just cant stand it. i get so coucked up when i think about all these people. know that people have to see Docters after what has happened at school. Dillon i didnt know you like your really close friends did but i have very good memeries of you. When i look at the big group photo of all the people that went on the NY&DC trip my eyes go to right to you then right to Marissa and i just want to fall right apart.
Well Dillon I love you like a friend and I miss you so much.
for the past 2 days i’ve gotten in huge arguments with my dad. as much as i keep giving it multiple chances & keep going & trying to be strong, i seem to never do anything right and i’m tired of the blame but i guess you could say i’m used after all these years, so it’s kinda routine to me now. everything is always my fault no matter what.
you used to alwaysss help me through this in the past. i need you right now. i’m breaking down without you. i neeeed your confidence, your advice, & most importantly, your love.
i hope you’re doing bettter than i am right now so that at least one of us is happy. & because you deserve to be happy.
iloveyoumorethananyone & i miss you more than words can explain.
Hey Kayla,
I don’t know you or the relationship you shared with Dillon. From reading entries on here I can see that you two were very close. I too was very close to Dillon at a point in my life, and I will always cherish those memories I have with him, just like you do. Dillon was someone different, someone special, that could make you smile no matter how many countless bad days you had. I would know, many nights Dillon and I were up late on the phone just talking. He is always here with us, guiding us and keeping us safe. I know you miss your talks with him, and I do as well. And even though he can’t hear me, I still turn and talk to him. Though he may not be able to comfort you with his words, talk to him, because he is listening. He will give you the strength to take the next steps in your life. Know that he is gone in human form, his spirit will guide you. I pray that you are comforted in your moments of weakness, when you’re feeling alone. Just know that God now has Dillon and is keeping him safe.
Dill<3on
ive had a bunch of dreams since u left. there all horible. i keep dreaming of someone dieing… i wake up and im emotionaly drained. i had one dream of my grandma dieing. then it was my dad dieing, then my grandma died again, and last night i had a dream that my brother died. i woke up just crying. people that im close to and love i keep losiing in my dreams. idk if there saposed ta mean any thing or what. but i do know that they are just dreams and i thank God for that because idk how i could go through really losing any one else. . .
Dillon
We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
‘Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
‘Cause we believe with hope
There’s a place by God’s grace
where we’ll see your face again
We’ll see your face again
<3 Keelllcccciiiiieeeeee
Ohkayy Dillon, This was my weekend. On Saturday, Yourrr Mommyy came and visited me! That made me so happy, and it helpedd me too. She made me feel very welcome and she even told me more about you, she shared memories and it was really good, a little while back on here I wrote that you were my angel on here, and what a coincidence that she brought me angel! It was a christmas ornament with your favorite color on it. Then she also brought me your t shirt, and the picture you made for me. It feels so good to have something of yours. It was really good to hang out with your mom though so that part of my day was great. Then later on I had some friends over for a birthday party and it was so gay, It made me so mad, everyone just acted really stupid but one good thing about it was my friend got me a necklace with your picture on it. It made me very happy and I’m wearing it right now,. It’s in the shape of a heart and has the picture of the one you sent me, holding the sign that says i love megan. I just want to cry right now. Like I can feel it coming. I learned something from your mom though. That I will never get over you, you wiill always be in my heart, I will always love you, but I can get through this and learned to live a new normal. It’s just so hard for me though. It’s like I don’t really want to develop a new normal, I feel guilty when I’m having a good time. I don’t want to have a goood time. I just idk dill. I have school tomoorow. That really sucks, but then I have christmas break after this week so that is good, Ill have some time off. But how am I going to go through christmas without you. I want you to be here, I want you to be here to have a christmas with your family, I want you to be here to make everyone happy. I’d do anything dillon to get you back. Even If that meant you weren’t going to be in my life anymore, It would be so hard, but just knowing you were alive and making other people happy would bbe good for me. How is it that you, such an amazing person who has done so much for anyone is dead, and disgusting sick crazy people are all around us alive and doing what ever the hell they want to. Why do they deserve to have life, and you have to be dead. Why does it have to be where you don’t have the opportunity to have your 18th birthday, get your tatoo, graduate, live your life. It isn’t fair dilly. It just isnt.
I love you dillyyy.
I miss you.
Love meggyyboooo.
dillonbaby,
i wrote this essay for my english class that i said i memorized and presented to my class. they said my speech was amazing and so powerful & deep. you gave me the confidence to do this. you were with me in front of the class, i know. i could feeel you next to me. i didd this for you because i truely love you & i hope you’re so proud of me. I believe everything happens for a reason. If it’s a small reason or a serious reason, it’s still a reason. In my opinion, if something is going to happen, it has to have a reason for doing it. Things don’t just happen just because. It always has a purpose. So why exactly do these things happen? What’s the purpose for this? What makes life so uncontrollable and random? I personally think it’s because life gives you plenty of opportunities to do certain things but it just wants you to learn from them either if it’s in a good way or a bad way. People really do learn something new everyday even if they don’t believe in it or say it. There’s a reason why we go to school everyday. There’s a reason why we sleep every night. There’s a reason why we have rules and laws. And there’s a reason why we are who we are and we meet who we meet. In my personal experience, I have a lot of good friends but when it comes to guys, it’s not so good. I find myself completely torn over the jerks that are just being who they are, guys. Guys will be guys but there’s a reason for meeting them and having them in your life. There’s a reason.
Deep down, everyone has a purpose and something special within them to share with the people. That’s why everyone is so different and have reasons to live. You could really like something about someone but in someone else, there’s something you like about them that the other people don’t have. Whether it’s God who makes things happen, whether you make things happen without you even realizing it, or whether things just happen by itself,. You learn and live for the better. I’ve learned more in the past two months than my sixteen years living.
On September 29th, my best friend committed suicide and it still hurts me everyday just knowing he‘s not physically here anymore. That Wednesday was probably the worst day of my life on top of my bad day I was already having. We were best friends but we also liked each other. Once I heard what had happened, my heart dropped and I was speechless. I first thought it was a joke because couldn’t be real. He was never like that. The more people I talked to and the more days that went by not talking to him made things seem real but not really. I was still in shock at that point. What do you do or say when the person you gave your heart out to, loved and cared about is gone now? How are you supposed to reacted to that?
It’s been over two months now and I’m finally getting my life back on track. My grades dropped from B’s to D’s and I wasn’t eating or sleeping. It’s been a hard two months. I was the one who had to get through this by myself. I felt like I had to accomplish this. I’m doing this myself because I felt like if i could do this, I would be so much stronger as an individual than some friend or conselor telling me to forget about him and get over it. He was my best friend and nobody else’s. I told him things nobody else knew because i trusted him with my heart, my life, and everything. I definitely feel like this incident happened for a reason. He’s with me right now as i’m speaking. He’s right here next to me. I know he’s right here on my left hand side. Even if I don’t know the exact reason for his death or the reason it just so happened on Suicide Awareness Day, it happened for a reason. From thinking about it, writing about it, and dreaming about it for so long now, I’ve got some ideas. I think maybe it’s because God wanted me to appreciate people more and really love and care for them because you never know when will be the last day you’re going to see them. Maybe God wanted me to move on from him and make way for another guy that’s coming along soon to be my boyfriend. I’ve learned to be more thankful for what I have right now and watch what I say to everyone because even if they don’t say what they’re feeling, they might get hurt or offended from what I said even if I was just joking.
I’ve learned to be a more outgoing person because everyday with my best friend being gone and knowing what happened and everything, you live everyday with the hope of the next day. Nobody guarantees tomorrow, next month, or next year. Anything could happen. There are always going to be those people who make your life so much better, happy, worth it and give you confidence but then again there’s always people who make it miserable, sad, and depressing. There are always going to be that one thing that you wish you had or something you could take back. Someone could come around and completely change everything for you but you never know. Everything is depended on life and the choices you make. Don’t concentrate on planning the next ten years of your life. Concentrate on what’s happening right now and how you could make it better for you and everyone else. In my opinion, life can’t be controlled. Life is crazy, random, and sometimes depressing but it’s definitely worth living. Maybe things aren’t meant to be but maybe things are. You only have one life to live. So learn from your mistakes, learn as you go, and as cheesy as it sounds, live your life to the fullest because even if it’s good or bad, everything really does happen for a reason.
“Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries.
But life looks different through everyone’s eyes”
Dillon Chiulli; From the bottom to the top, and everything in the middle of my heart, i love you. No one else will ever compare to you.
^^ my speech starts from “i believe..” ^^
30th*
Dillon, you missed it. We saw Big D. You would have had so much damn fun. You told me you wanted to see them… you should have been there with us. I know you were watching from heaven though. In my mind you were there skanking with us. Well dude, I miss you. Love you, your best friend always, Hayden
lol i got thrown on the ground and punched in my ear
Dillon Edward Chiulli.
I miss you so freaking much., I’m sitting here in your t-shirt right now. I want you to be here with me, and I want everything to be okay again. I don’t even want christmas to come this year dillon. If you can’t be here for christmas than there is no point. I can’t stop crying dillon. I hate it that I can’t talk to you anymore. I pick up my phone and want it to be you on the other end of the phone. But it never is. I know while I was living at my aunts cause my parents were breaking up, I couldn’t talk as much. I know that made you sad. Did it seem like I didn’t need you anymore? Did It seem like I didn’t think you were important enough. If thats what you thought dillon I’m soo so sorry. I really wish I could go back and talk to you as much as possible. I should have made more time. and now It’s not fair because you are gone now and I can’t have you back, I will never have another chance to talk to you ever again. Why? That is so unfair dillon. Why! Ugh. Youuuuuu didn’t deserve to die. You hadd such a great life ahead of you. You were going to have an amazing future. I wanted you to be in my life forever. I never wanted to loose you. How can a quick shot of a gun change all that? It just isn’t fair. I hate this dillon. I really do. I’m kinda madd right now. How can you leave me and all your family, all your friends. WE ALL needed you. I know you didn’t want to die dillon., Problems can always be solved. You knew that. I can’t believe you are gone I don’t want to believe. I don’t want to put on a happy face and act like everything is okay when It’s not. It’s most deffinetly not okay. It’s not okay that you aree gone. It’s not okay that I don’t get your phone calls or texts aanymore. It’s not okay that you left without saying goodbye. So no It’s not okay. I want to hear you. But I can’t. I want to see you. But I wont ever be able to. Wanting something that is impossible is devastating. Knowing that it wont ever happen. You are gone forever.
How can people tell me to get over that?
How can people tell me that I just need to “move on”
Well no. I will never move on, I’m always going to feel that way. No one can change that. I’m always going to miss you dillon.
No one will ever make me stop missing you.
I love you dillon.
Rest In Peace.
loveee meggooo.
dillon,
im sorry i havent been on writing to you. i kinda broke down after marrissa. i wasnt close to her but it still hurt. my heart aches for her but my heart bleeds because of you. im broken dillon and i dont think im ever gonna get better. life is so fucked up. sorry for being so blunt but it really is. fuck life and fuck this currupt world. i miss you so much. i would be with you right now if it wasnt for my mom and your parents. i feel like i have to be here cuz i owe it to my mom. because iv put her through so much already. and i cant put your parents through any more pain. so im stuck. suffocating in my own misery. every day is a struggle. every day is frustrating. every day is annoying. every day is empty. every day is missing you. i love you dillon chiulli. more then the air i breathe every day, every moment, every second. i close my eyes and i see you. i cover my ears and i hear you. i cry and i feel you. im here dillon. and im gonna stay until the day im taken. just promise me dillon. promise me your waiting for me. when i ignore my problems i feel you slipping away, but when i face them i feel your presence surrounding me. its as if your forcing me to face them, cuz its my only way of keeping you. why did you leave me dillon? i hate you for it! i know this sounds so selfish but the day you took your life is the day you wrecked my world. i believed in you dillon. my life is complicated, but you made it make sense. if anybody could save me from myself it was you. when i met you i was on a downwoard spiral spinning out of control. you took my hand and you helped me. i was doing good dillon. for the first time in my life i was happy. but when you left me, you walked out of my life, i crashed and burned. and now life is just dragging me around until its done with me. and when that day comes… it will be the happiest day of my life. please understand that when i say i hate you its just an emotion, but when i say i love you its a permanent feeling in my heart that takes away any anger i feel towards you. i love you dillon chiulli. more then life its self. but i owe it to my mom to be here, cuz just like you are my world, im her world. i cant wreck her world cuz my brothers need her. so i guess life is an obligation and a duty, and i just cant throw in the towl yet. iv made a realization while writing this, its kinda scary to be honest. iv realized that i no longer live for myself, but for others. in my eyes life is a waste of time. im liveing in missery, when i could be liveing in eternal happieness. does that make any sense at all? why do humans do this to themselves? well the answer is beyond me and im gonna try to stop trying to figure it out. i love you dillon. please always remember. dont forget me. please wait for me. my biggest fear is that you will forget about me. that you will move on and i will be stuck without you, just like im stuck on this big stupid earth. please dillon, dont forget me. i love you.
i love you
i love you
i love you
i need you
i need you
i need you
one day i will get my life back, and that will be the day im with you. wait for me dillon edward chiulli. please.
with all my love,
anna <3
heyy dillon,
i miss you so much. not a day goes by that i dont think about you. im struggling to find myself dillon. im missing something. and that something is you. your such a big part of me dillon. i dont really know who i am. i guess that kinda comes with my age, but its different you know. i dont know what im saying. i dont even know where im going with this. well i guess i have all night to try and figure out what im feeling right now. so im going to go to bed. i love you dillon.
with all my love,
anna <3
Hey dillon,
I guess today was an okay day. I didn’t feel all that well, but it was alright I guess.
My birthday is coming up dillon.
I’m going to you’re grave soon.
I’m going to bring you purple flowers because I know you liked purple haha.
It’s weird dill. I find myself talking about you all the time.
Like my friend will say something like about robots or something from a movie, and I’ll be like dillon said nanobots were going to take over the world and destroy us all. haha It’s a good thing but it also makes me sad. Wheneever I seee an elmo, or a taco bell, a macaroni and cheese box,
a toys r’ us store, certain movies. I really am reminded of you all parts of my day. Even when I’m at school, or at a store, or at home.
It makes me feel sad, mad, happy. Just mixed emotions I guess
Like I really just want to call you sometimes and be like dillon I saw macaroni and cheese box and it reminded me of you, but I can’t and it’s not fair. I really wish I could go back in time and make our memories last. One of my birthday presents that my friend got me is a necklace with your picture on it, I cried. I wear it all the time now. I hope you are with me and I am glad I got to hear you say iloveyou all the time.
And you really did tell me that all the time. Like you reassuredd me all the time that you loved me. I think you did. I really do.
But that really makes me wonder.. How could you say you loved me so much, and then leave me. It just isn’t fair dillon.
ps; I love you too.
Lovee Meggyboooo
Hello everyone….its taken me the better part of three months to get up the balls to visit this site. I didn’t know how I would react to reading everyone’s notes. I was pretty good reading all of them until I got to Hayden’s post on the 10th, followed by the post from my mom. Way to go you two!!!! Got the tears to flow pretty good! The pain that most of you are feeling is very real, and with that I sympathize. I miss my little brother every second of everyday. Everytime I look at my little baby girl I see him….same big cheeks, same almond eyes, same farts and same PAIN IN MY ASS! I love her so much and it hurts me to think that she will miss out on having an Uncle Dillon. For those of you who new Dillon through an occasional text message, or phone call….I realize that that is the preferred method of communication these days…but, that kind of relationship does not lead to “Best Friend Relationships”. I am sorry for your loss and for what ever pain you are feeling, but you must realize that these Chapter book postings you are leaving do nothing but cause those of us who new him best to worry about your mental stability. And an extra little note to Hayden and Ehren, your posts about the concert and Ehren getting punched in the ear had me crying for another reason…..I WAS LAUGHING TOO HARD! I love you guys, you truly were my brothers best friends. To both of you and to Bubba, thank you for helping carry my brother to his final resting place. I am sorry for the burden, but I needed all of his brothers to help bare that load.
Hugs and kisses Penitentiary….and everyone else who loved my brother.
Josh
Dillon, today was my mom’s birthday, she was happier today so that was a good thing. My day was okay. Tommorow I start break and that’s good.
I’m going to your grave this weekend for my birthday. I really miss you. Like it’s unbelievable. I was on katelyn’s myspace today, because she told me that you had a conversation about me. I looked through and I only found one message. It said hey, I don’t know if you know me but I’m meggys dillon :). That made me so happy dill. You said you were my dillon. I really miss you and how you would say stuff like that too me all the time. I just want you back, I keep thinking everyday, that it’s not real and that you are just going to come back anytime. But I’m sick of waiting. I’m sick of crying that you’re not here. I just really need you back. I’m still devastated. I’m still in pain. I’m still mad, hurt, angry and confused. I can’t imagine how much pain you were feeling at the time dillon. I don’t know how you were feeling because of course I’m not you, but I do know you were hurting. I just wish you would have told me about it, or your momm. We could have helped you, I guess that just wasn’t fate. I love you dillon. You have no idea how hard this is.
You’re putting me through torture.
Love Meggybooo.
dillon!
dude i miss you so much maaaaaaan!!!! last night i was eating animal crackers and like the funniest thing ever happened!! i pulled one out but it was actually two stuck together and they were like doing the nasty doggy style!! i laughed so hard and the first thing i said was oh man i wiah dillon was here to see this! then i got bummed out but then i looked at the animal cookies and started cacking up again! i showed my mom but she didnt exactly think it was as funny as i did. she was just like your sick. but that just made it like ten times funnier. so at like 2 in the morning i sent a bunch of ppl a picture of it hopeing somebody would find it as funny as i did. there were a few ppl. but nobody really grasped how funny like i know you would. well ok im goin on and on about this but i really did laugh for like 2hrs straight. ok imma stop talking bout it now. well i love you dillon!
all my love!
anna
p.s.- here is like a cyber kiss or something! muaw!!!!
dee eye el el oooh en.,
i misss youu so muchh. everyday at 11:11 AM and PM, i make a wish about you. i hope you’re happy now but what really frustrates me is that you left with the feeeling of pain; thinking that no one cared and no one loved you. that’s what hurts me the most because i know that wasn’t the case. i gave my heart out to you but maybe it just wasn’t enough. i sleep with a teddy bear everynight to reassure me you’re always with me. without it; i have a horrible night and i feel alone and not protected. every night that i sleep with it, i sleep soo welll and the entire night.
i’ve overcome and gotten through so much in the past 3 months. you made me the stronger, more loving, caring, cautious person i am today. i thank god everyday that you came into my life because it really did happen for a reason. you made me realize things i’ve never even thought about before and you taught me to always think twice about everything. but now you’re out of my hands & god is taking care of you now.
i wishh you were here with mee. to hang out with me. to spend timee with me. to be here when i get my braces off. to be here when i go to winterball & junior prom. to spendd the holidays with me. to be here foreveeeeer. you are my movtivation for everything.
i’m suure you’re paaaaaaartying it upp in heaven but don’t have too much fun untilll i get there(:
i can’t wait to seee you agaiiinn.
with loove,
kaylaaa<3
Dillon, Today I feel_____. I hate that feeling. Where you can’t even name it. So many things mixed together all at once. I’m hopeless and scared, and curious, and frustrated. There’s so many things I’m feeling right now that I almost feel emotionless, like I can just sit here and stare at a wall. I don’t like it. I just want to find away to fix things, because the only way the puzzle fits correctly is for you to be here and for me to be happy again. There’s no way for you to be gone and me to be happpy, not right now at least. It seems as if people just go on with their daily routines, and I’m kind of just stuck here alone. Like I don’t know dillon. I really really honestly, and hopelessly need you. I hate this situation, I hate this town, I hate this everything. And one thing I hate that really makes me mad is when my mom just openly talks about what happened with you, in front of me to all of her friends, it’s like wtf. I’m right here, do you think I want another extra reminder that my best friend is dead, yeah? like that’s going to keep me going through the day. It makes me even more mad when they say stupid stuff like what a shame or something like that, it’s like yeah you say what a shame but honestly youu don’t know how it feels to have your heart ripped out and have everyone else in your life expect you to stick it back in and go along with your life because they don’t give a shit about wjat you’re feeling. I’m not asking for people to deal with things for me, that’s the last thing I want, I just don’t want people to expect me to be all fine and dandy, because if they are looking for that they better go elsewhere. I wiish I could be with you right now. Someday I hope I will be. I love you dillon. I am so sorry for everything.
I really did love you.
lovee meggyboo.
Why did this happen, it can’t be real
life is so precious & but you thought it wasn’t a big deal.
You were the sun to my sky and the stars to my night,
you held me up high and kept me so tight.
You gave me the confidence to learn and the confidence to fight,
but when you’re not here, there is no light.
The day you left me was the worst of all,
you left me clueless and lost with no one to call.
You were perfect for me, perfect in everyway,
how could you just leave me without anything to say?
To love, to care, to trust as well,
you ment to everything to me as simple as a bell.
You wouldn’t want me to be sad,
you wouldn’t want me to cry,
but how do i react with loosing a loving guy?
The way you made me feel
and the countless times you made me laugh,
let’s make it happen again
and walk through the dooor really really fast.
You are my motivation to live and and my motivation to love,
so sweet and soft to hold like a dove.
You were always there to protect me
through everything in everyway,
so keep me safe forever
whaat do you sayy?!
From every little kiss to every hug,
i remember every single one & i hope you do too
from the skies above.
I will always love you
no matter what
stay with me, i need you alot.
You were the only one to care,
& the only one to love me
hold my hand forever & ever, my dillon chewwleee.
<3
Dillon, Now it is officially my birthday. I really wish I would have gotten a phone call from you. I really miss you dillon, I am going to your grave tomooorow. I wrote you a poem tonight. Here it is<3.
I want to scream
Yell and cry
It's killing me
As time goes by
I try so hard
Not to show
The feelings I
Can't ever let go
I try to put on
A happy face
And act like I'm
At a steady pace
But I know what
I'm feeling inside
All the feelings
I'm trying to hide
So many things
I want to say
I really wish
You could have stayed
My words unheard
I'm left unspoken
My heart isn't whole
It's utterly broken
I will never get over you
From now till forever
I can't wait till
You and I can be together
You're my best friend
Who I truly love
So promise you're happy
and watching from above.
I loveee you dillon.
R.I.P
Lovee Meggybooo.
dillon,
i always told my mom i wanted a rememberance for you like a bracelet, necklace, picture frame etc,. something i could keep forever and ever. as an early christmas present from her, we went to valley fair mall today and she let me choose whatever i wanted from the rememberance store. so i chose a heart bracelet with a purple jem in the middle of the heart and on the back i got “life is fragile” engraved on the back. i chose to put life is fragile instead of your name or year or anything because the last thing you said to me was “people need to realize life is fragile”. dillon; i live by that every day and now ill always be reminded by wearing it. ill never take it off. by wearing this, i know you’ll always be with me and ill never forget about you.
you changed my whole life and i look at everything so differently now because life IS fragile and you taught me that.
also, i’m ordering a few pictures of you and putting them in a collage picture frame.
comee visit me in my dreams tonight.
i would looooove to see your cuute face.
i love you so muuch.<3
ohkay so this was supposed to be laast nights but it didn’t post for some reason?
Dillon, Now it is officially my birthday. I really wish I would have gotten a phone call from you. I really miss you dillon, I am going to your grave tomooorow. I wrote you a poem tonight. Here it is<3.
I want to scream
Yell and cry
It's killing me
As time goes by
I try so hard
Not to show
The feelings I
Can't ever let go
I try to put on
A happy face
And act like I'm
At a steady pace
But I know what
I'm feeling inside
All the feelings
I'm trying to hide
So many things
I want to say
I really wish
You could have stayed
My words unheard
I'm left unspoken
My heart isn't whole
It's utterly broken
I will never get over you
From now till forever
I can't wait till
You and I can be together
You're my best friend
Who I truly love
So promise you're happy
and watching from above.
I loveee you dillon.
R.I.P
Lovee Meggybooo.
Dear Dillon, today was kind of hard.
It was my birthday today. I woke up this morning, without a text message from you. I went through the whole day without hearing you at all. It’s hard. I went to the cemetery today. I laid next to your grave and criedd like a little baby. I wrote you this poem today. I hope you like it.
I walk into the entrance
Getting closer to your grave
Walking down the cement path
Where the new grass has been laid
I look down and see
The flowers left for you
And the little christmas tree
Your mother left you too
So I pull up my sleeve
And gave you something of mine
That I wish I could of given you
If I only had more time
I sit by your grave
And look up at the sky
I hopelessly lay down
And I begin to cry
I wonder where you are
I wonder where you’ll be
I stare at the clouds
And hope you’re here with me
Then I see two birds
Together flying by
It reminds me of us
Soaring through the sky
They were together for a while
But It wasn’t that long to me
And soon enough they were seperated
And one bird had to leave,
It’s not fair that you’re gone,
you should be here today
It’s not fair that I have to miss you
In every single way
But suddenly I feel the need to look up at the sky
And I see those two same birds
Together flying high.
I know that is us dillon,
I know that it’s true
I know there will be a day
Where I will come to you.
I love you dillon.
Loveemegggybooo.
Dillon,
I’m a mess. completely a mess. sometimes people say it takes time and some people say you have to just get through it yourself. honestly, it’s almost been 3 months and i’m the same as I was on day one. i do regret, even though people always tell me not to. i still do. i’m really hard on myself, sorry. i can’t help it. deep down, i have alot of regrets but i have one specific one. one regret that tops them all. i would do anything in the world to go back in time and change it because honestly; i think things would of been way different. i cry every single day knowing i can’t take it back. i cry every single day i know you’re physically gone. i cry every single day knowing we can’t hang out and laugh. i cry every single day knowing you wont answer the phone on the other end. i cry every single day just thinking of how much pain you were in. and now im getting to a point where i just can’t handle anything anymore. i’m scared to take chances, im scared to get hurt again, im scared to get heartbroken again, i’m scared to be myself, and honestly; im scared of the future. i’m scared to try things, and i’m scared of outcomes. i’m so lost. everyday before i go to sleep, i look up at the ceiling, close my eyes, and talk to you. i hope you hear me because i completely spill my heart out. you’re the only person i felt most comfortable doing that to. everytime i hear about death or gun shots or the name dillon, i cry. sorry that i’m a little baby but this incident effected my whole life. i can’t stand guns. hearing or seeing them, i’m scared. i’m living life on the edge. i’ve living day by day. i’m not enjoying it. i’m far from enjoying it. i absolutely hate it. but maybe this really did happen for a reason. maybe it happened for me to realize stuff for my future. i wish i knew.
to be honest; i really liked you. like really really liked you. i always told you that but i could never really actually express it. i told you “i love you” alot and you knew that meant alot coming from me but you still never got it. it’s taken me 16 years to finally find someone i was so happy with. dillon, you made me the happpiest person in thee entire world. i’ve been through probably 20 or more guys and you were the one. i’ve taken chances with all of them and each and every one shattered my heart. taking so many chances; i’m always scared to get hurt again. i took that chance with you and i have no regret about that. it was probably one of the best decisions of my life. you helped me. you put my heart back together after it was broken. you were my glue. you kept me going. but now you’re literally gone and you’re not coming back. i feel like i’m starting over from scratch. i have completely nothing. but guess what? since i found someone amazing and worth it like you, i know what i’m looking for in a guy. i know what i want. without you coming into my life, i would be getting used and pushed around so many people right now. but now i stand my ground.
i can’t express to you how much you ment to me.
you were truely yourself. i love you for you.
i will always love you. forever and ever.
i will wear this bracelet every day for you. everyday. because wearing it makes me feeel and know that you’re always with me. you’re always holding my hand and permanently on my wrist. i’m never taking it off.
with everything ending, there really is a new beginning; for everyone. but i live by “life is fragile”
the last thing you said to me was “people need to realize life is fragile”. i’ve come to realize that it really is.
you are my motivation and you’re permanently on my wrist and by my side.
stay with me. please dont give uup on me and leave me.
i need you; more than anyone.
Dillon, I don’t know. I really don’t. People don’t understand. Like people don’t realize that I have to put on a fake smile all the time. I hate that when I express myself, people just steal what I say and make it their own. I hate that I live in this ghetto ass town, and I’m stuck here. I want to get out of here. I just really miss you. You always had the answer for me. I didn’t really care what anyone else had to say, I would always just come to you. I really do need you dillon. I did then, and I do now. That’s not going to change, and it breaks my heart knowing that you left me here. It was always me and you against the world. And now its just me against the world. Everyone just steps on me and takes advantage on what I have to offer. I’m left here struggling. I don’t want to be here without you, I don’t want to talk to other people on the phone unless it’s you, I don’t want to talk to anyone unless it’s you, but really dillon sometimes it feels like I can’t. Like I can’t be here without you. I can’t talk to anyone on the phone unless it’s you. I can’t talk to anyone other than you. Because you were the one I talked to about everything and more. We had a connection dillon, I know we did.
We just naturally got along. We were so much alike. And now that you’re gone people are telling me that you always talked about me. And people are even telling me that you really liked me. More then one person is tellling me that dillon, and it is killing me. I didn’t know you did. I never realized. I’m so dumb. I wish I could go back but now I can’t. I can’t ever go back. I really wish I could but I can’t. And you don’t know how much that hurts dillon. How did I miss the signs. Why didn’t you tell me about it that night. You called me and our last conversation was about soup. And how you wanted to make me some chicken noodle soup. I can’t take it anymore dillon. I can’t take this emptiness inside me. I’m serious dillon. Lately I feel so emotionless. Like I could just sit here and stare at a wall. Like so blank. I was shocked september 30 and I stand here today still shocked. I don’t want to think about you being gone. and sometimes I just tell myself you’re on vacation or you’re on a trip, but thats so not true considering even when you were on vacation you still would call me every night and text me everyday. This is such a big change in my life dillon. I change that I never wanted to deal with and I shouldn’t have to. I should have never lost you. It seems so impossible without you. I remember our conversations and it makes me miss you when I see and hear certain things, and oh boy does that happen alot. I’ll just randomly be sitting here and my friend will say something about macaroni and cheese, and I was like that’s dillons favorite food. And I like it. I like being reminded of you. I just hate it that you are gone. I hate it that I have to be reminded of you, and then realize that it is all I have left is just the memories. I really miss you dillon.
I’ll love you, forever.
I promise.
<3 Meggyybooo.
honestly; i dont know anything anymore. the day you left me, i fell apart. no one will ever glue me back together. you were the only one who could do that. i question life and everything every single day. i dont know what im doing or where im going with life. i want to be with you. i need you. i want you. without you, im absolutely nothing. every single day i put on a fake smile to act like everything is okay but guess what? it never is. ever. i have so many problems right now that i literally can’t take this anymore. out of everybody on this earth, why did it have to be you? you were the ONE who was supposed to be there for me through everything and anything. im always wanting to call you. talk to you. text you. hang out with you. but now i can’t. the time we spend together was amazing and i wouldnt replace it with anything. you truely made me feeel like i was ontop of the world. i’ll never let you go and accept the fact you’re gone. i just can’t. it will never seem real to me. it just feeels like you ran away, or camping and your phone is off. i tried leaving you a voicemail but it won’t let me.
dillon chiulli; you never realized how much people loved you. i loved you more than words will ever describe. i really wish you would of gave life a second chance.
my life has changed since day one.
actually it changed since you entered my life.
i wear this bracelet that represents you everyday. & to also remind me life is fragile and remind me of you. ill never forget about you.
i kiss the heart every morning and every night for good luck.
our friendship and my love for you will last forever.
you are my good luck charm.
Dillon Edward Chiulli, Christmas eve is tommorow. We’ll technically today. You should be here for christmas, you should be with your family, eating yummy food and opening presents. I can’t imagine how hard it is for your family not to have you there for the holidays to come. You really were the life of the party. You made things funner and you made people laugh. You made everyone happy dillon, and it’s not ever going to be the same without you. I wish you would have realized that there was so much to life. So much that you didn’t and won’t get to experience. It really doesn’t seem fair, or even possible that someone as great as you won’t have the chance, when horrible people who go about making other people’s life miserable get to live and go about as they please. Why do they get the chance to live life, when you barely had a start. It’s not fair that you will never get married, and never have your own little children, and honestly dillon, that breaks my heart. Knowing that your parents have lost their little baby boy. Your death has not only affected your experiences in life, but the other experiences others will never be able to have with you. Your niece will never be able to meet Uncle Dillon. Your friends won’t get to graduate with you. I will never be able to see you. There was so much that you would miss out on dillon. Don’t you get that. How could you not see how this decision would affect others. Especially the ones closest to your heart.
I love you so much dillon, I would give anything for you to take back what happened. But I guess the only answer I have for all this is that everything happens for a reason, for me people keep repeating this. I know that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I think,what reason is worth knowing loosing you over? It doesn’t seem worth it to me dillon, It just doesn’t.
I love you dillon,
Merry Christmas.
-LoveMeggyboo♥
Hey Dillon. thanks for visiting me in my dream last night. it kinda helped me with why this happened. you kept telling me you were tired. and its okay dillon, cause now everything is alright. it was weird too, cause we were in Hawaii with momma peralta and the rest of my family and so it was like we were all in paradise. i know you’re doing okay, and just keep looking down at us and smiling. watch over us, keep us safe. Rest now Dillon, Rest In Paradise. Lovee youu&& miss youu.
-Love Ali.
My Dillon Chiulli,
it’s almost been three whole months. three wholeeeee months. jeeze it’s gone by so fast but so slow. i’m not sure. i find myself missing you everyday, every second. i wear my bracelet in rememberance of you everyday. everytime i look at it, i smile. you make me smile. you’ll always make me smile. but lately i’m been miserable. but for you, ill keep going and never give up because i know you’ll always be by my side forever and ever. i just missssss you so much. todayy is christmas eve & it’s my mom’s birthdayy & santa’s comingg tonight. visit mee in my dreams tonight. pleaseee. i hopee i wake uup tomorrow morning and you’re in my stocking because honestly all i want for christmas is you. i will trade everything i get for christmas, just to have you.
merry christmas babyylove<3
rest in paradise; i loooove youu.
Dillon, It’s christmas eve. I miss you. I hope you are having the best christmas ever in heaven. I love you dillon. I miss you and love you so much. My heart is broken. It’s going to be bbroken for a long time, I’m mad and sorry, and sad, and just everything. I love you more than words can say, and more than anything else in the world. You’re my strength dillon. Please help me, like you always have.
Merry Christmas Fiance’
I love you.
-Meggyboo.
Dippppppy! I miss our english class last year 🙁 You always making up nasty dirty ass rumors about me that where NEVER true haha. But you always knew how to make me laugh even thought half the time i just wanted to slap you and tell you to shut up. Ha. You have always been such and amazing person and always will be. Sorry it took me so long to write on here but it still doesnt feel real to me i feal like you and marissa our on a very long vacation and will come back in a month or so. But its not like that i really wish it was but i need to realize its not. Ive known you for a good 8 years and i always considered you a friend not my bestfriend but a friend who would always be there for me no matter what. Dillion i love you always and forever. And these past two months for me have been the hardest thing i have ever been threw. I miss you kidnapping me when i was in my wheelchair and then you would leave me behind a bush so no one could see me haha. Then we would always count down to graduation together cause we want outta school. Graduation will not ever be the same with out you and marissa. Just remember when i get up there with you im gonna get my big bear hug that i always use to and this time im not ever gonna let go. I love you dillion:)
illonda!! I havent written on here sense the funeral… I haven’t really been strong enough to visit this site i’d read the first post then have to click off. I said hi to your dad with Emily Hobbs at the Army vs. Navy game:] They played for you illondaa. They played for you. We lost but in my heart we won. I miss you like crazy dillon. its been soooo long sense i’ve seen you. I hear your voice everynight before i go to bed when i call you and get your voicemail. then the tears come. I miss not being able to get a response. So much has happened sense you’ve been gone. Every time i see chocolate cookies i think of you D. Everytime i see purple i think of you. Everytime i see i love you baby! i think of the back of your car. Everytime i go to Stouffer park think of you calling my dad Ramathorn, and you playing soccer with Ashlyn and Dillon. My family misses you. i miss you. EVERYONE miss you Dill. The memories with you will never fade. I replay them in my mind all the time. You were like my older brother Dillon. You were always there for me no matter what. You’d always call me and complain about other girls and we’d plan revenge. I miss that :/ its never the same now. I wish everything could go back to normal. I wake up everyday wishing it was a dream. Or that you’ll come knocking at my door saying “just kidding!! Go get some bread and lets sit on it!” I’ll never forget when you called and said that. I can still hear you saying “I love you ayllorta. always and forever” i sure hope your still up there loving me as much as you did.
Come visit me Dillon.
I really do miss you.
I love you. See you in my dreams :]
-Taylorr
Oh and one more thing. Merry Christmas Eve Dillon :]
I hope your having a good one up there 😀
-Taylor<3
Hey DILLON! MERRY MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS! love u lots still. i miss u all the time still too. the other day i decided to write , cuz i was having a crapy day, and i read the last page and it was about u. i just cryed. i miss u. and then yesterday i called ur voicemail to leave a message and just talk to ya, cuz i was having stupid problems again with peeps, and ya ur voicemail box is full :'( so i almost started crying , just thinkin about how u arent here any more, and are leaving many people withought ur great smile and joy thins christmas day… my heart aches 4 ur family. they misssssssssssssss u tuuuuuunnnnnsssssssss. i cant imagin what they are going through not having u here on this christmas morning. well i love u
~ kelccc <3
Merry Christmas Dillon.
Iloveyou forever and always.
-aylortaa
Dillon, Merry christmas. It would have been so great if you could be with your, I know they really miss you just as much as I do,
Today was pretty hard. I woke up, opened presents, and then went with my mom to the movies, then I drove by my dads house to see my dogs, and his girlfriend was there and made me feel totally out of place at my dads house, it was horrible. I really miss you dill, I remember you didn’t like my dad, you knew he was such an asshole and you hated the way he treated me. I wish I still had you. It’s not fair.
I love you.
Love Megan
ily dilly.
Merry christmas man, i miss youu
dillonn,
yesterday was alright but i felt so awkwardd. i was hoping you’d be in my stockingg or laying in bedd with me when i woke upp yesterday morning. after that i went to my uncle’s house and i just felt weird. i was quiet and didn’t say much. i felt so.. i dont even know. i needed you. my great uncle even asked me why i was just sitting on the couch being all quiet. he said i needed to go sit by a huge tree and start writing to get all my feeelings out. he also said other stuff. but when he was saying it, i thought he was joking like he always does. but he was completely serious. now that i think about it, i should really go sit by a tree and start writing.
i showed my family the bracelet in rememberance of you. everytime they talked about it or they asked me questions, i either got all teary or i had the biggest smile on my face because just thinking about you and your smile makes me smilee. i’m starting to smile when i see your pictures and think about youu instead of cry now. i feel like it’s an improvement. i stilll think about you allday everyday and think to myself “what would dillon say about this?” or “what would dillon want me to do in this situationn?”. now i’m so cautious about everything i do, everywhere i go, and everything i say.
the day you left, you took my heart with you.
and here; i’m living day by day.
stay by my side, i loove you.<3
you literally changed my whole life.
Dillon. I really miss you. I can’t sleep. I wish I has you to talk to.
You were always there, and now you’re gone, and there is so many things I need your advice on. I don’t know what to do. I’m so stressed. I’m so hurt. I’m so drained, emotionally and physically. I wish I could talk to you. That would mean so much to me to be able to hear you. Why can’t you just say something to me, let me know you are here somehow? Tell me things are going to be okay. Just do something. I really need you dillon. I can never say that enough. I’m trying to be strong and I want to break down crying right now, but I’m not going to. Because no matter how much I cry, you wont come back. You will never come back. I’m still so shocked dillon, and when I wake up every morning and I think of you texting me in the morning, I look at my phone and I don’t get a text. It breaks my heart everyday. It’s so hard dillon, having to repeat the shock of you being gone everyday. I don’t think it will every sink in. Because I wake up and don’t remember you being dead, I remember you alive and expect a text from you. I just set myself up for disappointment. But I don’t try to. It just happens. I hate it. I hate having the thought in my head that you’re alive and then constantly be reminded throughout the day that you’re dead. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to believe. I don’t know dillon, I really don’t. This is teearing me apart. Howw could you break me like this. How?
Iloveyou. I always will.
But I’m broken.
Loveyouforever
Meggyboo.
i love youu <3
Dillon, I constantly think about you. I really miss you dill. The other night I was laying in my bed. I couldn’t sleep and it was 4am. I remember I posted a blog saying I was trying to be strong. I failed. I started screaming and crying, and I’m surprised I didn’t wake up my mom. It was so horrible and I kept saying your name and asking you why. It’s breaking my heart not talking to you. and in a couple days it will be 3 months. I really just wish you were here, and I can’t take not talking to you all the time, I always have to put a smile on my face but inside i’m dying. I look around and I’m reminded of you constantly. I try to pull myself together because I don’t want to bring other people down, but the only place I can really say how I am feeling is on here. I don’t want to tell my friends about it or my family. They just don’t understand, they didn’t know you. No matter how much they say they are here for me they can only help so much, I just wish I could move, I want to live closer to where you were, because It makes me feel closer to the memories of you. I really miss you dillon, and I hope you’re in heaven playing with your doggy, and having a great time in paradise. But you left me dillon, I’m alone now without you, and It’s not ever going to be the same. You didn’t understand how much I needed you, like theres so many things left unsaid and I really can’t take not having you in my life. You were amazing, and I know you still are. And it seems impossible that you aren’t in my life. And I absolutely hate it. I hate missing you all the time. I just want you back and I want to be able to yell at you and tell you that you made a mistake. and that you completely broke my heart leaving me hear to face the world by myself. I miss you and I want you to know that I wont ever let you go.
Iloveyoudillon
-Meggybooo.
babee,
there’s so many things i wish i could say right now but it would take me forever to say it. there’s so many things i wanna tell you, and so many things i question every single day.
im gettting weaker and weaker everyday. i feel like im dying inside because i am. i’m going through so much and you’re not here to help me through it. or maybe i’m just selfish.
you left me here clueless lost and empty.
one of the last things you told me was to just find some other guys because you werent worth it. newsflash- i don’t have any other guys. i dont want any other guy. i want YOU. that’s it. JUST YOU.
i’m literally a mess & no one knows how to deal with me. no one knows what to say, how to feel, or how to act around me.
i’m so different.
for the rest of my life; i always know i made the biggest mistake of my life & who knows, it could of changed something.
i will never let you go and accept the fact you’re gone.
you’re still here with me.
you’ll be around my wrist & a part of my life, forever & ever.
iloveyoudillon,
kayla<3
Dillon, Well It’s three months today. It seems like way longer to me. It seems like forever. I miss you so much. I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could have another chance. I wish I could of changed things for you. I’m so sorrry dillon, I’m sorry for all that you were feeling and all that you were hurting about. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you in a anny way shape or form, I’m sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about this. I really wish you would have. I can wish all I want but it’s never going to change now. I think that I just need to take things slow for a while and try to get my life in order. I need you by my side dillon, pleaase guide me. I remember you told me to do what I want to do, you know how much I like photography and you told me to do it, I remember how much you cared, and I don’t think I’ll ever be blessed with someone in my life who cared as much as you. You truly did amaze me dillon. Flashbackkk. I remember I was in the car with my mom one time, and I was talking to her and texting you and I was telling her that you really were my bestfriend, that you were always there for me and even she knew that. She called you officer ramrod because of your myspacee, that always made me laugh. I remember my prank calls to you and ourr phone calls that would go on forever. I would give anything to have that back, I would give anything to have you back. I’m going to write you a poem on here right now.
Dillon my angel,
my love for you is sure
When ever I was sick you always were my cure
You kept me all safe and locked up tight
You would always call me too wish me a good night.
You told me you loved me, and that I was so important to you
And when I told you I loved you, It honestly was true
It hard to say
That three whole months has gone by
If wishes came true, you would be alive
I want a happy ending, I want there to be a exception
Where I could wake up in ultimate perfection
It would involve you to be here, and to be happy as can be
Where you would call me everyday, and be the happiness for me
It’s kind of hard to express how I feel about you
They way you made me feel with all the things you do
You simply were amazing, You simply meant much more
Then anything, then anyone, could every have hoped for
I love you dillon chiulli, I am so truly blessed
To have had you in my life, but I have one more request
Please be happy and look out for me too
and remember I promised,that I will always love you.
I love you dillon,
lovemeggybooo.
ps: Threee months Is way to loong, so come back now.
i miss you dillon :/
we alll doooo <3
Dillon,
this is really hitting me. im literally shaking typing this. it’s reality. today was really hard. spending time with alanna & karena, going to your house, driving meet up with karena & being in ripon all together; it was just overwhelming for me. the one time i get to go to ripon is when you’re physically gone. WHY? it should be the other way around. i always wanted to go see you for the past year when we were close. but i could never go drive and see you because i dont have a car. but you did. you went miles and miles for me dillon. multiple times. you truely cared about me. you loved me. you reminded me everyday. especially on the phone. everytime i was crying on the phone, you wouldn’t hang up untill i vented to you, i stopped crying, and i was okay. you forced me to get through things & with confidence. but now; i feel like i have nothing. i’m empty, helpless, lost, confused, & just not myself. i just hate it.
i had a complete break down last night. i’ve never cried so hard in my entire life. i was crying and screaming. i literally couldn’t breathe. i didn’t know what to do with myself. my mom walked in & tried talking to me. i kept saying “i dont know anymore. i just don’t know” <– story of my life. i have so many things i wish i could take back, things i wish i could of said, & things i wish i could of done to make things better. im that type of person. i do things by myself. because if i dont do it myself than it just wont happen & get done. i can't rely on anyone.
Driving there and back with my mom just made me realize so much.
i spent some timee with your mom. she's onee strongg lady. she loves you. soo many people love you. also, i walked around your house. i walked into your rooom and i was just speechless. just idk. i hoped you would magically just be there when i walked in. your parents house is just so empty without you. they need you.
even though you say this is what you wanted to be happy & it's no one's fault; dillon, you had so much to live for. if it was about family, you could of talked it out. if it was about friends, find other friends. if it was about girlfriends, a girl will be coming to you soon. you just have to be patient.
your mommy gave me a shirt and a sweatshirt to keep & wear. actually im wearing the sweatshirt rightt now becauuse im really coldd. ill wear it to bedd too. on the way home, i fell asleep on it and i woke up crying. also, the shirt i grabbed & kept is the shirt you wore on the first day we hung out. that day was amazinggg.
even though its been three months today that you've been gone, my mind isnt letting me believe your gone. my heart is telling me yes but my mind is saying no. you just can't be gone. you'll never be gone & ill never let you go. stay with me. i need you more than anyone. even though we got in arguements & whatever, you were there for me. i always knew that when all my friends walked out on me, you would still be there no matter how bad i screwed up or anything. you were mine. you stilll are mine. you are my love. nothing will ever change that.
i hope you're happier now than you ever have beeen because it's what you truely wanted.
Withh all my love<3,
Kayla.
– dillon; even though i screw up so much, i have so many flaws, & i made a millon mistakes, you truely were the only person who loved me for me.
three whole months have gone by. im not exactly sure how to put everything into words. i realized so much in the past 3 months & actually our entire friendship. from laughing, cuddling, watching movies, flirting, going miles & miles for me, long ass phone calls, & webcamming to —> crying, your funeral, venting, seeing a counselor, visiting your parents, being depressed, writing letters etc, i’ve come to realize how much i cared about you & how much you cared about me. you went miles for me. you helped me through everything. my life just isn’t the same & it will never be the same untill i get to see you in heaven.
your mom let me keep one of your sweatshirts & one of your reds jerseys. im actually wearing the sweatshirt to bedd tonight. maybe ill sleep good with it on. also i chose the reds jersey because that was the shirt you wore on the firstt day we hungg outt. i will neverr forget that dayy.
you are the most amazing person i’ve ever met & no one else will ever compare to you. ever.
i will love you for the rest of my life & forever after that.
withh all my love,
kaylaaa.
visit me in my dreams tonight. i would love to see youu.
Dillon, a random song just popped up on my playlist, it’s called stay close don’t go. I wish thats how it could have been. Just to stay close to me and not to go. Threee months have gone by and thats still what I want. Is for you to stay close to me, in my heart, my dreams, my memories, never leave. I love you, dillon. I’m trying to get better, I’m taking it day by day. It’s just hard going through life realizing you won’t be here now and won’t be in my future. I kind of walk alone now, We got along so well and you understood things the way I felt them, And I understood the way you felt about things. I’m confused about so much. I hope you are watching over your mommy and your family. They really need your presence. They need to feel you around them. I know that it must be really hard for them at a time like this. My heart truly does go out to them. Please just listen to all of our prayers dillon, listen to all of them. Because I know you will feel the love that you maybe didn’t feel enough. I talk to you all throughout the day dillon. Thinking of you, telling you I miss you. I was talking to your mom tonight, and we were talking about how some times we see stuff or hear stuff that remind me of you and sometimes it makes us smile and sometimes it makes us cry. I really miss you. I’m trying to work on to turn most of it to smiles about you. I think you deserve smiles over tears, because you made way more smiles then you ever did tears. I’m trying to be happy for you. You would always tell me to be happy, and I know you wouldn’t want to see me sad, but I can’t help missing you. It’s inevitable.
I lovee youu dill.
-Megggyboo.
My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I’m not the one to blame
It’s you ‘ or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we’re all ashamed
And there’s no sense in playing games
When you’ve done all you can do
But now it’s over, it’s over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it’s over, it’s over, it can’t be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it’s over
I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It’s shaking from the pain that’s in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won’t let it die, but I won’t let it die
But now it’s over, it’s over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it’s over, it’s over, it can’t be over
I wish that I could take it back
I’m falling apart, I’m falling apart
Don’t say this won’t last forever
You’re breaking my heart, you’re breaking my heart
Don’t tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever .
<3 I lovee you dillonn.
Happy new year dillon, I love you, It’s hard to say that 2009 was the last year I would have you in my life, and it kills me too know that you wont be in anymore years of my life. I need you in my 2010, 2011, 2012, I’m going to need you for the rest of my life, and it’s killing me that I don’t have you anymore. I love you so much dillon. I’m getting so many texts from so many people. But nothing would mean more to me then having a text from you. Ugh, this is so hard. I guess it’s not supposed to be easy right. I want to be bettter, I want to be happy, you always made me happy. I love you dill. Happy new year.
-Love Meggyboo
Happy New Yearr Dillon,
For the last 3 months, i’ve been through so much. more stress, more tears, & more frustration than i’ve had in my entire life but maybe this is the way it’s suppposed to be. maybe it was meant to be. i’ve been a complete mess but it’s taught me so much. you taught me so much. it’ll just make me stronger in the long run, i know.
Last night i thought of a change i could make for 2010. In 2010, i’m determined to be a better, more loving, happier person just like you were. you are my motivation & without you by my side, i won’t be able to do it. you always said you would be here for me & would never leave me. don’t ever leave me. you’re still here, i know. stay wifff mee in spirit & i’ll makee you so proud<3
With allllll of my loove,
Kayyylaa.
Dillon, Today was horrible. My family treats me so poorly. I hate being pushed around. I hate not being able to be myself. I hate it when people say they know how I feel. because they really just don’t. Today made me cry even more with everything that happened. Ugh. I just wanted to get out and I remember when you said you would come get me if I needed you too. I wish I could have had you come get me today. That would have made my day so much better, I miss you terribly dillon. I want you back. You said my life was hard when I talked to you about it awhile ago, Now just imagine all that plus loosing you. It’s like breakinng my heart, piece by piece. I wish I could have some of your amazing advice as of what to do right now. I’m so confused. I love you dill. I just need to get away somewheree.
Iloveeyouu.
Meggyboooo.
Dillon, I miss youu. Todayy was an alright day. Visit me in my dreams please. <3
love Meggyboo
i’ve been a complete mess. i hate it but i just cant control it. as of January 1st i told myself i would be a happier person. i neeed change. i can’t go on life liike this or i’ll end up worse.
i know you want me to be happy & love life. i’m determined to change.
to keep going i tell myself, “dillon wants me to be happy. i have to do this for him”, & so far im doing good. i can feeel myself being happier already but i’ll always see myself missing you. everysingleday. it’ll never change. i’ll never forget about you. it’s not possible.
even though its becoming reality day by day you’re gone, i’ll never let you go. you’ll always have that special place in my heart. our friendship & my love for you will last forever.
stay with me in spirit. guide me. i’ll never let you go.
i love youu.